I work full time and my husband stays home with the kids…every time I Come home from my work my house is destroyed with toys…my husband says he cleans but the kid just messes it up again so he gives up and tells me to do it when I get home since they are in bed by the time I get home…should he not be doing this stuff since I work all day?
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In his defense trying to keep a house clean with children is very hard. I stopped trying to keep the house clean during the day when I was a stay at home mom… However, my ex husband helped me clean up at the end of the night even though he worked at his job all day… Just because he doesn’t have a paying job right now doesn’t mean that being the stay at home parent isn’t challenging and exhausting as well. I would say maybe communicate with your husband. Maybe stay home for a day with your children and see how it feels to be in his shoes everyday. I understand you work all day but guess what? I am a single mom and I work full time. I have to clean up my house every night on my own. Maybe come together as partners and work together.
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You both have responsibility , however I feel the stay at home parent may have more household responsibilities but they need to be clearly laid out. The kids should also have a clean up routine for right before mom comes home .
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How would you feel if the roles were reversed? Would you want help if you were the stay at home parent?
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As a mom that took 6 months off work and then my husband took 3 months off after me, it is so hard to keep the house up with kids at home. I only had 1 baby at home and it was hard to keep everything up. If I got just 1 chore done, it was a success. My husband didn’t understand the struggle until he took his time off and I went to work. We started designating 1 day each week to do most of the house work so 1 person could watch the baby (or kids) so the other could do one of the chores. During the week, we could usually successfully do dishes and basics to not be animals, but really if you have multiple kids at home, give him a little bit of a break. Maybe help a little bit.
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I am the stay at home parent and it’s hard to keep my house completely put together if my son is awake. So him having it spotless when you get home is not realistic.
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there are times when I clean the house 3-4x in a day. The kids mess it up within 2 seconds. Give him a break dude and help him. It’s HARD trying to keep a house clean. Mine always cleans up after the kids go to bed so it’s clean when I come home from work and I started doing the same 
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I’m gonna say the same thing that is said to most working fathers who think the stay-at-home mom should do all of the housework. Just because you clock in and out of work doesn’t mean you clock in and out of life. You are both parents and having a paying job doesn’t exempt you from helping around the house. As a mother who stayed home with 5 kids I can definitely say it is extremely difficult and exhausting trying to keep the home clean along with cooking meals, laundry, errands, dishes, yard work and general interaction with the kids. You should still be helping around the house. You still live there, you are still a parent even though you leave the house to go to work. If ya’ll were split up, you’d still have to work and do all of that housework alone. So pitching in to help out isn’t too much to ask.
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Sooo because you don’t see the progress it means he’s not doing it? Try talking to some stay at home moms who want help from their husbands, I bet your attitude changes really quickly 
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They are your children too so teach them how to put away their toys. Sing the clean up song. It won’t be perfect but better.
Everyone in the house needs to chip in. That is what a family does regardless of who works, goes to school or stays home.
Make a game out of cleaning up. Kids love games. Say “who can put away the most toys today?” And make a big deal about how well they do. Keep reinforcing it and they will respond. Best wishes
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I was a stay at home mom for 12 years. I did everything and it was exhausting! He didn’t lift a finger, thought paying the bills was enough. I have been working 4 years now and the 1st 2 was a struggle, but he eventually started helping and things are so much better between us now.
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Having been on both sides, a stay at home mom, and a full time working mom, maybe try compromising and working as a team, where you both straighten up at night while the kids are asleep and both do mopping, vacuuming, dusting, disinfecting showers, sinks and tubs on the weekend evenings while the kids are settled down. It is about impossible to keep the house clear, spotless and clutter free with kids running around all day if you’re actually allowing them to be kids and play. This stage doesn’t last forever, hopefully you and your partner will. Try and find a compromise that works for both of you.
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He should be having the kids help clean up. Neither of you are their servants.
But just because you work, doesn’t mean you shouldn’t be helping out too. If he does all the work during the day, you can contribute when you come home.
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I’m a stay at home mom not a maid my children make they own beds clean they own mess and put away they clothes I do the rest. My house is never a mess because I teached my children to clean before they take another toy out 
There’s a difference with ‘clean’ and toys being everywhere. I stay at home and my 3 year old helps with picking up. I have 3 dogs and keeping my house clean with a toddler isn’t all that difficult. Sometimes I wait until dinner to wash dishes but picking up regularly through the day is not that difficult and if I don’t feel up for dishes we’ll use paper plates for easy clean up. Just because you have kids isn’t a reason for your house to be a constant mess. I pick a different room each day to deep clean and even my toddler knows that we clean our mess before making a new mess. I don’t expect my man to mop the floors and scrub toilets after he works all day long but it isn’t that hard of a task to put toys in a toy bin at the end of the day or back on a shelf.
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Just because he stays home doesn’t mean it’s all on him. Work as a team and help him clean up.
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Honestly it doesn’t matter if you work full time and he doesn’t or if both of you work full time. Each should help out equally. I was a stay at home mom for 9 years before I got a job. I work sometimes 12 hours a day 5 days a week. I still come home and wash the few dishes in the sink and help my husband clean up the kid mess from the day. I think every marriage needs to be equal no matter who’s working and who’s not working.
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Well no. If roles were reversed you’d be getting harped at by him. It shouldn’t be a total disaster and it should seem as if an adult was involved with the kids and they weren’t left unsupervised. Does he do laundry? Do any cleaning like bathrooms, vacuuming making dinner or meal preparing ?maybe he’s not the guy to stay at home and needs to get a job also but NO if you are working full time you should not be doing all the housework too. If you are than you might as well be single . If the kids are old enough to help they can be putting toys away and cleaning too.
I have been a stay at home mom and my house was never a mess. I have also been a working mom again my house wasn’t a mess. Just because you work doesn’t put everything on him. As long as he doesn’t sit around on his ass all day and does nothing then help him when you get home. If he does sit on his ass all day and does nothing it’s time to have a talk with him about helping around the house more.
Nah mabie he wait till bed time and have the kids help clean their mess before that… Immagine if this was reversed and you told him to clean up after he gets back from work lol. He needs to plan ahead just as you would. Is he cooking for you and keeping the house up like laundry, groceries, dishes eccecc?? If not he needs a reality check. Men find it easy to not consider stay at home moms full time employees. If he is doing all the above, then all he needs to do is have the kids clean up after themselves, clean up what is too much for them, and put them to bed, instead of doing it again and again.
I didn’t even get past the first sentence!
Why are you even asking this! Not being mean but they are HIS CHILDREN TOO! Period. Period.
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YES! He needs to help clean up after them. Also, I just read the rest and that’s bullshit. Yes cleaning with kids is hard however depending on how hold they are they can start cleaning up too. My son started picking up his toys when he was two. So more than likely if they’re old enough to play then they’re old enough to clean up. Unless they’re under 2
Work or not working, have done both as a single parent of 4, your kid, clean it up
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Lol then he needs to clean right before you come home, cause it’s gunna be destroyed in less then an hr 
at night we all kinda throw in an effort and clean up.
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If the kids are happy, fed, bathed and have clean clothes … who cares what the house looks like
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You should both be doing the household chores. Maybe set up a good household schedule that everyone in the family including the littles can accomplish.
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I have a 9,3 and 6 week old. Ive been a sahm mom for years. Its hard!!
He should be making the kids clean their mess before going to bed.
My house is mostly clean by the time my man gets home the toys stay in the kids room.
How about have your kids clean up after themselves 
My 4&5 year olds clean their rooms and pick up after themselves with a lil direction. I’m not their maid I’m their momma 
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Are you kidding right now? I am cleaning up after one kid one dog and my mom. My house ain’t staying clean. Be gratefully he tries at all. It could be a lot worse.
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Um no … he’s staying home so the house work is his responsibility not yours since your working all day
I have 5 kids who are stair steps. It was HARD to keep up with the toys which is why I made them keep them in their play room for the most part. I feel for him, it really is the never ending story.
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He can clean it when they are in bed then .
If the shoe was on the other foot people would be saying oh she’s been at home all day being a mum he should help out a bit when he gets back wether he’s been at work all day or not. So yeah I don’t think it would be a big deal for you to pick a few toys up .
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I keep my house clean during the day. My husband doesn’t come home to an overly messy house,
Maybe need to fold a few clothes etc or put dishes away but never in a state as I need a big help x
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Ask your husband if he would like to work all day while you stay home with the kids and then come home to clean. If he says yes, then tell him to take his ass to work and you’re going to be a SAHM.
It’s a give and take whoever is home does the majority yes but it’s a team and a family to keep everyone and everything going.
Right now I’m working fill time and he’s on a layoff whatever isn’t done or needs to be redone by the time I get home I do.
During his busy season we both work and I do the majority since I’m home more
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Yeah, it wouldn’t kill him! 
While the majority of the daily housekeeping is usually expected of the stay at home parent, if this was reversed and a man was asking this same question, this page would implode with comments about how hard it is to be a stay at home mom and keep the house clean and how the parent who gets to leave and go to work ALSO has to help with household chores and childcare.
Being a stay at home parent means taking care of kids all day and fitting in what you can when you can in terms of other responsibilities. While it should not be on you to clean the entire house, it shouldn’t be on him either.
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You BOTH should be tackling it together…working does team you have no parenting responsibilities 
There really is no point in cleaning the toys up until the end of the day.
If a man posted this ridiculous post, he’d be buried alive! 
So you think he does nothing all day? Hmm …
Teach your kids to clean up their toys
nope. my husband works and i stay home and its impossible to keep up!!! staying home is very very demanding, it never ends. my husband comes homes and helps and on his day off he deep clean to help out.
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When you get home you become a parent again, just like him… I’ve seen too many women complain about men for the exact same thing. You’re a team, try to remember that.
Yes he should. He should be cleaning, cooking and anything else that needs done.
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Make a chore wheel & let the chore wheel decide who does it each night 
Your husband works full time at home, during the same hours you are out. At least you get a lunch break to decompress, he gets none, and it’s highly likely if you don’t complete a task, there is someone else to finish the job. It’s your kids too and your expectations of what the house looks like, so yes, you should be cleaning up and dividing up household tasks while you are there.
yes, that’s the duty of a stay at home parent