It’s very hard. It’s very sad. It takes a whole other level of strength to deal with it. As much as it sucks… it’s good she’s in jail. She can sober up. Unfortunately the thing with addicts I have experienced is that they need to want it for it to stick. They have to realize there’s a problem and want to change their life so there’s really not much too do except be there for them and let her know you love her. I would also see about getting her therapy to talk about the trauma she went through and that may help a lot in rehabilitation. Figuring out why she turned to that life, getting emotions out, finding out her triggers is a huge thing. Mental health is very serious thing to take care of when in recovery
You can only be there for them when they decide for themselves that they need the help. Forcing it on them is just as bad as enabling.
She will only change when she’s ready. She can go to jail, and rehab a million times but until she’s ready, she will not make that change. My ex husband is an addict, I thought I could change him, got pregnant thought my daughter would change him, she’ll be 9 in January and he’s currently sober in drug court.
Acceptance will help alot but keep your boundaries firm and family safe. Her journey is not a easy one. Understand very well what you need to do to keep you and your family safe but let her know about the love I read in between every line here. There are resources out there that can also help if she wants that?
You can’t. It will 100% be on them. I come from a family of addicts and I’m a 3 year recovering addict myself. The more people tried to “help” the more it pushed me away.
You may can help your mom see clearly but you won’t be able to help your sisters addiction. No matter how much good love or tough love there is, she will only accept help when she is done and ready for it. It’s a vicious cycle and soo hard for everyone involved, especially to just watch them fade away into their habits but there’s literally nothing you can do.
Maybe she’ll hit her rock bottom sooner than later and it’ll wake her up. I was given a lot of tough love. I was also given alot of good love. I took all of it for granted. looking back now I was given a roof over my head. A safe space, I chose different. I wasn’t following anyone else’s rules or listening to what anyone said. I was in my own little bubble and homeless because I chose my addiction. It don’t make sense to the average person why an addict does what they do.
Idk if you’re religious but PRAY she finds her wakening. Pray she finds herself and her sobriety. No matter how many lectures, cut offs, rehabs, etc. The ball is in your sister’s court for her life. I have no advice on your mom except a personal experience I’m going to give and maybe you can read some of these comments to her and it’ll help her realize.
My cousin has been fighting his addiction for 15+ years and we’re both not even 30 yet. His last OD ( because there’s been numerous to count) he had gotten out of rehab, my uncle thought he was okay and good to be “trusted” for a moment to go buy things for work. My uncle was my cousins enabler, not his only but definitely a big enabler. Up until the last time. He trusted my cousin to go to the store and buy more work clothes, boots, etc. My uncle had a funny feeling when my cousin didn’t answer shortly after them departing. He had handed him 200$. After my cousin wouldn’t answer his phone my uncle started to panic and drive around. This is sadly because 1 too many times my cousin was found OD, or was handed money or a paycheck ( my uncle owns his own company and my cousin worked for him). Something bad usually happened and out of previous experiences my uncle just knew. My uncle started driving to his “buddies” where my cousin would usually be found using. Sure enough he found him completely unresponsive in his own passenger seat at someone’s house. My uncle started CPR and chest compressions until first responders arrived. My cousin was in a coma and for awhile and our family literally started to plan for a funeral. That was what the dr. Were saying to expect and prepare ourselves. He actually ended up waking up after being taken off the vent but was NOT the same. Fast forward about 6 months now, he’s still very much child like and now lives in an assisted living facility with other handicap adults.
His addiction and mine was very different and so is everyone’s but people who are lost in addictions grip won’t stop until they’re ready… won’t seek or accept help until ready.
Addicts are selfish, conning, and don’t think of anyone else while using and it’s HARD to be on the receiving end. I KNOW Because I’ve been on both sides of the addiction spectrum. My uncle literally handed my cousin the money that took his life and if it wasn’t for my uncle sadly knowing from experiences, my cousin would’ve been left unresponsive and we would’ve buried him. Sometimes addicts NEED to be kicked out, given the cold shoulder and turned away. It truly sucks and as a mom I know all she must want to do is save her baby but she can’t. This sucks so much and I’m sorry. I wish I had better advice.
Okay first of all… haha okay you have addiction all wrong I’m sorry. Jfc.
First, prison isnt a place for addicts period. It’s not a rehabilitation service, it’s a traumatic experience which she clearly cant handle trauma well so why would she handle prison well? Just because she’s an addict doesn’t mean she isnt your baby sister. That doesn’t mean you don’t treat her the same as if she wasn’t your baby sister anymore, you still treat her the same but don’t enable her as in, dont give her money or rides. You, not speaking to her, or moving across states, or whatever you said, isn’t going to help her. That’s not going to make her stop, period. You can’t force someone to get clean. They have to hit their own rock bottom. You can bring up your shit stepdad and talk about the trauma it caused and even if she does drugs when you talk about it at least that’s a step, is her talking about it. She’ll have to go to rehab and that’s something you can talk to her about but you also can’t force it either. My suggestion is to be there for her, she’s still your sister, and what she does like steals and does drugs doesn’t entirely make her a bad person that’s why how you feel because it’s bad but if you put that aside and talk to her like a real person… you might get farther.
I was once told not to expect them to change or become better. This journey has taken them and only they can get out and you have to decide if you want the person they are right now in your life or not. I chose not to have a drug addict (no matter the relationship) in my life because it was very toxic for me and anyone else who is in my life who may have to endure the person. My life is better now and I can see clearly that there was nothing i could do to help!
We had to stop all communication with my brother for about 8 months before on his own he entered a rehab facility. There were still rocky times ahead but we were able to work together with the help of his rehab social workers etc. Fast forward 5 years and he’s been sober for 3.5 years now. Like I said no communication from his entire family was first step (and hard to her everyone on same page), rehab was second step and then just trying to get through the misc struggles was 3rd and still at times something we all have fo work through with him.
Until they are ready to change there is not much you can. She has to want to be clean. She has to give up the addict friends. All you can do is keep encouraging her to do so.
My brother’s a junkie and so is my mom. I’ve cut them both out bc that’s not my issue or problem to be wrapped up in lmao.
They’ll only change when they’re ready. You can only be strong for yourself and your family. Let her make the decision for herself.
Treat the trauma the addiction will fall in line she will never stop thinking like a addict well her dads voice plays over and over and over in her head constantly! Mental health first!!!
Unfortunately you can’t help her until she’s ready for it.
You can’t help someone who doesn’t want it. Take care u and your kids.