My husband and I have shared my bank account since we were dating. 2yrs in, I think. Could have been sooner. All this stuff should be talked about as saying couples. I couldn’t have married a person who didn’t share their money equally with me (also a sahm) I didn’t ask to be barefoot pregnant and home with no job. It’s bestowed upon us and just assumed we would do it, sometimes. I don’t mind at all I love being with my kids but my husband is the complete opposite of yours. His money goes into our account, all bills paid and we split what’s left. Usually order take out, gas for us and then buy what we need and want.
But I’ve also been in a position like you and financial control and leaving you stuck with nothing is a real thing. I left that person after 6 months.
I would come to an agreement with him on you want x amount of money weekly and it’s none of his business where it goes. He’s financially controlling you. Unless you’re addicted to spending money I don’t see an issue. If he doesn’t wanna share I’d be finding a job on his off hours. Ive done that with my husband. I worked at a grocery store 6pm-12am for extra money for us. He would get home at 5:30pm. Our new schedule after I finish orientation for a job. Hell be clocking out at 3pm and I’ll be clocking in at 3pm.
Why would you need an allowance? You are an adult -
I stay at home, ( UK based ) 3 kids and I get UC - my partner works full time and sends me all his money when he gets paid… only because he works and doesn’t need it… I buy everything he needs and the kids etc.
If you want nice things go and work, get your own money, you have work from home jobs etc online jobs - just start looking.
I wouldn’t call it an allowance. Both my husband and I get a certain amount each month for personal use.
I was a sahm to MY son while my bf at the time worked(not the dad) i was working before but had to quit due to getting him and safety reasons.
He never once said i cant spend his money, weve ALWAYS BEEN A TEAM. Weve been together 8 years in February, not married yet. No kids together just 53 animals and my son he calls his.
Weve always shared bank accounts, we are a team and have never had an argument about money, that didnt stem from the economy.
But to each their own, everyone is different!
That’s financial abuse.
Also, calling it an allowance is just… weird. You’re not a child, children get allowance. He’s abusing you financially and I’d go out and get a job, and either get him to counseling or I’d totally walk away from him. He’s controlling you.
You are not working so why a separate bank account? You should have access to the money. It is just amazing to me the things women allow and put up with.
My husband was like this. Everything his. That’s what he always said. Now my daughter is going to school and I work make my own money.
Girl I’d be looking for a sitter and going to find a job. That’s financial control right there, you guys are married and his money is your money too . I personally don’t do joint accounts because I did that in a previous marriage and it was hard to get out of but I would for sure be finding a job to make my own money and spending it on whatever I’d like to.
Get part-time work, during the time that gets at he is at home. Let him look after HIS kids for a bit.
After a few weeks tell him how much you’re enjoying your “Financial Independence” and that you’re going out to complete your internship, so he’ll have to pay daycare, while you’re out working.(as he obviously does not respect you enough to treat you as an equal.)
He’ll very quickly change his tune. But I absolutely encourage to work a few hours a week, just to maintain your independence.
That’s classic financial abuse, a partnership is about everything. A SAHM does the job of 9 people and work a minimum of 98 hour weeks when you work it out. It can’t be “our home” “our relationship” but not “our money” .
Tell him since you don’t have any way of taking of yourself that when he’s off work he’ll be watching the kids while you work. If he chooses to not watch them then he better find daycare or a way to care for his wife as well.
It makes me sad reading this. I’m a stay at home mom and only make 100 a week watching a child. My husband takes 20-50 for himself and gives me all his cards to pay bills and do things for myself. Don’t be so busy filling his cup that you leave yours empty. If he doesn’t want to give you any financial freedom start billing him for your services, laundry, dishes and dinner aren’t free!
I don’t agree with everything Dave Ramsey says but everyone facing this needs to listen to him…. It’s not his money, he gave up his money when he got married. It’s yours, as a team. Not only morally but legally too
My hubs gives me an allowance. He pays all the bills except groceries and gives me enough money to cover all groceries. (We share a savings but have separate checking all using the same bank account so we can make internal transfers to each other if need be. it’s just easier to keep the money separate regarding bills and knowing what money we have left over). He also gives me gas money and a couple hundred dollars for “me things” every month. If I ended up needing more for whatever reason, he’d give it to me. We just try to budget every month to put extra money into our kids accounts and savings.
Sounds like financial abuse!
There should be a budget! Map out all the expenses and what is going into savings ect. Then what is personal spending $ and how y’all will split the $ between you and that is your spending $ for the 2 weeks or however he is paid. ( not an allowance you are not a child)
Big purchases are discussed together and both people have access to the $.
However there could be a reason he is so frugal (no saying it is right!)
For example I have a friend she is a SHAM her husband has a good job they are around 35 and their house is paid off and both cars. They have ZERO credit card debt and NO loans.
He was very specific on what they spent $ on because he had a goal.
BUT it was discussed between them and they both followed the “rules”
Now they are not so strict.
Talk to him and tell him how you feel. Tell him examples of what the money would go for. It’s not so much an allowance but it would give you a better feeling of safety too in case of emergencies. You deserve " walking around and emergency funds" tell him how it makes you feel not having that security or walking around money. With four children you deserve some financial security without feeling like a begging child to your husband. Have him deposit money into your account and both agree on a reasonable amount. Communication here is key. If he refuses then maybe get a part time job and have him pay for daycare.
So you aren’t in a relationship, you are literally a nanny/housekeeper with no perks. Either you need to leave or some serious changes need to happen because this isn’t ok for you. It’s not the 1950s anymore and you deserve better
Umm you should have a joint account, and you both have debit cards to that account. Being a SAHM is working. You’re taking care of a home and family. It’s 24/7, 365. If anyone disagrees please try me. I am so sick of seeing people put down moms that choose to be home. Especially moms that work outside the home, bc if they’re rude… they’re just envious.
Marriage is two becoming one. Including your bank accounts IMO. It’s not HIS money, it is your family’s money.
That’s not a marriage. It’s a dictatorship.
Whew. His thought is he makes it he can spend it. Should consult you. Disrespect. Yes you should have an allowance you take care of house. Kids cooking cleaning if he don’t change after a stern talk. Better find someone who can communicate. Or. Let him pay someone to do your chores and you get a job. Keep your own money❤️
if your not working and married he should give you a little bit of something to have for self besides whats needed otherwise. but at same time even if gives u some money id open a seperate account and put money away. depending how much gives.
My husband puts money in my account every month and if I run low, he tops it up.
I have access to everything 
I ask as a courtesy if I spend a larger amount but I’m not obligated to. We are both financially responsible though.
That’s financial abuse. My husband and I have a joint account where his entire paycheck goes into that I pay the bills out of. We both buy what we need and want without asking the other but we do tell the other person because we both need to know where we are at financially. We both make decisions on large purchases and anything for the house from furniture to decore because we both care how it looks. We go into lockdown about a month prior to every holiday where we don’t buy anything for ourselves because I have a bad habit of buying what he has plans to buy me for that holiday. I get my eyebrows waxed monthly, our daughter’s haircut at the same time, and my hair trimmed every 3 months.
When I was a sahm my husband gave me a paycheck. He owns his own company though but wanted a check so I could get social security when I get older. Once the kids were older I helped him run the company. And yes we have different accounts because he runs a business.
Wow, he needs to take into consideration the money you are saving by being a SAHM. There is mo amount of Time nor Money, that can replace that. Whether he makes the money or not, you should have access to “his” money.
If you got divorced, he would have to pay you with his money. Sounds like a self centered man
Lol…He thinks his money is his once you’re married…Clearly he hasn’t had his day in court…but im sure he will if he keeps that up, then hes in for a Rude Awakening😆
I’m just gonna say it… Your husband is an asshole!
I am a SAHM and I never ask for money. If my husband even mentioned allowance I would lose my mind…
Why do you not have a joint account with access to the money?
You aren’t his wife. You are his nanny who he sleeps with.
SAHM of three here, my husband is our only income, he makes pretty good money as well. We each have our own debit cards and credit cards, however we do not have to ask to spend anyone’s money (I just stopped working) we do let one another know if it’s going to be over $100 whatever we are using but we never question each other and I have full access to his bank accounts. Just because you don’t work doesn’t mean your husband’s money should not also be YOUR money. You shouldn’t need an allowance or to only receive the exact amount from him. I would be having some sort of conversation with him about it.
That’s strange. As.your husband he should be taking care of you and your kids. Yes, be grateful he’s paying bills and groceries but also be upset that he doesn’t appreciate you and undervalues you. You’re taking care of the house he pays for. Taking care of the kids he’s had with you. Taking care of him in all ways. The least he should be doing to show his appreciation for you is give you some money for you to spend on yourself.
Have a conversation with him and tell him you feel he doesn’t appreciate you and all that you do. That you’d like foe him to put like 20 bucks a week into an account for you to use. That’s like bare minimum.
See, this is why I have a problem with separate bank accounts. YOU are supporting him by providing childcare while HE works. So yes. You should have access to THE money. Now, I’m not saying to blow it. But coffee, mani/pedi once a month, should be FINE. Especially if you have the extra money for it. He should trust you enough that you won’t blow it. This bothers me so much. My husband would never. We DONT have extra money and he still doesn’t care that I stop and get coffee most mornings. And he gives me money some months to do stuff for just me.
so my husband and i both work full time and we share an account but i have set up equal allowances for both of of us for the purpose of savings. now in terms of not being able to see his account, do you know if this could be it. no you should not have to explain it or beg for money but maybe he is having issues balancing bills and budgeting.
not to say it right by anymeans but it is worth asking what the budget looks like. i dont like the fact that you cant see what is coming in vs going out in your own home. that would be a major issue for me. if he does have excess it is a concern that you are not being taken care of. it seems like there is a lack of transparancy into what is happening finacially in your marriage.
i dont want to jump straight to abuse without knowing the whole story.
You can work. I worked 50 hours went to school and was a single mom. I am a stay at home mom now and my SO works. I don’t ask for money I just say hey I need yo card I want to go shopping he will say ok how much dk you need. Ill say 50 will do and he will give me 60. Or i do give him the decency to be like i want to get my hair done. Because maybe hes short this week. Or bought me a surprise or we have aa bill comjng up and it will short us. He will tell me if thats the case… But he does have days off and if I wanted to work I could. So I’m sure you could too you’d be busy but you’d have money. Also he does pay for everything and works for it. He maybe dumb and think all you want is the amount. Just tell him 20 dollars more. Or 10 more and save it
You should have access to everything he does. The bare minimum you should be putting into retirement for yourself.
Spousal IRA – A spousal IRA is a type of individual retirement account that allows a working spouse to contribute to a nonworking spouse’s retirement savings. Yearly, a spouse can contribute up to $5,500 (or $6,500 if over age 50) to a Spousal IRA (either a traditional or Roth IRA), which is held in your name. To qualify, you will need to file a joint tax return with your spouse.
We have a joint account and I spend what I need to spend with no questions asked. We talk about big purchases. We talked about all of this when we decided I was going to stay home with the kids. This is financial abuse. Tell him how you feel and tell him that the kids will be going into daycare so you can work to make money for yourself. Present him with quotes on how much he will be paying in daycare. Period.
When I was a SAHM we had a joint account and I paid the bills with the money and we just used it as needed. Separate accounts while married is weird to me but some are like that. My sister is one of those in that marriage. I believe it causes more issues than necessary. That’s a control tactic though. That’s not good.
I’m not sure on that my husband makes the money but he has me control it all because he sucks at controlling money. I have all the cards and cash. I am a sahm of 4 10 and under, child care around me is 165 a week each kid 85 for after school so me being home saves him lots of money
We have a joint account for bills etc and our own limited personal credit cards that we pay off every month on the 1st. Limit 500 each. We don’t ask what we spend money on within the 500 allowed. Anything more we discuss as a family.
I’m not understanding why you even have a bank account if you’re a sahm and don’t have money coming in? What is the account for? Where do you get money to put in the account?
My wife is a SAHM and in school to be a nurse. We have one account with two cards. When I get home from work it’s my turn to watch the kids let her catch a break and do school work. Then one of us will cook or go get food for supper. Just whoever is up for it that day. Most of the time I go pick up the food on my day cause im lazy, lol. But she knows she can get a snack, coffee gas. Those are the little luxuries that makes us human. I had to stop going to gas station because I would spend like 30 dollars every time on junk. But anyway we both see the money and it is our money. If it’s low or Christmas time we talk and figure about purchases and pros and cons. That’s what makes it a relationship, not a dictatorship. I hope your husband sees this. If not divorce get custody, take the house, alimony, and child support then u will have your own money and he won’t have a say. It’s really not fair and as someone who adores his wife, my wife deserves the best I can give her and I want her to be comfortable and feel taking care of!!!
This is Financial abuse!
The next time you go food shopping, buy a small gift card to to wherever, the next time you go for shopping and buy another small gift card to wherever do this every time you go food shopping.
I worked full time for 41 years with a husband that drove truck and wasn’t home a lot, but as a stay at home Mom, you DO work……taking care of a house and kids is a full time job plus you are going to school….! I think his controlling the money and his freedom to purchase whatever he wants when you need to ask for money for a haircut is SO wrong on many levels….and then giving you exactly the amount you need…….seriously??? No one should have to live like that.
All of the money is your money. Unless you have some legal set up for the money it’s just as much yours as his. Is he controlling your access to the money?
I’m a SAHM and I save our family money by being at home and handle things that otherwise would need to be paid for. My husband respects what I do for our family and I have more access than he does. I don’t think he respects you and what you do for the family. He doesn’t see you as a full partner.
I dont get an allowance I have access to everything and I buy what I want and need when I want and need it. I am not a child I would not accept an “allowance”
An allowance? No itsnour money. We are married. I may be Ole school but it’s OUR house OUR BILLS OUR KIDS OUR MONEY. no matter who makes it.
His money huh? Well the LAW says half of every dollar acquired during Marriage belongs to YOU.
Send a cash app request “For feeding your child” “ For making dinner” “For washing your clothes”
I think he will get the hint.
Or if you want to be less passive aggressive just talk to him and tell him you would like access to funds to do things for you when you feel like it
Why cant you find any job and work??? It doesn’t necessarily be for what you studied for. Half loaf of bread is better than none.
I have a credit card that I use and then my partner gives me $100 a week, sometimes more. I use the money to pay my credit card personally. But I use my credit card for all of my expenses, things for our daughter, me, him, pets and if I want to grab lunch or whatever else. It’s what works for us. I’d be livid if my partner didn’t give me any money because that’s what was agreed upon when I became a SAHM. Tell him if he isn’t going to help you by just giving you a weekly or bi weekly allowance then he can pay for childcare so you can go back to work. Its suppose to be team work and that’s not how it works.
I been a sahm for almost 5 years… I share an account with my husband and buy whatever I want, If i want…
I don’t go crazy with buying me stuff, I buy stuff for the house or kids, once in awhile I’ll buy me a couple custom made shirts and my husband never has an issue with it. Your man is financially abusing you
I’d get a monthly amount in mind. Maid for a month 400. Chef for a month 400. Daycare 120 a week per child. So if you have 3 it’s 360 a week or 1,440 a month. Add it all up and charge him. 2,240 a month or 560 a week. These are random numbers but just as an example of what I’d do. Tell him he can treat you like a partner or pay you like anybody would an employee.
Send that child a bill. I’m sorry this made my blood boil. An allowance??? You’re taking care of the horn and the children. The money he has is also yours. All of it is also yours. This is controlling and manipulating. If he would like to keep you as a prisoner I’d be reevaluating your life. I’d find a job and start your own career. Never let a man have that much control over you.
If u are a sahm and he agreed to it his money should be your money as well … Ya should most likely pay all your bills and if he has plenty left over you should have a debit card card to that account as well so you can get what is needed for the home and what’s needed for you as well. I woulsn never not ha e nothing he shouldn’t expect u to do without your job is at home so yes you do work
I dont necessarily “get money” and i dont have access to my guys bank account just because im in recovery from my addiction, but my mans a fisherman and if i tell him me or the kids need something, the kids/I get it. Im not the kind of girl that get their hair and nails done at allll, im more of a spoil me with food, bring me home a burger kinda girl 
but i do smoke cigs and he gets them for me, ive been a stay at home mom for about 3 years now and this is what works for us. When it comes to holidays if hes able to he will come shopping with me, or if hes working on fishing gear or fishing during their birthdays/christmas then thats the only time he will either send me the money to get their gifts, or me and his grandmother make a day out of it and go together and he gives her his bank card cause she knows the pin. This is just what works for us, especially me being in recovery. Thats financial abuse babe. Absolutely no need of it. My man works very hard for me to stay home with our daughters, but he also knows and realizes my job of keeping our kids alive, fed, and healthy is just as important as his. I agree with comments above about looking up wages for daycares, house keepers, etc and tell him he can either pay those fees or give you some spending money!!
Wtf?
If you both decide that you being a sahp is beneficial to the family, then the money he makes is BOTH of yours. It ALL goes into a joint account.
Bills get paid from that account and you both have access to it when it’s needed.
If he doesn’t like that idea you can remind him how much you pay a daycare, chef, personal shopper, house cleaner etc.
What the? How long have you allowed this? Get a job then and make your own money. Why be married if you live that way so many questions 
You mean like a child gets for doing their chores ? Poor choice of words
When I was a sahm we had a joint account. I wouldn’t be ok with him monitoring me like that. Sounds borderline financially abusive.
Girl I’m literally in the exact same situation and it freaking sucks. We put in more than enough work to have financial freedom, it’s not fair.
Send him a bill for childcare. He’s saving so much money having you stay home with your kids if they’re not school age yet. My husband makes a decent amount and sends me 100-300 every week just for spending money and doctors appointments (I’m pregnant) this sounds like financial abuse tbh.
Sounds like financial abuse… he’s using the money to control you. Definitely not okay. I’m a stay at home mom me and my husband have joint accounts and I don’t need permission for anything because he knows that being with the kids and taking care of the house is work too. Do not settle for someone who treats you like a child
No, you dont get an “allowance”. His money should be your money. Especially since you are taking care of the kids and thus can’t get a job. That is financial abuse.
That’s financial abuse hun. You need your own income.
Instead of complaining … put your kid in daycare and put in a job application.