Should I wait for my kids to grow?

Your kids know / feel that you are not happy it’s your job to teach / show them what a happy healthy relationship is .right now they think it’s ok to cheat & abuse your partner or worse be the one that is being abused and feel that is what a normal relationship is .he broke your trust and your love for him …time to leave

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Sounds like you lost respect for him, taking all your effort with it. He worked on himself now it’s your turn to work on yourself, be it working on loving him again or discovering yourself without him.

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Time for the “talk!”

If you’re scared then you need to ghost him. Plan everything, leave, file for divorce and custody arrangements.
But you :100: need to leave, I feel your words deep, save yourself and be happy again.!

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Leave, I lived that life for a long time. It is bad on you and the kids. Please for all of your sakes GET OUT NOW!

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Young one - get out now- so what if he’s being nice now- unless he has gotten Professional help and you to - it won’t change. A God fearing man NEVER touches a woman. If you leave take your kids with you. Worry about them - what you have done is modeled behavior that accepts abuse. Get your ducks in a row and leave be prepared for him to get - he’s losing control of you. Be very aware of your surroundings- always and watch your kids too. :heart::rose:

You wouldn’t want your children to live like this so why would you put yourself through this kind of treatment. Sort your stuff out and leave.

Don’t stay. It does nothing positive for anyone.

If your so scared to leave he’s is not changed start with a job save any money you can work toward the move if you have to put up with it a couple yrs So the kids get older go to la

He will flip stuff on you and rage regardless. So be it. Go have a happy life without the garbage marriage you have had to endure. He ruined the marriage a long time ago. Your self esteem will diminish if you continue to sleep with him because you feel it’s your "duty’ and he will blame you for everything if you don’t anyway. That will be his trigger to lash out at YOU even though he cheated and don’t care about your feelings from that betrayal. Sad place in life right there… It’s coming, trust me. He hasn’t become a better person I’m betting,his inner monster is just laying dormant because he knows you are about to walk. It will re-emerge. I lived this exact scenario. I would swear you are talking about my experience. Chin up and throw your shoulders back and prepare for a war. You will win, you just can’t back down once you set things in motion. Turn your hurt to anger for this…it will get you through and he will respond differently to anger. It will catch him off-guard. As long as you are hurt, he has the upper hand and will continue to berate you and make himself the victim. You go girl✊

My friend got housing sorted and once it was, when he went to go to work she packed up and left x she was in an abusive relationship and the council housed her secretly having all her mail directed to another location so he wouldnt find out x if your scared of what he might do you will find support out there from family, friends and others x

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Don’t waste your life being miserable. Plan your escape and document everything, if you have any evidence of his past problems use that. Get a lawyer and make your exit plan.

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He hasn’t changed. Wtf

I think you should leave if you’re not happy, bottom line, you deserve better. Not to mention all the abuse and misery he’s put you through. If you’re not happy, your kids likely realize this. If anything, leave for the kids! But leave safely! Make sure you leave while he is not there and have someone with you.

Also, collect any evidence you can that prove he abused you so that once you leave, it will hopefully keep him from getting full custody or unsupervised custody of the kids should he try to take the kids to get back at you. Or talk to a lawyer of that expertise and tell them your situation and that you are planning to get out but worried that he will try to get full custody of the kids and they should point you in the right direction. And seek therapy/counseling for the trauma you’ve been through. Wishing you nothing but safety, peace and happiness :yellow_heart:

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The choice of what you do has to come from you. Once you decide what you want, then you work on that goal, if you decide to leave then have your plan, make sure you go when he is gone, he has been abusing you and could let his temper do it again. If you have parents that you are close to and that you can trust then let them know if not tell someone you can trust tell the truth of what your marriage has been. Being on your own with children can be scary and hard but you have the strength to do it. I wish you well and a new found happiness.

How old are the kids? Went through similar situation… i divorced him when the kids were 10 & 11 and it has been 3 years now and its not easy but i feel it was worth it… it will be hard but you cant be a good mom if you arent happy. I thought i could and tried so many years to pretend i was and tried to convince myself but eventually i couldnt any longer and it started affecting my relationships with my kids, my parenting, everything. You deserve to be happy and healthy in every aspect and your kids deserve and happy snd healthy mom and dad, together or separate. :hugs: goodluck girl

The rage-aka the next time will be when he will kill you. Sadly, I once had a best friend who was in this relationship type with an abuser. He was a drug addict and a real narcissist. He caused their family-her him and their kids to all become homeless. He abused her so frequently and I couldn’t watch anymore. It was either she allow me to help her and the kids and he go or I say goodbye. So we parted ways. But that took a lot-long time coming. She visited hi. A long time in prison-pregnant, etc. and she went on thru his drug use after with another kid on the way and lost her job of $59,000 a year because of living in her store at her job site with her family- in the early 90s!!! No excuse for not manning up!!! He was pathetic. They loaded up the kids & all their belongings in a nasty old car and drove to her family in Iowa, I’m sure telling her another lie. Some months later he was drinking and driving and she was thrown from the vehicle idk how many feet, with a broken neck!!! She somehow survived that wreck, but permanently disabled at the hands of that maniac. Her loser was responsible. She is still with him today, although permanently disabled for the rest of her life-if she’s still alive…
Anyways, you know what’s right…

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Your kids will benefit more seeing you happy

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Kids will see and feel it eventually. They’re not stupid. Make sure you have a plan and money saved… if you fear him hurting you telling him, then make sure you’re in public when you tell him and have someone with you when you start moving out unless he’s moving out. People change … you deserve to be happy. I ended a 20 year marriage 5 years ago because of abuse and his drinking. 4 months after I started dating he wanted to change and he did try but it was too late I was already falling for the man I’m still with now. Life is short… take care of YOU mind body and soul!