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QUESTION:
"Do you punish for bad grades? My daughter wants to go to a party and get her nails done this weekend (she has her own money for the nails), but she has a 68 in one class. I’ve spoken to her and offered a tutor before. She always says no to the tutor. I want to tell her no way till these grades are brought up"
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TOP ANSWERS (AS SELECTED BY MODERATOR):
The following top answers have been selected by a moderator from hundreds of responses to the original question.
"Depends on the age. The effort. And any possibility of a learning issue."
"For 1 D+ no I wouldn’t ground her. I’d make her ask the teacher for extra credit to get the grade up to a C and give her a few weeks to get it up to an A or B and keep it that way the rest of the school year. If not then I’d ground her"
"Going to tutoring when you are failing a class shouldn’t be a choice left on the child because no kid wants to go when they could be at a party instead, the alternative is failing that class and possibly grade."
"I wouldn’t let her go, because she doesn’t want to try to get the grade up. If she is saying no to a tutor, she doesn’t care that much about it."
"Depends. Age/grade? Is she trying and not doing well or just not doing the work? How has she typically done in this type of class? How are her other grades overall?"
"It depends. A parent knows if their child is truly trying or not. If you know she’s not, don’t let her go. Kids need to realize that, that kind of fun, is a privilege. Nails, that’s a whatever thing, she’s paying for it and it’s just nails, but a party, no. She’ll eventually catch on that she needs to raise her grades to do these things and if she really wants to do these things, she’ll try her hardest. But that’s where the parent comes in and has to see if their child is actually trying or not. In my opinion, even if they’re trying their hardest and still not getting it, they can still pass the class. I used to sit beside my teachers and they would help me through my whole assignment and my grade would raise. It’s all about TRYING."
"I tried my best in school and some subjects were just not for me. It didn’t matter how much effort I put in, I was lucky to pull a D in math. I’m thankful that my parents never punished me for that and I plan on extending the same grace to my daughter."
"As someone that really struggled with school i think grounding straight away or taking away privileges is unfair considering she got a 68 mark means she didnt fail. Maybe have a chat about your expectations then if the poor grades continue then consider grounding and tutoring"
"I wouldn’t. Maybe she’s struggling and getting her nails done and seeing some friends will help her do better because she feels better, natural consequences, if you were doing poorly at work, you wouldnt be told you couldnt go out or get your nails done. You would however have to set aside extra time for the work to improve (maybe you need to schedule a time every evening to work with her and get her work done, which is a natural consequence of a lower grade"
"Is it a lack of effort? Some people try their best and still don’t get an A. Are there missing assignments? Or is she not getting good grades on the assignments? If it’s a lack of effort, yeah. Maybe try to get to the cause of the problem first though. Not everyone is capable of A’s in all subjects though and that should be taken into consideration as well. Yes trouble for not trying. No trouble for not understanding or other issues."
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