I’ve been with him for two years now so I know him pretty well. We live together and are making plans to get married. I have a son of my own and he had two grown daughters and a younger son( we will call him James). Since the start of his and my relationship his ex has been the worst. Going so far as to continuously text him and call him names( deadbeat, worthless, loser etc). I know for a fact he is none of those things. He goes above and beyond for his kids. He doesn’t raise his voice o yell at his kids. He’s a wonderful father and treats my kid equally great and with the utmost respect. He usually turns the other cheek when the mother of his child starts talking down on him and a few times he’s blocked her number but she texts from a different number. She will reach out to him when she can’t control James and expects my bf to deal with him. I should probably mention James is 11 and already has every social media platform available. He’s been caught talking inappropriately to girls so my bf told her the social media had to go. He’s too young for it. She then went on the attack yet again. A few months ago this woman straight up left James at the front of our home and left afterwards sending a text to let us know she had dropped him off. She claimed to have a business trip 4 hours away(no one not even James believed her)This women continues to harass my bf from apps that create fake numbers and we don’t know how to deal with her. She’s unreasonable, immature, aggressive and straight up disrespectful. They have a court order in place that she follows when convenient for herself. We love having him but can’t even make plans for ourselves because she always expects my bf to come running when she calls. She’s gone so far as to start telling James that your dad(my bf) is a loser, deadbeat, worthless…etc…
Any advice would be greatly appreciated!! We’re currently sifting through texts to speak with an attorney. Oh and she has now started talking trash about me. We have proof of everything.
Help a mama out and respond anonymously on our forum. This rant is pertaining to my bf and the mother of his kid
If you have proof, why don’t you present it to a lawyer, so dad can have the primary custody of “James”?
As a Paralegal, I can’t give legal advice. But, if everything is documented, he should definitely speak with an Attorney.
The child James at family court would have a law guardian on his behalf, not his mother’s or father’s. But because you’re not married I might sound mean but this is between the 2 parents. Have your boyfriend take control and deal with everything at family court, it’s time consuming to start but it’s his job to do so. Your name won’t be acknowledged on any court legal documents. The courts usually have a hour or so every day where legal aid gives out free consultation.
Apply for a child arrangement order for child to live with u, take the evidence to the court. He can Also get a no. Molestation order so she cannot contact him as it appears that she is harassing him and being aggressive
I would fight her for custody and look into parenting apps as a way of communication and let it be known she can only contact through the app.
Court orders also effect the mother or primary caregiver, if she is not following it precisely, it should be reported. Just like if the dad didn’t show up, mom gets repercussions as well…
Also she sounds either bitter (is she single?) Or she thinks that the dad should always be dad as if he was living in the home… Which in some cases he should be…(although it’s not realistic because he’s NOT in the home so things change, and she probably still needs to adjust,) But he’s a dad first, even before your plans, he’s a dad first… If he’s not being that, I can see how a woman who ALWAYS has to be mom first, can get stressed, frustrated and angry… You didn’t really say that he has his kid all the time… You just said he goes above and beyond… Is that only financially??
Speak to the lawyer. Get advice from them. In the mean time, dad needs to stop engaging with her unless it has to do with their child. Doesn’t matter how many time she texts him. He needs to keep it respectful on his part and refuse to engage when unnecessary.
stop giving into her first of all. shes walking all over u guys cause she knows dad will give in. which is ridiculous
2nd. save everything. get a lawyer and go for primary
James is 11, at that age the court system gave me my own guardian ad litem and took my opinion on which parent I wanted to live with into consideration. I would definitely take it back to court.
If you have proof of everything then go to court and file for custody of the child. The reason this child is acting out is cause his home environment is toxic. His mother is in the wrong completely talking down about his father to him (no child should hear bad things about the other parent from the other parent no matter how much they don’t like each other and imo it’s mental and emotional abuse)
So his great parenting only goes as far as the court order, & you’re pissy because this single mother needs constant help from your boyfriend raising his angry preteen in inconvenient times for you???
& Said single mother gets angry & spiteful when your boyfriend blocks her & neglects to provide asked for help with his child so she lashes out by dumping the child & leaving…
Wow, that’s some great co-parenting going on. Especially in the best interest of an angry 11 year old boy. 
Sounds like ALL OF YOU need to grow up & put this child’s well being before anything & anyone else…poor kid.
My advice is what I read towards the very end which you’re already doing! your Proof. Attorney and force the court order. 
Take her to court and get custody of him .
For starters she shouldn’t be blocked. I would ignore the nasty messages and use those for proof and only reply to them when they pertain to the kids.
Get in counseling for sure for him and for all of you. Get a lawyer and start going for full custody. Keep track of everything she says and does and texts. Good luck to you and your family
Change your boyfriends number.
Bring him to live with you he needs stability now
Document, document, document.
Keep records of all the harrassment and submit it to the courts. No family court allows one parent to harrass or trash talk the other parent. If the harrassment is severe or threatening bodily harm you can file a complaint with the police and make a request for a protection order. Do not engage with any communication that is not respectful discourse about the child. Look up the “grey rock” technique for more tips on dealing with people like that. Good luck.
Just keep cool, keep proof. When you do go to court, try for full custody!!!
Have your bf take custody.
Get custody. Get cameras inside and out, so you can capture her behavior.
I’m in agreement yes you have a big right to be mad. Not mad that she calls for help shoot let that speak for itself. Keep records all texts all voicemails anything. Record drop offs and picks up even if they are good and smooth. Continue to let her burry herself and when the time is right you strike and bring the child to a place that has steady rules and boundaries.
Some of that could be considered parental alienation. Which is illegal. Get an attorney and submit all your proof.
Nah just file for custody and block her
File with the court when she fails to follow the order. Charge her with harassment. You need a lawyer & guardian ad litem.
Leave lol its not ur drama
If I was you I would file for full custody! That would eliminate her and you follow the order that is convenient for you. That boy sounds like he needs stability, therapy, and genuine connection. His father and you have every right to do what’s best for the child and it sounds like you have a solid case. His mother gets him every other weekend. That be it.
Get a do not contact order and all communication for the kids goes through a mediator… if she contacts you or your BF, it will be good evidence in court…
Restraining order and primary custody…her behavior is not healthy for James. Good luck it’s a tough row to hoe… Keep every text the judge will want to review those.
Well she can be done for slander but unless you have proof she says these things in front of kids then you can’t go anywhere with that part. Sounds like your not wanting full custody tho?
Is her name Ashley? 
I know one of those lol
Go to court. Get full custody. Document every interaction
You should have called the police for abandonment when she dropped him off and left. As the custodial parent, she is responsible, even if it was his father she abandoned him with.
Your boyfriend needs to take it back to court. Have a very strict visitation/custody schedule set, and limit communication to be through the court. There is an app that the court will mandate both put on their phones and the ONLY way they will be permitted to contact one another is through that app and directly related to the child. The courts monitor the conversations. When you go to court, take all documentation with you as proof.
Y’all are better than me though. Her pulling up, dropping him off, leaving and then texting to say he’s out front would have been the cherry on top. I would have called CPS on her right then and there.
Parental alienation is not the way to get on a judges good side!
Take custody and be done with that crap
Document it all, print it all out, present it as toxic and alienation to the courts on the behalf of the child’s best interest. Show proof of her taking off whenever possible and that she does so with no prior notice. Ask attorney first, but see if you and your husband could just file for sole physical custody of the child.
Ignore her and get attorney
Well the dad needs to take his documentation to court. He needs to step up you are a non entity at this point to the courts. On your end if she’s harassing you then I suggest a RO/C&D depending on the level of harassment. Again discuss this all with a lawyer that has access to all the court documents and proof.
Take her to court, in mediation explain what you want, what’s fair, and the baby mom can only communicate about the child, as well as no crap talking. They will grant that even if she has custody
I would file for contempt whenever she doesn’t follow the order and you guys will get more custody. You also need to record it when she is calling him names in front of the child. Because any judge will put in the parenting agreement that they aren’t to talk negatively about the other parent in the presence of the child. There’s this group that I am in called “warrior stepmoms” the lady’s on there are super supportive and they will be able to help you out as well so please go and join that group. You can post anonymously there too.
He should get a RO for the harassment and go back to court. It seems like he should live with you. Stick to the court order. Every time she leaves him at your doorstep (without even letting you know first) document it. Document everything!
I dealt with this with my now late husband. She was wretched. I could have written this!
The best way to handle people like this, is to document everything and take her to court/hold her accountable at every turn. She will eventually stop because most of the time, they don’t enjoy being held accountable/interacting with law enforcement/suffering consequences
Back to court to take custody
That’s when he don’t answer any calls and give her your number. Make her go thru you. Save all the messages for the judge. And she can get in trouble for posing as someone else on social media
Id document everything and head back to court.
File for full custody.
Get custody of that poor boy.
Stop responding to her texts. The courts have a app called my family wizard app that is through the courts. Document everything. When she just randomly drops him off or changes the schedule. Get her for contempt of court and maybe try and go for full custody. I would do all this sooner rather than later.
Sigh, I have experienced this and wish you the best of luck. Get yourself an attorney that will fight for your family and hold the ex accountable for not following the court order. Have something put in a order where she can’t contact by phone and only by a court appointed app that if need be they can pull the records later to show her behavior in the app. Have an attorney that will actually present your evidence, document everything. Praying for y’all!
Take her to court, get custody, and make get get counseling and parenting course before she can see him again.
Journal everything and record her at all times.
The minute she left him on my door step I would have headed to court and got custody
If its an order, call police for breaching it, she will soon learn she can’t get away with it. The breech will help his case in court, and he needs to think about what type of tome/visits he would like, or if he wants to take him full time.
Do some research into Narcissistic Personality Disorder. She sounds like she fits the bill. Honestly educate yourselves, especially your bf on how to deal with people like that. She will not change. There are methods like Gray Rocking that can help keep the peace and stick to the issue of the child. Everyone should be in counseling even if its an online support group. Best of luck girl!
Go back to court ! I’m sure it’s written in the first order that each parent is not allowed to talk down about the other in the company of the child ! Not only that, she is harassing him and not following the court order .
Do what you do and don’t change. If the dad is as good as you say, the kid knows who the nut is. Get custody if you can. Document everything
File for a police report, tell them she keeps harassing you both through electronic means. When she continues, go file for a no contact order and then wait for her to violate it
Press harassment charges get custody of boy
Get proof of all of this and have him file for full custody…
You don’t say, but was he married when you met him? If so, she will never accept you, nor should she .
Time to fight for custody and maybe get a no contact order
How sad for the kids! The boyfriend is grown he can handle himself. Someone needs to advocate for the child before it’s too late.
Every single time she breaks or doesn’t follow the court order, report it and document it. Even for the littlest stuff.
Go to court file for full custody and trust me she will change her ways fast
If she just dropped him off no notice no nothing next time call cps and report her for abandonment what if you weren’t home when she did this just because you’re vehicle is there doesn’t mean you are I take off all the time with my sister or friends that alone is neglect record everything you can get you a little camera and when you know you will be dealing with her in person record her and record all phone conversation with her and print out any and all communication especially the one where she calls him for the discipline end she obviously isn’t putting her son first and that is disgusting
Geeeez what a stressful situation. Sounds exactly what we’re going thru with my partners ex. She’s even filed for child support but their 2 kids live with us 
It’s so sad that grown women expose their children to such toxic behaviour. Petty immature bitches can’t just suck it up for the kids… makes me physically sick.
Go for custody, keep all evidence. Good luck.
Son could do good with therapy.
Ur bf allows this behavior. Change number only communicate thru an app that the courts can monitor.
Whether you gain full custody or not you are dealing with textbook malignant psychology, nothing the court, attorney, or counseling will ever change, you guys need to learn how to do the best you can to help the child survive her toxic tutelage
Best thing to do is not even engage with her. She wants a fight. Your ex is handling it appropriately by staying calm. His son will see for himself which parents treats him respectfully and he will find out for himself that his dad is none of those things that his mother is trying to brainwash him to believe about his dad. If I were you, I would not get involved. Support your BF, but those issues are between him and her. I would just document all that she does and wait for the court date to handle the rest. There is an app that they can communicate through that is handled through the courts. Everything is recorded. I suggest he ask for that when he goes to court and only communicate with her in that way.
Bf needs to reaffirm to his son all the time that he loves him and will fight for him everyday. And I would have him fight for full custody using all the evidence that you all have.
She is on drugs … I guarantee it
File for full custody. If contact is to be made go through the court so it is watched, file harassment charges.
He should go for full custody
Trash talking isn’t illegal. Yes, according to your side of the story she’s in the wrong. Yes, there are some aspects to this you can get her on, but the only thing you can do is take her back to court.
I would go to court she saying that to his son is trying to alienate him from his son and he has good shot for custody and harassment against her
File charges of abandonment. Also have her tested for any mental health problems. Sounds like bipolar or schizophrenia. She probably yells at James the same. That’s mental abuse. I know that may sound dumb but, trust me. The way a Mom or Dad talks to their kids can effect the outcome of their adulthood. Sounds like James may need therapy as well. Be sure to have the lawyer talk to him about how is Mom talks to him.
Is she using drugs? Something is wrong. Call cps and tell them what she is doing and ask for advice. They can help you
Get custody. And give her visitation
Keep records of everything! Continue to love and teach James right! As far as court stuff if you have it in writing she can’t keep the kid away from you without consequences. And if she drops him off extra then take that time as well and document it. I would tell your bf not to respond to any texts not regarding his son! Good luck
Document EVERYTHING. Every time she deviates from the court order. Including whether she contacts him or waits until after she drops him off. Every SHRED of evidence you can use against her, her not handling his behavior, her dropping him off and leaving without notice, everything. Once he has that as his evidence, print it all off, any and all text messages pertaining to each incident. Be thorough. Then, take her to court for contempt of court, and ask for visitation and custody to revisited. If she’s doing all you say she is, it won’t take long for you to make your case to the court and her party is over. You have to be patient in this part, and let her fall on her own sword. The more you can prove that this is repeated behavior the better, and if it detrimental to the child and their wellbeing she will have no excuse and the court will find her in contempt.
Get custody and get supervised visits for her. Take the boy to talk to a counselor. And bring the counselor to court with ya.
He is old enough to choose.
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Why hasn’t he filed for full custody yet? That is mental abuse towards his son. Clearly to the point where he’s acting out and she can’t control him. File with all the documentation and proof he has. You can report her every time she doesn’t follow the court order to a T.
Omg this sounds like my life! 
My step sons mother is the worst. Save your proof of everything and take it to court. If she can’t handle him and you have proof, guess it’s time for the dad (your bf) to get full custody so you have to deal with her less. My husband has full, sole, legal and physical custody, has since his son was about 6 months old. It can happen and although she is still the worst to deal with, we deal with her much less than if she had custody of any kind! She has screwed herself so badly that she now gets him every other Sunday for only 4 hours in a public place. Per the judges order. Feel free to message me to even just talk! I know how frustrating this can be! She stalks me so I can never post a whole lot or any names so I understand!!
Take your proof ect and contact that attorney…thats basically what needs to be done.Get back into court.
Get custody and get a restraining order.
Get the child into therapy that way there is documentation to prove that she is saying things to her son.
Document everything she sends and write down the conversation during phone calls or have another phone to record it.
Document everything shr says and does keep the texts then take ger to court she is mentally abusing the 11 year old. File for custody siting her unstability for the reason.
Honestly, I would immediately file for emergency full custody. She sounds abusive and I wouldn’t want my kid around that. He can also ask the court that all communication has to go through a family app (which they would probably split the cost between the two of them, it’s not much), that way everything between them is documented and he can block her on any of his personal accounts.
she’s toxic. take the kid and run to the nearest therapist please
If she’s not following court orders than try to get her for contempt of court. I’d also have him get a prepaid cell for only her and the son to have the number too that way you have all the documentation in one area and that way he can change his personal cell number and only answer the prepaid when he chooses. Document everything and I mean everything! Tell her that if it’s not apart of the court order that it’s not happening and that she needs to stop with the harassment. It’s good to have proof of asking her to stop harassing you so the judge can see that you have already tried to be civil and ask nicely. Make sure you log and record any harassment and behavior that’s inappropriate. I’m sorry your dealing with this I can’t imagine how difficult and frustrating this is. I really hope that things get resolved and get better!
Change you number and start contacting her from a texting app, you can turn off those notifications if you don’t want them to bother you. Next time she just drops him off, call cps! Sounds like child abandonment to me of nothing was discussed prior.
Let the courts handle it.
Sounds like my husbands ex…jealous much?!?
Next time she randomly leaves the kid, have a police report made for child abandonment. You may even be able to use this to get emergency custody granted. Document everything. Have the child see a therapist where a medical professional can document everything to back up claims to show to the court. Keep texts and take her to court for full custody and be sure for any agreement that the judge spells out communication terms and that IF mom is to spend time with the child she is not allowed to harass any of you and is not allowed to speak about any of you negatively in front of the child.
He needs to get a lawyer & sue for custody. “James” may be old enough to speak to the judge. When she leaves him in your yard without your knowledge have him call the police. That’s abandonment. Should be documented. I knew a mom who did that with her 2 kids. They sat on the porch for hours before a neighbor realized & called the police. Dad had left town not knowing she was going to dump the kids on him. He got full custody. She couldn’t even see her kids after that.