My two year old daughters father and I broke up almost two years ago. She lives with me. There’s no custody order. He sees her when he chooses. Sometimes it’s once a week. Sometimes it’s twice a week. He also pays child support. If I need him to take her for a night or so he always refuses. Should I go to court? I mean I am very thankful he is involved but I wish he saw her more. I want us to have an actual visitation agreement. Any advice is needed.
10 Likes
This is kinda a weird question… is he being selfish by refusing to take her if you need the help and only seeing her when he chooses to. However; is also fulfilling his legal (and ethical) duties by providing child support? Yes. That’s really it, and that’s exactly it… you wanna take him to court for being selfish?
1 Like
Just because you get a court order doesn’t mean he will be forced to take her. You can’t force a parent to take the child the court can only force a parent to allow the other parent access to the child whether they take it is up to the parent. My daughters dad gets every other weekend and some times he says he can’t take her so he doesn’t, I can’t force him to take her on his scheduled weekend. So give it time and I’m sure he will take her more.
4 Likes
Take him to court. Get child support
3 Likes
You can’t make him want to be involved more and if he doesn’t want her around then it’s best she isn’t around. He could say no I don’t want this visitation or overnights and they won’t force him to take her. If you want to do it just so you have your schedule in writing if anything happens and for maybe more child support than do it but don’t expect anything more.
2 Likes
Tell him you need an actual custody agreement. Mommas need nights off too even if it’s to sit home in the quiet and do absolutely nothing
1 Like
Leave it alone, there’s a reason he doesn’t want her more. Don’t force it
2 Likes
From my experience, don’t push him into being a father! You will regret it!
2 Likes
No you can’t make anyone do anything they don’t want to… he may come around one day on his own
You cannot force him to take her more often, even with a court order.
1 Like
Umm they aren’t going to force him to take her or see her more 
You need to find a sitter
Paying support and seeing the child once or twice a week is one of the standard custody arrangements
The only thing you’d accomplish is MAYBE getting more child support BUT you could also end up getting less than he’s already paying 
3 Likes
Then you’ll have to work on holiday placement and other things. I would try to work it out instead of court that could make it worse.
Just because it’s court ordered doesn’t mean his going to show up for visits etc
1 Like
A parent that refuses time with their child is probably not going to treat them well if that’s forced upon them.
23 Likes
Just cause you take him to court for him to see her more doesn’t mean he’ll follow the court order. Don’t try forcing him to be a father if he doesn’t want to be. If you force him to be one when he obviously doesn’t want to be one it’ll do more harm than good in the end. And even if you do get a custody thing in place and you ask him to take her for a night and it’s not on his day than he can still refuse and there’s nothing you can do about it. Yea we get it you want him more involved with seeing her but if u get a court order visitation schedule doesn’t mean he’ll follow it.
6 Likes
My mom told me sage advice when I was going through the court system…whomever asks to go to court always loses something they never expected to. To be honest, I’d find a really reliable babysitter and leave things as they are. The more you fiddle with a situation that is, for all intents and purposes, working except for one mild inconvenience the more you risk getting into a situation you don’t want. The courts rarely do what’s right, they do what’s easiest in order to get you through as quickly as possible.
5 Likes
Even court can’t force a parent to be a parent. They can set a schedule but it doesn’t mean he’ll follow it. Trying to force him to spend more time with her will only hurt her in the long run. I’d personally keep it like it is. If he isn’t interested in establishing rights and schedules through court then I wouldn’t be either.
4 Likes
I agree with the advice to leave it as it is. A court order doesn’t mean he will show up. You can’t force someone to be there or do something they don’t want to do. If you need time for you,hire a babysitter or have someone she knows take her for awhile.
5 Likes
I would always have a custody agreement in place just for fact that if he takes her one night he can refuse to give her back to you!
2 Likes
My man was paying child support for his child with his ex but because his ex was so controlling he stopped visiting that child completely and just paid the monthly payments she tried years later to go back to court because he’s not visiting and he ended up getting removed off of child support…
2 Likes
A court order means nothing. Be thankful that he does spend the time that he does with your child
2 Likes
I personally wouldn’t send my child with anyone I had to force her on
The court can’t force someone be a responsible parent and is that honestly how you want their relationship to develop
1 Like
That’s not really involved… and do you really wanna try and force someone who doesn’t wanna spend time with ur kid 
2 Likes
Taking him to court to force him to see his daughter more often is not going to make him see his daughter more often .if you want a night off I suggest a babysitter
1 Like
Be very careful what you wish for. The first time you want your daughter on a day that’s his, you’ll be getting what you asked for. My girl’s father virtually never saw them and if I had forced him to see them when he didn’t want to; I think that would have been counterproductive for all concerned.
1 Like
Has child support been set by the court, have you been given custody by the court, too many holes in your story…visitation is up to him to have established not you…you cannot force him to do anything…something sounds fishy…
You can have an agreement but that doesn’t guarantee he’ll follow it. And when he doesn’t, you have to take him back to court. Is it really worth it? Give him an choice for the well being of your child. All in and consistent or not at all.
Just because you have a custody arrangement through the courts doesn’t mean he’ll actually take her on his days. Plenty of dads don’t show up on their weekends. I’d leave it alone.
From someone that spent 8 years battling in family court over custody stuff- TRUST ME. Do NOT file. Stay as far away from family court as possible and consider yourself blessed that you are not in a worse situation. I would give literally anything to be in your situation. Take what you got and be grateful mama. You’ll understand one day.
Why? Would you force a man to take his daughter overnight? Obviously he doesn’t feel comfortable doing that and it just might be a good thing?? Never Ever put your child in Jeopardy, just so you can have a day or night off!! Too many children end up being abused out of resentment when they are used as pawns and forced on people that should have never become parents to begin with!! Find a reliable babysitter when needed.
Even with a court order you can’t force him to take his parenting time. Find a babysitter if you’re needing some time without her.
You can’t force him to parent more than he will. Do I think having a legal document is smart heck yeah. But don’t do it just bc you think you can force him to parent when you need a break.
A court order can’t force him to see her more. Sounds like you have it pretty good right now. Why muddy the waters
Why don’t you try talking to him and ask him why he doesn’t want to take her overnight sometimes and see what he says first
Depends?! Is he paying child support on his own or court ordered to pay child support? If there is no court order to pay child support, absolutely take him to court! But unfortunately, no visitation order will make him visit more or even keep her overnight.
Advise. It’s your job to decide what kind of mom you’re going to be to your daughter. It’s not your job to decide what kind of father he should be to his daughter. He’s obviously not your team player so yeah you need to find a sitter when you need to go out. 
You can not force him to take care of her,stay out of court if at all possible,see a good family attorney before you do anything
You can’t force him to take the child. The court will order YOU to comply with a visitation order but he doesn’t necessarily have to.
You can go to court and get a piece of paper but a piece of paper isn’t going to make him be a step up dad
Going to court is not going to make him show up more or be at you beck and call.
Court orders are for your child to be allowed to attend their school, activities, their life basically with some assurance of how things will be on a daily basis, etc without having a parent just randomly changing things up as they desire. Forget about the father for now. Concentrate on your child. Having a parent pop in and out with no routine and consistency can harm your child’s mental health. Kids need to feel secure. Kids need routine. If the father is random as, that isn’t good for your child. Your focus should be on securing your child’s daily routine. You may feel you want the father involved in your child life now but later you might change your mind. Without court orders your ex can turn up when he likes and take your child. Suppose he gets a new partner and then all of a sudden decides he wants be a dad again but does it in such a way you are now fighting him to keep your child’s routine secure because he wants to change schools or not take them to activities, then there are the holidays to consider etc. Or you can leave things as they are and stop chasing him to be a father. Let it be. It’s not good for the child. You are enough, you can do this. You can give your child a good life. I would not be wanting my child to stay overnight at their fathers place if the father didn’t want to. That sends alarm bells to me. How can you know your child is safe when the father doesn’t really want to do it? If he takes her overnight how can you be sure with his attitude that she will be safe? What if he has mates over etc? If he is seeing her as an inconvenience then his focus won’t be on her and that’s unsafe for her. You can’t force a person to be a parent. You can’t control that. What you can attempt to control is your child’s security, routine, emotional and mental health. I would also be documenting EVERYTHING to prove if your ex attempts to take your child one day that he hasn’t been involved in her life. What you feel now in wanting him to be a father could change drastically if he hasn’t been involved then just randomly wants her. You could be in a totally different mind set to now with a great routine/life with your child and then bam, dad who hasn’t been a dad, wants to be a dad. Such a scenario is something you want some control over. Court orders make it easier for you to say, “hang on a minute here, you can’t do that, I have court orders” He will still have rights but he will have to negotiate with you in the child’s best interests through the court system.
1 Like
The courts can’t force him either. They can set visits in place but he can still refuse
I think getting courts involved is a mistake. It’s on him how much he sees his daughter.
I’m a strong believer in court orders. That way both sides know what’s expected. But as far as paternal involvement is involved a court order isn’t going to be enforced. There’s no contempt of court if he doesn’t follow through like there is if you don’t follow through. So using the court to force him to see her more isn’t going to work. You can get a court order & put in it that this is the schedule (agreed upon by both of you) & if he skips out on 3 consecutive visits or 5 in a year you can withdraw l visits. You can also put in it that if he’s more than 15 minutes late he forfeits that visit. That might make him follow through more. If you do that though create proof he skipped visits. Like take pictures of her with you on his weekend. Take her around others so you have witnesses. Keep your call log showing you tried to call him etc. Keep a record of every time he visits, include length of visit. That way you have evidence of his inconsistency.
1 Like
You custody order just to protect yourself. It’s better to have the visitation and child support spelled out in legal documents. With that said you can’t force him to take all if his time.
I’ve been on his side in my life paying child support for three children. Quit being cheap pay a babysitter don’t put it all about him
Leave it alone. If you take him to court, you could end up in a joint custody situation.
Is it because she is still young that he refuse to take her?
Get a custody order NOW!! If he gets a hair acrossed his ass he can take you kid w/out and order and haul ass LEGALLY!!!
Then yea, if that’s not enough for you, go to court