My daughter had a project to do (5th grade) and they are supposed to present them in class, the issue is, she is an introvert with anxiety and the thought of this is leaving her in tears…would I be wrong to reach out to the teacher and let her know about this…I know she is going to try to skip school tomorrow and I feel so bad for her because I too hate presenting and talking in front of people…what should I do?
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I struggled with this my whole life- still do. This is something she needs to do. You can’t protect her forever and there have many been times at work I’ve had to stand up and speak about projects. It’s sucks but it gets better and she’ll never know that if she doesn’t try.
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She’s gotta learn how to people eventually. My daughter also suffers from anxiety, so I have her practice with me watching. I tell her just to imagine it’s just me watching. That’s how she gets through it. It’s our job to teach coping skills and not have her avoid life.
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My 11 year old daughter has this exact issue. I made her go to school, told her it would be ok. It wasn’t. She was crying, hyperventilating & refused to come out of the bathroom until I went there. Not every kid can be pushed into something like that. Definitely speak to the teacher about it. I wish I would have & now know better. I will never do that to her again!
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I think many people just brush anxiety aside as if it’s nothing. Making her do it because she has to get used to it may be ok for some, but not when anxiety is involved. I used to get physically ill, to the point that I would throw up. There was no telling me to do it because it physically wasn’t possible. I have grown to deal with it now but I couldn’t do that as a child. I would definitely reach out to her teacher. I used to either take a lower score (maybe even a 0) or write an essay instead. My heart goes out to your daughter.
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I purposely failed my speech class to avoid speaking in front of my class. No amount of forced speaking made me more comfortable, it actually made it worse. So yes definitely reach out.
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Good luck, but yup I agree with most. Make the teacher aware, but your daughter has to learn to do even the things she don’t like to do. My daughter has gone by 911 from school for anxiety. Once the teacher were aware about her anxiety they help her get over the fear of speaking to a crowd. Now she don’t stop talking Lol.
Have her practice at home quite a few times. I always cried before, during, and after presentations. So I get it. But no teacher ever made an exception. Practice practice practice.
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I’d reach out & explain the anxiety. Let the teacher know she can read it to her only for a lesser grade.
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Fellow introvert here. I’d send an email to the teacher without your child knowing. Maybe her teacher can give her some words of encouragement, or even have her present towards the beginning of class. That way it won’t be weighing heavily on her and adding to the anxiety. If I were able to give her advice, I’d tell her to seek out friends during her presentation. That way she can use them as focal points. They can smile at her, give her a thumbs up, etc. It will help to set her at ease. In the meantime, have her practice her presentation on you. That way it’ll be fresh in her head.
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Nope. She needs to do it. I still hate it as an adult, but it has definitely gotten better with time.
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Everyone telling you she HAS to do it, it’ll get better, she just needs to practice, they don’t get it. I was that girl. It’s only got worse as I got older. I’ve been on anxiety meds and it did nothing for my public speaking anxiety. Talk to her teacher. If it’s required then there may be nothing you can do but at least you tried. We’ve all been forced at some point or another but remind her it’s not going to be a all the time thing and she’ll eventually be out of that class.
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I wouldn’t… only bc it’s not dangerous for her and when she conquers it… it’ll be powerful. I get she is afraid. Talk it out… what r her fears… and practice… tell her how fab she is. Good luck mama. Some ppl cannot do - I get that… she may decide that’s her. Facing fear makes it powerless… but only you can discover that for yourself
As someone who suffers from anxiety, espically when having to speak to a large group of people like that, it gets better with pratice. Pratice builds confidence! Have her pratice with you, your partner, grandparents, or siblings. Anyone that she feels comfortable with and not judged with. Also i know for myself half the struggle was not knowing when i would be presenting, and working myself up into minor anxiety attacks over it. If you do reach out to her teacher maybe ask if she knows who she will be presenting after.
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 I would send the teacher an email as an FYI about the anxiety. But still let your daughter know she hast to do it…
( at least the teacher will know about the anxiety and will be able to grade her on how she did with her presentation knowing about the anxiety).
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How do u think she is going to get through life if she doesn’t do this. Are u going to be there every time she doesn’t want to do something. Maybe this will help her get out there a little bit more.
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Let the teacher know so she’s aware, but let her know you know this is something she has to learn how to do. Just let the teacher know that you wanted her aware so if needed the teacher can step in and help her.
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Definitely talk to her teacher but also talk to the social worker. Forcing her to do this is not going to help her anxiety. It’s not going to help her be a people person. This is true anxiety & not just nerves. They will make her anxiety worse. I wouldn’t make her go to school either. Keep her home the rest of the week. Schools allow “mental health breaks”.
Definitely let her teacher know. The teacher may be able to have her present to a smaller group of friendly faces rather than the whole class to help ease her anxiety.
My daughter is the same way. But it’s something she has to do. Work with her on it.
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I would let her teacher know about her anxiety of the presentation, but it’s so important that she be exposed to public speaking. She’s going to have to use it (unfortunately) in some way for the rest of her life and being comfortable with it simply takes practice
Perhaps you and your daughter and her teacher can work out something to help her with the presentation
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Talk to her teacher and see if she can maybe present at recess or after/before school to just the teacher.
Practice with her at home also and maybe help her write note cards to read off of.
It is very nerve racking to present in front of people but those students are her peers and this won’t be the first time she’ll need to present a project by herself or in a group.
Maybe work on a game plan with her on ways she can calm her nerves while presenting and also practice with her as much as she wants at home.
Ask if you can videotape her at home & show it to the class. Also get some therapy/training for her to lessen her anxiety.
She has to learn to get through it. Have her look above everyone’s heads and only make eye contact with the teacher. That way she can zone everyone else out and speed through her presentation. The teacher may comment to slow down or will mention for the next one to slow down but she will have it done.
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Contact the teacher and let them know she won’t be presenting it in front of the class but the project will be completed.
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Reach out but be prepared for them to not accommodate her. Maybe she can do it in front of just the teacher for a reduced grade. Or tape it and send it in.
speak to teacher and principle together to get results.
Have her practice with you then have her go and try. If she gets too anxious have them send her home.
Call her teacher, but encourage her to try, let her practice in front of you and a few friends…
I disagree with most that’s saying to make her do it, it’ll get better… it don’t. My now 15 year old is the same way, she has bad anxiety about speaking in front of anyone and even tho the teachers give her encouragement she’ll try and the words just won’t come out most the time and when they do her voice starts to crack, making her even more embarrassed. She has been like this for several years, if she knows she’s going to have to speak in front of class she will worry her self sick and I’m talking puking sick and ends up trying to miss school and this kid has perfect attendance for the most part, I would definitely reach out to her teacher and explain this issue
It’s something she needs to do. Refusing to help push a child out of its comfort zone will not help in any way.
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I would talk to the teacher.
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Wow ur the mom I wanted growing up I’d seek a therapist first and also some horse back riding lessons or anything that will build up her self esteem. I’d reach out to the teacher that you don’t want her to do that and let them know your working on that with her . These things take time .
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Give her all the good vibes, help her practice and yes let teachers know her anxiety is very high due to presentation, more then likely they know and won’t expect her to talk a whole lot but she definitely should try. 
My 5th grader just did one as well… and has been struggling with anxiety but she actually did amazing and was a little excited to present it. (Affirmations in the mornings may help…I’ve started this but need to do it more.)
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I had to do the same thing for my oldest in school too, only it started around grade 2 when they started presenting projects to the class. I had it so if I could, me and the teacher be her audience, or just the teacher and an EA, she refused to do it otherwise. And still at 17, will not present projects and as long as the teacher is aware, they figure it out!!
My daughter has anxiety too…definitely reach out to the teacher… I did this for my daughter and he was supper understanding. Good luck.
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I talked to my daughter teacher and they let me go to class with her. It was still hard for her but she did it
As someone who went through the same problems…. She has to face it. Talk to the teacher of course so that if she can’t finish she can go sit down without punishment. But for sever anxiety (I’ve had bouts where I’ve as stuck at home for months) exposure therapy is soooo helpful. Try maybe practicing at home or in front of friends first maybe? But I definitely agree with talking to the teacher and at least explaining her situation
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I would definitely talk to the teacher
I would suggest reaching out to the teacher. But I would also have her practice presenting the project. Start with presenting to stuffed animals (can’t criticize, therefore a good starting spot) then have her practice presenting to you or other close family. Public speaking is a very valuable skill. Talk to the teacher about other options, but help prepare her so she can present it if she has to
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I definitely think reaching out to the teacher to at least explain how your daughter is feeling/her anxiety etc. is warranted. However, I wouldn’t expect the teacher to let her off the hook. But at least the teacher will be prepared and will understand what’s going on when it is your daughters turn. I also struggled greatly with this in school but I still got up their and did my best.
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If she goes to college, public speaking course is usually required. Keep cheering her on and give her tips on how to get through the presentation. But don’t let her back out. She will face many of things where she gets anxious but she will have to persevere through it. I’m severely introverted and public speaking isn’t my friend, but she can do it! And she will feel so much better when she is done and realizes it isn’t all so bad.
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She needs to do it. My daughter went through the same thing.
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Help her practice at home, I used to cry but how can she learn if she doesn’t get forced to try. With time it’ll get better. But teachers can’t make exceptions for that.
Definitely communicate with the teacher, let them know how anxious she is and see if they can work out a solution. Maybe she can do her presentation with just the teacher before/after class or see if she can record herself doing it at home and play the video during class. While I agree that she should definitely do the presentation, I don’t think it’s right to force anybody of any age to publicly speak when it makes them feel like this
I’d talk to teacher most are understanding
I wouldn’t make mines, I’d tell her if the time comes for her turn and she feels confident to get up and speak go for it, if not she can respectfully decline🤷♀️ we will take the lesser grade and move on. She will have a consequence (the lesser grade) and still have her voice to decide not to speak in front of her class.
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My 5 year is the same way if not worse and if she has a problem get her help trust me my daughter wouldn’t eat with the other kids play nothing. We have a therapist working with her and since then she goes to eat lunch and all now. It might help
As a parent we want to save our kids from doing things they’re uncomfortable with. I hated public speaking, but had to do it. Setting an example that you can get out of doing things because you don’t like them, isn’t great. Whether it be work or school, situations will always arise that we don’t want to do. She’ll be a stronger person if you make here do it. I did have one teacher that allowed me to present at the back of the class so all eyes weren’t on me.
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Work with your daughter on getting more comfortable talking in front of people. Have her practice with you and in front of family at home. I wouldn’t cater to it. Most people are naturally introverted and most “normal” people get anxiety speaking in front of people. I think it will be doing her a lifetime favor by teaching her coping mechanisms and how to be confident doing this.
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Have her ask the teacher if she can go first. Then she can sit and relax while the other students are demonstrating instead of getting more anxious that’s what my sister use to do.
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While it seems like a cruel thing to force her to do, it may not be the last time she has to present. Perhaps you can still find a way for her to build up skills without doing it in front of thr whole class. If you talk to her teacher maybe she could present to just her and a couple friends.
This way the teacher can help guide her without her feeling overwhelmed.
As someone who struggled with presenting in front of the class, make her do it.
It sucks, but you can ask the teacher to do it over lunch or just 1 on 1. I’ve also presented to my teacher and a friend for audience. I had a hard time with this, but teachers accommodating me really helped. And all I had to do was ask them.
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I would reach out to the teacher to let her know how nervous daughter is, I would still want daughter to present though. I’d spend lots of time working with my daughter and remind her everyone is nervous, but there will be situations the rest of her life where she’ll have to speak in front of people. This is a good chance to practice that skill.
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I don’t think they should be forced to be uncomfortable . I refused to do it elementary- college .
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I think she should do it. I was the same way throughout school and things like this made me so anxious, but I found that I performed well under pressure.
I was the same way in school, and I WISH my mom cared enough to do that. Please reach out for her!
As a parent of an introvert you should let her present. This won’t be her last assignment like this.
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Teachers that aren’t assholes, will allow her to do the presentation to the teacher without students after class. My kids have struggled with this as well. Send an email with a heads up.
Belinda Stevens Thoben no one is brushing off anything, the mom needs to get the daughter professional help. I suffer from anxiety and I’m also an introvert I remember passing out a few times when I had to do presentation. My grades in college suffered because of that. I even missed out on good jobs because of my anxiety.
The sooner the daughter learn coping skills the better