Leave. Youāre still living in eggshells. Your kids feel that stress. Never stay for the kidsā¦ itās not healthy for anyone. If you great retaliation, seek help to leave.
Reach out to a DV counselor and get out. A tiger doesnāt change his stripes and he will eventually abuse you again.
Counseling. The fact heās got his act together means he wants to make it work. Letās hope it stays that way though. If you truly donāt then go but maybe give it a last ditch effort? So you can say you tried it all?
Think of this. If your child came to you and told you exactly what you wrote down, what would you tell them? Would you tell them to seek counseling to try to work it out? Would you tell them to suck it up and stay? Would you tell them to leave? I think you know the answer to this. Your children are watching and learning from this. They are learning that this is normal for a relationship. This is how they should be treated, or how they should treat their partners. What would you tell them if they said this to you?
Remember this is your life. You don 't owe him anything. If you arenāt happy and youāre not in love move on. He was a dog, where is the respect. Get out.
Leave if your not Inlove
Please do NOT stick around for the children. I made that same horrible mistake. They told me when they became adult how dumb I was for staying. You and your kids deserve BETTER.
Leave, but donāt tell him until your at a safe place and everything u need is with u.
Just because he has changed doesnāt mean you have to stay.
The damage has already been done.
You need to be happy and move on and your kids will benefit as well.
I can tell you right now that if he has hit you before then he will again.
Leave.
It is not healthy for your children to see this.
He damaged you already. Thatās why your feelings for him changed too. You must leave with your children if youāre not happy. Never stay in a relationship because of them. If you are not happy just move on. Kids notice when youāre not happy. Youāre not doing any good for them or for you. Trust me.
Your husband will not change his essence. I notice some kind of violent behavior in him. I wish you the best. This shall pass.
Leave. If you gotta post something here is because you already know the answer to what your asking.
Someone said go to counseling because he was willing to change . 
do not . You do what you want to do ! If youāre not in love with him , itās because what he did to you changed your perspective of him and you will forever grow to resent him. Leave him for the sake of your happiness. Your kids will understand.
Would you want your child to stay in this type of situation? Would you tell them to wait till your kids are older? You deserve better. So do they. Donāt teach them that this isna heathly relationship because its not abd I promise you they can feel it between yāall or lack of.
His abuse against you is not something that can be fixed in 3 years. You are already afraid if he is going to rage at you, which to me shows that he hasnāt changed that much
The fact that you are afraid of him means you need to up and leave . You should never HAVE to give sex to someone you do not want to . Show your kids what a healthy relationship is with yourself first or they will grow up to do the same as you . People grow and change and its your time to go and be happy . Your life is not meant to live in unhappiness even if you have children together. Kids pick up on all of it even when you try to hide it .
Definitely leave. Life is too short to be anything but happy
He changed you, itās on him. Your obviously a good person and feel guilty but u donāt need to. Look after you now he made his bed ā¦ good luck x
Leave. Donāt waste anymore of your life with him. The kids will adjust. I come from divorced parents. I just wanted them to be happy. I was relieved when they seperated and that was at a young age.
What do you mean you āhave to give him sexā!!! Your body, your feelingsā¦ be true to yourself and find your happy placeā¦ with or without him
All guilt aside you have to do what makes you happy. Donāt stay for the sake of your kids because they will be ok. Maybe try councilling but if not no point wasting more of your life
Leave today. There is no reason to wait
Call the police go into a womenās shelter. My friend did it they got her to a safe place.
kids would rather have a happy mother then a miserable one , never stay for children, do whatās best for you
So sorry youāre going through this. Your kids needs a healthy you! They need to see a happy healthy mom whether it is alone or not. You deserve to be happy and mentally healthy.
I think deep down
You know what to do
Please leave and take your kids
Before you end up becoming another statistic
You did the next woman a favor. You have to go now. You are not responsible for him. And you dont have to give him sexā¦and if you are doung it to keep him from getting madā¦is he really better? Your kids have seen plentyā¦ donāt stay for them. They may be relieved when you get them out of there.
I was in the same situation years ago with 2 kids myself . I came up with a plan & left . If ur situation is like mine was , u already know thereās no discussing it with him , just go . I finally told my parents & my closest 2 friends what was going on so I had a support system . U can get a protective order the day u go which will keep him away from u until u can get ur divorce . Iām not sure what state ur in or what ur laws are but u have 2 be separated for 1 yr here b4 u can be granted a divorce . However , that doesnāt mean that u canāt file 4 it . It was the best decision Iāve ever made 4 myself & my kids as well . 8 years later & we are doing great 
As a child from a divorced family, I say do it now. Your kids know that your relationship is toxic. They feel that negativity too. You will all be much happier without all that stress in your life.
I agree with everyone here! Iām just going to add keeping your children around this very Toxic situation is Not good for them at all, itās teaching them the wrong way to live and to be! The impact on them - if you chose to stay will only hurt them more in the long run, get yourselves out of this situation immediately! It will hurt them more as young adults believe me!
Leave! Ur kids watching u be mistreated is teaching them itās ok when itās not. I was abused for 3 years and sorry to say my kids seen things they shouldnāt. Made my daughter never want to get married. She wants to adopt kids so a man isnāt involved. I wish I walked away sooner than I did.
First of all, you need to get all your ducks in a row asap. Donāt let on to what youāre doing at all. Get your shit together before you leave and have a solid plan. Tell as few people as possible and if you have family uou can count on, ask them for help. Save every penny you can for a getaway stash and one day when he isnāt there you and your kiddos need to leave. Good luck and I hope you find the love and happiness you deserve
You need to do what makes you have. If your not happy Iām sure your kids see it. I get heās changed but that doesnāt mean you have to stay with him. People fall out of love and want different things so do what you feel is best for you. He can still be a good dad to your children even if your not together.
When someone has hurt you time and time againā¦ and you always made excuses to forgive them, to make your marriage āworkā for the sake of the kids and thinking things will get betterā¦ your giving too much of your emotional self. After so many years, you become numb with apathy. Then resentment. Even when the guy has finally maturedā¦ it no longer matters. The damage has been done. He hurt you irreputably. Love has died. Youāve no more love to give. Dont stay. Tell him that he has changed, but you have went thru some changes too. Unfortunatly you both did not grow emotionally together, but insteadā¦in different directionsā¦(further apart). There is no reason to keep living a lie. If he seeked other women for whatever reason, then it left you feeling like you werenāt āenoughā or the ārightā one for him. And you dont want to be on the sidelines, your whole life. Tell him that you need a ātime outā away from him in all this. You need to heal. Tell him that you are willing to work out a schedule of how you both can continue to co-parent the kids together, but you want a legal separation for awhile. Your not out to find someone else, you just need time to heal your emotions. Tell him neither of you are prisoners in this marriage. He is free to find someone else. Then leave.
If you feel he will try to harm you or the kids, that is a whole new ballgame:
then you need to think of what you can pack up and carry off, that he wonāt notice is missing. ( you can say that your spring cleaning stuff, if he does). Then after you got the big stuff moved, start removing kids toys, clothes, maybe even food or kitchen ( small items ). After a few days or weeks, on a day when he is out of the house long enough, move the last of your things out! He will figure it out, when he comes home that you & the kids are gone, and your stuff isnāt there either! Go to a place he wont think to look for you at. Change your phone number. Stay away for several monthsā¦give him time to ācool offā, and assorb the idea that youāve left him. Give him time to assorb the idea of being alone. It might even take a year! He will whine and cry and go to everyone you knowā¦tell lies and try to get you back. DONāT GIVE IN !! He is in shock ādramaā mode that you took the initiative to finally āget outā! His bruised ego will be shocked you left! His thought pattern will be telling himself: -After allā¦you tollerated everything else he done to you so ā¦why leave now? Misery lives company. He will want you to stay with his miserable self because he feels he cant get anyone else that will want to put up with him! Affairs are one thing, (anyone can accomplish those)! But finding someone who loves you and puts up with your bad waysā¦is a whole different challenge and he knows it! So dont listen to his drama. Your friends and family will try to play āmatch-makersā and get you both to reconcilliate, because they are tired of putting up with his drama. Dont fall for it! Move out of town to start a new life, if you need to. Only give one trusted person your new phone number. When dealing with your kidsā¦tell them that you and their dad are taking a vacation from one another right now. You want time alone with them. Keep your answers short and pointed, that allows no room for further questions because they dont need to be informed of āadult thingsā.
I been in your shoes to some degree. Its not easy but freedom never isā¦ it always comes with a price.
Itās time to leave. But you need counseling for yourself once you are out. What you went through is trauma and you need healing from it. Make a safe plan to get out just in case he reverts to old ways. Seek local resources for help if you need it. You can do this.
Leave NOW! The toxicity is so much worse than for the kids staying together. They need to get out of that house
Have someone on standby just incase. Like maybe have someone on the phone, put the phone down so he doesnāt see and then talk to him. Or, have someone in the next room. If u are done with the marriage, itās time to go. Waiting will only make u more miserable and ur child will pick up on it
Go see a lawyer, get your kids and get out. He will probably rage, know that and protect your family in advance by having a good plan.
Get out. Look for a domestic violence program in your area. There are advocates trained to help with a safety plan so u can leave. H3 did not change, he has won controlling you. He will abuse again.
Like I told someone ystrdy,the man taught u how to live without him.U cant say u love me and be cheating on me,or abuse me.Its no more working,u re no more in love with him.No need to be torturing urself.Move on plsā¦He can flip anything or anyhow he want.Thank God u re still alive to tell this story.
Pain changes people and he may have gotten better but for how long???
Same thing happened to me. I stayed for 17 years. I finally got up the guts to kick him out. Best decision ever. He stopped drinking and we are friends and we get along great. But itās all up to u. Do u wanna feel this pain for the rest of your life?? Or do u wanna be happy!?!?
Leave now. Contact a battered womanās shelter they can help you even tho he hasnāt physically hurt you in a while. Do not stay for your children. As an adult that was a child one parent stayed with the other for, itās the worst excuse ever. We knew what was going on. We were just as miserable. Leave while heās at with with just the necessities of you have to. Things are that, just things. They can be replaced. You and your children cannot. Not can the affects it has on yalls mental health. Praying for you
Go to a safe house when hes at work
If this is True you need to Hit the road and put that SOB behind you. Good Luck
So I was in the same place you are for over 6 years. Remember that how you act and are treated reflection for your kids. The best choice I made was to leave. I did get my kids into counciling. It helps . You will get alot of answers . I say do what you feel is best even if itās not the path u wish it was. I am sending
If he needs the threat of eternal damnation to not beat on his wifeā¦heās not a good man.
Pack as much as you can while he is gone and leave. Go to the cops and get a restraining order. Do not tell him where you are. File for custody and only have visits if court allows and NEVER exchange kids with him. Ask someone else to.
You need to look up narcissist, because thatās exactly what he isā¦
from experience donāt wait until the kids are grown you need to make a plan and do it nowā¦ by staying you are showing them itās OK to except that abuse, do you want your kids to be in a relationship like youāre in right now? Trust me staying there is not good for the kidsā¦ it teaches them that behavior is OK. Call a domestic violence hotline/shelter, if you donāt have the means go to a domestic violence shelter they will help you with everything! They will help you get counseling they will help you step-by-step how to get through this mentally the other women there will know exactly what youāre going through, so you will have that support you donāt have right now.
You never forget the past, no matter how much you try to move forward. If I were you I would leave and I agree with everyone else by getting help if youāre scared of leaving. From experience I know how terrified you are.
Leave now. I waited it out because I thought I could push through it for the kids. I left a year and a half ago. I have our 12 yr old son but my daughter is 14 and chooses to live with her dad because he letās her do whatever she wants. Sheās been emotionally and physically abused by him, but wonāt report it because I believe she is afraid to leave. Heās a addict, narcissistic Gaslighting asshole. If I wouldāve left 10yrs ago I couldāve spared them this and probably saved her from the positions heās put her in. We were together 17 years. And not a day goes by that I wish I wouldnāt have left sooner.
They donāt change. Not really. They just swap one type of abuse, manipulation or control for another.
Please donāt wait.
Pack important papers extā¦ secretly then when he is out of the house working, get out! You obviously know he still has the tendency to erupt ! Your children will suffer if you stay!
Individual counseling to get a neutral third partyās opinion In whether this marriage could be saved or if itās time to go. They wonāt give you a yes or no answer but will ask the right questions to help you see clearly. I think the fact that youāre still scared of him speaks volumes, and he has already traumatized you over five (!) years. Even if he has given up the abuse and cheating, sounds like he is still pretty controlling and you live in fear of him raging. Why is that?
Contact a Womenās shelter and domestic violence hotline. Learn how to go about leaving smartly and SAFELY with your child/children if there are any. Talk to a lawyer about your options for child custody and visitation if you have kids. Did you call police or go to a hospital when he got abusive with you? Did you talk about it to anyone who might be willing to testify? It would help your case in court. If not, by talking about it with a therapist/counselor she or he might be able to testify on your behalf in court.
Once you have done your research (clandestinelyāthe people at the center/hotline can give tips) and have an escape plan in place, it might be good to get to a DV shelter or live with friends or family or acquaintances where he couldnāt find you vs. an apartment by yourself. You wouldnāt be alone and they could protect you (and kids) from him if he loses it and/or harasses you, plus they could call 911/police and be witnesses for you.
Iām so sorry. After what he put you through for 5 years I can see why he repulses you despite his turning over a new leaf. What did he do/is he doing to stay on the straight and narrow? Does he have a sponsor or counselor or minister you can talk to about whether or not this looks to be a permanent change from within, being forced to change because of something external like a threat going to jail or hell, or a temporary respite before he swings back the other direction to abuse again? What was his motivation for changing his ways?
If you have children, get them in counseling as soon as you can. The childās counselor could testify on your behalf. If you donāt feel you can get therapy for you or any children without your husband having a fit, wait until youāve escaped.
If you work outside the home it can make it easier to do research and make phone calls and go online. If you donāt work outside the home, use computers at the library to do research and erase your browser history. You can also start collecting important papers and start your own bank account (have statements sent to a P.O. Box or other address or email vs. home, and squirrel away as much money as you can. Decide what valuables you want to take and have a plan to get everything you want out of the home swiftly. If you have any record of his abuse with police, you can ask them to escort you to get more of your stuff. Line up discreet friends and whatever vehicles you need to get your stuff out in a hurry when itās time.
Iām so sorry for what youāve been through. You are a strong warrior woman who will triumph and you WILL be happy again, I promise. Iāve gotten out of several bad situations and you can too. If you still have your faith, lean on that when youāre scared.
Leave now b4 itās too late 
each day you stay is a day without happiness 
Pain changes peopleā¦goā¦ be happyā¦ life is too short!
Just goes to show ya that people may be able to change but it doesnāt change the hurt that was caused.
You donāt owe him anything. Especially youāre peace of mind.
Remember, you are showing your children how a marriage works so, staying in for the children isnāt the best way
Have to give sex?? Please start working on yourselfā¦ You deserve much moreā¦ Self Love
If you are miserable, your children are miserable
Leave him now since youāre so unhappy quit using him or decide how much you actually really really love him since he has worked on himself to change maybe you need to work on yourself to forgive if he has stopped the behavior thatās caused all this he must love you or he would never have done it
Your dum ass should have left when he was abusing and cheating on you no you donāt want to staying any relationship because of kids because the kids will be the one that sufferers the most out if it .they well think a bad relationship is how it is supposed to be
Go see an attorney before you even mention divorce to him! Go ahead & get everything lined up! Let the attorney know about the abuse & youāre fear! If you canāt find one on your own, contact a battered womenās group & they will help you!
- Leave. I know itās easier said than done, but you donāt want your kids thinking that the abuse (regardless of physical or not) is ok. They sense the unhappiness.
- IF you do decide to leave, wait until heās at work, hurry and pack yāallās stuff, and leave while heās gone. If you have nowhere to go, get in touch with domestic abuse shelters, even if itās a few towns over. Anything to get away from him.
When someone we love continuously hurts us, whether physically or emotionally it is only natural to disconnect and eventually āfall out of loveā with them. I married at 17, and I could not imagine having to also deal with physical abuse on top of the stresses of being a teen wife. Those days were hard enough on their own without abuse. Iām glad heās changed, but if youāre still worried heāll ārageā if you leave then you obvuously have some doubt to how long this change will last. So leave. Safely. Make a plan, get everything in place, and have someone with you when you do leave, regardless if heās home or not. It is never a good idea to stay for the kids. They can see more than you realize so if your unhappy and unsafe, leave. Good luck!
If heās going to rage or youāre even scared that heās going to rage, he hasnāt changed. 
Children would rather come from a broken home than live in one. Consider this 
Leave it will be hard at first but so rewarding after a while
You donāt owe him sex just because youāre married, itās called marital rape. Talk to a DV shelter and get everything set up if youāre scared heāll āflip outā on you. Actually leaving is the highest time when women are murdered. It doesnāt matter if heās changed now, he crossed lines that broke your trust and you wonāt be able to fix that. Iām not sure why you feel you owe him you, but you donāt. Read that again.
All Iām going to say is if your not stuck thereā¦ donāt wait till you areā¦it will break you once that happens!
Seems to me that you are asking your life to please a man who not only cheated but beat you. If it were me I would have left yesterday. Who cares if if he changed you still have to remember the abuse!
Leave. And never tolerate abuse from him again physical or mental.Donāt waste anymore of your life with him being unhappy. The kids will adjust. I come from divorced parents. I just wanted them to be happy. I was relieved when they seperated and that was at a young age.
Leave now while they are still little and you are young. Go to school, build your own life up, get to know who you really are so you can find what makes you happy. You were a baby when you married him, you didnāt even really know yourself, let alone know what you want in life. Take your kids and go. I know itās hard, Iāve been through a divorce with little kids as a stay at home mom. But it was the best thing that ever happened to me. I have built a new life and married the man who truly makes me happy. I know myself now and am so happy things happened the way they did even though it was very hard.
Ewwā¦ he sounds disgusting. Your kids will be happier if you are. Donāt teach your kids to be unhappy, show them that you can be strong happy and independent.
Misery loves company!
Never stay because of your kids. Please get out if that is what you want.
Get out, like now, right this second. You are still being abused, just not in the same way. Youāre still scared of him, you canāt talk to him, youāre having sex against your will, is that what you want your kids to think is a loving relationship? Is that what youād want for them?
It is too easy to say āleaveā. I think it is not just the husband. U may want to see counseling first before making the final decisions.
I was married for 19 years. I got married too young also and he wasnāt physically abusive, but I was so unhappy that I had a nervous breakdown. I had 3 kids and still left. You find a way if you arenāt happy. I wasted a lot of years being so unhappyā¦
Leave, donāt stay miserable for the kids. That wonāt benefit them in any way. Go somewhere you can feel safe and happy.
Your misery will start to take over your life if you continue to stayā¦
Kids deserve to see you happy! Do whatās best for you, and than do everything for them, if he might get rage maybe consider it and keep your kids safe too, you nor your kids need an environment. And for the sake of the kids hopefully you have proof of events so you can keep the kids safer.
How unhappy are you ?? Enough to actually leave ?? You need counseling
Just leave. I was in this almost same position and 2 years ago I chose to move on physically because my heart couldnāt move past how I was treated. It turned me off to him completely. His touch made me cringe not comfort. But I gotta tell you. Leaving was one of the best choices I ever made.
he sounds like a narcissist to me ill give u same advise i gave my daughter that was in same situation get out while u can staying for kids sake is a mistake staying is not a good Enviromint for the kids it can harm them like it has harmed you for ur kids sake n urs leave
People can change but remember he changed you already and as you grow older you realize more so of what he did and you are not in love with him anymore it is best for you and the children donāt need their mother sad and depressed
Never stay for the kids. My advice, have a plan in place before you say anything as he has changed so give him the gods honest truth. āYou have changed in the process which Iām so thankful for but in this I have changed as well and I am just not happy and all I want is for all of us to be happyā.
Have you tried marriage counseling yet? If you havenāt yet I would give it a shot because heās shown you he is willing to change. Maybe if somethings are said he will do it.
Only you can decide but one thing I can say with absolution is do not stay for children ever. The saying āhappy wife, happy lifeā applies for āhappy mum, happy childrenā.
Kids know: they know when theirs tension, when theirs fear- anger- happinessā¦ etcā¦ its easy to say i would have left etcā¦ but im a domestic abuse survivor and i know thats not an easy thing to do especially with kids involved. So my advice to you is tell your friends and family if you havent, call a domestic abuse hotline to get an advocate to help you navigate- how to save money- leave safely- resources- the courts if they can. Staying for the kids isnāt a good idea- it may teach them that this unhealthy environment is normal and ok. Sorry youāve had to go through this!
Your best bet is to leave when he is not around.
Staying in an abusive relationship, will only show the kids that behavior is okay.
Leave !!! But first of all get all your arrangements where youāre moving slowly but surely start packing your stuff and get some of your important things out right away and youāre right heās going to rage so start getting stuff out slowly
Who cares what he or anyone else thinks! You need to leave and do whatās best for you and your kids!
It hurts the kids more when u stay in a place where ur unhappy. My parents werenāt happy for years and it took its toll on me an my brother. They are separated now, thank goodness. Lol.
Plan quietly what ever you need to get out, living arrangements income ect, then leave and get a lawyer to file for divorce
Youāve been miserable long enough, leave. Your kids want a happy mother. Your husband is too late trying to act right. Of course you donāt feel the same after all the betrayal, distrust, etc. I wouldnāt sleep with such a vile pig. You donāt have to sleep with him or owe him just cause youāre married. Heās not a Christian man. Heās a disgusting disappointment. Think of yourself, Your needs, what will make you happy. Life is too short to stay miserable cause of someone else.
Could be a honeymoon stageā¦.
quietly let him go to work one day. have plans with as many friends as you can get. move out while heās at work and proceed with the divorce. Iām sure that you can either find somewhere to stay or Iām sure there are abuse shelters near by. do your research and get out. Best thing you can do for your kids is show them a healthy living relationship with someone else.