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QUESTION:
"I’ve been seeing a guy for the last year. He’s amazing. He’s actually my childhood love. We were best friends growing up and lost touch with each other for about 11 years due to his crazy ex-wife (that’s a whole different story) but getting down to it. I feel like an outcast during family gatherings. No one really talks to me or really takes time to get to know me so I just end up sitting alone for hours. My SO will usually try to cheer me up but it always makes things worse….I have no relationship with his sister (someone I thought I could trust) she got in my face a month ago and called me some really disrespectful and degrading things, she was screaming at the top of her lungs in front of my children which traumatized my 3yr old. Among other things I just feel like I’m lost among them, at that I’m just “the white trash” I don’t know what to do. I’m really confused and hurt. I didn’t even have a chance to be a part of their family before I was shunned for nothing. What do I do? Should I call it quits and leave? Should I stick it out and be the outcast? Forever to sit alone?"
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TOP ANSWERS (AS SELECTED BY MODERATOR):
The following top answers have been selected by a moderator from hundreds of responses to the original question.
"I don’t think you should leave over that, personally. Talk to your partner, & see if you can come up with something with him. Is he supportive of you? Does he have your back if something happens? It’s easier having a supportive partner in that situation. Maybe one day soon you guys can all sit down & talk about why they’re acting that way?"
"Give it time. It’s still new. Stay away from them. Did they like the crazy wife? If so u gotta let them heal too. Just keep ur distance and time will work it out. He should stand by u and not attend all just some."
"I mean they probably really like the ex-wife she might have said something. I wouldn’t get mad at your guy from his family’s disrespectful attitude. I just would decline any time he wants to go visit. Go get a manicure or shop. While he visits them. Why go where you’re not welcome. In a while you’ll see where this is going with him, not his family."
"You’re with your man, not his family, period. Screw how they feel, screw what they think. If it comes down to it and you do get married, the same freaking thing applies! All you can do is try, and if you have and it hasn’t worked and you actually want a relationship with them (weird cause I don’t, my husband's mom is nuts) then they’ll have to come around eventually. You need to know the family you’re marrying into, but you don’t have to have a relationship with them. Ultimately it’s about you and your partner."
"I think the one of the biggest factors to consider is how does your boyfriend react to them treating you that way? Does he blow it off or stand up for you? That says a lot in whether things will eventually get better or not."
"If you two are happy then stay together but don't let them make you feel like an outcast if there are family gatherings you do not have to go. I also have had similar things and I will tell you killing them with kindness feels amazing it's hard as hell believe me. But it pays off"
"I’m not going anywhere that I don't feel welcomed or wanted. Let him go to his family and u go visit with yours. I always do a dinner for just my man and our kids for the holidays. We visit family as well I just do my dinner on a different day or time. I like having time we can relax and have our quality time with just each other."
"I’m surprised he let them talk to you that way. Also, do they think you were the reason why he and his ex split? Some families are toxic and think they know it all. They don’t accept the new partner for whatever reason. I honestly don’t think you or your child deserve this type of life. If he doesn’t defend you, then he’s worthless."
"You’re with the man, not his family. You don’t have to have a relationship with them in order to have one with him."
"If you’re happy in your relationship stay. If not then go. If it's strictly his family that’s making you feel like this then quit going to family functions and stay away from them. I'm sure he will understand especially if he already knows the situation."
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