Had this happen a child, judge ordered that I live with my mom for 6 months and my dad the other 6 months. He just had to make sure I got to and from school.
How recent are the girlfriend and her kids? Do they live with the ex? Could this be a ploy on her part to get him to not pay child support? Does she work or expect your ex to support them all? Not saying this is the case, but something to consider. Ask your ex why he wants to make a change now?
I’d want to meet the girlfriend and her kids to see how she parents & how unruly or well-behaved her kids are if she’s going to be a stepparent to your son. Maybe drop in and say hello at a drop off.
As for your son’s unruly behavior, post “house rules” and a behavior chart. Give him gold stars for using his indoor voice/not yelling indoors, being respectful of others/no back talk, going to bed on time, brushing his teeth when first asked, etc. Give out prizes (dollar store toys, extra stickers, choice of dinner/lunch menu, movie, staying up 1/2 hour later on a weekend, but be wary of making food a reward) for a majority or certain number of gold stars in a week, or even every few days or daily if it takes that.
But having to say goodbye to one parent (plus girlfriend & stepbrothers if he loves/enjoys them) is hugely stressful, especially at 6, and his emotions are probably overwhelming at seeing mom again.
So schedule some blowing off steam time to transition to a new house, a new family, new rules. Go to a park, run around the block, hit the McDonald’s Playplace, put on music & everybody dance, ask him about his week over a snack, or have some other ritual to ease him back into the new place & get hold of his emotions.
A day can seem like forever at that age. Imagine your husband has been away for at least 6 months with the military, and now you each have to fit each other back into your lives. Or you have to work for one really strict boss for a week, then one really easygoing/lax boss for a week and go back and forth like that for the foreseeable future. That’s how it feels to him.
Can you work with the mediator (and maybe include the girlfriend if she is going to be a permanent fixture in your son’s life) and set some minimal rules for both houses? Maybe have dad create his own “house rules” and set some consequence for the worst behavior, or reward for good behavior that the step kids can follow too, even if it is not as strict or detailed or extensive as at your house. Kids actually love structure and knowing what to expect (most of us do), and you’ve both done remarkably well in keeping to a schedule the past four years, so that’s wonderful.
How often do you each call your son when he is at the other house?
Maybe talking to him the night before he switches homes can help him prepare for the transition.
Good luck and enjoy all your children.
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Pretty much what everyone else said.
The child deserves equal time with his father. Sign the agreement and stop the power trip. He should have never had to spend money fighting for something he should already have.
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Depends on the state. Here in Michigan dad would likely get 50/50. He isn’t really doing anything wrong and sounds like he’s not a terrible co-parent.
You need to get an attorney and take control over the situation and establish boundaries ASAP! W eek on week off is unacceptable and inappropriate especially when the child is in school i can see maybe during thr summer but this is too much of a disruption during the school year especially where there is no discipline or structure this is not good for the educational process
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Always try meditation first. I would enlist a counselor for your child. See if every other weekend plus a day during the week that he spends the night at dad’s. Your child needs counseling, he is acting out let them help figure out why.
If he’s only been getting him every other weekend and tuesdays for a few hours…that’s probably why there’s less discipline.
Could you imagine only getting your kid only a handful of days? Wouldn’t you try to make the most of it? I bet if dad had him regularly it wouldn’t take long for dad to instill more discipline/consequences into his home.
You could also make some things part of the parenting plan.
As far as structure and routine goes, every other week is more a structured visitation schedule that every other weekend and tuesdays.
All that said, you don’t really have a lot of choices here. Your ex has already filed this with the court. Either you go to court and fight it out or mediation and the judge signs off on it. You don’t get to simply say…i don’t agree to this and it be cancelled.
How does this lady suffer? Try those same words in the court room. Good for dad making things fair for his son. I think it’s a great plan and it’s best to go with it.
If he’s in the same school district or his dad will take him and pick him up what’s the big deal? Dads have just as much rights as mom’s.
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Wow he wants to allow you to have the weekends off guilt free! Take it hun your mad. He sounds great
He deserves 50/50. Why are you and yours more important than him and his? Youre so full of shit. Fathers are JUST as important as moms. Why should you get more time to begin with? Talk about selfish
I refused the week on week off. We did Monday/ Tuesday. Then I had them Wednesday/ Thursday. And we alternated weekends. So 2 /5 5/2. I never went a whole week with out seeing them. He is currently residing with you so you should have primary for school his dad will have to get him too and from school daily.
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Can he drive his son to school every day he has him? If that wont be a problem, then think of your reasons why you don’t want him to have it. The way I see it is dad has to be a parent and not just fun dad on weekends, when he has to get him up for school and do the everyday routine things he isn’t going to be fun all the time, and it could possibly stop some of the entitlement behavior. If he is a good dad, and doesn’t slack when it comes to school, I don’t see a problem with the information I have.
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A friend of ours had the same concerns so what the judge ordered was. Mom got the first weekend of the month and during the week. Dad got every weekend (except the 1st) and every Wednesday from after school until 8(bedtime). They split holiday breaks. During the summer it switches and dad gets the 1st weekend and all week and mom gets the weekends and every Wednesday from 3 to 8.
You both made the child, you just said that he has been agreeable with you, AND takes care of his responsibilities, but you’re having second thoughts to him having 50/50? Why is this? Is it because you’d lose the amount of money you’re getting paid right now for child support? If this man isn’t a threat or danger to your child, which I assume he isn’t since y’all coparent well, and agree on things, why the fuck do you think it’s ok to be selfish like that? N yes, it’s fucking selfish. The man should’ve already had 50/50. Why should the child not get equal time with both parents? It’s definitely seen that you both love the child… so what’s the real issue here?
Unless you fear for your son’s wellbeing and safety , I see nothing wrong with this. A father wanting more time with his son. If he moved further away though, it’s his responsibility to make the arrangements to get his son and bring him back, not you.
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Id fight it he moved away not you and your son will have to be up earlier for school. My sons dad only gets every other weekend and a weekday after school till about bed time. If hes late getting to school get proof for court my sons dad is never on time.
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While I’m all for Father’s rights and 50/50 is the new standard instead of the old school every other weekend and a few hours midweek, HE moved further away so the burden of transporting him back and forth to school every day would need to fall on Dad if this is going to work. If he can’t or won’t do that, 50/50 isn’t appropriate for your situation.
So, try mediation but stipulate the transportation responsibilities and that it’s dependent on him following it or else you revert back to every other weekend or revisit mediation to come up with a new plan. (You don’t want to get into this and then have no recourse if they suddenly “don’t have gas money” or something and your son’s attendance starts suffering or you feel forced to go and get him to avoid him missing school.) Custody should change over some time on Saturday to give him a weekend night at each parent’s house and to allow him a day to transition in to the new house before the school week starts. I don’t recommend a Sunday night drop off, it’s way too much change on the child way too soon.
He should see his Dad more as long as Dad puts in the work. That is more important than his relationship with siblings. He is a child of a split home and there are going to be consequences of that, like it or not but the bond with his Mother and Father outrank any other relationship.
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You can fight it, but you also must take your feeling out of the entire equation. What’s best for the kid? Will the child be happy seeing kommy and daddy same amount of time? Will the child be happy being able to see both sides of the family equally? Will the child be happy hanging out with his step sibling when at dads?
If yes is the answer to all of that, then there ya go.
Dad has been good on payments, and wants more time with his child. You should be happy he wants to be with him.
If dad is ok getting the child to and from school on his week…then it’s fine.
As hard as it is in YOU, it’s good for the child to see his dad just as much as he sees you.
We do week on week off…kids adjusted just fine.
People think too little of kids.
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I mean, if he’s not hurting the child and he’s paying, odds are he’ll get what he wants. I would request the court grant you a legal written agreement for discipline. Idk if they will, but your concerns are fair. He needs some kind of consistency between the households. Every child does. At least an agreement to a general routine, like homework times and bedtimes and things. 
I don’t think that would work. It sounds like he’s living with you in one school district. But also living in a different school raises the question of where would he go to school? Maybe let him have him during weekends (dad picks him up from school Friday drops him off Sunday night) or something like that. Try meditation before going through the drama of court. If you can’t settle in mediation then you should get a lawyer for court
This lady states he has 50/50 which is false. If that were true then why did he file?? 51 hours every two weeks is garbage. This means 48 hours in the weekend and 3 measly hours on a Tuesday. That is not equal time and if anyone can add they would agree that it’s garbage. She is threatened at the fact that she will lose money and control. 50/50 provides structure because it’s only ONE changeover. How is that interrupting the crazy nonsense they have now?? I think it’s more stable. He has the ability to draw these papers and has a lawyer so best to let the child have equal access to dad. You chose this man and he chose you. Not choose the child and quit that control trip.