Friends are allowed but honestly, it seems you have too much history with this particular friend. Your feelings seem stronger and more romantic but that you’re kidding yourself. Take the time and think about your true feelings.
An ‘ex’ of mine (dated off an on from 14-19, we’re both 25 now) and I have the same relationship you and yours seem to have, always friendly but wouldn’t talk when the other was in a relationship. I’ve been with my now husband for 4 years and he’s the ONLY man that’s ever been in my life that doesn’t have an issue with me continuing to be friends with my ex. We talk scarcely and only see each other once a year but I couldn’t imagine him almost dying and my husband telling me I couldn’t see him after that. I can see why your SO would want you to cut off contact since he’s technically an ex but he should be able to trust you enough to speak to whoever you want to. Honestly my husband ‘allowing’ me to be friends with my ex was one of the things that sealed the deal with him because I KNOW he trusts me when all my previous boyfriends clearly did not.
I still talk with my ex’s I don’t see why not unless if it’s a problem to your relationship .
Doesnt sound to me like you’re ready for marriage & probably have no business being engaged🤷♀️ it comes with compromise and that includes cutting out people who are a threat to your relationship. I doubt youd be ok with it if your roles were reversed.
You shouldn’t be hanging out with your ex. Period. That’s very disrespectful! You have no kids to connect you. Maybe you still have feelings and don’t want to admit it the problem in the relationships aren’t the ones who don’t like you with your ex… It’s you thinking it’s okay.
I wouldn’t really label him as an ex-boyfriend bc you tried and it never really worked out so you are really good friends being there for each other in a drop of a hat on a friendship basis - true friends are hard to come by these days and if your SO knows all of this and he loves and trusts you then there shouldn’t be a problem with you visiting with your basically life long friend until he is up and going good on his own again - everyone needs a friend like whether male/female and if you can put yourself in your SO shoes and know you would allow him to do the same for female friend then there shouldn’t be any issues at all. You can love anyone but trusting the one you are in love with is a whole different story - and if you both are truly in love with one another and truly trust one another then continue your friendship - you may be the only true friend this other young man has and if nothing else you and your SO go and visit him together if you can get a babysitter let your SO be his friend as well. Good luck in whatever decision you make. Prayers for your friend as well.
I have a good male friend but hes an ex from middle school (lol) and more importantly someone I had feelings for before I started dating my now fiancé…me and him talk occasionally on snapchat but out of respect for my man I never ask to hang out or see him and vice versa…he was one of the first people I told that I was pregnant but, he is not someone i can see myself rushing to see in the hospital if he were hurt…you’re not a bad person by any means for wanting to be there for a friend but, thats when you send “well wishes” from home, not his bedside. Plus, if it were his ex or someone he had strong feelings for… you probably might think it’s something more than it actually is! Just put yourself in his shoes, and come to a mutual understand!
I think you make the situation more than what it is… like if he was literally only just a friend why always stop hanging/speaking to him? I mean if my friends didn’t speak to me just cause they had a partner I’d be telling them to pee off also you clearly still see him as an ex rather than friend as that’s what you label him as?
Go ahead. You may be single before too long. Trust is not, fine line you are at.
It sounds like your ex is more than a friend if you have always felt the need to stop talking to him whenever you are in a relationship.
I am still friends with one of my exes. He was my first everything. I will always have love for him, but we are better as friends. We’ve been friends for 15yrs.
I was open and honest about the friendship when I met my husband. They have met.
As long as no lines are crossed and you are not doing anything you wouldn’t want your fiancé doing, then keep him as a friend. Maybe you all can hang out together.
People who claim they want no trouble and yet call up and invite trouble in are irritating to me. Keep in touch with your ex on fb if u must but not in a hospital room, not in his apt., not in a small neighborhood bar. Let him go. You have no future with him. If the current relationahip ends then renew a friendship with the ex if u want . But its inappropriate now.
Yes. I have a daughter that decided to include a friend/ex as a friend when she married. They are getting a divorce because the friend helped scrw their marriage up.
Yeah, stop talking to him
A Friend is a Friend
You know what. If you really love this man. Than just stop being friends, but at the same time you two have been friends for a long time. I’d encourage you to talk to your fiance like really talk and see what he truly thinks
I mean if you’re willing to drop everything for your ex’s mercy, I get your fiancés point. I’d probably just limit to conversations here and there, or invite your fiancé on your outings. If he’s such a great friend to keep around it’d be reassuring for your fiancé to be included rather than going alone and risking a misunderstanding.
I’m pretty sure you were intimate with your ex boyfriend, now you’re with your fiance. I’m amazed that your fiance would have let you hung out with somebody you had sex with.
Definitely drop the ex if it’s making your fiance uncomfortable!
Your making your ex first in line instead of your husband
Definitely not. No ex’s when you’re in a current relationship! Cut that off!
Would you be ok with your fiancé doing all this with his ex?? If the answer is no then there’s your answer! It sounds like you’re trying to make your fiancé jealous which is very childish, cut it out!
I can see keeping in touch an still being friends . But, hanging out with him is a no no. You got to choose which one you want to be with.
If you can’t stop talking to your ex for your fiancé, then you shouldn’t be marrying him. Also this isn’t a new relationship if you’ve been with him for two years. Also, how are raising five kids? This all doesn’t add up.
These comments are shocking, yes you can stay friends with him that’s all you guys are FRIENDS you both know that all you are.
Sooo why are u still talking to your ex? Do u have kids together? If not there is NO reason to still be friends. Continue to put him 1st and u will loose ur SO. Just my OP.
If my bf had an issue with me talking to/being friends with an ex…then I would (and already have) question his trust in me. I made it very clear from the beginning that unless he gives me a reason not to trust him…Idc who he is friends with in any way. He had some jealousy issues due to his past that made a few problems in the beginning…but I refuse to give up friendships for a relationship…I don’t have that many outside of family to begin with. He learned he had no reason to doubt me…and I still have the same few friends I had when we met
We were 34 & 39 when we met if that makes any difference.
An ex is an ex for a reason. He isnt just your friend he is an ex. It isnt the same as if he was just a good friend of the opposite sex, no this dude is your ex boyfriend…You should never keep in touch with someone you had feelings for, or who had feelings for you when you’re in a relationship. To me its disrespectful.
So many children out here trying to be in grown up relationships. Y’ALL DO NOT OWN YOUR PARTNERS! Gtf over yourselves. If you’ve never cheated or lied, and you don’t have a history of that, and you weren’t recently involved with this guy romantically, and he nearly died so you’re keen on catching up and perhaps keeping more in touch than before, and you’ve respectfully discussed your intentions with your intended, then the only other thing I suggest, is that you let him know if he would prefer to be invited to hang out too, then you will accommodate him. Now, if everytime you’re trying to make plans with this guy, your boyfriend is like “I’m too busy/tired, so you can’t go” (more than once, because everyone gets to be busy/tired sometimes), then I’d say, “too bad so sad”. You owe him more than one opportunity to participate in your friendship, and if he chooses not to, you’ve paid your dues. If he flat out says no, then oh well buddy. He doesn’t own you. This is not 1805. You don’t require an escort to hang out with guy friends. If you know there’s no sexual attraction, and that neither of you will ever be confused, or inappropriate, or sloppy drunk and out of control of yourselves and your faculties, then what’s the problem? If you fuck up, that’s on you. If you’re not worried, then he either needs to participate until he understands your relationship or he needs to trust you. You’re going to spend your life with him. If doesn’t trust you now (and none of this, “I trust you, not him” bullshit - acting like every dude is a rapist says more about your man than it does about your your friend), how can you expect to live and interact freely with people again? If he doesn’t trust this guy, then next he doesn’t trust your male coworker or your boss. Then he doesn’t trust your cousin. Then he doesn’t trust your best girl. Then you’re alone in a room with a locked door. Come on. Where does it stop? Either you’re an adult and you can handle yourself or you’re not. He can come along out of respect, but if he won’t play fair, that’s a red flag.
I think you saw the ex and have unresolved feelings for him and now you are second guessing your relationship. You were all fine with not hanging out with him until you saw him. Respect the fiancé.
Just turn things around and imagine the same situation with your fiance and an ex of his if he remained friends with her and wants to continue seeing her as a friend after she was in a car accident. You will most likely find your answer there.
Are you okay with your ex doing the same being friends with an ex? Just asking
Would it bother you if your fiance wanted to spend time with a female he used to date?
I personally would not want my husband being good friends with an ex. I know for sure based on a similar scenario that my husband wouldn’t like me still being friends with an ex either. You can be very easy going and not jealous and still have a natural tendency to worry about that kind of relationship.
What’s wrong with you? You shouldn’t be talking to any ex if you’re in a relationship
U shouldn’t be friends with a ex its very disrespectful
Looks like you have already made your decision. There are children involved. You can’t have your cake and eat it too.
Sounds like you’ve always kept him lingering around as a plan B. How about have some respect for your fiancé.
You should absolutely stop talking to your ex unless you have children together. Why would you want to talk to your ex ? How would you like it if the shoe was on the other foot ?
If there is no trust, there is nothing. You shouldn’t have to give up friends for someone you love.
This is the silliest question i ever heard lmao
Reverse the situation and ask yourself how that would make you feel and then ask if that is on you or your fiance. That’s your answer.
You said every relationship you quit talking, so i take it theirs been multiple. You didn’t care then, just now??? You need to let it go but most of all start being honest with yourself because your actions aren’t one of a woman engaged to wed, just saying!
I think you should not hangout with your ex at all.
Would you like him hanging out with a girl he used to fuck
Prob should let soon to be hubby go, clearly you have feelings for the ex
As you described he’s not an ex boyfriend. He’s a good friend who’s a boy. I don’t feel you should have to cut off relationships you had before your boyfriend. If he expects you to he doesn’t trust or respect you as a person. He sees you as property he can control. I’m not saying you should be secretive. Tell him you’re going to see him when you do just as you would if you went to see anyone else. Include him sometimes. He should be treated as any other friend or relative you spend time with.
He’s your fiance not a new boyfriend. Regardless if he trusts you or not, theres a thing called respect. If you cant respect the wishes of the man you’re planning to marry then end it for a friendship with the ex.
One of my 2 best friends happens to also be an ex. We dated 19 years ago (when I was 16). There comes a point where the friendship overweighs the ex part. That seems like the case with you and him.
To me it just seems like you’re worried about your friend and you’re checking up on him to make sure he’s ok.
all i can say is how would you feel if it was him and his ex ?
Your fiance can trust you but he really don’t trust him & he shouldn’t. Most opposite sex friends unfortunately tend to be bullshit or sexual advances to pretend they care. Be realistic.
If he is such a good friend, why can he & the fiance not meet & attempt to get to know eachother? Good trustworthy friends are hard to find, & if the friend is respectful of your relationship, extend it to your fiance as well.
If your fiance does not mind you guys talk as friends then keep talking. You and fiance need to agree on it together for the respect of your relationship . He seems like hes okay with yall talking just not hanging out since I’m assuming he does have trust issues so eventually bring ur ex around and introduce them together?
Sounds like you keep him around as a plan B.
Your inability to cut ties with this guy says a lot. Rushing to his side in the hospital also says a lot. The difference in this friend and other friends is that you obviously have more feelings for him than just a friend and you have for a long time. Your fiance can see and feel the difference. I think you already know what you’re doing is wrong. Your fiance isn’t being controlling with this request. He deserves the respect. You should call off your engagement because your heart is not with your fiance.
“because I’m in a new relationship”… 2 years is not new. FIANCÉE status is not a “new relationship”. Y’all trying to raise kids and you can’t have a mature conversation about the situation?
Respect your fiancé. He’s more important than an old boyfriend!
Sounds like you should have never got into another relationship if your still hung up on old dude I get your man’s pov and I support him
I’ve been in your boat. I’ve dated a lot and am friends with almost all of my exs. All of my exs were people I loved(and still do), but not in the way I love the one I’m with. Every one of them have been ok with me talking to or hanging out with my exs. At one point, when I had to move, I had my boyfriend, exhusband, and husband(had been separated for over a year) all helping me at the same time. (I got irritated because they spent more time talking to each other than loading the truck!lol) My point is, if he truly loves you, and wants to spend his life with you, then he needs to have that trust. Just because a relationship ends, it doesn’t mean that the bond does. My exs are a some of my very best friends. If I call, they come. If my boyfriend needs help, they come. Talk to him. Explain that if he feels that he can’t trust you , then maybe your relationship isnt ready for marriage.
I think that if you are both truly just friends, you should be able to keep in touch. Have him hang out with groups of people, include your fiance in the relationship. Because you’re right, he couldve died. If your fiance is upset over you going to ICU to see somebody you’ve known since you were 16, you two need to have a serious talk about it.
Your current relationship should always come first
I’m not friends with exes out of respect for my significant other/now husband. It’s just not worth the drama. Why make my husband feel anything like jealousy or insecurity over someone that doesn’t mean anything to me now? Your past is over. Cherish it, but move on with your current family. I’d wish him the best and be happy with your life. If that’s not possible I’d reexamine your feelings for this guy.
I would say make it to where you hang out all together. I don’t hang out with my guy friends without my husband.
If he’s expressing to you that it still make him uncomfortable, dont be disrespectful and do it anyways. The friendship obviously didnt matter.enought before.
I dont think yr fully over yr ex as you wouldnt be asking if you were completely happy with yr fiance
Your first “love” never really goes away. I would be heartbroken if something were to happen to him. I love the man I’m with beyond words but nothing can ever replace the first “love” you felt.
Your fiance has no right to control who your friends are.
Would it be ok for your man to talk to his exes and hang out with them ?
If you don’t feel so … you shouldn’t be doing it either
Is your ex or your fiancé more important?
Maybe you should leave your fiance. You didn’t seems ready to do your part of the contract.
Sounds to me that ones more important to you than the other. Your heart is not 100% with your "new fiance of 2 years"
I agree with others. You should break up with your fiance. He doesn’t deserve anyone who is thinking like this. Ijs
Sounds to me like you’re still harboring feelings for your ex. If you love and respect your fiancee, you’d make a clean break.
I think people should be able to maintain friendships, if that is truly all it is then he shouldn’t feel threatened. You were kids when u dated, yurt an adult now, this is so ridiculous to me. The fiancé should want to know ur friend, this one and all of them. If title all friends that could help but he should not be saying u can’t be friends with this person because he has a penis
I’ve been married for 10 years together 14 it would not be acceptable for my husband to hang out with an ex girlfriend. you are risking the realationship cheating happens.In every realationship there are ups and downs. Do not ever involve some one else.
I personally don’t speak to any of my exes except the one I have a child with. (Obvious reasons) i just feel the past is the past. I’ve dated guys who were “friends” with exes and been ok with it at first but it always ended with drama or someone still having feelings so I don’t like dating people with those ties anymore. Not worth the headache
How would you feel if he was hanging out with his ex…
No, your fiancé should be secure enough to trust you before you get married
I’m sorry but if you are in a committed relationship, you shouldn’t be talking to anyone you’ve been in relationship unless it involves your child, how would like it if he were talking to his ex’s that didn’t involve children.
I’m saying in my opinion, unless you have children with them, let them go… if you can’t, then you probably should let your fiancé go…
Ur still n love with ur ex🤷♀️
You’re in a new relationship? But you keep saying fiancé.
How would you feel if he wanted to talk or hangout with he’s ex.
Honestly I wouldn’t be okay with it and I know that so I don’t keep in contact with any of my ex’s when I’m in a relationship. Apart from the father of my son because contact is needed for my son.
Is your ex your safety blanket?
I think you need to dump the boyfriend. A real man will have to problem with who you’re friends with, regardless of sex.
Where did the 5 kids come from??
Nobody should control who you speak with or hang out with. If he doesn’t trust you to talk to your friends, then he can’t be trusted! If ppl are gonna cheat they are gonna do it whether they know the person or not. If your friend is worth keeping, then keep him! That’s the question you should be asking…
I kept my friends and shared everything with hubby. Together for 23 years. Trust is the key!!
Put you self in his shoes … what if he was talking to his ex girlfriend that still had a thing for him ???
Yea I have no issues with my man talking to his ex! Bloody hell we used to hang out with mine it’s all about trust!! I’m really surprised by how many of you obvisouly don’t trust your other halfs!!
As long as you have zero romantic feelings for him anymore and will be faithful to your fiance theres no reason not to stay in touch. I have a friend much like yours and we’ve been strictly platonic friends for years and my fiance knows he’s more than welcome to read our text if he ever wanted to, I got nothing to hide and hopefully neither should you.
For one why are you constantly referring to him as an ex? I dated a friend and same deal it didnt work out were better off friends but I dont sit there and call him my ex hes a friend!! My best friend! An ex is something that should be left in the past and telling ur significant other that ur gona hang with an ex instantly brings their kackles up it’s just natural! I wouldn’t go hiding that u dated him by any means full disclosure but honestly leave ex in the past. Ur best friends…
Second… imo if theres no trust there should be no fiance type deal that’s grounds for problems later on imo…
3rd… if u and ur ex were ment to be u would never be with the guy ur with so theres technically nothing to fear… yet this one definetly relies on the trust thing and also that everyone’s upfront and honest…
Imo I would say u should be good to hang out and and do as you wish so long as its appropriate of course… but if my other half was to go on about hanging out with an ex ya I’d be asking a lot of questions but it be fine… in this situation I wouldn’t think twice my man is nothing but loyal to me and vice versa.
2 years isnt a new relationship. Raising 5 kids and being engaged is serious. It’s not like you are dating around.
If your fiance wanted to go hang out with his ex girlfriend how would you feel? How would you feel if he was like “yeah I have been in a relationship with my fiance for 2 years now, I asked her to marry me, but it’s a new relationship and I dont really care how she feels about my ex’s”
You say you could go years without talking to him, but you aren’t willing to just not hang out for the sake of your current relationship. Who is more important to you? Your fiance? Or your ex? Cause that’s what it will come down to in the end.
First stop referring to your ex as your ex it’s been so long he is just your friend, that might also put your fiance at ease but if your fiance trusts you their shouldn’t be an issue. Unless he has trust issues that run deep then you should take that into account so you don’t cause him pain but can figure out a way to move forward together while still remaining friends with your old friend.