Splitting up, divorce, kids, out of state coparenting

Hey all!

So backstory, I am 34 years old and have been with my husband since I was 20 years old. We had our first child when I was 21 and now have a 13 and 7 year old. We got married back in 2015. So needless to say I’ve never even had the chance to live and grow as a person for myself, just as a mom and wife.

Fast forward to now. I think I’m done with this relationship. I don’t feel as though there is a connection anymore, and it’s not really fair to me to stay if im not happy right? Even though my kids will be upset?

Its been a little bit that ive been not feeling quite right or happy and I guess now I’m starting to realize it. I was happy with the part time working and also mom/wife position but now I feel more like a live in maid that has sex once and awhile. He barely ever tells me he loves me, there is no sort of intimacy (hand holding, quick kisses, ass grabbing, etc) and its just not there. Upon talking to some friends I have more come to the realization that I think I stay because its comfortable, its stable, and I guess I feel bad for him. I take care of all the bills and planning and his medical needs (type 1 diabetic) and what if he can’t do it alone? Like I love him, and im sure I always will but im not so much in love anymore?

Lastly, yes there is someone else. Someone who has always been there, always been a friend and that I’ve always had feelings for. He currently lives out of state about 16 hours away so nothing has happened but the idea is for me to move down there. How does this work with kids? I’m so lost and I feel like a piece of shit and I know its not going to be easy but I need to do whats best for me too…

So now my problem is, I only work part time, especially since covid and school issues, we share a vehicle (his) so I really have no savings and no way to go anywhere.

Sorry for the long post. I hope that someone maybe has some advice for me? Or has been in the same situation as me? Thanks mamas! :heart:

1 Like

Ya I totally understand trying to do you and making a decision to put yourself first is never easy but it also sounds that the someone else you have feelings for but nothing has happened doesn’t sound like a good enough reason to put the life you have behind though.
You sound frustrated with the current condition and maybe the lack of attention from your husband is what making you feel the need to end it maybe? I apologise for asking but his lack of intimacy, does he do anything else to make it up for that? Is he a good father? Has he been kind and respectful to you as a wife? Does he help you around with the chores?
I think in the end you should just trust your guts and do what you think is best for you. I mean I got divorced and have made that decision only after he mistreated the kids.

Good morning

This isn’t a new thought or decision, I’ve been feeling this way for quite some time now.

And no he doesn’t do anything else to help. That’s the problem. He literally goes to work comes home and sits around. I do the cooking, cleaning kids homework, take care of the animals, go to work, etc. Like everything. And his attitude is terrible. He gets so snappy. Hes never laid a hand on any of us but he has such a temper its awful. I just want to feel loved and happy and appreciated, not so much just a maid. Im not sure what to do. Part of me wants to stay for the kids. But at the same time I’m not happy. :woman_shrugging: