The guy I am seeing is looking up other females...advice?

A little back story… this guy and I were together for 3 years and we are currently on a break. We are trying to work on getting back together but we are taking things slow but also not talking to anyone else. Well he wanted to go through my phone which was no problem he just wanted to make sure I wasn’t talking to anyone else. Than he insisted I go through his phone and I discovered he has looked up A BUNCH of girls on Facebook. It’s really making me overthink. I know for a fact he’s not the type to cheat but is constantly looking up girls. Anyways, is this normal? Is this something all guys do or am I wasting my time? He claims he still loves me and that he really wants to work on himself to be the man he believes I need. I don’t know how to take it or handle it. I truly believe this break is much needed but my guard is very much up. I need advice. I mean are there guys out there that truly don’t do this?


I’d leave him. You’re on a break. He’s talking to other females. He wants to go through your phone, he ain’t worth it. 


This is not going to work. Tried once, move on. Breaks…ummm no. When phones need to be checked and the trust had already been broken… it just will not work out. I am sorry, best of luck. Love shouldn’t have doubt or insecurities on this level. You deserve a great partner🌼.

Nope, him needing to look through your phone is enough to be out. You’re already on a break for whatever reason and you clearly don’t trust each other :wave:t3:


Just to add, him going through your phone was most likely him getting confirmation that he’s still got you on the hook because you’re not actively looking for anyone else, meaning he can do what he wants cause you’re still loyal to him either way.


He don’t love you like you want him to (& we can’t make them either), and that’s ok as long as you understand that it’s now your turn to make a choice. A choice to participate with “his” way of loving you or to not participate.

Hope this makes sense.

The choice is yours.

Never settle for mediocre as you are a once-in-a-lifetime kind of woman :hugs:


I think you both need to be honest.
Is getting back together want you both want??

My ex husband was definitely not one to cheat… but he did look up other girls, girls he knew and girls he didn’t know like just thirst trap girls. He wouldn’t interact with any of their post, but I didn’t like that he was LOOKING them up. And we talked about it. It stoped, And it slowly started to continue months later. But he was still always loyal. We split up for other reasons, but sometimes even “loyal” men like “eye candy” I’m not condoning it, and I hated it when i was going through it, but some men are loyal in the physical and emotion sense, but some just have a nasty eye.

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Lace up the shoes and RUN.
He’s telling you what he thinks you want to hear because he likes the comfort of whatever it is you provide for him, but he’s still looking for something else. This guy just sounds like he’s comfortable with your presence in his life because of how long yall have been together and as soon as he finds someone or something else to fill that position, you’ll be left behind.
Speaking from experience.

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That’s why I left my boyfriend of 3 years/BD of 5 months because of this exact reason… Would look at other girls on Facebook constantly, and always had a BS reason on how he ended up on their pages… We did the whole “taking a break thing” and when things got better and we got back together, he was STILL doing it after I told him numerous of times how it made me feel. If he can’t respect you or your feelings… it’s time to move on too.


He insisted you go through his phone so you would see he’s looking up other women. It sounds like he he wants you to be the one to officially call it off so he can blame you for it not working out. It’s not worth it in the end. Just be done now. Find your happiness elsewhere.

He wanted to go through your phone because he knows He is doing something wrong. Honestly if no kids or anything is involved I’d cut my losses after 3 years you should be closer to engagement or marriage not ‘taking a break’ and him looking at other girls probably to see if he has any other options before settling


Dude wanted to see if he needed to hide his cheating more for when ya together again, anything you find and he continues you’ll be the “crazy” one cause you saw what he was up to on break it must of been from then……

He wanted to go through you phone because he knows he’s guilty and it’s made him paranoid that your up to the same crap.

He wants to “improve on himself” by getting it on with other women. This is what many people consider breaks to be


Looking people up is a bit weird imo. Scrolling eye candy influencers…eh I kinda get that in today’s world?!? (Feeling old lol dating scene these days sounds tough) But going out of your way to look girls up, going through your phone, doing things you’ve asked him not to do…doesn’t that kind of tell you that he’s not invested in you the same way you are him? Or at the very least his values are not the same as yours and its going to continue being a tension point? I don’t believe people should have to work so hard to find a base level of happy, trust and security in relationships…if those foundations are already rocking those are red flags you shouldn’t ignore.

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Did you both sit down and set clear boundaries of what will and won’t be tolerated? Or was it an unspoken assumption? Y’all are on a break. Which means there is no commitment there. You have regressed back to the “dating” phase not the “committed relationship” phase. When dating you’re allowed to entertain as many people as you choose. Now courtships and commitment are different. I think we have a twisted sense of ownership over others and when we feel like our beliefs aren’t shared by the other person some feel a sense of losing control. Overthinking is a you problem! Data collect, obtain facts not assumptions and speculations or what ifs. Sit down and set clear boundaries. If those boundaries are broken or disregarded you have your answer. If you choose to stay that’s on your own accord and you’ve learned nothing. We don’t have control over others actions, only how we react, and respond accordingly.

Nah that’s not ok. Make him explain and let him know your not ok with it. If you was doing it how would he respond

Run . Know what worth…Dont be an option to him darling :heart:

Him feeling the need to go through your phone is enough for me :triangular_flag_on_post::triangular_flag_on_post:


Sounds like a little creep.

Sounds like a healthy relationship

Your on a break
Why shouldn’t you both see other people

Did you speak to him about it? When was he looking at girls profiles? Whilst on break? Then he hasn’t broken any trust rules? He’s not speaking to them?

I’ve always said in my relationship that you’re allowed to window shop (not oggle!!) but you’re not allowed to go in and buy (cheat). One of the first instances in my relationship with my hubby was him thinking he was with his mates at a rave and pointed out a girl’s nice butt. He was shocked when I agreed with him and said he had good taste :person_shrugging: doesn’t mean he wants to take her home! Neither did I.

Make the break permanent. He wants to monitor your while he’s doing the thing he doesn’t want you to do. End it. It’s not going to get better. Make a clean break and move on.

You have to be kidding me? :joy: You’re not committed for a reason. Of course he’s looking up other girls. Its common sense, you’re not exclusive but you’re not talking to anyone else? Make that make sense. You’re being played. He’s keeping his options open and you should move on with your life.

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I would rudely say you are stupid and looking for one person to give you encouragement to stay with this worthless two timing man!

Break is the key word. That means he’s not particularly with you or you him. I think he wanted to see if you were talking to or messing with anyone. The fact he did not delete his activity shows you that you and him are not together.

Was he trying to make you jealous? Typically people hide these things. Dudes are known to lie…not flaunt. Kinda seems he is showing you where his mind is right now. This isn’t best for you hun.

Value yourself hon, he is not your man. No shade or hate. 58 year old woman here, life experience has taught me and when to walk away. I wish I could have told my 25 year old self. He is in your way, for meeting your right person. You are in the way for meeting his. Peace and love

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Him going through your phone was him trying to see if you are still hung up on him and him only. Ditch him. He is a boy. A man will know what he wants and not play games.

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The first red flag here is his need to go through your phone…

If you guys are going through each others phone. Then theres no trust there. Believe me when i say move on. You cant earn trust back. Looking up other girls is NOT ok.

Girl,run….dont look back….the past is gone….look ahead, the future is there! And you deserve way better than this guy!


It needs to be a permanent break. He was going through your phone hoping to find a reason to break up with you but have it be your fault and he won’t be the bad guy. Do yourself a favor and end it and move forward.

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I think you both have some growing to do. He wanted to look through your phone because he felt insecure. He insisted that you look through his phone, which tells me that he didn’t feel like he was doing anything wrong, in other words, looking up those females did not have at all the significance to him that it has to you. It meant nothing to him. You both need to figure out how to develop enough security & confidence in your relationship that you don’t feel the need to spy on each other. You should never go through each other’s phones, or personal accounts. And if you feel the need to do that, then you need to discuss with your partner that you are feeling insecure and why. You shouldn’t hide your phones or accounts, but you should be able to trust that your S/O respects your privacy and won’t snoop. When you look, you will always see things that you find inappropriate even if they aren’t really. Communication is key. Set clear boundaries for both of you, without being overly controlling, and make sure that you both understand them. If you are invested in a serious relationship, you don’t take breaks. You work things out.

Young one, get over him and move on. “You” should be enough for him if he truly loves you. You say he isn’t the cheating type - how do you know- for a fact he isn’t or has before. Have respect for yourself and never “just settle”. Seriously, young one, you already know in your gut - trust it. You wouldn’t reach out if you didn’t feel it.:v:t4::sunflower::feather:

What I find alarming is that he insisted on you guys going through each other’s phones, not so much that he’s been looking up a bunch of females.
I always search up people, mostly men, because I’m curious as to who they are, especially when they’ve committed a serious crime or just because I want to creep due to a gossip post I’ve seen. :joy:
I would be so offended if my man asked me to go through my phone or visa versa. That’d be a huge red flag for me.

Men don’t change … we sometimes improve a little but overall we don’t change our ways of looking at think/ opinions and all that kind of stuff.
Look if he says he loves you he probably does. Is he is looking up girls but not talking to them ??
He could be looking at other options because isn’t that what the break is for ? To see if you want to continue with the relationship?.
In my opinion “ a break “ is a terrible idea … it’s either your in or your out .

I’d be out. My man would never disrespect me like that, and if he is looking up other females, it’s because we’re talking about someone and he wants to show me who, or vice versa.
You’re on a break for a reason, and clearly there’s no trust. Trust is everything. So nope, I’d be out!

I’m guessing he messaged those girls he was looking up, and deleted the conversations to make it look like he wasn’t. He pushed you to go through his phone one, so he could feel justified in going through yours, and two it was also a convenient time for him after deleting the chats. Men don’t think to delete the search history. Space is sometimes needed in a long term relationship but not “a break.”

There’s someone out there. That will respect your boundaries when you say this makes you feel uncomfortable. Have that conversation. If it doesn’t go well. He wasn’t the one any way!


He insisted you go through his phone because he wanted you to see that and wanted to get under your skin. I would bounce

Wait …he insisted you go through his phone, then you found he was looking up other girls? I think he is subtly trying to tell you he is done. If he insisted you go through his phone but he didn’t want you to find out he was looking at other girls he would have deleted all those first. I think it’s time for you to move on.

The boy needs to be a man he needs to be for himself when he achieves this then maybe give it a shot in the meantime ur not married go be single life is too short!!!

Never believe someone won’t cheat!!

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I don’t believe in taking breaks. If you can’t make it through tough times together as a couple then just break up.

He is insecure, that’s why he went thru your phone! Don’t waste anymore time on this little boy!

Just saying- he can’t be the man you want him to be he will only be the man he wants to be. There is really a huge difference. Don’t see you on the same page

He wanted you to see that he was looking up other girls…… walk away it’s just going to be drama and mind games.

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You need to lose him like a bad habit!

In general relationships are not football games where you take a “break” at halftime to disengage conflict to re-assess, if he’s looking up other people that he didnt look up when you were together then he has a void, if you want a “break” to re-assess this thing then you want out of the bubble, in or out ?

Dump him real quick not a healthy situation

Love shouldn’t be this hard…

He is wasting your time till someone along comes up better

If he’s doing it while you’re together he always will

If you click on someone’s profile it automatically puts that person in your search history just a heads up!!!

He’s a controller forget him and move on

He’s telling you without telling you he’s done.Move on

Hi, I found out that it stems from porn addiction. Be careful about that….

Dump his butt. He isn’t to be trusted.

You’re being played, move on.

I would leave this. This shouldn’t be this difficult or complicated.

If he loves you he wouldn’t be looking up other women

Nobody is going through my phone, I’m good and grown.

Run and fast. First off all a man that truly loves you doesn’t want a break. He wants to be with the person he loves. If your guy has other women to talk to then before long if not already he will be dating. Trust me a man will never confess he has out with other women to you. Why would he waste his time looking up women if there is nothing to it ? Don’t be his sidekick. Find someone that actually only wants you.

Well, how long does he need to work on himself to be fixed? You need to up your guard higher. You sound very unsure. Listen to your gut…your instincts. If you are putting this out here after being with him for 3 years…you already know the answer.

What do you mean advice? He ain’t into you sis, have some self respect and dump him

Why make a whole Facebook post? Fucking end it. Be done.