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"My grandpa “tapped” my child as discipline (on the hand) when i was not working…we do not hit in my household and my grandparents know this but he said it was just a reaction and didnt think about it before he did it and that he was sorry…now i feel uncomfortable sending my child over there to visit them unless I am there and my grandma is upset…am i over reacting about this? he said he did it because my child kept touching my grandmas plants and would not stop…but i feel there are other ways to get a 4 year old to listen"
TOP ANSWERS (AS SELECTED BY MODERATOR):
The following top answers have been selected by a moderator from hundreds of responses to the original question.
"I would be upset yes but I wouldn’t stop sending my child to their grandparents. It sounds like uve spoke about the matter, got an honest answer, time to forgive and move on. Don’t punish ur child by not letting see their grandparents"
"I would be very clear about the expectations and consequences if they aren’t respected and followed through. But I would not go without visits over this especially with an apology."
"Send the child if it happens again then don’t send them"
"I’ve accidentally spatted my nephews hand just out of pure instinct. It wasn’t out of disrespect to my sister n law and I immediately let her know I did it. I would be very upset if she kept my niece and nephews from me. I’m a baller aunt. I love them and they love me. I’d get it if they bent your child over and spanked their butt without your consent but to just instinctively spat a hand is not a good reason to dismiss a good grandparent."
"If they did it without thinking and apologized I think it’d be fine. A tap on the hand isn’t that big of a deal, i understand you don’t want them to be hit but mistakes do happen and they’re human too. If they’d full blown just knocked him across the room I’d fully understand not sending them over again. But over a tap that was absentminded and apologized for instead of excuses made, forgive and let go. As long as it doesn’t continue it’s fine."
"He told you he did it and reacted and apologized. he didn’t have to say anything at all and could have kept it from you."
"He’s sorry and acknowledged it was a knee jerk reaction. It sounds like he will be more mindful moving forward. Old people seldom grow, so when they do we must encourage it. He’s trying, work with him. Give him the time he needs to adjust and grow. It was just a tap on the hand that isn’t that bad. I’d give him a chance."
"The fact he felt bad and apologised I’d let it slide. If it was more than a tap on the hand then it’d be different"
"Let him go over there"
"I respect that you don’t hit in your household (I don’t either) and I’d be a little uncomfortable too at first. But as long as it’s a “tap on the hand” like you described, and he even mentioned that it was a reaction and he apologized for it, I’d honestly let it go. Maybe have a conversation about how it needs to not happen again if you feel that’s needed, but I think this isn’t worth a big argument, let it go the best you can and respect that he was remorseful."
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