Just needing some input on financial terms within your marriage or relationships. I am currently married and a SAHM so I don’t make any income. My husband works and makes quite a good amount for bills and expenses plus he always has money left to spend on whatever he wants. We have separate bank accounts so I don’t just use his money but it’s creating this feeling of stress to me. He doesn’t give me money unless I ask and he has to know what I’m going to use it for and he’ll send me that exact amount. Usually I only ask for my own personal bills like music apps, school fees, etc. nothing personal like Starbucks or whatever. Do SAHM’s get some kind of allowance? I feel like a child who has to just be grateful my bills are paid and that’s it. However it would be nice to have money for a haircut or just to go down the road and get something at the drive thru but I can’t. His money is HIS and I don’t get any unless it’s really important. I feel so left out and unappreciated. I do all housework and take care of our 3 children. I plan on working one day but I have been in school and need to complete an internship where I won’t be paid so I’m trying to be patient but it really gets to me especially when he makes big purchases and I don’t get to buy myself nice things. Just need some advice, suggestions and words of encouragement.
I’ve been In this situation, I feel you 
Sounds like a selfish little man with control issues, this is your basic financial abuse! , if I’ve got it wrong , let him know how you feel ,tell him you want your own financial independence, so when you do get a job he will have to contribute to the wages of a nanny,/ house keeper ,someone to look after the children, clean ,cook wash iron, basically everything you do for free
Hell yes! That’s the most unrewarding, hardest, and 24/7/365 job!
I’m a “new” SAHM as this is the first time in 12 years I haven’t worked and we 100% transparent financials. We have joint accounts. I have 3 children from my 1st marriage and received CS from their dad. It all goes in the same accounts. There is no “allowance” in our household. From our previous marriages, we both share the feeling that separate finances causes way more stress and issues in relationships than being 100% open and transparent when it comes to $$. It allows each other to be accountable for our family as a whole and does not make one feel like they have “control” over the other even though he makes a very significant amount of money. It is not by choice that I am currently not working as some health issues have caused it, but it allows me to take care of our kids on a daily basis a lot more than when I was working. It allows me to take care of our home myself instead of having a housekeeper come in. It allows me to take care of our home life while he works away from home a month at a time. We are partners. We are in this together. If I spend $ on myself, he doesn’t question it. When I spend $ on the kids, he doesn’t question it. If I spend $ on him, he doesn’t question it. If it’s something he doesn’t recognize on the statement or account, he’ll ask, but other than that, it’s a big trust thing. We have the same financial goals and we have conversations often regarding those things.
Finances should be shared so you can have access to the checking account or credit cards!
I’m at stay @ home mom as well my husband works and his money is my money pretty much I get to spend whatever ext . When your married this is how it’s supposed to be .
I am in the exact same boat. I get $50 a week allowance to spend on whatever I want. He pays for everything else. I feel completely dependent on him and it’s extremely hard to be able to make any choices or decisions. $50 isn’t enough to pay for a holiday or anything big to look forward to, so I find it really hard. But if not for that $50 then I’d have nothing. So what do you do? What do other couples do?
You’re married. Legally his money is your money and if you don’t come to an agreement there you’ll grow to resent him. If you being a stay at home mom was something you agreed on together then he should support you in every single aspect. That includes you having money to spend on little things like coffee without having to ask permission.
Idk, that whole situation is weird to me. My husband and I share everything. I don’t need to ask, but I let him know if I’m going to buy non-essential things, just out of courtesy and he does the same. We’re a team! His logic is: so long as the bills are paid first, do whatever I want with the rest.
Is it more that he’s very conscious of budgets and bills and saving and spending or is it a control thing? It seems like you get it if you want/need and maybe just talk to him and tell him how you feel and then go from there.
I could understand separate bank accounts if you have a job too! But seriously ? I’d stop making his meals. Washing his clothes. All that. If he can’t appreciate it. People get away with whatever you allow them to . If he wants the house cleaned. Clean clothes and supper on the table and he won’t open his bank acct - he better be putting more than enough money in your acct. Your husband is sus! Sounds like a controlling micromanaging little boy.
I’d tell him you want access to his bank account. My mom was a SAHM my whole life. She never had to asks my dad for jack. She had full access to any and all accounts. She did double check with him before making big purchases. And would let him know if a big amount would be coming out in advance. But he never called her saying 'why did u spend x amount of dollars on this ? Or that? ’ He worked provided and made sure everyone had anything they needed and most of what they wanted. Maybe it’s just because I grew up with a great dad and he was/is a good man and husband but I’m just amazed at the jerkiness of modern men/ husbands.
I am the bread winner work 60 hours a week and pay all the household bills…Hubby works 20 hours a week does side jobs and is a stay at home Dad/house husband he does not get an allowance because I am not his Mammy lmao we put all of our money together…whats mine is his and whats his is mine
Time for daycare and you getting a job to earn your own money
Look up daycare, maids, chef, personal shoppers and show him how much they cost. If you go back to work he can lose those services, especially if you grow to resent him and decide to leave (then he’d have to add child support and depending on the state, alimony)
Both of you should have a joint account and you should have your own bank card.
Personally he should give you house keep or if he refuses that then go and get a job make a stand for yourself woman
I always encourage a person to make their own $. Just hold on you’ll be working after a while
Make a spread sheet and chart hours doing housework (maid) chart hours taking care of kids (nanny) hours cooking (chef) any personal errands you do for him (personal assistant) yard care (gardener) and hand him a bill on payday. As I see it; your job is currently school, then internship, then you will have an income, and you can then both divide up all chores, bills and household duties equally. In the mean time you are free labor to him; take his free labor away.
We have a joint checking account and I control the money. I do the bills, shopping, kid stuff, etc. since day one of our marriage. If he needs something up to $100 he can get it; over that we ask each other if it is money we are okay to spend. He knows our incoming and outgoing and that is enough for him.
A big conversation need to be had with your husband. Was this how his parents did it? Sit down and lay it all out.
Look into daycare. Show him how much it is. Apply to jobs. And tell him you’re going back to work so you don’t have to be treated like a child and can have spending money of your own.
I couldn’t afford to work when my kids were little because daycare was more a day than I made a day.
Once he realizes what someone else doing your job would cost hopefully he will change his tune.
You definitely should have some amount of “petty cash” as the older generation use to call it. Actually traditionally the woman managed the money and the man worked back in the olden days of housewives. I feel like “feminism” has in many ways shot women in the foot.
It’s weird to me that you even have separate accounts as a married couple. I’m a SAHM and we just have one account, each have a debit card. Yeah it’s technically his money but I literally never ask to spend it. As long as it’s not a huge purchase and the bills are paid why does it matter? It honestly sounds like you’re husband is controlling and this is his way of doing it. Financial abuse is a real thing, believe it or not.
Oh heck no, that would be a big D word for me and I don’t mean 
I’m talking Divorce
He needs to STEP UP!! I would have a TALK with him ASAP!!! A SAHM is the HARDEST job in the world! GOOD LUCK!!
I’m a stay at home mom, I do not have an income but we have a joint account and I spend most of his money on bills, stuff for the kids, household he requires very little 
I get my nails done, go out with the girls buy Starbucks and so on. He is able to go to work because of me, so his money is our money.
What you can do is leave him, file for divorce get spousal support and child support. Take your butt to work because spousal support is not forever in most states. He or she who controls the money has all of the power. My dad god rest his soul told all of me and my siblings that growing up. I am 68 and always kept a job after college for that reason.
This is financial abuse.
Please find a counselor who can help you work through it - with or without your parsimonious little man-child.
You should have access to cash and there needs to be at least ONE joint account - nothing wrong with personal accounts - but you need to have access to the general fund as a rule.
Sorry you’re going through this.
Absolutely yes you need an allowance. You are working too - you are raising the future of our world 
! You two need to sit down and compromise on an amount of money for you weekly and some of that money should not have to be accounted for !
See this is the NUMBER 1 reason why I would NEVER be a SAHM. My advice is to at least find a part time job so you can make your own money. Then when your husband asks why you’re trying to work, let him know how you feel. 
ohhh hell No! I was a stay at home mom for almost 18 years. Shared bank account, and I use whatever I want when I want. HUGE red flag, when someone wants separate accounts. The attitude of mine is mine, is a HUGE red flag in a marriage
If you mentioned this to your doctor, or anybody really… they would tell you that what he is doing is financially abusing you. You should have access to money.
Imo separate bank accounts when married is a huge red flag to me, especially when one partner is home caring for the kids and has no access.
If you don’t trust each other financially then you shouldn’t be married 
I’d say joint accounts or end it but I’m huge on being complete partners in everything if I’m planning on spending my life with you.
That’s financial abuse hun. He’s controlling everything, to an extreme.
That being said. I’m a sahm. Have been for 12 years. Never once had an allowance. Our money is our money. I get to spend what I want. We do ask each other for big purchases, and sometimes I will for smaller things, but that’s usually when money is tight and I wanna make sure we’re both good on gas and stuff. He asks me too:…if he can spend his own money lol 
He’s a control freak…just saying
Im a sahm with 3. Our oldest is 10, I have been home since. He pays for everything. I also get money absolutely whenever I want. He makes good money. I spend roughly probably about 300 a month. Not every month but usually for stuff like clothes, makeup, shoes, jewelry! If its like this I would work opposite shifts as him and make ur own. I did do this for 3 years just because I wanted to feel whole myself. Got pregnant with baby 3 and stayed home where Im comfy for now. She is 1. I would talk and see how he feels with maybe spending 100/ month if that works for you. Could be for nails, hair cuts, just whatever. A little can go along ways when u feel this way. 🩵
Tell him he either pays you something or he will have to figure out what to do when he gets off work because you are going to work from now on.
Hubby and I have our own accounts and joint accounts for saving. When I was a stay at home I made a small amount of money but he earned most of our families income and yes, I would ask him when I needed money. Not because I ever needed to get his permission but because we both needed to be aware of our finances and because I’d rather ask than take it, respect thing, he does the same. If he asked what for it was merely a discussion not an inquest.
Finances are a primary reason for divorce and there really isn’t a one size fits all answer. But you do NEED to sit down and have an honest conversation about finances and what you both need in order to not build resentment and understand each other.
I wouldn’t instantly turn this in to a fight unless you truly think he’s doing something wrong here.
This is financial abuse, in some countries it’s illegal.
Your job is way harder than his, so no you shouldn’t get an allowance. What you should get is equal access to the money. It’s not just his money as you all are supposed to be a team. If he didn’t have you at home to take care of the home and the kids and all the other responsibilities that go along with making a home, he’d have to pay someone else or quit to do the work you do. The job in the home is much harder and frequently looked upon as easy work. That’s the furthest from the truth. Have a conversation with him and see if he’s ready to grow up or begin to look at your options. You already have kids, so there is no reason to treat you as if you’re a kid too.
I know the feeling, when you a SAHM, it is your job to clean, cook, kids and no salary or thank you for all you do, makes you feel useless. And it is expected to clean up after everybody and they just don’t care or try to do their part in keeping it clean…oh and don’t forget about the garden and animals. Try and sell food socks for a little income.
www.foodsock.co.za
I believe that when you are married bank accounts should be joint accounts.
If that diesnt work for you then there should be a household account for the bills, kids food etc.
Then you should have your own personal checking and maybe savings accounts.
His account needs to be set up to deposit funds into the household account and a sum you agree on into your personal account, and a joint savings account, each paycheck.
Its not an allowance its called being married.
You also need to agree on large purchases and excess should go into the joint savings account
I’m definitely from a different age but we have 4 boys, he worked and I managed the home, the kids, the bills, as well as the left over money. Imo there’s red flags if you have to ask, explain, or anything to do with money. My hubby definitely filled the monetary role well and while I didnt have the income I would never allowed my role be overlooked or underappreciated. Now I appreciated the fact I was able to be home raising our children and he never expected anything extra, but I made sure he had everything he needed as well. A marriage is a shared set of roles and whether you are paid or doing the other things, one role should not be held above another. I can guarantee you that he would beg to go back to work if you guys totally flipped roles. It sounds as if he holds your role at a lower value than his and needs a wake up call. Jmo, and I know things change with time but a married couples finances, extra money, and stresses should all be shared and never questioned.
I was sick of asking so my husband set up a direct deposit, now about 1/4 of each paycheck goes into my account. I pay for basically anything regarding the kids, sports, school pictures, etc… Honestly the only reason we still have separate is because I don’t like him to beable to see when I buy Christmas presents and things.
SAHM is called being useless in my area. It’s tag" am picking your bills, feeding you and paying the children school fees.
Depends what your like with money ?. But if you’re not completely inadequate with finances you should have access to his account. I make the money on my family and my gf has my second bank card that she can do what ever with, or you just ask for money to do stuff 
I’m guessing he hasn’t had to share his money befor
That’s a big controlling point for men. You’re married not roommates. Sounds like you need to have a discussion about finances and controlling behaviors. Your contributions to the household may not include income, however it’s much more valuable to stay home and raise those babies. If he doesn’t want to share a little income with you so that you can get yourself taken care of then you need to look at the big picture. That’s a huge bright red flag!! My husband works and I take care of our babies. We both have access to the money. Though honestly I buy the household items and pay the.bills so I send him “disposable” money for whatever in a prepaid card he has or hand him cash. So that we don’t have to worry about him accidentally spending something coming out for whatever.
Sounds extremely controlling, look for a work from home job as there are lots more since covid, generate your own income… Even if you have to do it without his knowledge if he ‘won’t let you’ work… Even Legit survey sites can earn you $100 or so a month.
Mental abuse, I wouldn’t put up with that
Yes he should be giving u spending money or else DONT put out!! That’s BS and I wouldn’t put up with it. Tell him u want 60 or 80 a week to spend on yourself. I’m not sure how much he makes but it takes 2 to run a home. He works as he should. U take care if the kids so u both have equal jobs except yours is harder. So ya if he’s making bank then he needs to pay up. I would straight tell him I want 80 a week or no more sex! Straight the F up. He is being financially abusive.
You are supposed to get an allowance and have access to money.
Y’all are married, that’s your money too. Btw, if y’all ever get divorced, he has to pay you alimony on top of child support. Bring that up next time y’all have a conversation about finances 
An allowance!!! Oh h3ll no. Your job is just as important as his. I’d tell him he could start paying for daycare and you get yourself a job if he’s not going to appreciate you. I don’t like the sounds of this. Red flag to me. His money is your money. You’re married
If he wants to treat you like an employee and not an equal partner just send him an invoice and include — 24/7 daycare, what a daily cleaner costs and a private chef.
He sounds controlling and you don’t deserve to be treated like that. You should both have access to the household income no matter who it comes from. Appalling you can’t get your hair done without justification.
It took me a long time to understand that’s financial abuse. Abuse comes in many forms. When i was a stay at home mom, i would babysit kids at my house for extra money.
I was married, he would control the money and if i needed anything he would do the same.
I suggest that you try your very best with school and the kids to make you money they a side hustle. Something that involves the kids if you have to. Sell unneeded or unwanted items on marketplace locally. Grow vegetables and have a veggie stand to collect cash from. Chickens—sell eggs for cash to have. Or just blatantly tell him—and don’t feel ashamed—tell him you need a haircut next week and it’s gonna be “this amount and to please give more in case so you have room for any unexpected expense. And if he has an issue—then I’d be focusing a lot more on the schooling and getting it done and getting to making money asap and let him remember what he made it like or you feel when he needs or wants money.
This is literally financial abuse. I’m a sahm but my partner always sends over whatever is left from bills, if he wants something he asks for the money, if I need to get the kids clothes or shopping I do. I’m at home so I have the time. You need to have a serious chat with him, therapy or leave. No joke. My ex husband was like this
You should be making salary for a chef , a laundry service , a full time maid , daycare for each child and if you’re doing “extra “
Haha that sht is expensive . Girl
Nope. They should get paid for it since it’s a real job. Sadly we get nothing for it financially.
It is “our” money. If you got a divorce you would get half of that AND alimony!!
Hell no.
Go out and get a paying job if you want “allowance” lol
His money keeps you home.
I’m a stay at home mom, it does suck not having your own money to be able to spend on whatever you’d like. My bf use to give me $20 to $40 a week when he had extra money left over. Now that he lives paycheck to paycheck with hardly any money left over I no longer get that. He pays for my phone and streaming services so I can watch shows and movies. If I need money for vape juice or anything I ask but I’m only allowed 1 vape juice bottle a month so I have to ration it. He usually buys it for me so I don’t gotta go buy it myself tho because I’m a antisocial kind of person so I like being home in my bed 
if I’m out at a store and want to get something for myself and he has the extra cash he will send me money if it’s under 10 he will send $10 if it’s over 10 and under 20 he will send $20 and so on. He rounds it off to the nearest 10 basically. You should be able to ask him for money if it’s a reasonable amount without him telling you if what you wanna buy is important or not. Seems like to me he wants to control you. You should sit down with him and talk, ask about the financials to see if he’s struggling and if he’s not ask him if you can get so much every paycheck for yourself to either save or use on yourself and the kids or buy something nice for him. If that doesn’t work then if you can work while going to school I’d get a job and make him pay child care so you can have your money.
Nah i feel like that os finacial abuse. Its just as much your money as it is his. Im on his account. I can see all his transactions and i feel better knowing where we are finacially as i grew up very poor and it stresses me out. I do have an account that i had before we met thats i use mostly for child support for my children from another marriage which are almost all aged out anyway. Im not sure what ill use that for once that happens. But i dont get a whole lot and use it on their very basic needs which is all it pretty much covers. I use our shared account whenever only telling him when i paying a bill or anything big $$$ so that we dont overdraft as we are living paycheck to paycheck these days. Im a sahm because i was literally using every drop i made for gas getting to and from work and daycare and daycare itself. We have 3 kids in daycare and even with assisatance i paid out of my check over half what i made in a month. We decided there was 0 point in my working especially when my job was making me bring excuses when i couldnt be there for the kids. He is really good at helping me around the house. In fact he likes to be the one to mop.
B$tch get a job!!! Welcome to reality!!!
I’m a stay at home mom and my husband travels for work he’s only home one week out of the month. We share a bank account and I get to use the money for whatever I want or need and so does he. We don’t consider it’s your money or my money it’s our money and it works for us
After we got married, we got a joint account so I don’t have to feel like I’m begging for money. I don’t ask for daily living. I just do. We are lucky enough that we don’t have to worry about bills being paid, etc.
My husband and I have separate accounts but I got his card info on Walmart and buy stuff we need and extra sometimes and he will draw me cash off if we want takeout while hes at work or he goes gets us stuff before he leaves
Being a stay at home is a choice if your kids are all in school full time. Idk about any other parts of the world but an allowance?? You’re not a child!! Also you should be getting some kind of income like child tax ect. Im also a SAHM and if I need anything I just say hey Babe I need some money or let my Husband know I’m keeping some child tax for myself. As long as bills are paid and food in the fridge and shelf he will. If you are financially stable and can afford extra good for you guys but be happy. Some live pay check to pay check so consider yourself lucky you have all that
you shouldn’t have to ask for everything, he should be more considerate of your needs. a hair cut, a nice cup of coffee, time away for yourself. all of that should be part of you staying at home. you do everything, you should get some sort consideration.
Wow. I’ve been a SAHM. It’s always been our money. Don’t think he didn’t remind me a million times that “he works”, but he’s always shared the extra. I didn’t have to ask unless it was a larger purchase. You need to have a sit down with him.
I get handed his cash and cards. I pay the bills with it and get stuff me and the kids and the house needs, order some Amazon I do all the housework and handle the kids so that’s my way of getting paid.
I have been in a marriage like that and I didn’t realize what he was doing or why. It’s a control thing hun. You need to either fix it and tell gim that stuff isn’t working for you or you need to get out of that. It starts with control over the money because he is the responsible one and by the end of it you will be questioning if you are the crazy one. Not a good situation.
No we have one account. His check goes right to it and I handle the bills and everything and if I want something and we have everything we need and bills paid imma get what I want. Same goes for him. But the bills and kids needs come first. I have stayed home for nine years and I used to feel guilt about “spending his money” but you best believe now I worked for that too baby!
Nope… I do what I want… My husband works 110 hours a week… we have 8 kids 4 still home… I’ll get a text or a heads up… hey be careful … what you spend this week . Which means bills were a little much … If it gets too tight he will tell me what credit card to use if I need anything… He never tells me no… never says it’s his money… I work hard af!!! And make sure everything is fine cook clean iron homework baths grocery shop… EVERYTHING BESIDES WORK!!! You are getting a raw deal mama he’s mean
Id never allow a male to have that control over me. I don’t like living with anyone, and would never marry someone, I like to have my own money and be independent. I refuse to ask for money and depend on someone…
Chicks should always have some stashed away for that day, that might come when they need to escape. Not saying everyone will need to. But it’s always good to have some stashed anyway
This feels like financial abuse. I def wouldn’t want to be in that situation. I stated down that road when I had health issues and then had my daughter, my guy made all the money and I only asked for things here and there. He didn’t make me feel like I couldn’t ask for more but I always felt icky about having to ask him in general, or like it was his money. Things are different now that I’m back in school and getting a graduate stipend but he still makes a ton more than me. I couldn’t imagine the stress of I had to act like it was an expense report just to get my nails done. That’s not safe.
You just need to have that hard conversation about expectations. What are his and what are yours? Sometimes guys go along to get along. They don’t change what seems to be working for them. Tell him how you feel and work out a compromise.
Finish your internship. Get price for daycare. Look for a job for hours he will be at home. You need a life that you will be happy with
I’m a SAHM - 3 kids. My husband and I have a joint account. He never calls it “his money” and we make all financial decisions together. You work just as hard as he does and shouldn’t have to ask for money like a child.
I don’t understand this concept of this is mine and this is yours. When you get married you become one. One household. One unit. In the eyes of the law they won’t be like oh well that s his and that’s hers. No everything is split equally, even if one doesn’t work. You are one unit. One team. Everything should be combined. Bills etc
Im a SAHM for 6yrs now, with 3 kids and we have separate accounts , but he sends me between 300 and 400 every week for bills , and myself. Sometimes he will forget, and I do have to ask but I never go without. He still uses his own money to buy things too. Maybe you need to raise your expectations 
Yes…I get an allowance to do whatever I need or want…hair, nails, clothes, toiletries & whatever else. He has never wanted me to work, but I always felt so useless when I had to ask for money & explain why I needed it.We finally established the allowance agreement… Both of us feel so so much better. I don’t have to ask & I stay within my allowance always. It works for us.
I wouldn’t do separate bank accounts first off as once married it’s should all be joint for the betterment of the whole family. Secondly you shouldn’t have to ask for money and explain what it’s for like a child. 3rd you absolutely should have access to money for reasonable purchases of wants and needs even if it’s a Starbucks drink or a pair of dang underwear.
If my husband/significant other didn’t make sure I had access to fair share of spending money once all bills were paid I’d invoice/bill him each month for half of what it would cost to day care our children so I would have money. That’s if I didn’t just take on a job myself and likely start the process of leaving as separate accounts and having to asked for money and explain exactly what it’s for s huge narcissistic controlling red flags to me.
Ok… I guess I’ll play devils advocate a little here… not at all saying that I agree with what he’s doing, or that it isn’t financial abuse. But, I can’t help but wonder a few things.
He’s paying for you to go to school. Maybe he sees that as YOUR big purchases? Someone will be paying for childcare while you do your unpaid internship. It kind of sounds like he’s covering a lot more than just putting a roof over your head. Do you have a vehicle? Insurance? Healthcare? Food? Clothing? Phone? Internet? Etc? If you wanted a little extra spending money, why not pick up a partime job on weekends or when he doesn’t work for a little pocket cash? Let him take on some of the children’s and household responsibilities during that time. Even 1 shift a week at dollar general is going to put an extra $100 in your pocket every week for the little things like Starbucks or the salon. Being a SAHM is a huge job, but so is being responsible for the complete financial obligation of a family of 5 plus putting someone through college.
Just a different perspective…
If youve tried to talk to him, and he’s unwilling to budge, go get that job! Even 1 shift a week will give you extra spending money and help you feel a little less dependent on him. And if he isn’t willing to budge, I’d also be reexamining the relationship as a whole. Maybe he is like this because he thinks once you get your degree and through your internship that you are just going to leave him and he feels like this is how he has to protect himself. It does seem odd that he pays for music apps but not coffee?
My suggestion: Get you and your kids dressed in your most tattered clothes and go ask HIS mama and daddy that question. 
6 months I was a stay at home mom. Never again! I now run my own business so I have income and can stay home. Needless to say my ex husband is my ex for a reason…
I’m a SAHM… I’m great full that bills are paid and food is in our kids bellies.
I wanted my own money so I started a daycare from my home. It is kinda weird that you have separated accounts though. If you need something for the kids you literally have to ask? Need shampoo, you have to ask? That’s crazy to me. Yall need a household expense account or something, if he can’t trust you with that why are yall married
You should be able to use that money without asking. You need to sit him down and talk it out, and figure out a way for you to be able to spend money without being treated like a child.
He should be adding you to his bank account and you should be getting your own card, You should also be able to have the app so you can look at your finances.
Married for almost 16 years. I get every relationship is different how finances are set up. This wouldn’t work for me. I budget, pay bills. Whether when I was bread winner or him, it’s been our money. I’ve been a SAHM since 2012.
No separate accounts. He asks if it’s okay to get this/that bc he trusts my judgment when it comes to “spending play money”.
I’d have a chat with him, or tell ‘em to fork up some childcare money so you can get a part time job.
I spend what I want, and I’m financially responsible. We have the same accounts for everything
I feel like a majority of couples these days have separate accounts. Have you spoke with him about it? I always discuss what I’m doing with my husband and vise versa. We both carry 100 cash case we need or want something for emergency. How do you get gas and stuff? In the beginning was it clear his money was his money and he shared it only when necessary? I feel like every relationship is different. When I was a sahm I didn’t have an allowance. I told him what my projected days/week looked like and he’d give me enough to cover it or just in general he was aware that’s what was going to be spent. If he had questions I’d answer or if it was to expensive we adjusted what we’d do. Try and talk to him and create some open communication.
When we married 55 years ago it was a partnership everything was we we had joint accounts for everything. In. The beginning we both worked then since the first child she became a stay at home until the last child started high school.then she returned to the workforce.
I would get a job and have him pay daycare. That should help him appreciate you more
For one never have a man have that much control period . Second he won’t give you money , you can’t work so you think . You’re a sahm take in babysitting . Become a doordasher . I know people who do it and take kids with them .
I don’t have to get “handed” anything. I take the card & keys & I roll out. As a matter of fact, today, I took his truck & the card & left him my car today. I had things to do 
kiss him and walk out the door. Love you, bye.
we have separate accounts. however if i need/want something, he doesn’t bat an eye. gives me money/his card.
could you get a part time job (2-3 nights a week & weekends)?
Things like this should always be discussed beforehand, so both parties are aware of expectations.
But this sounds a little like financial abuse.
I’m a cancer patient so I avoid public places as much as possible
My mom was a sahm and she had full access. She did all the shopping for the house. Both parents were responsible. And of course didn’t spend like crazy. I would consider this a control situation. He probably won’t like it very much once u do start making ur own money.
I say find a part-time job at night in the evenings, let him stay home with the kids and you have money for yourself! he sounds very controlling!