Should we go to court?

I’ve been apart of my stepdaughter’s life for four years now (since she was one year old). My husband and I are going on three years of marriage and have our own son, who was born last year. We both have good stable jobs, a house in a nice neighborhood, we don’t have criminal records or do drugs (we don’t even smoke cigarettes). We get my stepdaughter every other weekend and one night a week per court order, as well as paying $600 a month of CS. She starts school in August 2021, and her daycare is $119 a week. Our daughter never goes without and has nice things and whatever she wants. Her mom remarried a year ago (a man who is 20 years older…we are in our mid-late 20’s) and has our daughter calling him daddy.)They moved in with him 1 1/2 year ago- 4 months after dating him) which we didn’t make a big deal about because we didn’t have money to take her to court at the time and even asked in that same conversation if we could talk about 50/50 and she said it was a conversation we could have. Since the end of 2017- we have been on GREAT terms. We talk and coparent VERY well; I’ve invited them to my birthday dinners, my graduation, my baby showers, etc. we pretty much get our daughter whenever we want, we just have to ask. Here lately we haven’t gotten her much because my husband had a work accident where he broke a couple of bones, had surgery and is on bed rest, along with me working full time, having an infant, dogs, and keeping the house kept up- it was too much stress to get our daughter, so I worked things out with her mom to where we didn’t get her as much… her mom respectfully agreed. There have been plenty of times in the past where her mom needed someone to watch her because of work, school, plans, etc. and I agreed that we’d keep her. She filed with CS requesting more money recently (without saying anything to us- I thought we were on good enough terms to talk if she needed money) and it brought up the discussion that we wanted to go for 50/50. (This is the 4th time my husband has asked in the past 4 years. Her response was no, and we can go to court and fight if that’s what you want… I don’t want to go into debt fighting in court if we can’t win, but I see absolutely no reason we couldn’t get her other than because we haven’t had her much in the past month due to everything that’s been going on at home, but her mom and I had made agreements discussing this, and now she wants to hold it over our heads… advise?


Are you sure you want the 50/50 for the daughter or to stop the child support ? Been down that road … by the sound of it if you cant take the child when dad is down ( she should have maintained her normal visitation you had your son during this time ? Or did he fo stay with a relative ? Mom has every right to say no if dad reneged on his visitation … if it was mom hurt or recovering she would still have to take care of her child :woman_shrugging: sounds like you guys want 50/50 because then no one pays child support … same reason my ex husband and his wife TRIED to get it …

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He messed up when he didn’t get his daughter like he should have. None of those were good enough excuses to not get her. Y’all just didn’t want to be bothered with her because she has another home. But if she was your bio kid, she would have been there. I would be hesitant too to let y’all get 50/50 custody if you acted that way. There is also a good chance the judge will keep it as it is.


It’s great to have a great relationship but sometimes there is one person that does things under handed. You need to put the money aside and go to court. It’s not about the money it’s about being far. Go for your 50/50 but having 50/50 has nothing to do with the money part. It’s the physical part and who the child is with most. If she’s with her mom most no matter what your husband has to pay for her. But if your doing it because you guys want more time with her do what you have to do.

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I would at least talk to a lawyer and see what your chances are and about what it will cost. But I would also ask about full custody and let the mother see her when she wants. That’s if you can give her a better stable life

I know you have a lot going on. But no matter what I’d want to see my daughter. It looks like things went south when y’all decided to get the daughter less often. Perhaps she took it personal or offensive.


Anytime I’ve dealt with modification of custody we always did mediation first to see if we could resolve things that way first. But it’s usually just between the biological parents only.

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Warning to all the ladies. Never marry a man who is paying child support. If he decides to stop paying guess whose income gets garnished? YOURS! Yep, I’ve heard of it happening. Guess who paid Bobby Brown’s child support? His wife, Whitney Houston did.

I would try speaking w her 1st and saying “we’d be happy to take her more or even 50/50. As u know the last mos has been hectic but things arw settling down now”

If you live in the same town and can go to school from your house then you should fight for her 50 50…my son just won that battle and swap school vacation week and every other holiday.
Only cost 800 .

If you live in the same town by all means your husband needs to bring up a 50/50 arrangement and do it for his daughter. Children are created in a loving marriage, divorce between parents only hurts the child when the parents bicker and fight over the child. If she does 50/50 time in each household then the support should be set accordingly. You nor the other fellow have any say so on the daughter of a former marriage. Build and encourage positivity in your lives.

If she is remarried why would she need to up the child support? She is not carrying all the expenses alone to care for the child and I agree with the one person about maybe you pissed her off when you stopped having the daughter when she was supposed to be there. But that’s his child and he should want her there with him no matter what.

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Most judges give 50/50 as long as it’s not an infant or toddler or criminal/ drug issues so go for it. It’s pretty standard now in most states.

If you go for 50/50 most likely you will get it unlike if you ask for full custody

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If your husband is bringing in less money than when he was working then go back to court and have it lowered


I would take it to court

Go. You guys shouldn’t have to pay and see her whenever you am want. It’s not fair. And on top of that, she knows that it y’all do the every other weekend and on day a week, then y’all have to pay. She’s not stupid (or she’s being told this). She’s a little greedy. Go to court and earn that 50/50

Take the selfish bitch to court. Have all your ducks in a row showing what you already pay for her and witnesses that can vouch for your daughters well being while in your custody. Prove that 50/50 is reasonable and fair to the judge.

Having 50/50 custody doesn’t mean it will effect child support at all, they are two separate things.

You said yourself that you have a relationship that allows you to openly get more time when you want but because of your situation you haven’t taken extra time lately.

You suggested she may be crossing a boundary by having the child refer to her step dad as “daddy” but in the same breath you referred to her as “our daughter”

Quite frankly I can see where the biological mother would be hesitant to offer up a conversation in regards to legally giving more custody over when it is very clear that when having an extra child could be slightly inconvenient you don’t get her.

From what you have said not knowing more it seems like a want for more custody seems to possibly be financially motivated. Also it isn’t fair to nit pick and have a double standard. Nothing you stated is grounds for more custody.


When I went thru the mother asking for increase from my spouse I went to court also. I kept my mouth shut. At the end before the judge announced his decision I stood and asked permission to speak. I stated yes we were married but I had 2 children that were my full responsibility and asked that he not count my income as part of the household funds due to me needing my income to care for my children.

Are these your feelings or the dad’s. Thing is if they go to court you will not be involved in anything. It will be between the parents. You said it would have been to much to get her when her dad was injured!!! We hear how you feel. But you may want to have a hard conversation with your husband. Custody and child support are 2 different things in 2 different courts. I’m guessing they were not married because custody would have been taken care of in the divorce. It sounds like he has the basic child support visitation.


If you cannot work things out in some kind of mediation then yes, court is the only alternative. Although support and visitation/custody are separate issues. Both involve a material change of circumstance to be changed. It is always best if you can work things out yourselves and if the child is well cared for in both places then a 50/50 thing may be for you. We actually did that with my stepdaughter, with her mother taking care of expenses on her time and us on ours, alternating tax year with whoever paid for school. Any medical expenses or extra curricular activities were split between us after$100. Hope it helps!


my story the same, other than., I, knew, the mother’s input was money. and years of struggle. the day came. when we never had to pay a dime again. and ya, know what I felt sorry for them. she went a bit wild. when the money ended. the lawyer said they always do. you, can try and go back to court. get it reduced. I, called it guilt money. what ever the price of guilt. she’s 43 yrs old now. her kids are grown. pick your battles… praying for you.


Some states 50/50 is automatically given and you have to go back to court to get more time if you want. Florida is one of those states. We started out with 50/50 custody of my stepdaughter and it took us 5-6 years to be able to get 82% custody. Depending on your state, it shouldn’t be an issue but would definitely do some research to find out.

The fact that you haven’t gotten her as much in the past month due to circumstances shouldn’t hurt you. You should definitely get an attorney and go thru family court. It will reduce the stress and stop mom from being able to hold these things over your head. It sounds as if you’re extremely responsible and very much involved in baby girls life. My advice? Start keeping a journal of conversations. Even if it seems insignificant. Write down every conversation. Keep a record of when you do ask for babygirl visitation and mom’s response. Dad deserves just as much time as mom has.


Life was too stressful to have your child!? You work around all those things. Kids come first… Dogs ? I must be reading this wrong …
I would be embarrassed to go to court and tell the judge I sacrificed my child for my dog and housework…


I’d politely ask her why she went for more child support and play it cool. Then I’d turn around and go to court to get more time with her. I honestly don’t see why the courts would deny it.

Girl, you’re just starting the stress of life. Lol. It’s obvious to me, that you’re in no way ready for 50/50 with his child. You can’t handle your own baby and a dog. My goodness! I’m 47, grown kids, 8 grandkids, 1 that I watch every day, 4 dogs, a husband that trucks for months at a time, 2 more grandkids that are always going to doctors. Shit, please come give me a break!


I would definitely get legal advice. Also I would wait awhile to be certain that I can take care of the child when a crisis arises. I believe that you made a mistake not being able to care for that child but you could care for your husband your child and the household but not the other child. Just my opinion.
Best of everything to ALL of you.

In montana they go off both biological parents and there spouses income regardless. Take her court make sure u have all your documents. I feel what your saying about this situation I’m in a similar 1 with my baby daddy who hasn’t seen her in 6 1/2 years and stuff but wont sign his rights over to my husband who treats her like his own. It dont really matter what ppl say it’s in the DISCRETION of the judge

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If you had 50/50 what would you do if he was hurt again you take care of the infant in these times you shouldn’t have the opinion to not get her just cause of the stress kids are stressful you deal
With it


I would go to Court and let the Judge do his magic .
But I would ask you’re husband what you want as far as how much time for his daughter to come and stay at you’re home and how much time with her Mother at her home … write it all down on paper :memo: trust me you’ll need to write it down on paper to give to the Mediator

Talk to a lawyer. They usually offer free consultations. You should also be able to talk to a judge for free. Either way you need some kind of legal advice

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Well , I can TOTALLY understand requesting more support if the TOTAL is 600 a mth and 480 is going straight to child care so mom can work. I just LOVE when the New WIFE has a baby all of the sudden her HUSBAND’S older child dosent deserve as much, OR its automatically Mom’s husbands responsibility to pick up the SLACK, and for the sake of argument if Mom needed the child picked up for whatever reason it’s her DAD’S RESPONSIBILITY, so if having her there would be TOO STRESSFUL bc of you’re infant and DOG, I would suggest RETHINKING a 50/50. So its OK for Dad to live with YOU and have a kid with YOU, but Mom moves on and moves Her man in, And if you had the money You would’ve taken her to court? Sounds like a GREAT Stepmom!


I would go to court things have changed she is married now things have been really good between all of you and the judge should hopefully be Affair and maybe there’s a good chance you guys can get 50/50

So if something happens when you go 50/50 how will you handle having her if this is too much right now? Is this just due to money? Or do you all actually want her half the time? You have to figure it out for sure and do what’s best for the daughter.


Damn I get $224 a month and my ex doesn’t have to contribute a thing for health, dental or eye. Anyone want to take a guess how far that goes? It’s been like this since my son was 3 and he is now 14. My ex gets our son MAYBE 1 weekend a month even though he is suppose to get him every weekend. $600 sounds fabulous to me…

Brandie Ovitt i thought the exact same thing!! You couldn’t handle a child who can basically watch herself and she could have helped you out yet you had too much going on :thinking: maybe she’s best where she’s at


Girl, half these comments are bots and the rest dont matter because you dont bash and belittle. It’s called dont ask for help from social media because everyone has to be special and assertive but find these same jokers on the street and they’d be dancing to a diff tune.
Find a lawyer and document everything.


You will most likely lose in court and child support only can take a certain percentage based on how much money each biological parent makes. Why would you go into court and say you haven’t been taking the time the count already gave you and ask for more time? If you cant handle the amount of time you get now why the hell would they give you more? Think how the child feels on weekends where she is supposed to be by her dad but you guys choose not to get her. She may be too young to understand now, but as she gets older she will. Also how would you handle taking her to school and doing homework and all that important stuff if you cant handle the weekend time you get now?

Wow! Judgemental! Maybe she wants to give best care possible. Who are we to judge? There’s nothing wrong with asking for help. Why be mean?

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He is paying child support even if she does stay by you. My brother had to until they are 18. His ex remarried also. This money is for the kids.

Go for 50/50. Record everything and show up in court with it. If your granted 50/50 then you aren’t required to pay child support. There should be no reason why you wouldn’t get it.


My son has 50/50 with my ex daughter in law and he still has to pay her over $600 a month because he makes more money than she does.

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Where do you live where daycare is $119/ week?

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Now stepmom is mad that mom moved on got married and calls this man daddy lol ironic

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I would honestly take her to court and not get into it with the mom. If she wants more money than you deserve more time

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Go for 50/50 the child deserves both parents in their life.

Goto court if n.v you feel like she is deceiving you or trying to get more then she deserves. You and your husband have rights too. Do what you have to do in the best interest of the child/children.

Interested in why you thought to mention the daughter calls her step dad , daddy ? But you have no issue calling her your step daughter ?

Also I would say definitely go for 50/50 it’s only right that dad and mom both get the time if they are wanting to be active parts of the child’s life .

As for child support , maybe she was embarrassed… sounds like a pride issue right now . Try talking with her about it . But I would fight against it if you guys are already paying your portion. And paying for things for when she is with you. It shouldn’t be about the money. It should be about the child. If you both genuinely care for her then you’ll both want the same things for her (mostly )

So if you did have the money you would have taken her to court because she moved in with someone after 4 months of dating? :thinking: but you get along and coparent well so I’m not sure why who she dates and wants to move in with is any of your business as long as they are happy and safe. I can see needing help for a weekend once in a while but to say you haven’t had her in a while because of well… life happened; that doesn’t really make much sense when you only have her every other weekend but now you want 50/50. Maybe mom doesn’t feel like you guys will be able to do that considering you haven’t been able to do EOW. If you can’t figure it out together then the only other option is to go to court or mediation.


Go see a lawyer. At least you’ll know what the future holds. Best of luck!

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My husband had 50/50 with his kids (they are older now) we had to trick his ex wife into agreeing him to have more overnights (146 overnight visits = 50/50) and we did that and more. He got her to have the agreement notorized and then he brought her to court and the Judge put it into place. This whole process took a year and he kept paying child support and the Judge actually back dated the child support so to this day she technically owes him over $3,000 but we would never go after it. Maybe try that route?

Save by letting her file

I would go on to court to settle it.

Take a lawyer go to court

He has the right if he’s paying child support

Im on the same page so i understand it’s all about money my friend that’s all they want to have a good time and not worry financial problems

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talk to a lawyer and maybe you will go to court and win

When my husband divorced his kids’ mom, he was paying over 1,100/month to her but then she met a guy online and moved him in with her. Within months the kids were living with us full time refusing to go see her as long as she was with him…7 years later, we’ve never received a penny from her and my husband & I make sure we do this on our on dime… we look at it as if she were not around so we know we have to make it work with our income, animals, other kids, etc… child support is a good help but they are your children in the end and you should treat them as if they don’t have any outside parents besides you…no excuse!!! When you marry someone with kids, expect to be a FULL TIME PARENT, even if they’re not biologically yours!!!

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Some of y’all need to rethink y’alls whole selfs… :smirk:

  1. The father is NOT responsible for all of the childcare, mothers have responsibilities too!

  2. The father is NOT responsible for HER rent, he is responsible for HALF of his daughters portion. Same for all of the normal household bills.

  3. Some of y’all are trying to act like y’all are parenting GODS. Listen Karen, if you wanna act like you’re perfect Mrs mom go ahead but stop shaming her for trying her best to take care of an already stressful situation.
    We don’t know the extent of his injuries.
    Contrary to quite a few of y’all’s beliefs, not all five year olds are the same. Mine wants to be shoved all the way up her dads butt all the time. Chances are, he was heavily medicated, and neither the stepmom or father wanted to risk further injury, or hurting the daughters feelings by telling her she couldn’t play with her dad. HE WAS ON BED REST! Y’all done lost your whole mind if you think of given the option, you wouldn’t try to minimize stress. She didn’t say they didn’t get her at all, she said we haven’t gotten her MUCH. Meaning they have at-least gotten her.
    Stop mom shaming :-1:
    Shit happens

To the mom asking the question:
Try mediation. You’ve stated you thought there was a good relationship so try that with the BM, talk to the judge personally and see if they have an attorney or someone else to recommend suggestions from a legal perspective. Find similar precedents in your state relevant to your case to help. It’s free to look up the law in your state and most states have fathers rights movements Facebook pages who also may be able to recommend resources and help.
Good Luck :+1:


I’m stuck on “it was just too much stress to get our daughter”. Being parents you don’t get to choose when it’s a good time or not to have them there. Makes me feel bad for the none bio kid. How that must be for her to feel that she’s a burden to her family.


The courts will have an issue with you not taking her much because dad is hurt right now. YOU PUT THE DOG OVER HIS CHILD. DOGS ARE FAMILY, I GET THAT, BUT CHILDREN ARE NOT?! Hurt or not, he still has CHILDREN. It should be equal time for BOTH children. What would you do with the little girl if dad had same accident, and LIVED with you ft? And you want 50/50? Yeah right!


It was “too much stress to get our daughter.” Wow. No it seems like 50/50 would not be “convenient” to have her there when the husband is sick or hurt. Try and see if the court awards 50/50 but make sure it is told she cant be there when it’s not convenient so you’re not stressed.


All of yall telling this woman to take this kids mom to court that takes good care of her child, but she couldn’t make time for “their daughter” and it was “too stressful” for her to be there as well, yall have issues.


It was “too much stress” before but now that more money is involved, you’re wishing you’d have dealt with the stress… not the way it works. You don’t pick and choose when you get to parent! Furthermore, not getting her on YOUR time has put the mother in a bind, I’m sure. She owes you nothing… sorry about your luck. :woman_shrugging:


Whoa, you both screwed up not taking his daughter as agreed. Her Mom has a life also and is not your “babysitter…”.
You don’t get to say “we have challenges, can’t be parents this weekend…”


I was with you until the whole “it was too much stress to get our daughter”

You didn’t get rid of your kid so there’s one big obvious way you don’t treat her as your own. Honestly, it’s blowing my mind and I can’t even. 50/50. Pfft.


I see one flaw here that will bite you hard. You make time and prioritize your bio baby, house, animals, etc when husband is down and out…but not the other kid? The court will most likely see this and take issue, and she will certainly bring it up.


At this time i’d let it go. You even stated it was too much stress to have her around recently. So why would you want 50/50? That isn’t fair to her.


Court. You can’t put a price on a child’s head. If you go into debt fighting for her then so be it. She’s worth it, isn’t she? That isn’t fair for her to ask for more money and no give you 50/50. Both of you sound stable.


I wasted $50,000 and 10 years in court to get an even time arrangement & CS, I get school days and 1 weekend a month and $0. It absolutely was not worth it. (He also had a free lawyer somehow) I’m not a criminal etc but I got fucked! Try in mediation first and as a last result seek legal counsel.

The only way to win custody is to shit all over the mom. Prove she is suicidal, uses drugs, get affidavits from her family etc. It’s not right but it’s how you win, welcome to the legal system. Unless you can do this, don’t bother.

do it. Do not be judgemental though! I agree with one of the comments like your putting you’re bio child first. You need to stop doing this, The children should be treated as equals. If she’s really worth that much to you and her dad, any amount of money is worth it to see her more.


If you truly see her as your daughter going into debt to be able to have her isn’t going to matter. I don’t say that to be mean. But truly think about it with you’re whole heart because it’s her childhood that will be messed with

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It’s she a unfit mother? Or do you just not want to pay child support, so having her live w u would eliminate that. What’s best for the child, money aside? Do you really want to take her away from her mother over child support?


Take a look at where ur motives are!! Don’t use the child as a pawn I hate that…if ur husband had a accident and ur financial struggling report it to the court…they will lower u CP…oh by the way there is a COLA act cost of living allowance…it’s done by the courts…just get a good attorney…

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His child shouldn’t been a issue.What would you have done if you had her full time.The court system sucks.I know this because what my Daughter went thru.

For one get rid of the damn dogs, you can keep dogs but can’t get your child? You know how stupid that sounds?


Go to court. Just go to court. Mediate it through professionals and make it work.


Go to court! 50/50 is the new norm, as well as dads having rights.

And you couldn’t fit her into your schedule at all. Sorry you could have. SMH


Put the dog in a kennel, hire some help, but never, ever don’t take “your” child!


Sorry but most likely you won’t win the court system is flawed and is for the mother

I would go for it. There is nothing that I see that the courts won’t award 50/50.

Too much stress? Sounds like shes better off where she is.


I’d go to court. Obviously money is her main concern.

You sound judgemental

Get off your high horse