I found out yesterday that the father of my youngest two children has about a year left to live. Things have been off and on with him for the past year. We both care for each other deeply but he doesn’t want to seek better treatment for what is going on. Nor does he want to have much to do with the little ones. His uncle is willing to help pay for access to better treatment, but he is unsure. He would have to move and doesn’t want to move away from us. I encouraged him to do so just to see what would happen and he said he would think about it. I am sad because both of us have seemed to found our soulmate, but it seems we don’t have much time with each other. I have been crying off and on since I found out. If he does pass, I wouldn’t know what to do or how to tell my little ones what happened or about their dad. I’m just looking for advice not any judgment.
Help a mama out and respond anonymously on our forum. The father of my children has two years left to live: Advice?
Honestly, I’d make the most of the time he has left. As hard as it sounds, in my eyes, my body my choice. If he doesn’t want to seek better treatment or what not, that is his choice.
Im sorry to hear that. I hope he gets the treatment needed for him and to see his kids grow. As per ur kids, you have to start telling them that daddy is sick. If they are too young there are books for small children at amazon that can explain to them. They have to learn about death at an early age. Death is part of life. I hope the best for you and ur family.
If he has Cancer and does not want chemo or radiation his choice. He may look at quality of life more important than quantity.
Oh honey I’m so sorry that you are going thru this right now. My thoughts are with you. Is there other ways that you could maybe convince him to get that second opinion?? I know due to covid lots of places have went to remote working. Could they maybe set up some sort of virtual Dr visit to maybe help ease him into it??
If he has an option and doesnt want to go because he doesnt want to leave then offer to go with him? It may be hard and the uncertainty may happen but why not take that chance if you guys love each other and he wants to see the kids? Or did i read it wrong? But at least you both would make the best of his last time here or maybe reconnect and be stronger?
Treatment requires consent. Just make peace with his decision and try to make great memories with lots of pictures with their father for your children in the next one year. All the best.
You make whatever time you got count. Make as many memories and take as much pictures as you can. I can’t imagine how he’s feeling, it’s understandable he doesn’t want to pro long the inevitable. Make it count girl. Bless you both and the kids. Just love hun, that’s all.
Keep in mind you both just found out. It will take some time to process what is happening. I’m sure it is hard to watch him go through this and trying to process it. It really is up to him on whether or not he chooses to fight or spend what time he has making lifelong memories with you and your babies. Take lots of pictures and as hard as it will be, document everything so that when your babies get older, you can share everything and the journey you all went on. Hugs to you mama. Prayers for you all in this journey, whichever road you go down. Prayers for healing and acceptance.
I’m sorry you are going through this. That’s sad he doesn’t want to try treatments especially having little ones.in my prayers
Make videos of him with the kiddos. Take lots of pictures. Video him reading to them. Have him write letters to them for the future.
Have him make videos for each of yout kids, full of stories about his life his family and most of all how much he loves you and them. Also have him tell them everything he wishes he knew at specific ages. For example if you have boys have him do a puberty video on what hecwent through. Get some fsmily portraits done. Make memories.
Sooo sorry to hear that . I would just make it the best two years ever. Love on each other as much as possible, let the kids enjoy him and just make as many memories as possible
Make most of the time he has left. Plan fun memories!
Memories and keepsakes
Well 1st u say 2yrs in ur intro then in the beginning of ur story u say 1 yr which is it ? Am sorry 2 hear this though & just have the peace knowing he’ll b up with the lord &no more suffering sadness or sickness…he’ll b at peace…just b open & honest with ur kid’s about it. That’s important even with kids. Because we want our kids 2 b the same way… .I wish u luck
Quality time, memories for the children to look back on. I would also fight to the very end try anything that may help. If cancer try Apricot Kernels as the seed or in oil form. Read up.
Ask yourself “is this diagnosis why I am in love”. If it was on and off… what were the reasons. Don’t let sympathy cloud your judgement.
No one can make him go but I would definitely try to get him to get better treatment if it’s available to him. He is probably still processing it himself.
depends on the age of the kids, Just telling them when it happens, that daddy went to heaven, but he will always be there for them in a bird, or butterfly, watching over them, And as they get older & they fully understands everything, talk to them when they want. Sorry
No judgment, but his choice. Tbh I wish my dad hadn’t of done chemo…I think it just made him sicker and it was awful to watch him waste away. You don’t want your kiddos to see that. It is still with me, 13yrs later. So I can understand him not wanting treatment. Just spend as much time together as possible. Much love to you
Why wouldn’t you and the kids move WITH HIM for the better treatment? Maybe he doesn’t want to face said illness alone, far away from everyone he knows and loves? Also, even with the best of the best, there’s no guarantee that said better treatment will heal him so maybe he doesn’t want to waste the little time he has left moving away to do treatments ALONE when he can be spending his time making memories with his family and friends. Just a thought. If I were diagnosis with something and given a time frame, I wouldn’t be moving away from my family and friends, especially my kids…
Prayers to you and your family
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But you have to remember at the end of the day, it’s his illness and regardless if you agree with his decisions on treatment or no treatment, you’re suppose to be his support system so support his decision and don’t obsess over his illness. Just be there for him and try to encourage him to make memories with/for the littles.
Could you not move with him? I dont understand that part.
I’m not understanding what you want people to say at the end off the day if you love each other and are soul mates then you go through it together be there for each other fight as a family together make beautiful memories along the way
As far as your children go I would have their father write a letter to each one and when they are old enough yo read let them do so. I would also have a picture for them as well.
:’( switch to whole foods plant based diet, exercise & add more time to make those memories , get lots of pics , stay strong.
“Nor does he want to have much to do with the little ones.”
“Both of us have seemed to found our soulmate.”
Come on now. Get him to move for his treatment & cut ties.
Help him make memories with the Littles and tell him that the pictures are not for him it’s for them. And just bridge that gap that way because that is their father
It’s his choice , stand by him. Make as many memories as you can with kids, get pictures if you can . Maybe help him write letters to give to them for thier birthdays he will miss ,or special occasions…
Remember his body his choice resept it
Makes no since. How can someone say I don’t want to move away for treatment but the alternative is not being alive.
If dad isn’t up to writing letters, they make books for grandparents with prompts to write down their memories.
Also, your neighborhood librarian can help you find age-appropriate materials to help explain things to your kids and prepare them for the inevitable. She/he can also find comforting books, movies, videos, lectures for you and the kids for after he dies.
Check with your local Hospice to see if they have resources for your entire family (their full services won’t be available until he is given a 6-month window in which to live).
Look into support groups for all of you to help you deal with his fatal illness. If you have a faith tradition, that can provide comfort and ritual for dealing with death.
I’m so sorry.
You guys are together but he doesn’t want much to do with the younger kids? So he doesn’t see them or spend much time with them? Do you guys live together?
None of us have an expiration date stamped on us, nor are any of us promised tomorrow. Don’t pressure him. Live, and encourage him to live each day to its fullest.
He’s your soul mate but has barely anything to do with ya’lls kids? Girl no that is not your soul mate. You’ll see one day when you really find the one.
As for the grief you should seek a professional and hold onto your support system. Whether or not he’s your soul mate you obviously love him so this is going to be hard no matter what. Don’t try to do it alone.
Prayers for you and the family.Doctors aren’t always correct and he may live longer then they say.
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You would think he would want to do some things for memories . Please take pictures with him and the kids. So when he is gone they have those memories.
No one knows how long they have got to live only God knows that so why not make memories
Take lots of pictures of them together just incase so they will have them.
Seems like its all about you.
Young one, first never underestimate the power of Our Mighty Creator. During this time you need to worry about the quality of time - not quantity of time. Have no regrets - talk - share - love each other, young one. There is nothing anyone or I can say or do to ease your pain. Just live everyday to its fullest. May Our Mighty Creator Bless You and yours always.
csll your local hospice or funeral home for bereavement support for children. good luck
He doesn’t want to move away from his kids yet doesn’t have much to do with them. Doesn’t make any sense.
Maybe he doesn’t want the children to be dependant on him being there when he doesn’t have much longer to live ?
You cant force him to have the treatment he has to make that decision himself but try to make sure its a well informed choice.
Will the treatment help him live an active life or just prolong it by a few months ? Many people don’t go for treatment just to have a few weeks longer.
If he doesn’t want to leave you …could you move with him if he goes ?
Talk to him. Talk to his drs then decide whats best for all of you
Try to take as many pictures and videos with him and the kids as much as possible.
You should be enjoying the time you guys have left instead of spending it crying, start making memories and start taking to your kids about death
Not everyone wants to keep getting poke at maybe he’s just done and coming to terms and I suggest you do the same. We are human and can only take so much. He’s probably tired of the pain that comes with it which I don’t blame him one bit. His life his choice just spend what time left on good things. Also don’t think he doesn’t want to see the kids just think he’s giving up on life and don’t want them to see him in his condition. He probably doesn’t want their last memory of him being sick.
Try to get as much pictures for the children for when they are old enough to understand. I don’t know the ages. But young ones tells me that they aren’t going to understand right now. And longer time between visits might be best for them to handle. You know your children better than any of us. Just use your mommy thoughts…
You and your kids need to seek grief counseling
Till he decides what to do with his health take videos take pix make collage for the kids in remembrance of him, let him do some recordings it helps , otherwise stay prayfull be strong for the little ones
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Just spend time with him
Make the most out of the time you have now my kids father passed suddenly by someone else’s hand when he died we were fighting and I regret it so much …do again make the most out of the time you have and lots of pictures and videos bc that’s all your children will have in the end
I lost my husband nearly 11 months ago. Here is what I learned:
•treatment doesn’t always work, and sometimes the side effects are so bad that it’s really not worth it.
• kids see, hear and understand more than you know, tell them their dad is sick, you don’t need to give them timelines (we never did) but they are going to work out something is wrong
• we are just along for the ride, every decision is up to your partner, we don’t always understand the why, but we don’t have to
• take photos before he looks sick.
• he loves you and the children, and he will make all his decisions based on that - even if they don’t make sense.
You said he doesn’t want to have anything to do with the kids? I’m confused
I’m confused, as you said that he doesn’t want much to do with his kids, but he doesn’t want to move away from you? I’m sorry for what you’re going through.