The funeral for my husband’s uncle is coming up in 2 weeks. We haven’t decided whether we will bring our sons to the funeral. One just turned 6 and the other is almost 4. Although we were not super close with the uncle, we used to see him during family gatherings/holidays and is someone we respect. The funeral is local. My concern is whether the kids would be able to sit through such a somber ceremony… the kids are pretty active. And whether they would understand it… or should we start to teach them about death. My SIL said she is not going to bring her kids who are around the same age as mine.Just curious what your take on it is, whether you’ll bring the kids to the funeral, and what/how you’d teach them about what is happening. There is no right or wrong answer. I think it’s just based on personal preference and different parenting style. Thank you to this great community on sharing your thoughts. It makes this mom here not feel so alone in making the “right” decision and navigating these situations. Thank you
When my husband and I had funerals to attend when my kids were that young we got a sitter. I didn’t think it was appropriate and they also couldn’t sit quietly during the service.
I take mine. Between my family and my husband’s death is frequent and our kids care about these people and sometimes happy kids make others a little less sad. Mine are 4 and 6 and they always go. It’s up to you. Sometimes sadly it’s the only time you get to see some family.
My previous husband’s father passed away when he was 11. Family members said he was too young and now almost 50 years later he still struggles with thinking that his dad didn’t love him and just left. He would have been better off if he could have seen him and would have been explained why everything happened and it just not kept hush hush! I mean he wasn’t a baby but a young adult that needed that love , comfort and support
I took my daughter to a pastor’s funeral when she was young. We were not very close but I think it was a good learning experience for her
I have 4 and always took mine. My kids have been to, sadly, quite a few wakes/funerals. As a result, they understand life and death better, and have a healthy relationship with loss. It also helped them be able to process emotions themselves and learn empathy for others experiencing grief.
(I even have had people tell me that it’s nice to have them there as it gave them a reason to smile.)
My daughter attended probably 6 funerals before she was 10 and also led a funeral service for the class pet:mending_heart: she grew up with a healthy view in life & death and was always well behaved and respectful in public. Start them young to have manners and good behavior and they will grow up to be respectful teens and adults……. IMO 
I think if they weren’t overly close to him then I’d not take them. They’d get bored and restless. I think it’s different with close family members and close friends they have deeper connections with
I grew up going to to funerals and helped served food for them with my church at very young age(literally before I could remember)my mom, grandma and aunt. I think it just depends on the family. I have no problem taking my 3yr now, but with my family kids always bring joy to an otherwise very sad time.
Honestly I would just find a sitter. They will be bored and probably not want to be there!
We have recently lost our great uncle at the grand old age of 93. My daughter and him were very close. However she is only 7 and I honestly don’t think she understands that he is gone. It will hit her next time we go visit my mum and don’t go to see him too. She is not going to the funeral as I personally believe children don’t belong at them. They are as you stated a very somber occasion and they don’t understand. It will be very confusing for them as people around them will be sad and they may not have the mental capacity to understand why. It may distress them. It could also upset the other attendees because you have said yourself they are very active and may not stay quiet during the service. If your able to find a sitter I would. Xx
I found a sitter for the funeral and took my kids to the wake when my stepmother passed. They were 6, 8 and 10. You can also sit in the back with them so you can take them outside.
My oldest daughter was 4 when my Gramma passed away and she was with us all at the hospital for her last days and I took her to the wake/memorial as well. She handled everything as good as could be expected and I am thankful she was there with us all. I remember being 13 when my grampa passed away and we couldn’t go to his funeral, which made me sad because I loved him lots.
I do not see the point of taking them if they were not close to him .
You can just explain what is going on and have someone watching them .
Let them choose, that’s what my son’s therapist said when my son’s poppy passed
Personally would say no if you have someone to mind them
My children are 3 and 5. I took them to a funeral recently because I had no one to watch them. My mom was going to so we went together, sat in the back, gave them crayons and little noiseless toys and food and they were great. No one even knew they were there. We explained what was going on and my 5 year old wanted to see the casket as it went by. I didn’t not bring them to the wake because it was open casket and i didn’t think they were old enough for that
I don’t know
My kids didn’t experience death til early teens
They understood death pretty by then
But I did go when I was younger and help me understand but also makes me not handle someone close to me dying so well
Go with what heart thinks this time
As not super close relative no I definitely wouldn’t take to funeral if active and will run around. Its not the time or place. We wait until wake and collect children on way back from service to wake. Children then see extended family etc and catch up at wake when it’s more relaxed
I wouldn’t take them just yet.
I’ve done both. I’d prefer not having my 4 year old there as she has to pee every time she’s bored lol
Children need closer too. My mom took me as a child I’m glad she did some of my family members their funeral was all I could remember about them.
My husbands uncle died and his funeral was Monday just gone, my kids are a little older 10, 8 and 6 (ADHD) the kids only met him once and wouldnt remember him, and we took them as it was out of town and had now one to look after them. It was a grave side which was a little easier my 6 yr old got a bit fidgety and I just took him for a walk around the cemetery and then back and he was fine. We explained what was happening and everything. But it is totally up to you what YOU think is right for your children maybe they could just go to the wake.
That age, no unless they were very close.
Unless they can understand it, i’d say leave them home.
Yes. Its always best to teach about death young. You don’t have to go into full detail. But learning young can teach coping mechanisms when they are older. Death is a part of life. And can be a beautiful thing. I work healthcare. And have held the hands of many while they were taking their last breath. I’ve taught my girls very young also. They are 11 and 7 now. And have a very good understanding. Yes they grieve. Yes they love unconditionally. And when its the loss of a pet it makes it easier for them to understand. We have lost many friends and family members over the years. Many pets also.
A 6 year old can sit still for a movie, school, church, wedding or funeral
Death is part of life. Explain as much as they can comprehend. Wait for questions. Answer honestly.
Death is part of life and the more they know the “easier” ( not the right word) it will be. I have always brought my kids to funerals. They also help to remind us about the renewal of life and to lighten things a little
Up to you what u think is best may be sit kids down speak to them ask them if they want to say goodbye my grand sons have been to a few funeral even when baby’s it’s not done them any harm
I say no especially if it’s open casket
Both my kids attend my mother’s funeral
My father passed away 3 yrs ago. Due to COVID, the open casket viewing was only for immediate family. I decided that my 5 yr old son would not attend . However, he did attend the graveside funeral. Death is inevitable. I think that my decision was less traumatizing for my son. I also recall the death of my grandfather in 1st grade and I did not attend that funeral. My mother showed me the obituary and we read it together. She explained what death was. Protecting the innocence of a child is key but there is not a one size fits all rule. Each child is different.
Mine went to their grandpa’s and they were 7, 5 and 3
Speaking from experience as a young child, I would highly recommend you take your children to this funeral, especially since they weren’t super close to the deceased person. This will give you the opportunity to teach them about death, and how the person is not coming back/going to heaven, or whatever your religious views are or aren’t about the situation. The reason I say to take them to this funeral of someone who they aren’t close to, is because my first funeral experience happened when I was 9yrs old, and my older brother was killed in a motorcycle accident, and it was a horrific experience for me, as I remember very vividly asking my mom when was Bryon gonna wake up. I knew what death was, as I had experienced it with several pets already, but when it came to happening to someone I was extremely close to, I didn’t handle it well, as I’d never seen a deceased body before then. And I really do believe that if I would have had the opportunity to attend a couple of funerals before that time, of people I wasn’t so close to, then I would have handled the whole death/dying experience of a loved one a bit better. This is just my own personal take on the situation tho, and whatever you do decide to do for your situation, is ok too, as there is no right or wrong decision with this.
Its to early to introduce them to death, funeral is no place for wee ones who don’t properly understand
you said it your kids are pretty active to you really want to take a chance they will disrupt a funeral
as they arent really that close to the person who passed then no i wouldnt take them. If it was someone they saw alot or were closer too like a grandparent then yes i would take them
I have been to several family members funerals and I have taken my now 4 and 6 year olds with me to each and every one of them
You should get a sitter. They are too young
I say no they are way to young can’t believe parents would take their children to a funeral at such a young age. Please get a sitter z
If they weren’t close to the family member, then I probably wouldn’t take them. If it was a grandparent etc then I would,
Not you If you guys weren’t that close
I personally don’t take my kids to funerals I have 5 kids 12 and down in age. I was 18 when I went to the first funeral and wish I didn’t . Everyone is different and if it’s immediate family then I’d have no choice to take my kids but I will ask my kids first mins you the 4 and 1 year old will do whatever the older ones choose .
I really think it’s a family decision, how you think your child will handle it, how close they were to the deceased etc… I personally don’t think I would if they weren’t super close, but that’s just my own personal feelings on it. I don’t think there is really a wrong decision as you are deciding what’s best for your family.
I’m sorry for your loss. My eight year old son with an intellectual disability went to my uncle’s funeral. It was a small service and I did have to tell him to be quiet but I also explained things during it. After the pastor played guitar and sung How Great Thou Art, my son clapped and said “That was so good.” I was afraid people would be offended but everyone said he lightened the mood and brought joy. Bringing them is a personal choice but it seems like most of the responses show kids behave and handle funerals well.
I’ve always taken my children since they were little. Unfortunately death is a part of life and it’s something we all experience. I don’t believe shielding them from it helps. I think it helps with the understanding and can help teach coping mechanisms when they are older.
I would take them but not let them view the body if possible
Growing up I was always taken to funerals of family members. I was taken to my grandma’s funeral at the age of 3. I have no recollection of it of course. I took both of my children when they were 2 and 5 months to my uncle’s funeral. And then to their father’s funeral at 11 & 10. I think that this is a personal decision but also a way to teach the circle of life. Do what you feel is best.
I’m so sorry for you family’s loss. 
Death is part of life, and we do kids a disservice by shielding them from it completely. An uncle who was older and died of natural causes is a much easier introduction for them to the concept of “we’ll all die someday” than another funeral for a life cut tragically short, when mourners are typically grieving more intensely. It’s also important to teach the children that the funeral is not only a chance to say goodbye to the deceased, but an opportunity to be present for the family and friends who are sad about their loss.
Yes it’s ok my kids went to my husband great grandma not to long ago only thing twords the end when we were at burial my kids started acting up so I stayed back with them I could still see but kept them back so they wouldn’t disturb anyone at time baby’s were 6 -3 -1month old and when I was a kid I went to way more then I’d like to admit
I’ve taken mine to funerals of significant people in their lives. That’s about it. Unfortunately in the the last 5 years they have been to 4. 3 of my grandparents, and my dad. They were all super little and truthfully didn’t understand the first 3. My oldest two understood somewhat of the last one as it was their great papa. But he was around them several times a week.
My son was 5 or 6 when I took him to my aunts funeral I regret not taking him to my grandpas funeral the two yrs before because my cousins all brought kids and it helped them understand. I think it also depends on the kids themselves too.
My kids (5 and 9 months) and my niece and nephew(5 and 7) came to my husbands funeral.
(Their dad and uncle)
My mom took all the kids home with her, after they said their goodbyes.
It was hard for them, but they all wanted to be there.
My brother’s funeral was yesterday, my one and half year old granddaughter sat through the whole service no problems. We were taken to funerals growing up, we knew we were to behave ourselves.
It’s different for different people. Do what you are comfortable with.
Yes. Death is part of life; not something to fear.
I would, only if the kids knew and were close to the person who passed.
My youngest son was 7 when his Nana passed. My others were 16/14. My then 7 year old is adhd and I really worried he wouldn’t sit through. I took some coloring books along. After all it was my mother and I knew she would understand but for him it was his first funeral. I never even had to bring them out. He was a little fidgety yes but he did great!
My 7 year old has been to 4 that I can think of off the top of my head. The first one she was 2 or 3. I just gave her something to do. The last 2 she went to, she was very close to the ones that passed, she understood that they were not coming back and she sat still. I believe death should be taught(if that’s the right word) to children, it’s the circle of life
My 8 year old has been to 3 funerals. Two in the last 7 months. At my grampys funeral my kid was like 4 and while I was crying they hugged me and told me he’s always in my heart.
Kids also need understand loss and grief. There are picture books you can borrow from libraries to discuss loss. We read “The Invisible String” and “Lifetimes, the beautiful way to explain death to children”.
My sister refused to allow her grandsons to attend her husband’s funeral and was upset that I brought my children who are actually younger than her grandsons. I got compliments on their behavior. We don’t hide those things from our children, never have
I was exposed to funerals and death at a very young age. We had a large farmhouse so there was lots of room for a gathering of people. Quite often there would be a wake at our house. Sometimes people would come from a different province to say their goodbyes to a loved one. It wasn’t unusual for me to give up my bed for overnight guests. I’ve slept on the sofa in the same room as the coffin on more than one occasion. Not everyone is the same. We all react differently to death. In the end it’s up to you how you go about it. You know your children better than anyone else.
Absolutely not. It is very possible that they could have nightmares. The funeral home has a different atmosphere then anything that they have experienced before, it also has a different smell than any place that they have been. Adults are there to talk about the deceased. Children are like little sponges they can hear and remember things that you would not expect, things that might bother them for months to come.DON’t BRING THEM.
We lost my mom the 14th of June. She had 5 of her great grandkids from 10 yrs down to a 3 yr old at the visitation, service, and burial. They did fine and even brought a bit of comfort for us “elders”
Personally, I wouldn’t. But my parents never took us before age 10 and maybe that biases my opinion. But I don’t feel that funerals are appropriate younger children. Especially if they have difficulty staying seated and being quiet, just out of respect for those in attendance.
I was 7 and attended my grandfathers open casket funeral, I still remember vividly how he looked. It didn’t scare me, but rather helped me deal with what was happening. My daughter has attended a few funerals as a young child too. Death is a normal part of life, I think it’s important children know that. But, do what makes you comfortable.
My great granddaughter was taken to my mom’s funeral. Very small. She looked at my mom and said " wake up granny Gracie" I don’t think she remembers it.
I took my son who was 7 to my grandma’s funeral and he was fine. I was balling so that confused him for a minute but after that he was fine. I’d say just go with your gut. Don’t let others tell you what you should or shouldn’t be doing. And I’m sorry for your loss
To me it depends on how close you/they were with the person. My kids were 5 and 7 when my Dad passed, and they went. It helped them understand Grandpa was really gone. It was extremely sad though. However since that they have only been to a handful of services. We mostly have let it be their choice, with the exception of my husband’s Grandma who passed away last November. We did insist they go to that (his Grandma was who raised him the most, so it was hard on him). They are 15 and 17 now.
My children didn’t come to my brothers funeral they were extremely close to him, but that’s just me, I didn’t think it would be appropriate for them. But it also depends on your kids and if they could handle it, each to there own
I took my son 5 to my moms funeral. She was 50 and died 3 weeks after finding out she had lung cancer. He kept asking if she was going to wake up and asking questions but he did really well. My husband just kept up with him because I was a mess. Kids are pretty cool and often say things we need to hear. And no one will care if they are making noises. Honestly I was happy to have my son there or I would’ve been way worse.
It depends on who passed away,how old they are and do they understand the concept of death. At 12 I was allowed to attend my Grandmas funeral but not my stillborn niece’s funeral. (Both within 3 weeks of each other) my mom didn’t think I would be able to deal with a baby funeral.
I didn’t get a choice.
Yes, we take our kidd. Sometimes a sweet kid playing and being silly is what a sad adult needs to see. I
No, I don’t. Ever. I tell them about life and death and why they can’t come. I show them who it is that they won’t see anymore. But I don’t like to take them. It’s messy and rude and possibly hurtful to take laughing, active, or cheerful kids to something that is somber. You can teach them a healthy view without putting other people’s feelings at risk.
I don’t think there’s a problem if you want to bring them to a funeral but if it was a wake that would be a different story. I also think it depends how close the kids were with the person.
I wouldn’t take them, especially since you stated you were not super close. However, if it was grandparents, or relations, you see regularly, I would…I think🤷🏻♀
It is absolutely based on personal preference.
For myself, it would depend on the relationship that your family had with the deceased, including the kids.
For me, if it was a family member that my kids were close with, saw often and would “notice” was gone, I would take them to say their goodbyes. If it was a family member that we weren’t really close with, didn’t see often and the kids don’t really remember, I wouldn’t take them.
When my son was about that age, my grandmother passed. Of course he had met her and saw her regularly, but taking him to the funeral was a mistake. I had to explain death to a 5 year old, who didn’t fully understand, but somehow put two and two together that one day I would die. That did not go over well for quite some time, and I mean years, after the fact. He constantly worried about me dying.
Death is part of life and should not be shielded, but should be addressed in an age appropriate way.
Ex, It’s a time to say goodbye.
If you’re religious, then maybe talk about it being time for that person to go live with Jesus now so you won’t be able to see them for a while.
As for the kids being active, I would sit near the back and be prepared with quiet activities like crayons. Be ready to take them out for short breaks and then when they’re ready come come back in and sit quietly again, return.
I think it depends on just how active they are…If they’ll be running around in circles and through the seats then a babysitter might be the best bet😅
It’s a personal choice. If you feel they’ll run all over, I’d just have them stay with someone if that’s an option. We can’t expect kids to fully grasp what’s going on in those situations 
I attended a few when I was on the younger side but only for those I was very close to but as many others have said it helps them understand the circle of life
I do the same thing with my children (around the same ages as yours)
If I tell them that so and so passed away and they have no specific memory of the person I’m not going to bring them
If it’s someone they care about they’re more likely to pay attention during a service
I’ve always had my kids attend family funerals. Now if it was for a friends/friends family I would leave them home. Any relatives I would bring them. They always seem to do fine with them. My almost 4 year old sat through a whole church ceremony fine. It’s good to teach them about it, but cremation is a lot easier for kids. If it’s open casket I wouldnt force them to go up there. They can simply stay behind. Have them express if they feel uncomfortable. Also explain to them that people are sad and that’s okay. They will be happy again. Their family is going to a special place called heaven. My daughter to this day talks about how her grandma is in heaven. Make it kid appropriate and they will be fine.
At that age, I would only bring them if they were very close to the relative that passed. But use this as a teaching moment as to what has happened and how they will no longer see them.
I would say no. I was traumatized by a funeral I attended for an aunt when I was eight years old. Children this age do not understand that death is part of life.
Take them. It’s the sad part of life they have to learn about.
When my maternal grandfather died, I resented not being allowed to go to the funeral. I was 3+ . I didn’t know what was going on & should not have gone. Had my parents said to me that it was for grownups only instead of just dumping me on a total stranger with no explanation, I would have been fine. Small children do not need details but they do need basics.
I do not bring my kids to funeral they feed off emotions and would be very upset seeing everyone cry
My son has been to funerals since he was an infant. I don’t even understand the concept of not taking them or what the purpose would be to shelter them from that aspect of life. 
Especially at 6 and 4 they should already have a general understanding of death and what it is. It’s not like its an 18 month old just learning to walk that’s going to want to yell and get down and gey into everything or something. Even at that age they still go and if you need to get up and walk them out you do.
Not at that age I don’t think, maybe an explanation but not going to the ceremony.
No just for immediate/ close family. Otherwise if they disrupt is considered disrespectful but if they disrupt when they were close with the person it’s less likely to annoy others.
For example my daughters great grandfather passed in April I took my 10 month old, 7 and 9 year olds. The baby kept talking the whole time and people didn’t mind because her great grandma wanted her there
I would never not let my kids go to loved ones funeral if they wanted to come and they was young alot younger kids understand what’s going on more than you think there is no since in hiding them from what happens in everyday life. Some kids may get upset as they get older cause they didn’t get to say their goodbyes but I guess it’s according on how people raise their children I thinks it totally everyone’s own opinion of their own.
death is the one true promise we have in life!
Personally I would only take my kids to a funeral if they were close with the person.
I say don’t take them. My grandfather died when I was 6. We were close but due to my age, my memories of him are really scattered. He had an extended hospital stay before he passed and my mom didn’t even let us kids go see him while he was there. She didn’t let me (6) and my sisters (4 and 8) attend the funeral. To this day, I am still so grateful she made that decision. The last memory I have of my grandfather is him, me and my sisters sitting in his living room watching Jungle Book. There are no memories of him dying in a bed covered in tubes and wires. No seeing him in a casket not looking at all like my Papa. Just a good memory of him. She of course talked with us about death and helped us understand what happened but at that age, we didn’t need to see that. And I am grateful for the decision that she made.
2 weeks? 
I don’t see the point in bringing children unless it’s a super close relative & they need that closure. It’s not a memory they’ll need otherwise. They’ll learn about death eventually, unfortunately
Good teaching time for 6 year old, not sure about other one. One thing you can count on that you will see more funerals in years to come. Sorry for the loss of the uncle.
Not really sure. You know your kids more than anyone. You would know if they could handle it. Not sure if it is a open or closed casket
Maybe it depends on the service. Up until a month ago I would’ve definitely said yes. Maybe it’s a cultural difference, don’t hate on what I’m about to say, I don’t mean it as any kind of discrimination or disrespect, just speaking from my own personal experiences (which are limited, thankfully). Most white ppl funerals I’ve been to have been relatively short. 20 minutes, 30 if someone sings a few songs. However, I went to a catholic memorial service about a month ago, my husband is Hispanic and it was someone from his extended family. Holy moly that was an experience. It was at least an hour and being one of only two white ppl in the family, I understood like 5 words because it was all in Spanish. I’m 37 and that was difficult to sit through.
I do think kids should be included, as much as we won’t like to think about it, death is a part of life and shielding them from it is going to make it scary.
That’s how they learn to behave. If you don’t take them, how will they know and learn to behave. They need to learn and behave and understand. Talk to them.
I would not at that age for someone not in their immediate family.