Why do you have to be with someone else. Leave and be single. Find yourself, love yourself and work on you.
Life is short you won’t regret leaving
The whole 10 year boyfriend thing had me why aren’t you a wife by now? men will hold you just to do that! No real intentions other than to have a hold on you so you’re unavailable. Your gut tells you what to do, you’re scared to take the chance because I think you’re scared to really be happy and it not be him for you in the long run. Have you ever heard the saying “ I thank God I didn’t get what I thought I deserved?”
Are You Happy ??? What would help make you happy?? It’s time for a serious conversation AND counseling.
Leave and take a chance with YOURSELF and son. HE deserves a happy mom and life.
If you leave him you need to take time to yourself and find happiness within…
Happiness doesn’t come from others. Your son also needs time to adjust to a different life. Give him that time also because when you date that person also gets the package deal.
I would stay alone until a fulfilling relationship comes along.
If you do decide to leave you need to stay single for awhile to heal yourself and find out who you are when it’s just you. That way you know what you want and don’t want.
However, if you want to try to save your relationship you need to actually try and not think about how it’s greener on the other side. When in all reality it’s greener where it’s watered. You need to sit down with him with no distraction, have someone watch your son overnight and all day the next day, then talk like mature adults. Explain that you’re hurt and how. Talk about what your love language is and how your relationship isn’t on solid ground right now. Communicate about what you’re missing in your relationship and what you’re not fond of. This goes for both sides not just you. Make sure you are actively present and engaging. Understand that there might be moments when frustration rises but try to bring it back down. Just because emotions elevate doesn’t mean it’s over, it actually means there’s still something there. See things from their point a view, you don’t have to agree but you do need to be respectful of their thoughts and how they perceived it and understand that no 2 people see everything the same. Understand that men and women are completely different in the way the see things and the way they communicate, plus adding on any other unique life experience. When you communicate (with anyone) and it seems like they don’t care, i.e. you told them to do something or that you like something so on and so on and they don’t do that something it’s not always that they don’t care or are being disrespectful it could very well be they didn’t comprehend the importance of it or understand the meaning, no matter how clear it was to you. We must communicate with people the way it works for them not the way it makes sense to us. And you may have to change up the way you communicate a few times until you find the right one (hint: most people, young and old, respond better with respect). Also, unsolicited advice, as kids get older the communication with them has to change with their age, maturity level and comprehensive skills.
Back to the relationship, if both parties are willing to talk about the hard stuff and actively listen to each other you can make a magical break-through.
When you’ve been with someone for so long things get boring life gets repetitive and we get tired but relationship have to be actively and consciously nurtured, they do not have an autopilot setting.
Also another problem in long term relationships is everyone in growing and changing all the time and we can choose to grow together or grow apart. When you entered the relationship I’m assuming you both were probably in your 20s and if below 25 (approximately) your brain is not fully developed and you will still be figuring out who you are. And when we get into a relationship with someone we see who they are at that time in their life, we like it, we fall in love… then we lock that personality in a box and expect them to stay just like that with no room to grow and change. Then we get mad when they start damaging the box we put them in because they’re trying to grow and move. We have to let them out of the box and throw it out, make space for them to freely be themselves, even if they don’t even know who that it.
If all of this is said and done and things heat up and move to an intimate situation explore each other’s bodies like it’s the 1st time and you’re full or raging hormones. Bring in the passion, be present in the moment, maybe experiment with new activities. Make your sex life exciting and different and not a chore. Maybe let him take control of your body (within your boundaries) then another time you take control of his (again within his boundaries). Little tip being surprised and pushed against the wall and taken is quite exciting but you might have to tell him you want that (if you do).
Women tend to be the decision makers in the home, they tend to always have to be in control and if they have kids then they have more decisions and control and a lot of people both men and women when they are always having to make decisions and be in control they want to just relinquish that control and stress. Also adrenaline is good at making things spicy and doing things that are full of adrenaline and “manly” tend to release testosterone in women and that also adds spice. Think things like sky diving, riding motorcycle, shooting a big powerful gun (safely and at a gun range if you are comfortable with guns).
Now this doesn’t all lay on you he needs to make an effort too. He needs to bring out the nurturing softer side and do the things you like as well. Relationships need to be a give and take not just give.
One more thing love languages can change over time as a person changes. Our love language are a little window into the parts of us that need to be healed (at least that’s how I see it). And it’s perfectly normal to like and want them all you just have to put them in order of most important.
So if someone’s love language is physical touch it might be they didn’t receive closeness as a child, lacking hugs maybe body image issues.
If it’s quality time maybe they were lonely as a child.
Words of affirmations, they might have been constantly put down and told they’re doing everything wrong, never receiving positive reinforcement so they might not fill they are good enough or are doing everything wrong.
Acks of service, maybe they had a lot of responsibilities as a kid, like taking care of younger siblings taking on more chores then acceptable for a child maybe a mentally ill or addict parent.
Gifts, I mean who doesn’t like gifts lol but maybe they were poor and didn’t receive many toys or they always had to share and nothing was just their own.
I’m sorry this is so long but I hope it helps you and maybe some others. Just remember communication, respect, listening and understanding, and don’t forget excitement. Also do all of that with yourself as well love and respect yourself.
You need to be strong. Don’t be afraid to be alone. It’s a great time for yourself too before you enter another relationship. Take your time and enjoy yourself with your son.
First off you can’t blame the other dude for knocking you up. It was as much your choice as his to sleep together. Share the blame.
Secondly, if you’re not happy. Leave. Have you tried to work it out? Tried to communicate? If he’s aware and doesn’t even show that he’s trying to make it better, it’s time for something diff.
He can still choose to be in your son’s life if he wants too and if your son means as much to him as he does your son he shouldn’t have a problem with that
Haha knocked up when I didn’t wanna be… wow that’s a good one
Why don’t you try not being in a relationship? Take some time off, work on your self esteem.
If you’re questioning it then leave. But maybe try being by yourself for a while.
Young one sounds like you’ve lost who “ you” are. Maybe you ought to take time to do that. You deserve it. Be single for a while. Be selective sweetie- you don’t “need” to be with anyone-
Stay. All these men there’s few that don’t have kids, no jobs. drugs, drinking or mental problems, talk to him about your concerns…
Have you talked with the boyfriend about your feelings and NEEDING affection and sex? If he treats you and your son right why not give him the chance to make things better. Unless there is more to the story and he is not a good person then leave. Then again I believe in trying to fix things (relationships included) before replacing them.
Don’t stay with this guy but don’t jump into any relationship right now, I think you should spend time with yourself and your son.
YOLO! Go find your happy, girl!
Leave your son will adjust
If you’re leaving to find another relationship unlikely you will be happy. Leave to find yourself. Your son will be fine. Perhaps concentrate on just being a mom.
Learn to be by yourself and be happy for awhile.
Don’t rush into a new relationship.
Take a chance and know yourself.
If you’re not happy in your relationship why stay? Who says you HAVE to be in another relationship right away? Be by yourself for awhile. I did and I think I’ll stay single for the remainder of my days.