I have been seeing this guy for about 6 months now. There is a big age difference (me being older). He was in a relationship not long before we started dating. We’ve known each other for anout a year now as we work together. He said he broke up with her to be with me etc… Nothing every happened when they were together, not even flirting on my side as I never thought we could be anything since he was in a relationship. Anyway, backstory done!
He told me he loved me about 2 months into us dating and said he has felt strongly for me for months hence why he broke up with her. He says he wants a future with me, talks about kids a house the whole lot. I have a child and they have met a few times and they get on really well. He took me away for a couple of nights and paid for everything and does treat me very often to things whic is lovely. We see each other frequently at least 2x a week outside of work and maybe work one shift together in work.
The thing is, he hasn’t told his mum about me and hasn’t made anything official with me yet. He lied to her about who he was going away for a couple of nights with, and hasn’t mentioned us being “bf/gf”. We have banter all the time and we were just making fun of each other and talking about ex’s etc just joking around. I said something about his first ex being his favourite (as a joke) and he said “well we were going out. We’re not.” and then later that night made another remark about us not actually being together. Have to say that that really hurt me, he says he is going to ask me very soon. He said that about 2 or 3 months ago too… Says he is waiting for the right time, but that doesn’t seem to come. I’m worried that I’m being strung along when he doesn’t know what he wants even though we do act like bf and gf. I haven’t been with anyone in 3 years so this is my first in a long time. I think I may be acting a little immature here, but at the same time I don’t want to commit myself to someone who isn’t willing to officially commit to me. Cause as he said “were not going out”. I have a child to also think of and as much as I want something more to happen I’m afraid he will use the not going out argument for breaking off with me out of the blue. Am I being silly here I need to know. Why would he be so afraid to tell his fam about me if he feels so strongly about me?
Help a mama out and respond anonymously on our forum. This may be silly, but it's starting to annoy me a little too much
I would simply tell him that I am not a friends with benefits type of person and if were weren’t exclusive that the girlfriend duties wouldn’t continue until he was ready for an actual relationship. You cant force him to be ready but you can stop giving so much of yourself to him until he is ready.
I would take a step back and reavalorate …what you want may not be what he wants take time and don’t let your child became to attached to a man that may not be in her future
sounds like he isn’t ready to commit. I would leave him.
Lots of red flags! How can he say he loves you but not be in a relationship with you.
Sounds like he is keeping his options open by not committing.
If he wants to say you two aren’t going out…then you need to stop doing things a girlfriend would do. Do not give in because of your feelings for him because in the end you will be the one that gets hurt. Maybe talk with him and say we are either exclusive or we aren’t and if we aren’t…here is what is going to change. I don’t like that he feels he has to ask you to be his girlfriend and is waiting for the right time. Not sure if I missed something there but that sounds controlling. Boundaries girl. You got this.
You are certain. He is not.
I am sure he likes you but at the same time he probably believes he has options and you are a great option so therefore he tells you the truth that he really likes you but he’s still considering whatever else is available which includes NOT being with you. For now, either be less intentional about him until he is serious too OR simply just stop seeing him because he isn’t committing and you are definitely going to get hurt.
That sounds like a red flag.
So if not a boyfriend then is he a friend with benefits? Just take the benefits away and he will become your friend. Or boyfriend if it’s really what he wants
Next time he has a family event, show up… Just to be sure the ex is really an ex… I mean, you’re only seeing him a couple times / week outside of work. He could be lying.
Be straight out with him yes or no marriage or not family or not
Kinda early on to introduce to your child don’t you think???
Why buy the cow when you get the milk for free…
Giiiiirrrrlll! This sounds alot like the last guy I was with. Said he broke up with the last “ex” and we even moved in together but the whole 4yrs (of me being weak and stupid by putting up with his crap) he was cheating with multiplessssss of people as well as the so called “ex”. I rushed into a “relationship” with him about 4 months of knowing him and thats when we moved in together. PLEASE don’t rush into things with anyone. Take ur time and let things fall into place wherever they are meant to fall. I wasted so much time and money on a man who is selfish and narcissistic also got himself locked up. Take ur time and don’t rush things.
Sounds like he’s just stringing you along till something better comes along good luck
Personally I wouldn’t let him know either were exclusive or were not. I would back off. Not spend so much time together e.t.c tell him you got plans every so often when he wants to go do something even if its snuggling on the couch with your little. When he makes you a priority you can him as well.
Friends with benefits. It’s your decision to make.
My sons father was the same before I decided to end this.
Difference is, I wasn’t trying to waste my time questioning why his behavior was this way.
I snooped and found he was still contacting multiple exes and had them all thinking they had chances with him. Would spend time with me and then another. He let it slip that he was thinking of his own security yet I wasn’t allowed to date other men. He told me he wanted me in his life somewhere. He asked me to wait for him. I was confused as to what the hell he meant until it clicked to me.
I was an option. There were other options.
He just didn’t have the balls to say this. Would ask him and he would deny it. Mind you, this is a 30 year old man I’m speaking of. At his age, the games should be over but he’s still a baby inside. Like you, I wasn’t in a relationship for five years. I was with my other ex for ten years. So I didn’t know much about dating.
Everything you are saying is a huge red flag unless you accept you’re not someone he is ready to pass go with. If you want a serious relationship, I’d look for another guy who’s ready for the same thing. These option men think they’re entitled to string you along until they find someone better.
Basically,
You’re just the ‘right now’ chick.
You need to put this boy in the road. I think he is using you. Anyone that won’t let you meet his family is hiding something.
Why do people feel like when they are with someone that it has to be some forever relationship? Why cant he be nice to your kids when he sees them? Spoil you? You guys have a nice time when together? Everyone thinks when they get in a relationship it has to be serious and locked down or else. How about enjoy your time and have fun? Not every relationship is meant to be and people dont have to beat it to death trying to make it ever lasting!
He is seeing other people. Or at least keeping the door open for someone else. You deserve someone who is willing to commit. So does your child.