Hi could you post this question I have please. We have lived in our neighborhood for 5 years and for the past 5 years our kids and all the neighborhood kids have become great friends they play outside for hours and one of the kids has a pool they often swim in. Sometimes when my kids see the other kids swimming they get their feelings hurt that they weren’t told about getting in the pool. They have swam there many times and I dont think they are being intentionally left out but we are trying to teach them to not impose but on the other hand they are all great friends Would it be wrong if they asked if they could swim or should they wait to be invited? Thank you!
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Help a mama out and respond anonymously on our forum. Should my kids wait to be invited to swim? - Mamas Uncut
I would ask to join why wait and potentially never be invited? A Closed mouth doesn’t get fed.
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Call and ask. I was the only parent with a pool when my kids were small. Honestly, I loved when other kids came. They played with each other rather than mom mom mom watch this! Lol
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Ask the parents what the protocol is.
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Why not buy your kid his own pool problem solve
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As a parent- if we had a pool in our backyard I would not feel comfortable inviting everyone in the neighborhood at the same time. It’s a lot of responsibility to look after other peoples kids while they’re swimming and if something were to happen I would be held liable. So if you’ve been invited to swim before then I assume on the days that you haven’t and other kids have been it’s probably just the parents not wanting to be responsible for a ton of kids at the same time. 
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Of course they should wait to be invited. Parents may not want to be responsible for other children inthe pool I know I wouldn’t want that responsibility.
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Mind your business and don’t ask. Asking puts the other parent on the spot and of course they’ll agree even when they don’t want to. If you’re not invited, then you’re just not invited! That’s what’s wrong with people today, that Participation Trophey syndrome makes people think they’re entitled. There might be a special event or reason why they are swimming with certain people and not you.
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Don’t feel entitled to things that don’t belong to you.
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I’ve always thought… if they wanted to, they would.
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All those kids still have to be watched by someone. I would limit it to 5 at one time and the parents have to be ok with it first. My house was were the kids gathered. The amount of popsicles and ice cream, juice and food in general I went through.
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Do not ask. You wait to be invited. Jesus Christ. Not your pool you don’t impose yourself or your kids on others.
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I have taught my kids not to ask I was raised that its rude to invite urself which I agree to an extent…my kids each have had at least one good friend that I let them ask if they can go play however each friend I knew the parents and knew it wasnt a problem…like my daughters BFF doesnt like our dogs we have big dogs they are the sweetest just big. My daughters friend will absolutely not come to our house sooo I do let my daughter ask if she can go over there and play but again this has been her BFF for all of elementary school her mom and i talk a lot and have for many yrs. I think it just depends on the family and the kind of people they are.
It would be polite to wait to be invited. There may be a limit to how many kids the parents want to be responsible for at one time.
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There should definitely be an invitation. Having other people, let alone children, on your property is always a liability. Especially when there is a pool involved. I understand your kids are friends with the kids who have the pool, but that doesn’t mean that they’re entitled to swim whenever. I’m also not implying that you think your kids are entitled to swim whenever. It’s possible that the parents of the child with the pool only allows so many kids to swim at once. Either wait for the other kids to invite your kids or see about setting up a pool in your own yard for your kids.
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You have to have a certified life guard after a certain amount of kids. Look up locals laws before getting upset
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My neighbor had a pool and the neighborhood kids were only allowed to swim if a parent came with and watched them.
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If you have enough space get your own pool Or just try to get to know them better when you see them
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The parents of every child should be there
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I understand the waiting for an invite and stuff but if they all play together all the time I don’t see anything wrong with the kids saying hey can we swim tomorrow or something. I would let them go over while they’re actually in the pool but they ask before hand. Some of these answers are really ignorant. You all would feel the same way if it were your kids. I know u would feel bad if my kids felt left out. She literally asked a question it does make her entitled she simply feels bad for her kids. You all don’t have to be so friggin rude.
As someone who lives in a neighborhood where kids join in every time I’m outside. Pls wait to be asked. I’d like to just hang out with my kids sometimes. Even tho I do love my neighborhood bonus kids. Sometimes I need just us time.
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Get your own pool 
nobody HAS to invite ur kids ALL the time… just bc they did it once doesnt mean they have to do it all the time. This would be a great example to use as a teaching moment for them and you…
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Also, I don’t think your kids should get in their feelings over something like this. This is a great teaching moment for you.
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I think you as a parent need to take a step back for a few minutes and look at this situation from a practical standpoint first:
- The size of the pool, is a factor. Realistically speaking you can only fit so many bodies in a pool comfortably. Too many bodies in a pool can also be a safety hazard as well.
- Kids aren’t adults. Adults in a home pool are often content to chill out. Kids are playing and often getting rowdy, that exacerbates the safety risk of having too many kids in a pool at one time.
- Kids in pools require supervision. The more kids the more supervision is required. That’s a lot to put on those parents…and with so many kids in the neighborhood they probably have had to set a limit about how many kids can swim at once.
- your kids aren’t entitled to go swim just because the neighbors kids are swimming in their own pool or even because there are other kids there . It’s nice to be invited and included but it’s not mandatory.
- That doesn’t mean feelings can’t be hurt or that it’s “wrong” your kids feelings are hurt…it just means that they need to learn sometimes that is a part of life.
You’re an adult at this point this is a lesson you should have already learned and it’s your turn to help your kids learn it.
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It’s polite to wait to be asked since its not your pool. Could be ONLY a certain number of kids at a time especially if ONLY the pool owner is watching ALL the kids! We have a pool at my parents but I wouldn’t allow other kids to swim in it. Too much liability.
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So many negative things said. I would personally just talk to the parents. All of your kids play together and they swim often so its not out of the realm of possibilities that they get to swim. Just be honest and point blank, hey it’s so and so my kids saw that their friends were all over there swimming they were wanting to play with yours but I didnt want them to intrude. If you dont want extra kids then they dont have to come over but if it’s okay then could they and would you like another parent to help. If all the neighborhood kids play at this pool then all of the parents should be in contact with one another. Just always be prepared for the answer to be no. And that’s okay. Theres no harm in asking.
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I had a similar situation with my kids when the neighbors were in their pool. Their pool was only a few feet from our fence, so if my kids were in the back yard, they could hear all of the fun going on nextdoor. My daughter would very loudly complain about how hot she was and how nice it would be to go swimming. I’d make suggestions on what she could do to cool off. Eventually I’d just send her inside. The way I see it, if they weren’t invited over, it’s because they didn’t want guests at that time. They probably also didn’t want to have to watch other people’s children. The way I see it is, it’s their yard and their pool. They’re entitled to use it however they choose, and that quite often, did not include my children, or any other neighborhood kids.
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This is a tough one. Because we all want to teach our kids that it’s rude to invite themselves to things. I would probably just take them out to do something. Go get ice cream or to a local water park. Just so they don’t feel so left out.
I would never ask. Always tell my kids you wait to be invited.
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l get paid over $130 per hour working from home. l never thought I’d be able to do it but my buddy makes over $18214 a month doing this and she convinced me to try. The possibility with this is endless.
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So your kids have been swimming at this pool before but now no invite to come swim again 
was there ever an issue that happened??? Did you kids listen and follow instructions??? We’re your kids being mean to other kids…. Something had to happen for you kids to not get invited anymore…you can address with the parents … you can have your kids ask their friends for an invite or you can just simply leave it alone…
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If all the other kids are swimming then I don’t think it would hurt to politely ask the worse thing that’s going to happen is they say no,but from the sounds of it if they are all good friends they’ll probably say yes if they are all swimming together. If they say no then just buy a family pool that your kids are swim in. If you have the money you could even get an above ground pool.
Yeah wait for the invite
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If you dont ask you wont know
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So normally I’m a wait until asked person but if say this happens simply because maybe your kid wasn’t out when they decided to swim I wouldn’t be completely against them asking politely. A simple is it okay if I come. Kids sometimes forget to say hey come on and I’m guessing no phone to text
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Take your kiddos to the local pool or splash pad. I personally like to spend time with my kiddos just us when we’re home, it’s easier and more peaceful 
Go ahead and let them ask!
I don’t think it would hurt to ask, some people “open invite” and assume that by something being known it counts as an invite without explicitly inviting them. Worst they’ll do is say no and then you know that they’re not very good friends to your kids anyway
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Ask the mom. “Did you have any issues when my kids came to swim? Just wanted to make sure they were behaved.” Or something like that and let her tell you…
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l Get paid over $ 145 per h0ur working from home. l never thought I’d be able to do it but my buddy makes over $19850 a m0nth doing this and she convinced me to try. The possibility with this is endless.
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I would have a convo with the neighbor to see if they have like an “open door policy” so therefore they don’t need to be invited every single time. It’s probably an oversight where the parents aren’t even realizing. Unless they are ones who are a little more uptight/strict with the liability a pool comes with? 
either way, try to have a chat with the parents
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I say it doesn’t hurt to ask. Children have to be taught how to tell others politely “not this time or not now” or to include others if they would like to be included. This of course is just my opinion.
I was the only one with a pool in my neighborhood and I think it’s extremely rude when all the kids ask to come over. Some days I AS A MOTHER just wanna chill without worrying about other ppls children. Get your own and no problem
Wait to be invited
If they aren’t invited then they aren’t
I wouldn’t want half of the neighbours kids in my pool all the time x
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I’ve always told my children, just because everyone else is doing doesn’t mean that you have to. Just because others were invited doesn’t mean that you have to be invited each time.
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Also I really just think people are allowed to do things in their own yard without others being there lol
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It doesn’t hurt anything to ask. If they say no then start anning swimming outings somewhere with your kids, but you do want a supervise adult there who is watching them and that can swim there with all those kids.
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My mom and grandma have always told me “you’ll wear out your welcome quick if you’re always over there” and that is so true. Just because they allow your kids to swim x amount of days, doesn’t mean they’re ALWAYS gonna be invited every day. Maybe the parents would like some time with just their kids. Maybe the mom doesn’t want to be responsible for the whole neighborhood in her pool every single time. Also you could casually bring it up while thanking her for allowing your kids to come swim. Maybe tell her “anytime you’re ready for mine to come home don’t hesitate, we don’t want to wear out our welcome”, make it casual like. And always thank her and let her know she’s appreciated
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Why don’t you take them to a beach or public pool. It is possible the neighbors do not want unsupervised kids being dropped at their house all summer
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I would just talk to the parents and be extremely straight forward about it.
I was always taught and raised to be invited first and would probably do the same for my little boy.
But then when I was younger maybe 12, I had friends who were like family and we would just pop up to each other’s houses and it really was just like another family member.
So it depends on your guys relationships with the kids, your kids and their parents, the dynamic, etc.
Personally, I would suggest to be very kind and talk to the parents. Just say you don’t want to impose AT ALL, but didn’t know when was an okay time for the kids to all swim together and if they’d rather you approach them first.
Because as far as you know, all of the other kids swimming didn’t get an invite either, but just showed up and were allowed to swim.
Just be open, genuine, and don’t get your feelings hurt if they say they don’t want your kids just showing up. Good luck!
Train ur kids to wait for an invite …
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With a pool it’s a little tricky because of the dangers involved. Is the pool a big 1 with a filter, chemicals etc? I put up a small pool for my kids just to stay cool. It’s not treated or filtered. It’s not big enough for swarms of kids. If I allow a few neighborhood kids that my kids play with in the pool then I get several more. I don’t want my kids swimming in the neighbors filth, piss etc. I also don’t want the responsibility & liability of watching everyone’s kids in water. If you have your kids ask prepare them to be accept no if thats the answer. Don’t let them argue with the neighbor. Also be prepared to sit there & supervise your kids in the pool & enforce the owners rules. Your neighbor didn’t buy a pool to be the appointed neighborhood babysitter all day every day.
Why don’t you buy your kids a pool? Are you just using your neighbors pool as an excuse to get free babysitting?
You said they have swam there many times, maybe while they were there other kids weren’t. Maybe the parents don’t want to be responsible for all the neighborhood kids at once, I know I wouldn’t. It’s called rotating. The kids can wait their turn. You can also buy your kids a slip n slide or something along those lines
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If you’re not invited then don’t ask.
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I will not go anywhere if I’m not invited, not matter how many times I went there before , neither my daughter.
Maybe they do not want your kids all the time there and there’s nothing wrong with that, the summer will be very very hot , you should buy them a pool for them self I stead
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For heaven’s sake-if they’re not invited don’t ask! That means you or them!!!
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Wait to be invited. Common manners
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l get paid over $ 195 per hour working from home. l never thought I’d be able to do it but my buddy makes over $ 18964 a month doing this and she convinced me to try. The possibility with this is endless.
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I would DEF say wait to be invited.
People are allowed to be at home and enjoy time without having to entertain, or deal with anyone else. You wait for an invite, if it doesn’t come, you weren’t invited. Nobody wants to be put in the position to tell your kids no, it’s your job as their parent to tell them no.
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Its up to the owners of the pool
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Just because ur kids have swam at this neighbors pool doesn’t give them the right to swim whenever they want! U need to teach your kids respect for other peoples property and how to not always think they need to be included on what’s going on at the neighbors home!
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Maybe the neighbor likes to have different company . Without your kids to watch.
Let them know that it’s ok not to be invited all of the time
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They need to wait for an invitation and understand that it’s not their pool, they won’t be invited everytime 
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Wait to be invited. I just had this conversation because we have a pool in our backyard and have kids up and down the street all the time. I’m not obligated to let you swim everytime we are out there and I don’t want to be responsible for everyone else’s children. Sometimes you just want to be in your own space with your own family. Being asked puts you on the spot and then your the bad guy for saying no. Do not have your kids come ask. You wait to be invited.
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Okay. I think asking occasionally is okay but not every single time.
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Like our neighbors us parents have to sign a liability waiver and be present when they are there for it. It’s their property and the liability if your kids get hurt or worse is a big issue. An invitation and understanding of rules and expectations is needed. It’s rude to impose. If it’s that bad get them their own and set rules for your kids and others as well. They get injured or drown the owner of the property is responsible for care unless terms are met and signed.
Wait for them to be invited maybe the neighbours don’t want to be responsible for watching your children in their pool
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I’ll say this no one has came swimming at our house this summer yet. Lol. We’ve stayed home a ton and we just do our own thing when we are home. It stresses me out to have more than my two in our pool. I don’t mind others coming swimming but if they do I want their parent/parents there as well just for more eyes. To each their own I guess.
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I’m that parent that is perfectly fine with kids asking me. I understand your feelings about invites but in this type of situation where they all play together in the neighborhood… I would think they could ask to swim without reservation.
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How are the other kids getting invited? Does the mother do the inviting or the kids that have the pool? Is there a number limit? Do other kids not get asked at other times? Do you send over snacks? Do you volunteer to watch them in the pool at times?
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I would have them ask… They’re kids… If it doesn’t go well then they won’t ask again… But odds are they aren’t being left out on purpose…
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It’s rude to ask to come somewhere when you weren’t invited…teach them that now so they aren’t "that person " always including themselves. 
Um wait to be invited? Just because they’re friends does not mean they are entitled to go in the other friend’s pool. They need to learn they won’t always be invited to do things and that’s okay, it’s a part of life.
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Just because your kids play with them regularly does not mean that they want to play with your kids all the time. People have other friends. Just because you were invited somewhere once does not give you the rights to invite yourself over. Consider the pool as part of their home. If you aren’t invited, you don’t enter. And no one should be inviting themselves or asking to join in-that puts the other party in a really awkward position
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You need to teach your kids boundaries. Other people will always have something someone else want but doesn’t mean they are entitled to it
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They always need to wait to be invited. We had a pool growing up and constantly kids in the neighborhood asked if they could swim in our pool. Sometimes we just wanted to swim alone or with other friends but we always felt obligated to have them swim too. It sucked. So now I say tell your child they shouldn’t have hurt feelings because even though they are good friends, they aren’t owed anything from them.
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I would not ask to go in anyones pool unless they we were good friends. It doesn’t seem like you are with these other parents. I know I personally wouldn’t want to be responsible for everyones else’s kids in the pool so maybe the parents limit how many kids can join.
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They should wait to be invited. As an adult you have friends, and some of those friends may have other friends of yours in common, and you’ve all been together at a party where everyone is invited. You’ve also probably been invited to a more intimate setting, perhaps over for dinner and your other friends in common were not invited, or vice versa they were invited and you weren’t, etc.
this is normal and healthy. Children need to learn boundaries, that not everything is always fair or equal all the time. That yes they must share with their siblings and everyone gets a turn etc. But friends are allowed to have other friends, and they may have time with them alone, even if those friends they are with are your friends too.
Also, the blame could be on the kids parents. My parents would say they didn’t want the whole neighborhood over at the house, but that I could invite one or two over at a time. And that’s very reasonable 
I teach my kids that they are to always wait to be invited. It’s rude to put someone on the spot by asking. If they wanted them there, they would extend the invitation. Maybe they’re only allowed x amount of kids and they have closer friends that they prefer.
That one is tough. On the one hand, an invitation is best. BUT… sometimes asking is OK too… also… Don’t get Upset IF the answer is NO.
You could just ask the parents, just ask in a nice way hey if my kids see the other kids swimming is it Allright for them to ask to come swimming or are yall only trying to have so many kids during those times that way you know for sure and no drama comes from it