I am a 51 year old female who has been largely single since my husband died in 2010.
Six months ago I met a wonderful man - he’s funny, kind, caring and we share many of the same interests as well as immensely enjoying each other’s company. We have spent almost every night and weekend together since then and are making plans to move in together and we’re talking about getting married. He says I am the love of his love and the woman he wants to spend the rest of his life with. We are both head over heels in love and totally smitten, and I feel so lucky to have met someone that I love so much; the death of my husband, whom was very much my absolute soul mate, just totally devastated me and I honestly felt I would never find anyone that I could love as much again.
The problem is we are having some rather heated discussion about Christmas Day. It’s our first Christmas together and I would really like for us to spend it together, with my two older teens and visits from his children (31, 29 and 18). He split from his ex 10 years ago but has spent every Christmas Day with her and their children since. He says his children would not come and see him outside of the family home on Christmas Day, so he will go and spend the day with them all, which I feel is kind of unreasonable, on all of their parts. I don’t understand why he has to spend the day with his ex, (whom I haven’t met). I’m more than happy to have his sons spend the day with us, this absolutely is not and would not ever be an issue.
I just think it really sucks the ex gets to spend Christmas Day with him. It’s a bit of a strange situation as they get together fairly regularly for family dinners where they have got drunk together. His ex has not met anyone since and apparently told him she’d never get back with him. (Not sure I believe that statement!)
I think he feels emotionally tied as he left the family home when his youngest was 7 years old, putting his own happiness above keeping his family together, albeit unhappily, and has been paying the price since. He obviously loves his sons and would do anything for them, which is great, I’m the same - but at the same time, it feels he would never rock the boat in case he upset them.
Any advice would be gratefully received! I don’t know whether to walk away now (if he spends this Christmas with them, he’ll basically spend every Christmas with them) or do we go and see a councillor to try and work things out? I’m so gutted, so very unhappy - but at the same time this situation just doesn’t feel right. TIA.