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Stay at home mom worries

I wanted to tell you ladies that I applaud you for being so strong and dealing with bs you deal with, but I also am very cautious when it comes to being a sahm and getting pregnant again because I don't want to go through someone feeling as if I'm not good enough because they work and pay all the bills, or feeling as if they can handle me and disrespect me because I'm a sahm or not being able to get personal needs met because my hubby feels as if since he is the one working he controls all the money and gives me what he feels like I deserve. It forces me to stay independent because it sounds like prison to me and I hate to feel vulnerable like I need someone and I have to take disrespect because I don't have anything other then what someone else is providing for me
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Help a mama out and respond anonymously on our forum. Stay at home mom worries

I was a sahm for many years. He kept that control. Blamed me for us not having money when he had the control of it. When we divorced 10 years ago I’ve worked since and refuse to be one again. I had to move in with my mom with the kids because I had no job, no money so I couldn’t pay for anything. Had to start over. I refuse to be in that roll again so I know exactly what you’re saying because that’s what it feels like.

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Whatever lifestyle choices one makes, having your own money gives you options and respect.

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I guess I’d only be concerned if your husband was making you feel this way. I’ve been a sahm for 10 years now and while I’ve had moments of “I don’t contribute”, my husband makes sure to yell at me about everything that I DO contribute. If I wanted to put the baby in daycare and go to work I can. There’s no pressure on me to do anything either way, it’s all my decision. The only disrespect I get is from moms who work (not all working moms) bc they think sahm moms are lazy or being forced to stay home, which isn’t the case. I’ve not been disrespected by my husband bc this was a decision I made for myself and our family. If you’re being pressured into doing one or the other, or your husband is disrespectful, then that’s a reason for concern.

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I’ve been a stay at home mom since 2016.
It was a joint decision.
Now, here’s the “thing” a lot of things you’ve described can depend heavily on your financial situation.
We’re comfortable enough.
Actual needs are met.
We have some extra, but not enough to just go eat out all the time or buy multiple coffees every day ect.
We decided me staying home was worth sacrificing those things though.

My husband doesn’t hold me staying home against me because it’s cheaper than what we would be spending in daycare costs.
Our only other option is me working hours that would make it so we would never see each other. So to both of us me working isn’t worth that either.
I’m the one who does most of the financial planning to be honest. I’m better at balancing the budgets and bills and making sure everything goes where it’s supposed to.
We each get the same amount of spending money. It’s taken out in cash and once it’s spent…it’s spent.
He spends his pretty fast.
I tend to hold on to mine.

If I do spend, even if I use the account instead of my cash he doesn’t get upset with me…Because I rarely do.

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Guess it depends on the man you’re with… :woman_shrugging: I can’t really talk, I’ve worked full time out of the home while having 3 babies, what I can say is a very open and honest conversation happened between my husband and myself when we were deciding what was best for us. If I stay home and look after the kids, I will clean and sort the house out but it’s up to him to provide for my spending habits. If not I will go to work to put money in the bank to spend as we each see fit but he can share with the household duties and looking after the kids. I think some people forget that they should be on the same team as their S.O. not against them in a battle.

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Plenty of couples do it successfully, you just have to find the right partner and make it work. If your partner makes you feel like your imprisoned or you don’t have anything of your own you need to do things differently. I have no choice but to be a sahm, he’s a fisherman and sometimes gone for days, no set schedule. We have 4 kids, live just fine on one income so it works for us.

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I have been married for about 5yrs now. We were happily married with two kids, some months ago, I started to notice some strange behaviour from him and a few weeks later I found out that my husband is seeing someone. He started coming home late from work, he hardly care about me or the kids anymore, Sometimes he goes out and doesn’t even come back home for days. I did all I could to rectify this problem but all to no avail. I became very worried and needed help. As I was browsing through the Internet one day, I came across a website that suggested that Dr mighty can help solve marital problems, restore broken relationships and so on. So, I felt I should give him a try. I contacted him through his email and also do all he told me to do and he did a love spell for me. Two days later, my husband came to me and apologised for the wrongs he did and promise never to do it again. Ever since then, everything has returned back to normal. I and my family are living together happily again… All thanks to Dr mighty for his good works. If you need a spell caster that can cast a spell that truly works, I suggest you contact him. He will not disappoint you. here is his [email protected] or whatsapp number: +2348161569177

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I’ve been stay at home Mom since 2016 when our son was born We both decided it was best for me to stay home I have saving money not having to pay for daycare it would take basically my whole check since we have to children now but my husband says it’s our money he gives me all the money I give him some because he has a spending problem We both get what we want I am hard on myself sometimes but my husband reminds me of everything I do it’s a lot even he couldn’t do it there are ways to make money at home making shirts, cups ect your husband shouldn’t never talk down to you if he loved you he wouldn’t

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Date someone who isn’t an a s s :hole:

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So basically you are scared of losing your independence and being reliant on him . Is this in his him is it how he operates ? Are you a submissive type person or will you end up doing things to spite husband because it is not who you truly are ? Do you see this truly working long term like till the kids can go to school and you can financially help around the house again be honest with your self and answer questions like these honestly and then make a decision some people can live like this some people do it for convenience and end up just resentful some people it is just a hard nope do what is best for you and your mental health because that is where this will end up creeping up at . Stay happy stay healthy both mentally and physically

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Im 30 weeks pregnant and i stay home sith 3 toddlers while my husband works. Honestly if anyone insults me its myself and it irritates him lol. Well also his family talks shit. But thats inlaws for ya

I recently started staying home, due with 3rd baby any day! I am so glad I have a husband who isn’t afraid to help around the house and is also more than willing to help out when it comes to the kiddos. Like many others have said couples can be successful at it but communication is key.

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All relationships are a partnership! I have 2 grown sons who both have sahm for their children. I was a single parent most of their lives and thankfully my children show much appreciation to the women who take care of it all so they can go to work and not worry about the kids or house. When I have seen them forget to appreciate these wonderful ladies, this working Mom reminds them their lives do not work without this wonderful women who love them and have their children!

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That’s exactly what it is too. I’ve been a sahm for 20 yrs through 2 husbands and 4 children.
Other women that have careers look at me with envy and boy do they have the wrong idea. I work 18/7 365 with no sick days or vacation days and no pay.
I’ve given up any chance at independence to be available to my children 24/7. I’m currently homeschooling my youngest because he got a teacher that should not be a teacher in the first grade.
I just divorced my husband because I refuse to tolerate the disrespect any longer.
Now, I get to move my children to low income apartments because I can’t financially buy my husband out of the house and he’s punishing me for divorcing him by insisting in the divorce the house be sold. He had multiple affairs and was emotionally abusive at times because he has all the money and I’m basically his slave.
I had no say so in anything unless he wanted me to. He could go wherever he wants and spend money however he wants because it’s “his money”.
Let me tell you ladies…… unless he’s rich and you’re going to come out well in a divorce…. Don’t fall for the sahm trap.
I didn’t have any family to help me with my children and we both agreed that it would be better for us as a family if I was a sahm. Well, after years of not working I can’t get employers to even call me, I have very little credit history, can’t get anything financed, and landlords just laugh at me.
I’m 42 and starting over with 3 kids still under 18.
It’s worse than being an 18yr old single parent. At least at that age everyone expects you to need help and not be able to take care of everything by yourself. At my age everyone expects me to be capable of taking care of everything myself and I get rejected by employers because I have no job history and other adults look down on me because I’m not a seasoned career woman.
Don’t do it. It’s a trap!
If you’re marrying a working class man you’ll be expected to be a working woman by the rest of society and be looked down on and rejected for not. And, your husband basically owns you like a slave and you’ll be lucky if he doesn’t treat you like a slave.

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This is absolutely how I feel. It’s sickening!! Bc I’m the complete opposite, when I worked 3 jobs and he didn’t work one!! He had my cards, and my car!!! Now… I don’t get shit. But supposed to appreciate what i got?
Then he works all day everyday, and I never get a break. I never have time for myself. Never have time to do doctor appointments!!! I’m overwhelmed, and I say something and it’s bitching and being ungrateful. Or hell say “why don’t you go do what I do and I’ll stay home” :sob:

I quit working in 2016 and there are days I love it and other times I miss having my own money to just go to Taco Bell if I want with no one n
Knowing or judgment because we have food at home. There were times I felt like I had to justify wanting to leave the house by myself by my husband or my my mother inlaw.

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I couldn’t respect a man like that .

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My husband is military and we’ve been married coming up on 12 years. I moved to Utah and after discussing daycare for our oldest two girls we decided together that I would stay home. We’ve had 3 kids since then for a total of 5. For a while I was a preschool teacher and it was fun but it was obnoxious to pay for daycare services in the center I was teaching preschool/daycare so I left.
At no point has my husband made me feel guilty or that I didn’t deserve the things I need or the things I want to do. He is incredibly supportive. When he was gone for a while I made the last minute decision to go back to school and he came home to that surprise. I’ve talked multiple times about going back to work and he always tells me it’s my choice and he would help me find a daycare for our toddler if that’s what I wanted. I completely understand the fear of giving up independence but if that’s how your SO is making you feel, he isn’t the one.

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I feel so bad for you ladies who are so unhappy in your relationships. :persevere: and it’s infuriating how the astronomical price of daycare has forced so many moms to stay at home when they really don’t want to. :triumph:

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Ur hubby is self centered it sounds it like to me .I was a Stay at home mom for years and my hubby worked .it a full time job to raise children .I am so happy I had a hubby that worked and help out with the children .as a relationship is a partnership u made them together so u both need to help raise them .have him stay home and u work see how the shoe fits on the other foot .he just may think twice before he disrespect u

I’d never marry someone like that.

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Wow…lots of back and forth…but it sounds like you have the wrong man!! Been married about 40 yrs at many times including now stayed home…stayed home when kids were born and little……my husband has NEVER questioned the bank account!!!

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The :man: you are with and his attitude are really the determining factor in whether anyone can be a SAHM or not.

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There’s no way I’d feel guilty for a man taking care of whats his. Otherwise he’s going to pay out the ass for daycare while we both work. So then half of his check is gone regardless to something I can do for free. And I can actually potty train, I can cook, clean, teach, do all things at the same time. So I feel like I actually do my part. Just bc I dont make money, doesn’t mean I dont work my a$$ off. I feel obligated to half of whatever is my husband’s bc I give everything of mine for him as well. Its a team effort.

Are you married? Start billing him for your services every week, if not see what services are available in your area and get out!!!

Wrong !!! You should be valued and cherished. It sounds like you’re a live in maid, chef, nanny and … bed warmer. If counseling or talking doesn’t work, ask him if he would rather pay you alimony & child support ?

Tell him you want to get a job and do it!!! Learn to be independent.

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Find a husband and baby daddy that don’t treat you like that then your problem is solved

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If he’s like that you got the wrong man js

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Well I can say it’s not like that for me. I became a SAHM 2020 and we have 3 girls together 2 of them are homeschooled and one will be 1 in March due with our caboose next month. He drives a truck and I take care of everything just like I did when I worked. If I need something or want something I get it. Don’t have to ask permission none of that crazy stuff. Of course I make sure our kids have everything they need before either of us get anything. I felt like it would be he same as what your saying but it’s definitely not. My husband would rather me be home with our kids than working and our girls having to deal with a crappy school system. Day care wouldn’t be a problem cause I would make more than enough to pay for that. I will go back to work one day just not anytime soon.

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That’s so wrong. No your work should be valued, you need to leave him for a week or at least 3 days so that he knows how much you do. Just leave, have him do the work, and he can’t call anyone else to help him. Challenge this to him and see if he changes his tune.

As a sahm, I can tell you that good husbands don’t behave this way. My husband believes I work harder than he does at work, which isn’t at all true.

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Your definitely not worthless, if it’s like that make sure your birth control is on point after delivery, because you are gonna be fertile as hell, I know my boys are 13mos apart lol. Also see about something on the side to have your own money

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He works full time. I dabble in side money. There are times I worked and he didn’t and times we both worked. There are things we both do to cook clean and care for our obligations. It’s our money. Our life. Our family. Our home. Our bills. Our children. It’s a partnership. It’s an understanding. It’s pure respect. I’m grateful. I know that isn’t the case for everyone but it is how it should be.

If a SAHP is has no access to money bc it’s withheld it’s financial abuse. You are entitled to that money too. If your partner is controlling you to the point you can’t meet your needs it’s time to go. Please get out!

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Get a part time job that works around his hours.

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I have always worked even with my first and with my second I became a sahm. Which I’m very blessed I get to stay with my kids and don’t have that worry of them being missed treated. But I completely know where you are coming from. My husband says it’s an “allowance” like no mofo this is our kids our home I don’t get paid to change diapers and clean the house. And when I bring up a job it’s a go ahead your checks going to daycare. Just keep yourself strong and do crossword puzzles lol

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Sweetie… Not all men are like that, it really depends on how they were raised, make sure ur future husband has a good relationship with the women in his life… :smiling_face_with_three_hearts:

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He sounds like a pig

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Are you afraid this will happen if you have another child , or is it happening?
Not every man is like this. I have four children and I stay home. I worked at one time but I’m currently in law school so it leaves little time to work. With that said my husband has never treated me like that. He provides for our family without the slightest complaint. I’ve controlled our finances since we were 16 and nothing changed when I became a sahm. If anything, he helps me more now than he ever did. While I firmly believe if your job is at home you should do the majority of the “at home work” I don’t believe you should kill yourself doing it. We all need help. My husband pitches in when I need him to. If your spouse doesn’t care enough to make sure ALL of your needs are being met, you have the wrong spouse.

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I would never be a SAHM ever again for exactly this reason

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Ahh that’s financial abuse.

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Sounds like the wrong man to me :woman_shrugging:t4:

I have always worked. I have lived my life making sure that if tomorrow I wake up alone I am able to maintain the bills I have on my own. I think it came from being a 22 yr old widow. It has served me well though.

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Hell no! I been a sahm for 10 yrs my job is the house and children if I brought money in it is shared. He doesnt see you as his equal

Not like that for me I am a sahm but I also went to work when he got laid off during covid and struggled to get work you should always have respect for each other and have each others backs it won’t work any other way

my husband makes sure we’re all taken care of without making me feel guilty. He never throws it in my face that he’s the breadwinner and works crazy hours. If I’m overwhelmed, he comforts me. He makes sure I have moments to relax and breathe. If we have money after bills are paid, spending money is no issue. Not every man is a toxic POS. And before anyone says anything… yes, he receives the same appreciation and treatment he gives me.
Get yourself a good man, appreciate each other and you’ll have nothing to worry about. :smiling_face_with_three_hearts:

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Hes stuck in the 50’s

I’m a stay at home mom . I get yelled at for not taking what I need :sweat_smile: I’m shy to ask for money but I get what you mean my mom was very abusive with money when I was growing up . She’s take everything from me and belittle me until I got married and moved

If you’re partner is making you feel like that they are an awful human and you shouldn’t be with them. What you are talking about is financial and emotional abuse! I have been a sahm for 6 years now and never once has my partner made me feel that way.

Umm your dude needs an attitude adjustment

I feel this on every level my husband does this

That’s just your man. A real man wouldn’t treat you like that.