Shes gearing up for hormonal changes. Stay consistent and stand your ground and she will level out in a couple years…until then, this is basically a right of passage for those with pre-teens/teens
I would have ZERO tolerance for the bullying of her brother. I get wanting a night off from the constant attitude. But she knows she’s running and winning the show. Crank the screws a little tighter and i bet you will win.
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The more you let her get away with it, the more she is going to do it. put your foot down before it’s to late. This would not fly at my house, she would not get anything asking like that!!
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Don’t give into want she demands that’s Reinsuring that you will cave and give her wants she wants.
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I may have done it once but my parents would not put up with this ! You are her parents and she will thank you one day for caring who she is with and where ! Tough love
Stick to your guns she’ll thank you one day
Start keep track of her cycles of the moods. This will help you know which tactics will work best.
I have raised 4 daughters, this is typical behavior. Working with your daughter, giving her some flexibility, while at the same time your in the driver’s seat should work well. For example. You say, We agreed you would clear the table. I see it is not done yet, when do you think it will be done? She says after this show. You say 10 mins? Ok, shut the TV off in 10 min? She says yes, you say we are in agreement? 10 mins later, check that TV , if it’s on, remind her of the agreement between Both of you.
What’s important is you keep your cool when she is being a turd. Remember this is a developmental stage. You both will surrive, when this is over, she will be smarter than you & you will be just plain dumb, you won’t know anything. Shortly after that she will start to morph into a human, then off to college. It will go quick.
When I get told I’m the worst mom ever, I tell mine good That means I’m doing something right but not allowing you to walk all over me. I’m the parent and you are required to listen while you live in my house.
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Video taper and when she comes down show her what she looks like and how she’s acting and asked her point-blank would she allow her daughter she do anything if she acted like that make her look at herself and see the woman she’s becoming tell her she better think twice because you don’t get anywhere in life acting like that
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I have a 12 yr old daughter myself. She had the same attitude telling me I need to do this and I have to do that. And her back talk was crazy. One day it happened we were in the car. I parked it, looked over at her and told her I’m sick of your attitude and I don’t wana have to smack the shit out of you but I’m very close. She knew I was serious. It’s been please and thank you for eeeeverything for the last 3 weeks.
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I was a pain as a kid. But honestly, the spankings and taking things away etc never worked on me. Have you tried to have a family meeting? Sit everyone down in the kitchen or living room. Start by taking everyone’s phone or device and put them in another room. Go around and ask everyone to say one good thing that happened either during the day or the week. Ask what was one bad thing that happened to them. Then go from there. Let each person speak without interrupting them. Everyone including you needs to be involved in this. This is safe space time. Ask what improvements can be done to fix the problem. Give your opinion at the end. Really think about what’s being said and how you’re reacting to it. Try to be open minded about everything. Ask how everyone feels. But stay calm and collected through this. It may be tough but it can actually help a lot. And don’t punish anyone for their mistakes at this time. Work through it together. If she wants one night to spend at a friend’s every week, then give her conditions to fulfill before the day comes. If they’re not done then she can’t go no matter what she does. If she does well you can even reward her by adding a second night once a month. If not then take it away. She’s old enough to know what she needs to do to get what she wants. Give her a chore list. Tell her to come up with rewards for the chores being finished. If you don’t agree then sit her down and discuss it. Tell her why you don’t think it’s fair and what you have to counter that reward. If she wants a new phone for cleaning the bathroom, and you disagree, think of something that fits better like maybe a small thing of makeup or a movie night or ice cream date. Whatever you do and decide, stay with it. Don’t give in. It doesn’t do any good if she figures out she can just be worse and get her way. But start talking with her as you would any other adult. Be respectful of what she has to say. Try to be understanding about her feelings and concerns. Don’t make her feel bad for messing up. Remind her that you are there for her and all she has to do is talk to you. Maybe take the lonely dusk walk with her. Make it mommy and me time. Ask her why she’s been acting out and what you can do to fix it.
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Stick in there mama!
hy not put her across you knee and use a hair brush o her back side.
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Make her do some volunteer work at a homeless shelter, aged care facility or something like that, show her how privileged she is.
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She is at that age where cool is more important than showing respect. Explaining to her why it is not safe for her to be out late, how dangerous it is this world is not a safe place and that you would not want her to be hurt, respect goes both ways as for her brother explain to her that words can really hurt someone mentally and emotionally that she would not want to be at her brothers funeral because of her nastiness. Maybe try spending more one on one time alone with her like movie days or something,I find it helps with my children if I express my emotions and explain situations of my life experiences, this gives them a greater understanding.
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My son feel the same and he’s 7! His dad let him go outside by himself and walk to the park alone! Sure you got a walkie talkies but is not enough for me!
My step sister was like that & she is SPOILED gets everything & anything she wants & she’s almost 18 & still the same way:joy:
No matter the punishment it just made her worse
She whines, she loses a sleepover privilege. She calls brother hurtful names, she loses a sleepover privilege. She throws a tantrum, she loses a sleepover privilege. Quit giving in. Be the parent
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Don’t give in! My mom did the same shit with my brother because he would annoy her so bad that she couldn’t handle it and let him do whatever. My brother is a great guy, but has no sense of responsibility AT ALL and he’s damn near 30. Hopefully she doesn’t end up like that, but if she does, you’ll be taking care of her for the rest of your life because there’s always an excuse and you’re going to always feel bad. It’ll get worse as she gets older.
Strip the entire room of any and all personal items including the door. I’d buy her a pack of t shirts and basic Jean’s. The tantrums will happen Every time and will last longer when you give in. Your job as parents are to provide her with basic Necessities to survive. Teach her entitled little self to be respectful and EARN her stuff!!!
The more you push the more she’ll push back. This is developmentally normal as she struggles with these hormone changes and wanting more independence. If you follow the advice above regarding harsher punishments, taking everything away from her, boot camp, corporal punishment, etc, you’re just going to emotionally push her away from you even more and create a bigger power struggle between you two.
Meet the need behind all the layers of attitude that are sheltering it. I cannot stress this enough… connection is the key. Spend time with her doing things she enjoys, talk to her, show support and enthusiasm in her life so you can gain her trust back and then she’ll be more comfortable with telling you what is bothering her to the point that she feels the need to lash out on her family.
Reflect on your own style of parenting as well. How do you talk to her? Are you saying things like “I’ve told you a hundred times… do this now” or similar? Sometimes we inadvertently say things with attitude as parents because we are mentally tired, but if we don’t like to be talked to that way, then our children don’t either.
A few links that are relevant:
http://macnamara.ca/portfolio/tots-and-teens-three-developmental-themes-they-share-in-common/
http://macnamara.ca/portfolio/growing-pains-five-things-teens-need-from-parents/
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Sounds like she’s spoiled…she’ll only keep acting the way you keep allowing
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Tell her just get use to it. She can yell and scream, so can .
Tell her just get use to it. She can yell and scream, and so can u. !!!
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My daughters went through the same with their girls one is thirteen and still is moody the other who is twenty four and has passed that stage is settled down and back to her old self thank God course she has a partner and they have a baby… normally we say it’s hormones… but don’t give up to your daughter’s demands as she will get over it. . And occasionally let her stay at her friends …
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Ooh I couldn’t get pass the ’ she demands she spends at least one night a wk at her friends’ That alone, if I ever said that to my parents, I wouldn’t be able to speak for a wk( so, so very disrespectful) & if my kids if they were younger if said that to me, they would never be able to see anyone for a month. You are the parent, be one. If you think this isn’t bad…Lord have mercy…it will only get worst. Sorry
Ground her ass. She’s calling the shots and you’re letting her, because it’s easier to give her what she wants to shut her up. Fuck that. You’re not helping her by doing this. Put your foot down and stick to it.
When my kids try this they don’t get anything they want and go to their room till their done with the whining. I shut down the name calling the minute they start and if it persists I do it to them and see if they like it. I have 3 stepkids (16, 14, & almost 12) and 3 kids (almost 8 & almost 5 year old twins). When they demand they get absolutely nothing. Until the manners come out, I refuse to do what they want.
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My daughter is 8 and has been acting in these types of manners also. She has had a rough few years with bullying situations and being treated badly by a few different people however it has turned her from my beautiful, sweet, and loving little girl and into a raging and angry little explosive child and every little thing sets her off. I can ask her to pick up her toys or do her chores and BOOM! She is huffing and yelling at me and asking why or eye rolling or giving me attitude constantly. She is in therapy right now dealing with alot of it and ice dialed up my discipline and my sternness with her letting her know that I’m not taking her crap! It’s been hard due to the fact that I know she has been through alot of rough things and still dealing with things now in school but I have to teach her how to overcome those things and still respect and cherish those around her.
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Your the adult, as long as you keep giving in to her this will only get worse
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Unfortunately everyone will probably have to be miserable for a minute until things get better. My 11 year old was acting the same and she lost EVERYTHING she didn’t need and had to earn it back by a certain date or it was gone for good. We got rid of a lot of stuff. Her attitude has definitely gotten a lot better once she realized we were serious and consistent.
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By all means dont let her spend too much nights with friends it will lead to something you’ll regret later!!! My kids are all grown n on their own but l’d do the same with them!!!
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Put your foot down your the adult not her she sounds spoiled too me! Make rules and if she don’t listen too them start taken stuff away from her
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Sounds like she needs a good ol fashion butt whoppin!! You allowed her to get this far with her attitude you better stop it in its tracks or she will continue to walk all over you! I’m a military Brat and I’m telling you I wouldn’t have been able to walk nor speak that way I would have been doing wall sits and getting my butt whooped, mowing lawns, manual labor will make a kid think!!! 
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Hang in there mama. Kids are soooo tough (going thru the same stuff here )
I’d like to give you advice however I dont really think anything I’d say would be helpful considering one of mine is acting a fool and being a complete turd currently as well
Just wanted u to know that shes not some weird, out of the box, bad attitude kid and that MANY kids go thru
this stage. It will get better. Hormones are a bitch, literally. Lol. You’re not alone. Hang in there.
Take all the privileges back, all of it. No phone, no TV, no walks with friends, no friends coming over, no shopping, no choosing what she like to eat. Whatever is in the pan is what she will eat or she can go hungry, and little madam can get use to house chores. She will have to earn it back, one item at a time and honestly no rush to give anything back, after showing good behaviour toward her family and she should learn to be grateful for what she has.
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My dear… You are doing a wonderful job.Keep it up.One day they are going to look back and realize that what you did was for their own good, because you love them.Talk , talk and hugs, hugs and kisses .They need ALL the hugs and kisses. Good luck and may God Bless your Fa.
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I wouldn’t be leaving her stay at a friend’s house at any time of her life she be in the door and a kick up the arse with that attitude she be lucky to have a phone in her hand start having her do a bit of chores if not sit her down and tell her she’s being a horrible person and show her a video of a bully and show her this is what u look like and it’s disgusting
Shes a teenager. Enjoy the next 10 years with her lol
My Heart Goes Out To You
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Sounds like a 12yr old🤷♀️, ignore the whining and say no
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Take it all away. Let her and everyone be miserable for a month so she can appreciate what she actually has. You’re not going to raise and responsible and respectful person if she thinks she can whine and be obnoxious and get her way.
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Dr. Kevin Leman “Have a new teenager by Friday” book
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Meet her friends and maybe have the friend to your place instead of her to friends place. I bet she is walking at dusk when she isn’t at home. Her friend gets everything she wants? Take her to visit juvenile detention and tell her this is where you will end up if you keep up your attitude, schedule with detention officer. I hear that works. Ground her to her room out for dinner. Take what is important to her away. Brother will lash out eventually but stick up for him and shame her. Assuming he is younger? You need to nip this, it will get worse.
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Sounds like you spoiled her growing up and now its out of hand. Remember your the parent she’s the child. She wants to behave like that you need to show her there are cobsequences. Take all her privaledge away from her. Phone computer friends social media etc. So she knows you mean business.
Be the adult, be the parent. As frustrating as you think it is, laugh it off, she will question why everyone laughs at her when she acts out and will slowly change. You owe her nothing more than your love.
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I always found the following sentences helpful: ‘ I am not your enemy. I am YOUR mother (so it doesn’t matter what everyone else is doing) and I love you and want the best for you. That’s why sometimes the answer is no and no means no.’ And I NEVER allowed tv etc in bedrooms until they were 16 or more.
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You know this is what I would do, if she does not get any better put her in boot camp before it gets worse because if she is that disrespectful then you take need to do something soon I’m just saying she will stop acting that way if she had discipline don’t give in no matter how bad it is because that’s not good to give in all the time because it will only get worse, I really would check in to bootcamps for her age…
You are not her friend, you are her parent. Your job is to keep her safe whether she likes it or not. I’m very very open with my 12 year old daughter, who actually sounds a lot like yours. My daughter has oppositional disorder. She can be mean and down right rude. Her phone and everything else she owns is a privilege and belongs to me and I let her know it. If she wants to keep those privileges she better act accordingly. She will do her chores and her homework and how she acts during the week will dictate whether she gets her phone or friend time on the weekend. We do not allow her outside of the house at dusk or dark for walks with friend, she also tries me on this but it’s an absolute no. I actually looked up all the convicted registered sex offenders and showed her all of them and then told her those are only the ones who have been caught. I looked up all the missing children and women in our state and also showed those to her. She got the point real quick. I let her know daily that I love her unconditionally and that although I may not like her attitude or the way she treats me that I still love her. May I suggest some counseling, either individual or family or both? Also the bullying of her brother needs to stop. Is it possible that she’s feeling bad about herself and taking it out on him? It might help if she heard from her brother about how her words make him feel. Counselor/therapists can also help you as her parents learn techniques to deal with her also. I’m sorry your dealing with all this I know it isn’t easy. Keep your chin up momma and don’t forget to take a little time for yourself so you don’t get completely worn down
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STOP GIVING IN! You’re going to have to step it up a notch with her so she understands she is the child, not the adult. She doesn’t make the decisions. You do. Good luck.
I remember you ha ha what’s been comes around and around
If you don’t grab control now, don’t be surprised if you’re looking at your daughter doing drugs or some other major problem down the road. I’ve seen it too often. I agree with these people. YOU MUST BE THE PARENT! You must also let her know you love her and take the “ouch” from the arrows she’ll throw at you to hurt you back. If you can’t do this, take her to a therapist. They will help.
Take away everything she owns but a mattress pillow and blanket. She can earn them back through chores and acts of kindness. Have her make a list of what she can do…a long one. That gets her an item returned.
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Take everything away and she earns it back. Take control of the situation. You are the parent and this is not okay! It’s going to take time.
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Stand your ground! Don’t give in to her demands! You’re headed for heartache and more miserable times than ever if you don’t set limits now. She’s just trying to test her limits.
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Also, be sure to love her through all of it by doing small little things to remind her of your love. Maybe, seek out a therapist. Her diet could have something to do with it too. I’d look into every possible thing.
I survived. He is 20 now and thanks me for the limits. These years are hard stay strong.
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Ah, welcome to adolescence. You are still the parent, you are still in charge- period. Actions have consequences and treating you with disrespect will not be tolerated. Thinking only of herself will not be tolerated. I tell my boys I am their supreme maternal overlord and they will do as I say until the day they take a wife and then they are her problem.
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Who’s the parents here? That is all you need to remember. It comes with no instruction, but common sense, parent instinct, and my favorite word… Not happening in my life time! 
Oh and just a little love. I used to say to my teens, you know… no one ever likes teenagers, so give me a reason to change my mind. LOL:hugs: Sometimes they need a challenge or a reason for the madness!
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She is 12, and you are saying she demands??? Who makes the rules? No 12 year old can demand anything , it’s your house she should be thankful you are letting her live there , does she have chores? If not give her some, you better nip this soon or she’ll end up in juvenile detention or you’ll be raising a grand baby
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Awe let me babysit this little sweet cutie. I’m like the Matrix, I got this.
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I’m a mother of boys (11 years apart) and a grandmother of boys. No girl issues in my house…thank you Jesus! 
give her only what DHS requires a blanket, a bed, a pillow, sheets, safe enviorment, food, a roof over her head, water. etc… nothing else tell her if she wants privileges (to school and back alert the school that she isnt allowed at any school functions until further notice) that she can earn them back by doing something good or helpful for someone or help out around the house BAD Behavior is not tolerated and will not be rewarded
Maybe talk to her tell her that you’ve been noticing a change and y’all need to figure out why and if it doesn’t change she’s going to start getting grounded or things taken from her for weeks at a time and if that doesn’t change things maybe she needs to think about what it would be like without all the nice things she has and how she’s treating the parents who actually take care of her
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Congratulations. You have a teenager. That’s what they do. Duct tape the garage door, or the bathroom door if you don’t have a garage. Throw away her cell phone and tell her friends she is at police academy for winter break.
Feed her peas and carrots for a week, take EVERYTHING, including clothes out of her room and make her buy it back or get replacements herself. Give her brother a Script marker to draw tattoos on her while she is duct taped to the door.
Worked for me…(kidding)
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From today forward she needs to EARN everything.
play-dates (aka hanging with friends), tv time, computer time, game time.
Chores + Good behavior = friend time, mall time etc. -things of interest to her.
Take her phone AWAY … for good.
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Put your rules, expectations and consequences on paper. Dont make empty threats. And always follow thru… dont be afraid to ask questions and always know who they are with and where they are going. remember what its like to be a teenager. They are testing you and your boundries… its is one of many phases… good luck
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Absolutely stand your ground, you are the parent, take everything away from both, take the hinges off and remove the doors to the bedroom. You demand respect, stop giving in they win when you do.
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Coming from me, and 18 year old who was disciplined when I threw my temper tantrums… you need to discipline her. If my mom didn’t ground and discipline me (spanked and all privileges taken away- no electronics no friends no outside NOTHING) I don’t want to know how I would’ve turned out. If I broke any rules my grounding would go another day. Only way to do it is to show us kids who is boss.
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If she is mean to someone then have her do something nice for them after she apologizes. Talk to her and tell her how she is acting and the consequences that come with that kind of behavior. No friends, ppl will fear her, putting others down will o my make her feel worse, treat others the way she wants to be treating, etc. Let her come to you to talk BUT ignore her whining when she does it( I know easier said than done), because your just feeding into it when you let it get to you and/or give her her own way
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Who is the parents??? Wants to be treated like an adult, do it. No cellphone unless she can afford it. Clean clothes she can use the washer, when you have supper if she doesn’t like it don’t make anything else. No TV after supper. Have her volunteer at a nursing home, senior center, etc. No more sleep overs. I raised a boy he is 50 now , always respected me and still does. My grandson was raised by my son he is out of school and working .
My son raised him like i raised him. He is very respectful too. They don’t have to like you, you are not a friend, you are a parent. You can be friends when they are adults. Don’t Be an enabler .
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If this was my child, I’d bust her hind end, ground her, MAKE her do chores. Then after about a week (hiny busted only once) set her down, have a good talk. If her attitude has changed, she’s released from grounding.
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All good advice but I haven’t noticed any one asking if she is starting or has started her cycle? It can cause huge mood swings that may need pharmaceutical intervention. Also, being a teen is a lot different nowadays than it was when we were growing up. Sometimes it’s good to arrange counselling or outside advice that your daughter might listen to.
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Yes! It’s like a 3yr old… you wanna act like a baby… u get nothing… 12 or 3 same difference. Ive got 4 girls… all get tested the same
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Your going to have to put your foot down and let everyone in the house know things are going to get a bit rough with the change but it’s needed.
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When my daughter would act up, I’d start singing, “you can’t always get what you want.”
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Do not give in to her because that teaches her to throw a tantrum, scream, call names, etc. and then she will get het own way.
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Sounds like she is hanging out and not enough activities to keep her busy. Stop the friend shit now if its causing her that much grief there is an underlying cause. Deep depression could be involved.
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Take the mobile phone it works wonders.
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You have to figure out what hurts the most. I raised six. One hated the tv being taken away, one hated sentences etc. Get a grip now or it will be worse. She doesn’t need to walk alone with all the kids getting stolen. She’s the prime age. Put her butt in her room. Take off the door, make her earn things back. Keep her off the internet for her own safety. I know it’s hard but I promise you if you don’t get her under control it’s going to get horrible. Whip her ass. Until you take control she will keep it
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Well with the name calling she would be grounded untill. She stops that shit loss. Her phone
She needs and good spanking and lessons in respecting her parents and people in general
Time to put your foot down because it only gets worse. Let her have the temper tantrums without giving in. They will get worse before they get better but they will get better. Plan family activities and make her participate. Maybe join a group so she can socialize with kids that are good influences. If she does not ask correctly, she doesn’t get what she wants. Whining and she can go to her room. Whatever she is doing at her friends house is not good. I promise. Sleepovers at your house only for a while.
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Neal Thompson send her our way
Give her something to do. Like if she loves animals , hook her up volunteering in a shelter or horse rescue or something she’s into.
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Sounds like you need to put your foot down and tan her hide. Sounds like the whinning entitlest we have today. They think the world owes them a living.
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Have her watch the movie Trafficked.
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Show her the video of the kidnapping van! Google it or look on YouTube! This sex trafficking and human trafficking thing is REAL!!!
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One Night every weekend? Does her friend even come over? Do you know who else is there? Question???. Parents this child is 12 not an adult. She can’t demand. Draw boundaries. No man, parent up. Now we have gays, lesbians, stepfather, even bigger brothers, bigger sisters and cousins at these homes. This world full of thwarted individuals. Protect your girl child.
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Don’t cater to her supposed demands. Otherwise, she will believe she is in charge. NO CHILD IS IN CHARGE. Explain to her that these are our house rules and if you break any one of them you will receive punishment, then follow through. Remember, that as a parent we are responsible for them legally until they are 18. Never cave in to whatever she whines for or it will bite you in the butt. It’s bad enough that at the age of 13 (at least in WA) the child can seek medical assistance and not tell you or tell you the reason they need to go.
Im in the same boat mama my son is 10 and its so bad tells me to shut up that im an idiot and same with i need you to get… its awful maybe its the hormones idk but i feel your pain good luck
You could also send her to Military school they will straighten her little whiney ass out real quick.
Good for you she will get over it.
Let her know bulling is crime N has consequences.
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That little bitch needs a reality check ! Who the fuck is the adult here ??WHOOP THAT ASS & if you don’t have the balls to do it… send her to a girls school… they’ll straighten her out ! WTH is wrong with so called “ parents “ ?
Your daughter needs an ass whoopin