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QUESTION:
"I've been in a relationship with someone almost 6 years. It'll be 6 years in March. Point being is he doesn't give me any signs of wanting to get married. I know he loves me and I love him, but I'm ready for the next step I'm ready for marriage. I've talked to him about wanting to get married. I let him know it doesn't have to be tomorrow or even next year. You see we bought a house together I have kids that he helps me raise. I just want to be able to call him my husband he is perfect for me. What are your thoughts on marriage?"
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TOP ANSWERS (AS SELECTED BY MODERATOR):
The following top answers have been selected by a moderator from hundreds of responses to the original question.
"Don’t rush it. Let it come when it comes. He might be saving for the perfect ring."
"Let him know a ring would be nice. Long engagements are fine. What’s his hold up?"
"When things are one-sided like that they don’t ever see what you’re saying or come close to understanding."
"You have to make a decision about whether marriage is more important than just being with your man. Some men will never marry."
"You guys need to talk about important legal things since you’ve commingled yourself things. You don’t have to get married but if you guys need to have important conversations and maybe even legal papers drawn up so youre both covered. Like who is making your end of life decisions? Do you have wills? Is he willing to continue raising the kids in this home? If one if you die the other could be barred from making decisions, refused entry at services, the family could force the sale of the home. Getting married or not you guys should talk about where you legally want to stand even as just long term partners."
"You need to just talk to him. Let him know what you want and see what he wants. Six years is more than enough time to know what you want. What you have to decide is, if he does NOT want marriage, can you be happy without it? Because if you can’t (no shame, I wouldn’t be), it’s better to leave now before it makes you bitter."
"Its a religious reason or legal reason? I didn’t want the government to be part of our marriage so we did a religious ceremony. Then lawers said for legal protections as l had stage 4 cancer that we should get legally married so we did that. Point is talk about why you want to be married and the concerns for not wanting to be married. Y’all will come up with something."
"Me and my husband talked about marriage for a while and finally after 6 years I got down on one knee and proposed to him. He was excited and said yes. He told me he was shy which I already knew and was scared so maybe that’s the problem!"
"I keep seeing “it’s just a piece of paper” but that piece of paper gives you the right to make decisions in case something bad happens. And couldn’t his family go after your house if it’s in both names, if something were to happen? That piece of paper is pretty significant and carries a lot of weight."
"Our thoughts on marriage don’t matter. What matters is what you and him think. If someone on here thinks it’s dumb but you don’t will that change your mind about wanting to get married. This is a serious conversation you need to have with him. And you need to decide what you really want and if your willing to settle if you don’t get it."
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