How do you deal with mom guilt of sending babies to daycare for long hours every day? I have to work, and I feel so bad sending my kids to daycare every day I feel like a bad mom. Help, is anyone going through the same thing?
Not bad mom your looking best interest of your child
My kids are 12 and 7 and I still hate leaving them would much rather be home with them but I have to work. Just make sure they are safe and know your doing what right for them
I think a lot of moms feel this way from time to time and especially when you first take them to daycare. But it does get better and easier with time. And honestly, my daycare loves my kids and they learn so much after being there for almost 4 years! I feel good knowing they are being so taken care of, loved, and learning things! You’re not a bad mom!
My son is 2 years and 4 months old and I JUST started sending him 1 full and 1 half day per week and I feel guilty for it, but at the same time if I didnt send him at all and give him that experience then I would feel guilty for NOT sending him, I feel like I cant win!
I am just divorc3d after 11 yrs of marriage & I have primary custody of our 2 yr old. I have to work M-Fri as a nurse so I can pay our house, bills, necessities, we don’t get extra things. I feel horrible that he has to go to daycare M-Fri but I also have to provide for him bc i am his person. He knows mommy loves him. I look at it like I provide for him however I can & at least I still see him daily on way to daycare & when we get home to feed, bathe, read & play before bedtime. One day things will be easier for us but now we do what we have to do as responsible parents.
You’re doing what you have to do to provide for them. It’s what parents do. Lighten up on yourself
You sound like a fantastic mom. It’s the ones who think they’re doing everything right and never doubt themselves who need to worry about their parenting! It is so hard dropping them off sometimes but you are setting a great example of working hard and providing for your family.
I feel the same way with my 13 month old when I go to school but I’m doing what’s best for my son by getting an education and making a career for us.
I felt the same way, until one day my son’s preschool director told me they had a job opening. I was looking for a new job at the time, and I jumped at the opportunity. Once I was an employee too, I realized how much the teachers genuinely loved all their babies, and my mind was changed. My son’s Age 2 teacher came to his birthday party, and is still part of our family, 15 years later. I still remember all my babies from each of my classes as well.
My guilt was alleviated once I realized my boys got to play and make new friends, and they ended up with more people in their lives who truly loved them.
Just think there is other moms like me who wishes she could send her child to day care so she could work. You are very lucky to be able to have that opportunity. Kids love to co mingle and play. Day care isn’t that bad.
Try to look at it this way… you work and provide for your baby. You’re a great Mom because of that! Sending them to daycare they get all kinds of social and learning experiences. It would be wonderful if we could all be SAHM (I think about it often too), but either way, you’re a great Mom for caring to provide the best
My opinion being a single mom and pretty much raised my 3 older kids a lone if you find a good daycare and can afford one while you are at work making a living for you and your kids don’t see it as being a bad parent look at it as being smart enough you know where your priorities lie. Anyone else says anything different shouldn’t be talking anyway. You do what’s best for your babies
Believe me you’re doing you and your kids a favor. They learn so many social skills that can’t be learned at home with mommy. They enjoy being with other kids and advance quicker with skills because they want to do what the other kids do. They will be so ready for school and know how to sit still listen and follow directions etc. as a teacher, I’m telling you don’t feel guilty be confident that all is fine. If they’re having separation issues it’s better to deal with it now than the first day if kindergarten
I feel same way I’ve been a sahm for 9 years. Just started back working and I feel so bad. My children are almost 9 8 and 6. But i trying to make myself not feel guilty cause were making them money to have everything we need. Its ok momma we are doing what we gotta do
When I have mom guilt I talk to my friend or my mom and they help me feel normal. I find it helps knowing I’m not alone
Do not feel bad. Your child needs to be taken care of find someone you trust.Your child will get use to being away from you. When you pick them up give them as much attention as you can. He or she will know you love and miss them.It will be better now and to go back 5 years from now they would miss you more.
Such guilt. And such jealousy! I was surprised to discover how jealous I was that someone got to spend more of the day with my kids than I did. But it is what it is. And it’s necessary. A good day care is actually a good thing for kids. It’s structured social time and they learn a lot of valuable life skills there. Even though I know that, I still have guilt sometimes.
As a responsible working parent you are setting an example for your child. I raised three children alone and when younger they spent long hours in daycare. Now they are grown and my oldest son who served in the Marines and put himself through 6 years of collage says when he found his way difficult he thought back to my struggling as a single parent and that was his motivation dating to himself that if his mom with three dependents could do it he should be able to.
Yes! It sucks! When my oldest kids were little I just worked part time and it was the best of both worlds. I’ve been full time for a while now and I hate it for my youngest 2 but need $ to pay for tuition because the public schools here are really bad. Any chance you and your husband can figure out a way to budget for you to drop some hours?
I try to be an optimist and find the blessings in everything. Instead of feeling guilty for “having to work”, turn it around. “I am blessed that I am able bodied, smart enough, determined enough to be able to provide for my children” You are putting a house over their head, shoes on their feet,food in their tummy AND a mommy that loves the shit out of them! They are blessed too!! You are only one person. You can’t be everywhere at once. As long as they lay their little heads on their pillows at night knowing that they are loved, then you are doing okay!!
When I have an opportunity I keep him home and we spend the day together. It doesn’t happen often, but it is very enjoyable when it does. This Friday I’m going to pick him up from school and take him to see a movie. Don’t let mom guilt make you feel terrible about providing for your babes!
You do it. You have to provide for them. My kid went to daycare at 7 weeks. No choice since I am the one with health insurance. They turn out great. My child was talking in five to seven sentences by 1 year old. Potty trained by 15 months. Walked by 7 months. Hell she had no teeth til 10 months
I was the director of a childcare center when my kids were young. They went with me but I didn’t get to see them much during the day. Now they are 7 & 8 and they dont remember it at all. I felt SO guilty for being a working mom, but they dont remember all of that time in daycare. I am still a working mom, but now I head to work after they get on the bus and my husband gets them off the bus. I’m home 30 minutes later. Dont feel guilty mama. Do what’s right for your family.
Tis life darlin…some of us arent blessed with situations that allow us to stay home and rear the children. Its not the 50s, and often its just not possible. Do you feel guilty that they have plenty to eat and clothing to wear? No! You do what you must and that includes bear the guilt of being away. If you trust they are getting plenty attention and love from the daycare workers, please dont feel bad. It truly takes a village to raise a child and often times they learn so much from being exposed to different people and others to play with its actually beneficial! My son was way above average due to his awesome daycare workers teaching him letters numbers and shapes since he was very small. Also it builds social skills they wouldnt get alone with you at home. There are pros just try to look on the brighter side youre giving them a future but sacrificing your own need to be close to them. You are doing great mama!
Guilt never helps you. Feel free to miss them and somewhat wish in the back of your mind that you were so independently wealthy that you wouldn’t have to work. But don’t torture yourself with guilt. Feel guilty if you are neglecting your kids, not for working to make sure that their bellies are full and their other needs are provided for.
note that I am very much pro daycare center. You can improve your parenting skills by taking the time to find out what the daycare does and how they do it. Daycare helped counter my bad habits, competition with other kids helped them learn skills much younger than I thought possible, and provided me with a much wider range of options for how to discipline my kids!
Live homeless for a few months cause you didnt want to be away from them. You will never feel guilty again about doing what is necessary for food and shelter for your kids.
- You’re providing for the physical needs of the baby
- You’re providing socialization for the baby
- You’re allowing your child the opportunity to make friends.
- You’re helping the economy by working.
- You’re helping a daycare to stay in business.
No more guilt, STOP IT
Make sure you are happy with the caregivers. If (at least with mine) you are confident with their qualifications and abilities to teach as well as provide a nurturing environment, you will feel better about them staying there. My mom babysat many children and none of them wanted to leave. Lol
Aw. It sucks but that’s what being an adult means. You are not alone there. Unfortunately in this day and age you have to work your ta ta’s off to survive.
I was a home daycare provider for 8 years until my youngest finished kindergarten. I loved each one of my daycare children.
During the last 3 years I would accept one infant so everyone had the opportunity to learn how to nuture a younger child…rocking them, talking and telling stories to the baby, and gently playing one on one together.
We regularily went to the library and I read to them. We went to the park weekly to feed the ducks. We picked raspberries and ate them with fresh whipped cream. We gardened together.
We learned how to talk about feelings and to work through squabbles.
Every prospective parent would enter through the front door and join me through the back door into the back yard…when they sighed deeply in relief, I knew that it would be a good match.
When you find the right daycare provider, your heart will let you know.
Trust yourself and listen to your instincts.
Consider that you are gifting your baby with the opportunity to have interactions with other caring adults much like what happened many years ago with extended families and close neighbors.
I felt the same exact way with my 1st born…over time you will feel less and less bad about it.
You are doing what you have to do to provide for your kids. Not every parent is able to stay home with their kids
make up for it when at home by doing special things with them evenings and weekends. a few ideas are 1) once a week trade in formal dinner for a tea party on the living room floor and save time on dinner prep w peanut butter and jelly, fruit and veggies. 2) every other weekend pack a lunch and take them to the park, beach, or zoo. 3) every other weekend plan for a chore to take 3 times longer and let the kids help you with it even though they are to young. 4) every 2-3 months put up a tent in the living room for a week and on one of the weekend evenings offer to sleep in the tent with the kids(won’t likely sleep there but they will make a fun nest w crazy sleeping toys and makes for fantastic family time!)
Stop feeling guilty you gotta work. Your kids will be fine and they get to be kids
I feel completely guilty any minute I’m not with my daughter. It’s exhausting guilt and will drain you, as it does me. I’m not sure how to cope. We have to work hard to raise our kids so going to work or whatever it may be, we should not feel guilty.
Make sure u and kids r happy on ur day off enjoy time with them
The horror of working moms for 50 years… kids have turned out just fine …likely better having peers to play with…
We all have to work dear it’s part of life! At least you do! Think of what would happen to your kids if you didn’t!
You remember what you are doing your doing for them that’s what I use to tell myself
We’re working to take care of our kids ! I know I am !
I was a babysitter when I had both of my girls until my youngest went into school
No guilt , you are not a bad mother. Doing what you have to do. Not every woman can be a stay at home soccer mom .
Day care is how we found out my daughter was 99% deaf in both ears at the age of 4
I’m so thankful that I make the sacrifices and keep my babies home.
Remind yourself You are doing the best you can with what you have. You are making selfless sacrifices for your family to take care of their needs. You are a strong driven women who puts your children in daycare because you are dedicated to giving them a healthy happy home and life.
Dont feel guilty. I’m a director of a center and we see parents from all walks of life. Those who work crazy hours those who work part time etc but I will say if you feel guilty about who you’re leaving them with then reconsider but if it’s just the guilt of leaving them you should have none
Same here! The honest truth is, you never stop feeling bad. I mean, who doesn’t want to be at home with their kids. It’s kinda like someone else is raising your children. “They’ll understand when they’re older”. That’s what I tell myself.
Take it one day at a time. If they are able to talk, ask them how it went. Focus on their positive responses. Remember that socialization is important and it can help build their immune system. It will get easier with time.
I feel guilty. But then I remind myself it’s very beneficial for my children as well. They learn how to interact with other children and learn so many new things on a daily basis.
That doesn’t make you a bad mom at least you are concerned about the kids
I’m a sahm, so I dont have to take my kid anywhere but I feel extreme guilt leaving him with anyone. It’s normal. Keep doing it and the guilt will subside some. All you can do is ensure hes in good hands! My baby loves going to daycare when I do take him. Its hurting you more than anything, he/she is getting great social interaction and has an awesome mama who is working to provide!
My husband and I work full-time careers (we also love our jobs) and have two (under two) in daycare. I get mom guilt too but I also realize that they are thriving and they love their teachers/classmates; this does not mean they love me any less.
I have also had a lot of compliments on my girls. There a re a lot of benefits to childcare/daycare😁
If you have the means to stay at home then maybe you should re- consider; however, as long as you are doing the best you can to provide for your family, you should be proud. There is NOTHING that beats the sheer joy when I pick my girls up from a long day at work…it makes it absolutely worth it the time passes by so quickly…
I take my son to a sitter who used to work at a daycare. She now cares for kids in her home. I made sure she didn’t watch too many so my little boy would get appropriate attention. She is the best!!! Does lots of educational things with him, gets him out of the house, and she has a great family who loves my babe like their own. So it makes dropping him off easier in the morning knowing he is so well cared for. And she sends me pics and messages a few times a day to keep me updated.
Sometimes I feel guilty but most the time I’m so grateful for daycare. He knows all of his letters, counts, does art, tells me all about his friends. Learns structure and manners, he’s very social. They do such a great job. Better than I could do as a sahm. I fit better outside the home, he loves daycare. Bonus now we have a lot of $ to make a better future for all of us and take time for family trips. Try not feel guilty. Daycare is a great thing.
You deal with it by remembering you are doing it for them. Every second you spend away from them puts food in their mouths, clothes on their backs and a roof over their heads. And every second away only shows how much you love them, you are making the decision so they, and you, have everything y’all need. Plus, the little things will mean that much more to everyone. As they get older, not only will they have great social skills but you’ll also be able to explain why, and they’ll appreciate you all the more. I spent a lot of time in daycare as a child and other than a few colds, nothing truly negative ever came of it.
Stay strong, and remember you love them and they love you!
You just have to think about how it’s good for them to be socializing and learning in ways you can’t do at home.
When I was pregnant, a good friend told me that being a working mom made her a better mom. She said it made her truly appreciate the hours she spent with her daughter, quality time.
It was my daughter’s first time at daycare this week too! And I am also working as a teacher at the same daycare. It’s extremely hard although I’m there with her as well. I cannot be teaching the same class she’s in per directors rules so I’ll pass her classroom and she starts crying because she wants to go with me. It’s been her and I at home all day since she was born and now she’s 17 months old and she has a hard time without me by her side. I have cried everyday because I can hear her cries through the building. My director and coworkers are extremely supportive and have been there for me. There are a few coworkers at the daycare that have their children there too and that have assured me that that’s how it goes at the beginning. I have now seen their kids and they seem perfectly fine so that’s what I look forward to as my daughter and I are adjusting. It also helps that her father picks her up earlier than when I get off so she’s not there all day. I dreaded going back to work but I know that this is helping my daughter and I go back into the real world and it’s helping our social life.
I have no advice to give but just wanted you to know that you are not alone! I am right there with you. Heck I even drive to work crying some mornings. Stay strong momma!
You are not a bad mom for working. You’re a great mom for doing what it takes to provide for your kids. Just remember that when they get older they’ll appreciate everything you did to take care of them, whether you stay home with them or work for them. You’re a wonderful momma. Just make sure they you love them when you get to go home with them.
Don’t feel guilty- kids like to be around other kids. They learn, play and have fun at day care. My grandkids wanted to go to school and daycare. Sometimes we don’t have a choice, pray for them and always ask them about their day.
No job or paycheck was worth more than my time home with mine. I worked once they started school, part time. Now that they’re teenagers, we’re always home at the same times.
I was fortunate enough to stay home with my kids but I would just spend special time with them every chance you get. Go places. Show them things. As mothers we have to make sacrifices for our kids. They will love and respect you for it later.
Why do all these people feel the need to come on here to try to rub it in that they are stay at home moms?? No one cares and that’s not what the question is about?? Do you really need to feel that better about yourself?? There are some ridiculous people
I have always been a stay at home mom and I am soo grateful for that opportunity! I provide child care services to others in my community and can tell you that most if not all of them absolutely hate leaving their babies! I can also tell you that their babies are happy and actively engaged throughout the day. They enjoy playing with one another and when one stays home because they are sick or on vaca they are missed! Their fellow “daycare” peers become a second family and they are genuinely happy to see one another <3
Being in daycare is absolutely the best for them! That interaction is so important in learning how to speak, learning to share, learning to take turns, the consistency and the structure of their day provides them with stability, their attention to tasks, listening skills, respect, the difference between yes/ no, following simple step directions, learning life skills. You are doing a great job!
You’re a good mom that is providing for them. Plus they’re gaining valuable social skills. Kids don’t mind. It’s us moms that have trouble adjusting
You only feel guilt if you let someone make you feel that way.
I look at it what it is…they are having fun, playing with other babies and getting constant interaction all day. Its literally all about them all day. And they will have amazing social skills.
I never felt guilty. I told myself it was good for them to get the exposure and socialization with other children. Plus, I’m one of those moms that counted it as a “break” even though I was working lol plus they learn alot. They’ll help teach them their colors, numbers, letters, etc.
I don’t because me going to work provides everything my daughter needs. I’d feel guilty if I was homeless and had no food on the table for my kids. work is apart of life. Kids don’t care.
Been there did that with 3 kids. It was hard. Very hard. There’s no denying it. But we as moms do the best we can. I told myself the kids are doing projects and class parties and field trips and having fun and it makes the time with me that more special. It will be all right.
Hey mama! You gotta do what you gotta do. Unfortunately in the world we live in, there is NO possible way to stay home with your babies and not work the whole world is centered around money and you HAVE to have it to survive and make a better life for your littles! You’re doing the best possible thing for them keep your head up! Go to work every day knowing that you are makin shit happen for your babies! You rock!
I go back to work in may and I am dreading this!!!
Children going to daycare/babysitting is actually good for the child (ren). The child has a chance to socialize, accept others beside immediate family, learn too interact with other children if they have no siblings and helps them all around.
So any guilt needs to be changed to knowing you are helping the child.
You’re not a bad mom!! It’s hard to let go of the guilt. But they do need the interaction with other kids and adults. It helps they become more “well rounded” people. Also you do have to work so you can give them what they need and maybe some of what they want!!
You are NOT a bad mom for working and providing for your family.
You are doing the best u can with what u can.
Keep your head up:full_moon_with_face:
Im a single parent,juggled my child from daycare to aftercare in order to work two jobs.still feel guilty 17 years later even though I couldn’t have done it differently.
Take advantage of every day you have off with them! Snuggle, do fun activities even if it’s just playing babies, playing trucks, getting down on the floor to color, play or even going to the park whatever it may be that your child is into! They will know their momma loves them!!! Most of all keep your head up you are doing what’s necessary to take care of your kid/kids!!!
I work to provide the life and opportunities my children need and deserve. So I never feel guilty for that.
I work and I have my kid in day care- the two things that I remind myself that I work because 1) he really enjoys have a warm house, roof over his head and all the food he could ever want and 2) day care is way more fun than being home with me while I’m working. I started calling it “play care” and it caught on with him!! Lol.
The guilt is because you love your little ones. They don’t know you’re doing it for them. You’re their light and leading the way for them and paving the path. Sadly, many parents aren’t fortunate enough to get to spend the tender years with their kids and when they do it’s all they do and they never get a break. This creates a good balance for you and them, so you both miss each other and value your time together. Good luck and God bless.
I have the same feeling but it’s trusted family and friends that watch my daughter
U don’t. .u gotta provide for your family
Dont feel bad. We gotta do what we can. Dont ever feel bad.
Quality time over quantity time.
It’s hard for the mommy’s but then again you shouldn’t feel like you’re a bad mom . You’re not the only one you gotta do what you gotta do.
I struggle with this too. I broke down the hours once. He spends 40 hours with my daycare and I get him (wake time) 30 ish. And sometimes he doesn’t sleep at daycare and then sleeps from the time I pick him up so then just the 10-12 weekend days. It’s devastating.
On top of that most mornings he leaps out of my arms for her. And when I pick him up he doesn’t want to leave. I’m so happy that he loves it there but it hurts to feel like I don’t get time
Mine go to Childcare for 11 hours a day, 5 days a week. Oldest is 5 and the youngest is 1. They love it, it’s good for their development and with both parents working we can afford to give them a good life, have nice holidays, do nice things on the weekends and actually we appreciate our time together more than we would if I was home every day with them. Your bossing it Mama.