Hi, moms are looking for some advice. My oldest son, who’s 6, dad, and I have been separated since right before his 2nd Xmas. We went to mediation about a year after because he kept jerking me around on visitation days, and he always wants him on the weekends. We also have a child support agreement witch he has always followed. So he’s currently paying child support monthly, and we follow mediation agreement with says he gets him every second weekend every Tuesday after school from 5-8 pm. Now his dad moved further away about a half-hour drive and complained that he wasn’t getting enough time on that day, so he wanted to keep him overnight and bring him to school in the am. Which, I finally agreed to. We also have worked out shared holidays or rotating holidays. His dad never really has any displace or consequences for his actions. He never tells him no and always buys him stuff just because he wants to be a nice fun dad. So when he comes home, he is rude, demanding, and instant-on getting his way. I also have two younger boys with my hubby of 3 years, and my son’s dad has a gf and 2 step kids. Now just two days ago, I was served with court papers is a dad is going for 5050/ visitation he already has joint custody where we both have to agree on medical religion and school decisions together. Now I’m wondering if it’s possible the courts will grant him this and we will change to change visitation too week on week off. My main concern is that my son needs routine and structure. Going and changing something that we’ve been following for 4ish years. His dad’s reasoning is that our son needs equal access for all family members, meaning he wants our son to be able to see his stepchildren more. With means, his step bothers I will suffer. So my main question is. Do/can I fight this in court or just work something out in mediation in agreeance to his dad?
Whats wrong with 50/50.?
Chances are slim if he is far away that it would be different schools.
Why not give him 50/50? It’s half his kid.
There is alot of court that are deciding this is good for the kids…I myself wouldnt see a problem with it… the more people to love my kids and the better we co parent the better the child…I think 50/50 is totally fair…and glad the court system finally acknowledges it
Just wait until court and let the judge decide.
Just go to court… show them what you all have already agreed upon and show he keeps trying to change it…
Go to court… He will not settle for anything less… Courts won’t allow a child education to fluxate because his father wants to spend more time… More likely to be granted more weekend time…
Ph a lawyer ASAP legal aide
Im not trying at all to be a jerk because it sucks when you have to share. But… You should share. Be thankful he wants to take on the responsibility of being a dad. I get its hard but its his child to. You made this child together therefore equal rights to parent the child equal time should be alowed. 
Never underestimate a judge…
I doubt he’ll get 50 50 unless you agree.
I grew up on a visitation order. My dad got us every wednesday for a few hours and every other weekend. With shared holidays. (Xmas eve with dad, home like 10ish. And xmas at home). As far as i know, they will not split every week because of school, bussing, etc.
Go to court… you got served already so that means he won’t do negotiations… state your case and see what the judge says… if whatever is decided on, doesn’t work you go to court. Give him a chance… and tell the judge the spoiling needs to stop… everything needs to be earned
My friend has been doing the 50/50 thing with her ex since they separated. It works for their younger one, and it did for their older one until she hit High School and now she prefers to stay with her mom more. But they only live a mile apart and the girls no matter what house they are at is not far. Either parent can drop off and pick up easily. I mean I wonder both parents and their real motivations. Is it to pit the kid against each other? Could be? Custody agreements don’t all have to look alike. What works for one family might not for others. I say let him try the 50/50 agreement. If he has to drive the kid to school a half hour away every other week then it might not work for him. Another friend let his boys go live with their mom after he had them most of their lives. He let her to show her it won’t be easy. She needed to have some challenges with the boys.
You sound so entitled and ungrateful.
The child you SHARE with your ex will adjust to the new routine. And, even if you don’t like it, his father is entitled to as much time with his son as you are.
STOP MAKING IT ABOUT YOU. Give him 50/50 and stop being a control freak. He lives 30 mins away he can get your child to and from school. my ex husband and I live in the same city 30 mins from each other. We manage. So what, he buys him things it’s his way of making up for the time they lost if you do 50/50 it will stop. Stop being petty Betty and share because it’s what’s best for the child.
If he gets 50/50 we probably won’t have to pay support. I would Lawyer up. Just to be safe.
If he is participating and willing to keep the child in the same school then do the 50/50. You didn’t make him by yourself, that child is his too, sounds like you need to let him be a father instead of disney land dad.
Leave it up to a judge. Think of the kid.
You should be glad this man is trying to do his part as a father. Many women would be grateful.
Unless he is a total POS with drug and alcohol problems and is able to get the child to school on time and care for him properly, let your son have his dad half the time. Some of us didn’t get so lucky in the way the father turned out to be. I know it’s hard because you want the child to yourself but if he is a good guy and stepping up, let it happen
I don’t know how you think you’re more entitled to the child then he is… As long as he’s safe and being cared for properly cared for and he can work the school drop offs judges are giving more parents 50/50
I would hear him out however I would have a lawyer also. That’s awesome he wants more time. Let him be a daddy. Your lucky.
Sounds like he’s put in an effort so you can go ahead and attempt to argue his50/50 but you most likely won’t win. Sometimes kids do feel more stable one week on, one week off…it always sounded like a bad idea…until I saw it work. You gotta do what’s best for your kids…even if you don’t like it. It’s always something that can be revisited later if it doesn’t work.
It benefits your son to have his father in his life equally.
Try to work It out with him personally first. Then the courts. 50/50 Who ever
Makes more money will have to pay child support . But NY doesn’t usually do 50/50 . They use whom ever is the primary residence. Check your states law
He’s the one who moved away. What if he had moved to another state? Nonetheless the child pays or learns to manipulate. Parents NEED to be on same page!
The hardest part of coparenting is accepting the other parent will have different rules and a different parenting style. There isn’t any reason your son shouldn’t be with his father equal time. If you go to court saying but dad doesn’t parent my way…you will lose.
I know its not easy dealing with a kid coming back from the other parents house, but that’s ALWAYS going to happen. You can’t control the rules and the way things are done at the fathers house anymore than he can control the things happening at your house. Unless the child is in danger, there is absolutely no reason it shouldn’t be 50/50. If you can do it in mediation, you may get more of what you want and not what the judges opinion is. I suggest if you can sit down and agree in mediation, then why wouldn’t you? I’m just not completely sure why you would fight it? Because your son is rude and disrespectful in your house?
There usually has to be a significant change in circumstances for a judge to grant 50/50 visitations after an agreement has already been reached in court. Such as…if u were abusive, neglectful, u were drinking or doing drugs, etc. It seems u have been very accomodating to ur son’s father. It doesn’t seem like u want to say no for selfish reasons, but perhaps for practical ones. And it also does not seem like u are trying to “keep” ur son from his father either. Don’t listen to the people who tell u otherwise. U both have ur own style of parenting. It may be completely different from one another and it may also sometimes infuriate one another. But as long as ur son has love and structure, that is what matters most. It doesn’t matter from which parent. It is an extremely common story what u just described. Sometimes it can feel like the other parent is undermining u, still trying to control u, make u look like the bad parent, yada, yada, yada, but u just keep parenting the way YOU parent and he is going to keep parenting the way HE parents. Hopefully the new boyfriend and girlfriend involved can let u and ur son’s father handle things. Good luck to all of u. Ur son deserves the best u all can give. God bless.
From what I read it sounds like the father just wants more time with his kid GOD BLESS HIM!!! I didn’t read anything about the father being cruel or abusive or an addict or irresponsible etc so if he’s a good responsible caring man who wants more time with his kid please let him…the child will thank you
My grand daughter’s daddy wanted 50/50. She had never stayed with anyone but me while mommy worked. Mediator asked him where she would be from 6am to 6pm Monday to Friday if he was granted 50/50. He said a daycare. The told him no. They have joint legal/physical. Primary with mom. He has every other weekend and 1 day a week. He lives 2 miles away and doesnt do the 1 day. Only every other weekend. He thought for sure he would be granted 50/50.
Actually courts would like it if you sat down wrote an agreement out and go get it notarized in front of a lawyer… You don’t have to go to court to change anything. And honestly it might balance better to see everyone equally with time playing a factor. And I have 50 /50 with my ex and he still pays child support!
I don’t know where you live but in most states a judge wants mediation to happen first and therefore if no agreement is sought then you can file a motion with the court. If you were married it’s likely a judge will grant 50:50 however if you weren’t depending on your states laws the child resides with the mother more. If you have an attorney representing you your in good hands otherwise you need to prove why it’s “not in the best interest of the child” to not share 50:50. Reasons need to be plausible. Present facts. Good luck
Frankly you should thank yourself lucky that he wants to be a dad, that he is paying child support and that he wants to spend more time with him. A lot of mums aren’t so lucky. You wouldn’t have the child with the dad so why not share 50/50. No parent is entitled to more then the other. I hate how some mothers think that just because they gave birth to the child that their some how more entitled then the father is. Your an equal parent that deserves equal time. As far as I’m concerned it’s what’s in the best interest of the child not the parents.
So it’s not bad to do 50/50 now. But the issue is when he is in school. He will have to adjust every week to something different. It will be hard for him.
I think the dad should get lots of time but moving back and forth is really hard for them.
Secondly I recommend an attorney to help you.
Last - when he comes home, make a strict routine. Come home Sunday 6pm. Remind him he’s home and the home rules are back in effect. Have a snack (hungry = grouchy) and an early bath and maybe hot cocoa a book and bed early - kids need a lot of sleep. Most don’t get enough.
Best of luck to you. Routine is your friend and will help him fall back in line.
You sound selfish!! His dad wants more time with him to continue to build a bond, yet you are worried that you and your other children will suffer cause he’s not home everyday!! What about your dad suffering cause he doesn’t spend time with his dad?? You should consider yourself lucky that his dad wants to see and pays his child support!! Stop thinking of only yourself and other kids feelings and consider this sons feelings as well!!
Let the man have more time with his son. You shouldn’t have to go to court or mediation for that. He is his kid too. Kids adjust to new routines all the time. Stop being selfish. You’re lucky his dad wants to be in his life.
50/50 doesn’t have to be one week on one week off. My partner has 50% shared access to his kids but we have it on a rota. So one week we have them Tues, Weds, Fri, Sat, Sun nights and then the following week we have them Wed, Thurs nights. It works for them and us as means we don’t go too long without seeing them. Hope you can work it out with what is best for you guys but it’s nice their dad wants to be involved so much 
KIDS ARE NOT PAWNS OR CONTROL DEVICES, they are kids, let them be. If you and he can’t agree (ask the questions with him and discuss concerns…not control items) come to an agreement. Take it to court and make sure you agree on correcting him also. Structure is good but keeping kids from one parent tends to backfire on the parent doing it. Most dads don’t want time with their kids, be glad he does.
I think your ungrateful I would give anything for my sons dad to want access but he doesnt give a shit I’ve fought and begged and no nothing! He sounds like a good man who pays child support why wouldnt you want your son to spend time with him???
I split with my daughter’s dad when she was a few months old. He had her every weekend unless I have something planned and we split all school holidays. She’s 15 now so it’s not so regimented she chooses where she goes but children deserve to be able to bond with both sides of their families x
Me and my ex live 20 mins apart and have 50/50 week on / off of our 12 year old son. This has been happening since he was 2. We WOULDNT have it any other way. He has his rules, and schedules for both house, but we work together to keep thibgs pretty much the same. Dad drives him school every morning when its his week, and picks him up from me after work, as our son walks to my house after school. If there is no underlying issues that he’s a bad dad then then no reason why . Its call Co-parenting and your kids will love it for it.
This sounds fair. What is the problem here?
I understand. It seems to me it should be he gets weekends and summer and rotating holidays. That every other week seems a bit chaotic. But that’s just my opinion.
I think that it’s good that he wants to spend more time with his child. It creates a bond that the father/son relationship needs. When it comes to the behavior issues, have a conversation with the ex. and child together. His dad needs to reinforce a proper behavior pattern that is similar to yours. Tell the child that their will be consequences to his misbehaviors!
Be grateful he around
But does he want 50/50 because most don’t have to pay support anymore… cause that does happen.
Yes, you can fight this in court. You don’t have to just agree.
WOW !!! You Have A DAD THAT IS NOT A DEADBEAT DAD AND YOU’RE BITCHING !!!
I’m not sure,though it doesn’t matter, why something that was working now is not adequate. Maybe girlfriend put bug in his ear. None the less, agree to the 50/50. Let him have as much interaction with his dad and “other” family. As for the crappy attitude, get used to it. One of us has to be the bad guy and it’s usually us mom’s. Dad will give and give and say yes, that makes him the good guy. Short of an agreement and intense co-parenting, this will forever be the situation. I’m sure you don’t want to entangle yourself in his “other” family,so be prepared to deal with " the other parent’s house I gat everything I want and have no responsibility" attitude. It wears off in a day or two.
If this true then you tell the court that when you go. Every young kids need learn the right direction to. Again if true he is leading is son in the direction.
All kids need structure and the court knows this. He cant be at 2 schools. Hire a lawyer and make sure you stay “primary care giver” so he can’t back out on child support and let him have 50/50 bc people on here are right, you should be at lest mildly grateful dad wants to spend time with his kid… Its much worse having to fight a dad just to show up.
Oh wow. I would talk to a counselor. It’s not a matter of just being in a childs life but I agree stability has a lot to do with keeping a child feeling loved and not confused
Give child to dad as much as he wants and let your hair girl. Live life 
and win…
Simple answer…what is best for your CHILD!!! Just because the parents didn’t make it as a unit is NOT your child’s fault nor should it be his burden. Sons need their father to teach them about becoming a man. THEIR father preferably. You and your son are so fortunate his Dad is very involved. Do a paradigm shift…focus on the positive. Blessings to all of you.
Do it in court so it can be enforced, you aren’t dealing with a consistent individual I’ve been through this, trust me
From what I’ve read, he sounds like a good dad. He pays his support and follows the court order. And he’s right. Children need and want both of their parents having a very present role in their life. I share 50/50 with my older kids dad. I chose to put their needs over my selfish wants.
I would take it court so that it can finalized by a judge. Let him give the judge a good reason why it needs to be changed. Good luck!!!
Wow I bet many women wish their was their only problem. A man who wants to see his son and he comes home being a turd. Sounds like your more concerned how you will “suffer” than your son seeing HIS father more. 
.
I’m just curious what’s the difference between court and mediation? maybe it’s a dumb question, but just wondering?
You can get the judge no to change it or to structure the custody agreement more. Honestly the dad sounds selfish. A child moving to and from a house every week is just mean to the child. I would fight this in court but, also talk to your case worker about other options.
He will get 50/50 and he should! Why spend the money fighting in court when you could just say “you’re a good dad and deserve equal time with our child”… but instead you’ll wait for a judge to decide the schedule of your child because you can’t be mature about it.
Go to mediation first, judges don’t want to decide this for you.
I’ll never understand why some women have Wonderful father’s for their children, yet they want to deny them their fatherly duties. Blows my mind. Every child deserves a mother and father. Full time. You are no more special than the Dad… I’d like to know why you feel you are. Be grateful he’s not a low life and wants to be a Dad. Is it about the child support? 9/10 it is, no matter how much you’ll deny it… as long as he’s a good Dad, give the man a chance but more importantly, give the child a full time father. Not just a weekend Dad.
Only reason he wouldn’t get 50/50 is how far he lives and if would alter any routine with school or extra curricular. He also might not have to pay support anymore if it’s 50/50. But he deserves to see his son just as much as you if he is able to. Don’t fight this. Get and attorney and have yours communicate with his to come up with an agreement. I’m sure you could include that he has to follow the same routine at both homes if that’s truly what he needs. The best thing is for you to have a good coparenting relationship and let him see yalls son.
As a child of divorce, I wish I could have spent 50/50 with both parents but my mom dragged my dad through and ugly court battle and he ended up with us EOWE. He used to cry every time he dropped us off. Please consider the feelings of your children, I wish my mom would have.
Fight for u kid, he will just keep taking, he needs to meet you half way, tell him to move closer to u.
He sounds like a good dad and ur being selfish. Allow him 50/50.
All kids who come from other houses always act out and will always test the water because they want to know just because they have been gone can i get away with this.
Dont worry. If u need see therapy and take some classes. This behavior is normal.
Also u have no idea what they do over there. Just because u dont see him discipline in front of u doesnt mean hes not.
You said it at the end if your post. “I will suffer” But the kid will probably be better off with equal time not just a few hours then every second weekend. Give the man 50/50 he deserves it just as much as you do! And the kid deserves it too.
I’m going through this and at last moment less than 24 hrs before trail he backed out. There needs to be material change…in which his move is possible in material change.
Fight it in court sl its enforcible o he will keep changing things as for your son you are the adult bust his butt
50/50 in my state one parent has them Sunday to Thursday and other parent has then Thursday to Sunday
I would think a week on and week off would be more structure than what he is currently enduring. The court most likely will approve 50/50 if your ex pushes for it, regardless of what you say. The court looks at what is best for the child, not necessarily what is most convenient for you as his mother or his step siblings. Courts generally see equal parenting with two fit parents to be the healthiest for the child. Honestly this is just a side effect of co parenting, you have to just deal with it and make it work. You are lucky your child has a dad who wants to be a part of his life and you should respect him for that and let him be a dad, even if he does things you don’t always agree with. I know in my state the only reason they deny joint custody would be domestic issues or drug use, distance doesn’t really matter. A half hour isn’t even a long commute I know someone who has joint custody and lives an hour away and drives that everyday when it’s their week. If your ex is willing to do all that he must really love your son.
Dear lady you’re even lucky that he’s fighting for 50/50 he must be a good dad just let it be. Consider your kid’s in this case they need their Dad.
His dad is his only dad. Put your child first.
If he is a good dad then he deserves him 50% period. And being 30 min away isn’t far at all. And still do able for school. I wouldn’t fight at all you should agree to it
He will get it and he should. I’m sorry your being selfish
I would love for my oldest son to have a dad like your sons dad. Do not deny him his parental rights and punish your son along the way that will hurt your son in the long run. If he has a good daddy that wants to be there for him and tries his best why should your husband get to see him more than his own daddy does? Don’t be a bitter ex and be selfish with your child, be mature about the situation. My sons dad has nothing to do with him, imagine sitting and watching your child suffer because they feel unwanted by the other parent and asks why they don’t have a dad like their friends do. Then you would stop worrying about your “suffering” sharing a child with a parent that actually wants to be around. Smh
He over composites for missing out on so much, he’s so lenient because he gets less time with his child, it’s not about trying to be cool, he just want to be in his child’s life and I think that is amazing!!
I can’t believe you’re complaining about a father who is competent actually wanting to see and provide for his child. Smh.
He gets him one weekend a month and one day a week? Sorry, but that is absolutely ridiculous.
If he’s a good dad, he deserves 50/50 and if you fight it, you’re not putting your son first.
Work it out with him…
Not trying to be rude but you’re selfish. There’s a lot of kids how who’s other parent are not even in their life but you have an ex who not only pays their child support but also wants to see his child more. I bet money the whole ‘letting the child do what he wants’ is not about being ‘cool’. It’s probably because he never gets to see him and feels bad and is trying to overcompensate. My guess is you’re one of them bitter exes that thinks your ex owes you something because you’re not together anymore. 30 minutes away also isn’t far at all. We drive a 1.5 hour round trip for one child, and about 40 min one way for the other.
If he is of school age they wont agree to 50/50 when he lives a half hour away. If he was that concerned honestly he shouldnt have moved away. Not your problem though
It’s wonderful that his dad cares so much about his child. I don’t know how the courts see it there but I would fight it. I think it’s disruptive and confusing when a child doesn’t have one consistent home. Especially when they are so young. Different rules. Different parenting, different siblings. Has any research been done on the impact of this on children.
Nothing you said makes me think he doesn’t deserve 50/50. He pays, is interested in his son and is consistent in being present. He will likely get joint custody.
As far as mediation, depends on where you live but it looks like you’ve already been served so court may be unavoidable.
The reason he is so lenient with him is bc he doesn’t get him often. So of course he is gonna give him what he wants. He probably feels like that is the only way to be close to him. Go with the week on and week off. He deserves his child just as much as u do… His parenting towards him will get better in time. It will benefit ur baby in the long run having both parents. Especially if both parents are getting along and doing it together even tho you are separated. You both made him… It’s time for both of you to raise him. Just let it happen mama! I know it sucks giving him more time bc it’s taking from the time u want. It is only fair tho…
50/50 doesnt have to be one week with you one week with dad. It could be mon, tue, wed with you, thur & fri with dad, sat sun with you one week and the next week swap. Over 2 weeks he spends 50% of his time with each of you, you get equal amount of weekends and no one goes longer than 3 days without seeing each other. I would go to mediation and discuss something like this x
Sounds like if you already got papers to go to court then you get prepared to fight and get the custody,visitation and child support in stone. 9 times outta ten the judge will see that this child has a routine and hopefully it will remain that way.
I think its great the dad has the will to put up a fight bc so many dont even care.
But is he doing it so he doesn’t have to pay ?
If you really believe its not in the childs best interest then raise your concerns bc that can be a little much for a young child in school.
But maybe if he spends more time there he will get more routine and discipline there also !
Present your concerns to the judge and be prepared with a compromise for visitation. Behavior issues after weekday visit needs to be addressed, even though dad gets to set his own rules those issues can become a problem at school not just home
He deserves 50/50 and it sounds like that’s what would be best for the child. He also sounds like a amazing dad just fighting for his child.
Let him be a dad. 50/50 is something a lot of kids would kill for with their parents. He will adjust and the 50/50 visitation will become structured for him too. It sounds like you just want things your way.
I know it’s hard to share your kid, his father clearly feels the same way. Imagine only getting to see your son the schedule that his father has. I can’t. Your child deserves time with both parents and both families. If the behavior is the biggest issue than talk to his dad father as an adult. If I only saw my kid a handful of times a month I’d probably be a lot more lenient too! At the end of the day it’s suppose to be about what is best for the child, not you’re personal feelings towards your ex or what’s convenient for you.
You and your other kids will suffer?what about him and his step kids?you have him more than the father.
He is a parent just as much as you are… He should get 50/50.
Speak to your ex about routine after he gets 50/50…you’re meant to do what’s best for the kid,not what’s best for you and what you want.
You sound ridiculous. How dare his father want him and want more time with him.
You’re one of the lucky ones if dad is asking/ fighting for more visitation!! I would kill for my sons dad to want 50/50. If I were you I’d be thanking him not writing a post about how to counteract him. Let him have more time
Given that he moved farther away and then started to complain about not enough time is a red flag that he’s likely up to no good, BUT he may just want to see his child more and honestly should have thought about that before moving farther away. I would consult an attorney (most do a free consult) and go from there. Usually 50/50 custody will eliminate child support as both parents will have the child for the same amount of time (not always though, depends on your location and laws) and it could be week on/week off or could even be two weeks on and two weeks off. also, 50/50 could also be every second weekend and 2-3 days per week (2 over night, 1 not) and a whole ton of other options. I would message him and ask him what exactly he wants out of the 50/50. Does he actually want more time or does he just want to stop paying support? Does he want a week on and a week off, or does he want something else. Keep all communication in writing (email, text etc) NOT phone calls. You want to keep a record of everything. It will also show the judge, if it come to that, that you tried to work with him.