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QUESTION:
"Should you go through your childs personal belongings? My husband and I are debating. I think children need their privacy, he thinks they don’t need a bedroom door…"
RELATED: Teen Asks ‘AITA?’ for Wanting Privacy After Dad Repeatedly Walks In on Her Showering and Changing
TOP ANSWERS (AS SELECTED BY MODERATOR):
The following top answers have been selected by a moderator from hundreds of responses to the original question.
"That child, regardless of age, deserves respect and privacy. You go through that kids stuff, you’re creating a sneaky and rebellious child."
"Nope. I don’t even go in my kid’s room without knocking first. I don’t go in unless they say it’s okay. I do come through regularly and make sure rooms are clean, but otherwise I mind my own business. My son let’s me in and out of his, he keeps his door open. My daughter, no. She likes her privacy. I expect the kids to knock if my door is shut and wait for a response, don’t go messing around in my room etc., so I give them the same courtesy. It goes both ways and it definitely works wonders!"
"That’s gross. Children are humans, and humans deserve respect and dignity along with privacy no matter their age. Would he appreciate not having a bedroom door? Would he like his personal records/belongings combed through just because they can be? It goes both ways. There is a way to be a parent and still respect your child. Does he want his child to hide things from him, put them at other people’s houses, leave them in their locker at school etc? That’s what is being created. Sneaking, lying, hiding. Eventually, your child won’t be there to deal with that. Because frankly, they don’t have to and shouldn’t!"
"I mean if you want your kids to grow up to feel they need to be sneaky and resent you, then keep following your “husband”"
"They dont just need, they deserve privacy. Your husband is mistaken if he doesnt want to think they need privacy. How are kids suppose to learn self respect or their worth if they arent shown trust."
"No way. Not cool at all. This is a great way to make sure they leave home as soon as possible, do everything you hoped they wouldn’t, come home once a year (if you’re lucky) then stick you in a retirement home"
"I have never once done that to my son. He earned his privacy by being an honest, trustworthy kid."
"Sure, only if you want em to hate you when they grow older and never tell you anything then keep digging into their personal space."
"Children are not property and need to learn how to manage their privacy. Taking a bedroom door does several things, 1 it’s incredibly unsafe if there’s a house fire. A closed door saves lives, it teaches your children that you do not trust them and they cannot trust you, and makes sure that they can’t ever just relax.
The better option is to build a relationship with your children that allows them to feel that they can come to you with anything, that you’re not going to blow up on them, berate or belittle them for their choices (they are children after all, their brains aren’t developed yet and will make mistakes) etc. That you’re going to be able to discuss anything they need and collectively come up with a solution to what’s going on that allows them autonomy but keeps them safe. Going overboard just means they’re not going to come to you with anything, and parenting via force and fear just doesn’t work. It creates sneaky kids who will do what they want but just making double sure that you won’t find out."
"My parents took my bedroom door and I never trusted them with anything again. I believe there has to be a good balance between awareness and privacy."
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