Just looking to vent.
Tomorrow is the last day I can go into labor on my own before my repeat ceserean on Thursday. I do not want this surgery, I desperately wanted a VBA2C. I tried soo hard but my state is so far behind. I called places up to two hours from me, hospitals that have ORs inside of the delivery room, ones that have anesthesiologists on clock 24/7, ones that ‘support’ VBAC, scoured google, called midwives, contacted birthing centers, doulas, and absolutely every last hospital I could find. Even using my insurances nurse to scour for VBA2C support (they only located one who would consider being open to it).
Entire time I was told no. Repeatedly.
Only other option was to go against the doctors and push off my ceserean. After hearing that they can be cold to you, give bare minimum care, and even go so far as to call CPS (I had seen peoples cases, usually unfounded but still), it put fear into me. I want that vaginal delivery but not at that cost. I vowed to make birth be golden this time, even if it was a different method than I hoped for.
At 36 weeks, when every outlet confirmed that I was ‘too late’ into my pregnancy I finally gave up.
In the end I want nothing more than a healthy, safe, alive baby like anyone else but I will grieve the process taken from me simply, and ONLY because I’ve had prior forced cesereans.
Thanks for listening. My one last little rant.