My 12-year-old is convinced that she has the worst home life ever because I have to know who she is hanging out with at all times and won’t let her “go for a walk” at dusk with her female friends completely unsupervised. We also limit online activity. Recently it seems that her anger toward her brother has increased- he’s no angel, and I’m well aware of that, but she calls him a LOT of names: fat, ugly, stupid, lazy, etc. She basically demands that she spend the night with a friend at least one night every weekend, my husband and I usually give in just so that we can have some peace in the house for at least a day, but I know that isn’t helping reach the long-term goal of raising kind, responsible, respectful, successful young people. She rarely asks for anything anymore; instead says things like, “You need to get/buy/do ___ for me…” and when I say “No,” I get an immediate whining “Buuuuuut whyyyyyyy?!?” And she throws a temper tantrum, screaming, yelling, name-calling- far beyond anything she ever did as a toddler or young child. I know that we have got to get this attitude under control, and FAST, but I’m stuck on how to do this without also making everyone else in our home miserable in the process. We never dealt with disrespect (at this age or to this extreme) with our older girls. Anyone else been here and survived the drama-filled child?
“No.” is a complete sentence. For everything she “needs” to do then she can volunteer at a place first.
Going through this myself but with an 11 and 12 year old girl, so please all suggestions but we also have to deal with other parents and their rules.
Start taking away phones, tablets etc. make her do more chores if she is gonna have an attitude
yeah not that does seem dumb, shes 12 not 2 i dont see why she cant go hang out with a group of freinds so long as she stays in contact with you
Maybe something is going on at school…
What of it’s a step daughter and her dad backs her up in anything she says
Welcome to teenage years.
Four years in a military school should clear that right up
Adolescent stages can be tough. I have a 12 year old. Giving her responsibilities might help. But it’s the stage of I know everything you know nothing. Self esteem is big also so the brother doing that isn’t helping either. Puberty hormonal changes also. Trusting her goes a long ways also. Hopefully this doesn’t sound crazy. She doesn’t want to be around mom and dad so trusting her to be with friends is something to try also.
You are the parent stop the sleep overs say no more often take her phone away for a few weeks
Normally, manners (please, thank you, etc) are taught at a young age. But it might not be too late to start. Throw some discipline in there.
Its normal. Sorry it last 5 yrs. They hate you and everything you say. Welcome to teenage yrs
Mom of 6… 3 girls!!! Good luck. This is when we find out how well we raised them. Respect and consequences!
I would take her phone and thing of that type and make her stay home. It’s going to be hell but stick it out.
My momma would’ve buried my arse if I did any of that… I recommend military school and some for sure discipline.
Take her door off the hinges. Take everything away from her. Zero privileges until she can practice good behavior.
A nice ass whipping and that will be fixed. This is my house and you live by my rules until you can pay rent and have ur own keys… there are many homeless shelters…get her a list for Christmas!
Umm…quit giving in?? 
Does she realize how many sick pedifiles r out there conning kids.
Raised 5 lovely teenage daughters ,bless them they were AWFUL,but wonderful women with families now.
Time to be tough.
Tantrums equal grounded.
Name calling equals no phone /computer /games whatever
Chores /homework done? Then ,she can see friends.
You have got to be the parent not her friend. In my generation growing up, my backside would be warmed up and I knew that my parents weren’t playing. If you dont believe in spankings, take everything away and let her earn it back. After a while and her not getting her way , she may realize you mean business and I would make her earn the things she wants back. Believe me, you will survive but it takes mom and dad standing 2gether and not caving.
Take all her stuff and make her earn it back . Also parenting is uncomfortable so as far not upsetting anyone else when you punish her good luck . My 13 yr old was terrible till we started from scratch. But in her defense we all been that age and felt that way at some point so don’t sweat the small thing just focus on the disrespectful behavior.
My 13 year old is this way… Girls so fun!!
Belt across the butt?
My friends and I went for walks all the time at that age we usually just talked about stuff we didn’t want our parent hearing about, boys etc. at 12 she needs to be given a little independence and staying the night with a friend is no big deal. We only have so many weekends in our life we do that and I miss those days. As for the “but why” how about instead of just saying no, give her an actual answer. Just a “because I’m the mom” was a very upsetting answer and doesn’t make them want to respect you giving and answer like “not this time, or no because xyz…” is a much better response so she can see your reasoning behind things… and finally for the siblings thing I mean my little sister and I chased each other around with knives and beat the shit out of each other as kids so I think you’re lucky your daughter is only name calling lol
My brother and I didn’t start getting along until I moved out for college, and as for the attitude… well… she’s about that age. Puberty, hormone changes, she’s gonna be hitting middle school, and she’s hitting her teenage years. Hold out strong and find away to get through to her. No phone, friends etc… My mom used to make my brother and I play games together or hang out if we were fighting. 
You tell her that her bullying of her brother has to stop, also her whining and screaming is only going to add time to her punishment. Stick with it, takes things away from her, no sleep overs, phone, computer, etc, until she shapes up
It’s all normal. Just remind her that your saying no to her at certain things out of love and that she can’t always get whet she wants in life and it starts now to teach her and take electronics etc off her make her do chores as a punishment for her disrespect… My 12 year old is the exact same to her 8 year old brother I find the name calling hilarious but I laugh when there not looking… I can’t help it 
Well you treat her like a baby and she acts like one and she acts like a baby so you treat her like one… it’s called a crazy circle.
Don’t reward bad behavior no matter what. Tell her if she wants things and wants to go places she needs to act appropriately to achieve that. If she continues to whine and cry and demands she won’t get it no matter what. You can’t give in just to pacify yourself. She needs to learn there are consequences for her actions either positive or negative.
My 9 yr old acts that way. We came up with a chore chart and she has to get all of her chore (homework, make bed, throw the trash) then on the weekends she gets a big chore to do and if she doesn’t get it done she don’t get to have any fun
Send her to military school
Take the phone, all but maybe 5 outfits, everything off her walls, Take her door everything that is not absolute necessity, mattress on the floor misserable type stuff until she learns everything she has is because you love her and not because you have to do it, make her respect you. No physical pushiments like spankings neccessary. If it gets wayyyy bad dont talk to her unless necessary like asking if she hungry or something. Make her do her own laundry. Anything to piss her off and do not give in until she sees that her behavior is unacceptable
My oldest son is 18 and he still tells me where he’s going, who’s he’s with and what time he’ll be home.
Unfortunately you’re going to have to deal with the unpleasantness for a while and come to terms with the fact that there is going to be misery for a time being. Stop giving in to her to appease yourself. She will just continue to get worse if you do. Completely limit her phone and online activity to homework and emergencies only. Do not allow her to be with friends. Teach her what life will be like if she doesn’t get her attitude straight. She’ll learn soon enough. Remember, you’re the boss. And don’t buy her ANYTHING unless it’s required for basic survival. No name brand clothes or shoes or anything else. She needs to be taught some very hard lessons. And every time she puts her brother down give her a punishment. Make her write a research paper on the effects of bullying. And if she doesn’t Do it or does a half asses job give her another punishment. Yes, im effect you will also be punishing yourself but you’ll be happier in the long run
I was like this at her age stay strong momma and montior the type of friends she is hanging out with. It does get better.
Yes it’s hard but I told mine you act certain age treat you that age.got understood real quick tantrum throwing little girls can stay away from mommy all night.
Have you read up much on the teenage brain and how and when it develops… I found the info extremely helpful, when going through the teenage yrs… 
You caused this by giving in. You have to stop. You honestly know what you need to do. Take away phone, make her do chores, let her earn these things back. There is no easy fix to a teenager. All you saying how bad teenage girls are. I have two and they are overall good kids that listen and do what I need them to do. They do have thier days where they are listening to music and cant hear me. I am raising future adults and not grown children
I’m just gonna say that 13-15 I was a pain in my mom’s ass lol I mean like I had my door, tv, phone taken away, window screens glued in, the works. And I can tell you it only made me angrier I pretty much lived at my friends on the weekends. I never demanded things from my mom except to go places and do things with my friends so when I was told no it was hard. At that age it’s hard to not be able to be with your friends who you think your whole life revolves around ya know? Plus puberty is coming, hormones, peer pressure, it’s a lot of stress on a kid too not just parents. I have 2 girls myself and I know I’m gonna be in a world of trouble when they hit middle school but I’m still going to try to remember what it was like for me to be that “problem” child.
Sounds like my 10 year old minus going for walks. She has an issue with authority and acts like she is a princess who wants the ground she walks on worshipped. My kids 13 12 10 and 11 months go nowhere unsupervised. Too many idiots out there. I’ve done everything I can think of including therapy to try and adjust my daughter’s behavior. She used to be sweet kind caring and even have manners. Then boom brat central, I know that sounds horrible but it is what it is. Best of luck to you.
I’m an advocate for spanking.
You are raising an uncontrolled mess
I would empty her room, leave a mattress on floor and 3 sets of clothes. She would earn everything by showing appreciation, etc. And get one item back each week you didn’t have drama
Welcome to preteen/teen girls
It will be work and a PIA but it will work
My 13 year old boy get 13 minutes time out!! And it works! And believe it or not his I deserve it all attitude changes. And he also get things taken very often like playdates, video game time ,TV time etc… I remind him that his actions has consequences every day.
Take away all her privileges and “stuff” when she disrespects you or the family, and make her earn them back. At one point, I even took the bedroom door off my child’s room. Only thing that was allowed in there was his bed, pillow, blanket, and books for reading. He learned real quick he wanted his door back. Guess what the last thing he got back was? Yep, his door. It’s tough Momma, but you gotta do what ya gotta do. I’d rather my child hate me now, and respect me later, than end up in jail because I didn’t do my job. I work at the jail and my heart just breaks for some of these kids who just weren’t taught right from wrong. Best of luck to you!
Try that B’s with my daughter see how far that shit will get , all I can say I DNT want to be home when the shit flys!!!
Knock her on her ass I bet she won’t be disrespectful anymore 
First! Put your big girl panties on! Then take all her shit! Thennnn raise your MOM VOICE and put the fear of God in her! You better take that Alpha Female spot back before you turn into her doormat! I have 5 girls. You better nip it NOW
You just do your best not to snap and keep to your guns. Good luck.
my parents would take ALL my stuff and leave me a mattress, pillow/blanket and just school clothes til my attitude was adjusted if I pulled any of that. I was pretty mellow as a teen though. when I thought I knew it all I was 18 and moved out. Boy was I wrong. lmao.
So your kid demands and you cave to have “peace and quiet”… Wow
Hey momma. You are doing the right things, you do need to know who she is with, she should not be out after dusk unsupervised, and you need respect in your home. You need to chat with her friends parents to see where they are at…She does need to spread her wings…safely. Sit her down and have a conversation with her. Explain you are her parents…the responsibility rests with you. You understand she needs some freedom, but rights come with responsibility. She has a responsibility to show respect for her family, especially her brother if she wants to be treated with respect. Throwing tantrums should not result in getting her own way. Ask her how she thinks she should be treated when behaving badly. Also would she behave like that to her friends parents and if not why not. Work out with her how much freedom you are happy about her to have and at what stage she can have some more. Don’t do shouting and do not allow her to do so either. Walk away from her when she is being unreasonable. Talk to your older children. See if they can engage with her in being respectful and reasonable. And forget about her demands…She has to show you she deserves and earns with behaviour and help in the house not demand to have. It will be a tough few years…keep communication going with her. Tell her how you feel. Ask her how she feels. Good luck. Wish I could offer more. Any parenting teenagers classes available in your area. Read up online about dealing with difficult teenagers…there will be tips…
This actually reminds me of the conversation my mother and I had this afternoon. I truly believe that the reason kids act like this is because there isn’t any discipline. There are no consequences for horrible behavior. Children behave this way because they are allowed to. Sorry to break it to you Mom and Dad, but you are to blame for your little terror.
I went thru some major attitude changes with my daugther before she hit puberty it was crazy bad. We tried everything from spanking to taking things away grounding from phone, friends, going places. We ended up taking her to see a therapist to give her an outlet and someone outside our house to talk to. It really helped. She talks to her alone and her therapist never discusses anything with us unless it something harmful. Maybe your daugther is just having some hormonal things going on and needs someway to show her how to cope and deal with it healthy
You sound like a good mom with a brat.
I grew up with all brothers and if any of us were out of line, goodbye to everything in our room except our bed and books. Door was out too… My mom use to limit our cell phone usage as a first warning. So no data or texting services during school hours. We only had services from 3pm-6pm until we earned that back. We could only call and text my mom. Just have to be strict with it, I suppose. Maybe counseling would help your daughter with her anger and frustrations. Just give her a safe spot to sit and talk to someone that’ll give good, positive advice. Maybe look into paint night or something just the two of you could do to keep your relationship calm/to make her feel like you are still there for her. Just a suggestion! Good luck mama
We’d sit down and have a serious talk. Everything you do is for her safety and well-being, she should be reminded of such. Some logical and consistent consequences should be established and enforced. Make the consequences realistic so you can easily follow them even when it’s uncomfortable like changing the wifi password, Not allowing her to go out when she’s disrespectful and having privileges lost for a short but definite duration. Only things that worked for the house full of girls I grew up in.
I feel for you parents
My kids are now adults now never had society telling kids it’s ok to disrespect you parents or internet to fill their minds with rubbish was easy for me
Also, I’d be letting her know that any requests given in a disrespectful tone without proper manners will be rejected indefinitely. And stick to it.
Treat her like a toddler. She has consequences to behaviour that you find unacceptable (Example; name calling and chucking a fit when told no). Take things off of her (her phone, tv time, after school activities, or make her do chores around the house). Reward her with good behaviour (Example; staying over a friends house every second weekend).
The teenage years you go back to basics while they learn to deal with their hormones and body changes. Just don’t baby them too much. Also explain why you don’t want her going out at dusk (Example; dusk means that it’s time to stay home)
You should start showing her all the news reports/videos etc of sex & child trafficking & explain that’s why you won’t let her walk alone/with friends & why you need to know who she’s with. If she’s as grown as she thinks she is then she should be able to handle those horrific stories & see where you’re coming from.
Letting her stay 1 night a weekend with friends seems extremely normal.
My moms dealing with the same thing with my 13 year old sister. She acts exactly like this inless Im over there and its because i wont put up with the shit, dont act afraid to beat her ass and if she says shes going to call the cops tell her that youll dial them for her. Dont give in and stop letting her do stuff inless her attitude changes. Take things away she thinks its so bad now so make it that way. I have packed everything in my kids rooms and put everything in bags and into storage before, all they had was a mattress blanket and pillow, i picked their clothes out for school. They hated it for a week then theyre attitudes changed, respect got you freedom, chores got you a bag of your stuff back. Dont give in and dont give up, you got this mama!
I am a firm believer in the saying if they don’t respect their parents they will never respect anyone. She is only 12, you’ve got to stop this before the teens. I know the feeling of giving in to get some peace but you can’t do that. Don’t let her demand anything. Give her some responsibility and consequences for those actions. When you need a break hire a babysitter and go out to dinner.
Sounds exactly like my 10yr old granddaughter
Yep and she is still at here outrageous in her twenties they will have to learn these days by there own miss judgments so much more than when I was younger youth are so closed to things these days different teachings in schools no help anymore when they need it in schools untill it is to late .They have to much rights to them just to say no that single parents have no control around anything that needs to be talked about .You say or do something they feel wrongful they walk all over you if you let them .They seem not to have any connections with real life at times .And yes some off it comes from who they hang around with .hope it gets better for you
Such a fun age isn’t it? 
I think kids feel entitled by other kids saying they get…but do they? I didn’t like me at that age but you can’t beat your kid to death so they take advantage of it. Hang in there. Hold your grou.nd
It might sounds weird, but ask your older daughters. Ask them what they think would’ve helped when they were that age.
Parenting is hard bc the second we become parents we forget what it meant to be a kid. Everything is now seen through a new lense of worry, and not through the eyes of who we were in our youth.
Your daughters might be more help than the rest of us parents combined.
a good ole fashioned asswhoppen?
This sounds like my life ever day.
Lol my 16 year old currently… Ppl always give the best and worat advice. My suggestion… Only u know ur kid… Only u know what can help… Taking things away will either improve or make it worse… So just listen and pay attention and give advice… Do it ur way
Disrespect. She has been taught this. If you keep giving into her it will get worse. Sounds like she rules the house now. You and the dad need to put your foot down now or she is going to be in bad trouble in years to come
I dont have a teen or pre teen yet…but I definitely wouldn’t put up that shit. You might have to try different routes till you find which one actually works. Idk I’d start off with intense punishments or gradually. Parenting is hard these day because times have changed so drastically since we were all teens. I will say I’ve noticed lack of respect and total entitlement from not just teens ,pre teens but little kids. Good luck I hope you get this ironed out.but never give up.
Sounds like someone needs a reality check. I would stop doing anything extra. Period. She gets basic necessities until she starts acting right. Those privileges she can earn back
If it sets your mind at ease i was a VILE teenager! From about 11 -17 but calmed down alot about 15 and i would like to say i am i kind, caring, respectful adult and my mum did a brill job raising me. In the end tough grounding worked. I spent months grounded all thorough my own actions and it did the trick xxd
How to do it? Repeat, repeat, repeat, the rules and dont cave. Do y’all have any family activities at home? Those are important. Every weekend is not a time to spend a day & night with her friends. Plus, have you meet these friends and their parents? Are you aware of their rules and expectations for their children? Never let your child stay at a home that you’ve not been to and arent knowledgeable of the surroundings there. Many things. Parenting is a serious obligation and job. A few tough months might pave the way for a lifetime of goodness.
Regarding the bullying. I would show her videos about depression and the consequences of bullying. She needs to understand she can ruin multiple people lives.
What my mom made me do as well. She bought a 4x t-shirt and put me and whom ever I was bullying in it and forced us to hug. Until I apologized I was not allowed to leave 
while that the person I said the bad thing to told me how it made them feel. I can’t stand hurting people now.
Don’t ever let her get the best of you ( and let her know she did ) or its all over . I had one child that was very hard to raise . I could never let up on him or he would have rolled over me . It was SO hard … especially with no dad on the scene basically . But , he is a very good , respectable , fine young man 27 years old today . It was soooo worth it ! Hang in there !
There’s no hope for her now. Get out while you can. Change your name and move while she’s at school. It’s easier than killing her or locking her in a closet until she’s 25 … in my opinion, anyway. All are viable options though. 
Some very smart ppl are giving some really good advice. I had a couple of honorary nieces, a year apart, who gave their parents no end of grief. Mother said they fought like snarling dogs! Removing the bedroom door didn’t help. They used to get grounded to the house, mom called me in tears. I stood them in corners in different rooms and sent parents off for awhile. After a few minutes, when the attitudes were in check, we watched Jerry Springer type shows and discussed why mom was obsessed with “spoiling their fun”. Good luck!
Sounds like all privileges need to be taken away until she starts treating you and the rest of the family with respect
Consequences and stick to your word if you say your going to take something away, or threaten to ground for X amount of time, Do it and see the punishment through don’t give in. Follow through with what you said will happen, yup she’ll be mad and yup you’ll probably get attitude and if she doesn’t ask nicely she doesn’t get it no matter how badly she “Needs” what she’s asking for.
If I would have pulled that attitude with my parents my bottom would have been sore and I would have deserved it
To protect yourself from giving in and rewarding bad behavior (like I did before a friend gave me this trick) you might try this. Write out a bad behavior list and the consequence that will occur. Example: It did no good to ground my kids unless I stayed inside with them. So if they came in 15 minutes past the time they were supposed to, they owed me 15 minutes the next day. I only made a list of the things that mattered the most to me. Both of the kids signed it not necessarily that they agreed but they understood the new procedure. Believe it or not it worked. It gave all of us insistence.
Just went through this myself. 14yo daughter. Not the tantrums but definitely entitlement and disgruntled disappointment when not getting her way. Everytime she acted like a spoiled brat…I’d put her to work. My laundry room is now gutted, reorganized and beautiful! Also, my spices are in impeccable shape in a pretty drawer along with the horrid Tupperware cabinet organized. I also have a linen closet that ended up needing cleaned out. (Not all in the same day…every incident was one big chore. Like…bigger than normal chores. And she still had her normal chores on top of the extra one she accrued by momentarily being satan’s spawn) Everytime she pissed me off acting like she was queen…all the sudden there was something needing to be organized. I really don’t know if it helped in the long run. And let’s get real…it was all fairly easy work to a mom. Something I could breeze through and just didnt feel like it. Buuuut…I can forever use it as a threat…and that’s seems to snap her back when she’s snippy. I mean…my house got cleaned and I wasnt the one who had to do it. Idk…give it a try maybe. But know that, at first, everyone will be miserable. She’s a borderline teenager and if she’s mad…everyone fixin to be mad. Good luck mama!
You have to love them enough to let them hate you. Peace is not peace if it comes at the cost of a healthy, responsible child that learns respect and does not have a sense of entitlement. Take all privileges away until behavior changes. No phone, internet, socializing, everything. When my son went through this phase I removed everything from his room except his bed, clothes the Bible and Shakespeare. I suffered through all the whining and he learned how to be respectful and to love Shakespeare and reading the Bible. He is now raising his 3 children with the rule that respect will be given and a privilege is not the same thing as a right. Stay strong and think of the person you want them to be as an adult, then raise them accordingly.
Time to tell her if her behavior doesnt stop to take everything out of her bedroom but her bed and cloths. Take away her phone and everything else.
Until attitude changes she goes to school and straight home.
Tell her that these items are rewards and she can earn them back by doing chores or helping parents.
Make her clear, you don’t like her being disrespectful. That you mean it. Be firm. When my son said a bad word or attitude , he paid the consequences and I reminded him zero bad word or attitude.It was very hard but I finally prevailed.
Sounds like shes past due for an ass whooping. Take her privileges away. If she thinks she has it rough now show her how rough her home life can actually be. Make her appreciate what shes got.
When my 13 year old starts acting a fool and thinks I’m just the worst because “I’m the lame mom that doesn’t let her run wild like all her friends moms do” I just tell her I love her more than her friends moms love them and god gave me two kids to raise not the rest of the world. Then Privileges get taken away even if it’s not fun for the rest of the family.
Whoop that ass. I have an almost 14 yr old daughter. She knows better than to talk and act that way or i will make her life a living hell. Lets just say i havent had to spank her in 7 yrs and we have such an amazing relationship that this child tells me everything and i mean everything. You have to be consistent and follow through. You cant just half ass it. Time to put your foot down or this is what your gonna continue to get.
Shes 12 bust her ass who is the parent you or her
So here’s the thing… Your gonna have to make everyone else miserable for a short time while you get her under control because if you don’t then everyone is gonna be miserable a whole lot longer once she turns worse than she is now. I would not give in to anything she wants right now. No matter what it is. Eating sleeping and school would be all she gets to do and if she kept it up she would be wearing ugly clothes from the salvation army and I would be giving her clothes and shoes away.
My daughter was the worst! She’s 15 now and a lot better. She got better around 14. I think 12 was the hardest for both of my kids - hardest for me I mean.
Whoop her ass… I had 2 girls and 2 boys like that you have to stand ground and show her you the boss not them only way I used a belt and paddle both work great good luck
I’m relating to this so much. But it has more on a physical side with my 11 yr who is 5’3 and 150 lbs. size of an adult. She has gotten aggressive when told to do chores.