Was I Too Harsh on My Teenage Son in This Situation?

Fuk no! You tell him mumma! Don’t you back down!

My daughter is getting her first apartment with some friends. She is going to learn real quick what mom and dad have done for her all these years.

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Never feel guilty for it my son is still like this at 24 and has bad attitude

DO NOT BACK DOWN you did nothing wrong it was all his fault.

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Show him what not doing anything is! I think ur doing just fine

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I mean my mom would have told me to find somewhere else to live if I didn’t think she did anything for me :woman_shrugging:t2: not too harsh. He needs a reality check and who the heck doesn’t want to shower after being in the nasty weather. He’s got a lot of growing up to do.

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First and far most you are the parent .you say jump they schould ask how high .period

Jade Rebecca Harvatt look what happened to me.

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You bargain with him?

You did good momma!!!

That’s exactly what I would have said! He needs a reality check and to appreciate you more. Just make sure you don’t back down and he knows you mean business. Great job momma!

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No sounds like my house girl he is 17 as well

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U r right good luck.

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I understand what you are saying have you asked him why and what his thoughts are on this. So.erimes just listen can resolve the little things which in turn solve big issues.

Heck no he wants to play that game let him. He will learn fast that you csnt get anywhere without your mom and dad.

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Nope I would have also canceled his phone service and changed the WiFi password as well. Maybe even give him a bill for electric and groceries… He’s almost and adult and will learn real quick you not catering to him in no way is not taking care of him.

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You did great! I’m not sure I would have been smart enough to take a walk before reacting and having that conversation.

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You did good. He will learn real fast how much he takes for granted when nothing is being done for him. You put your foot down and that’s it now. He needs to smarten up and respect your wishes. My mother would have said don’t like it? There’s the door.

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God don’t back down they think they r gods gift to the world iv done that to my 19 yr old yes he works 50 hrs a week but he still eats and what’s clean close all I ask for is to pick up the dog shit, my 16 yr old thinks she the world revolves around her my 13 yr old he does jobs so he can go out after school with his mates and my 7 yr old she is picking up everything from the older 3 so I’m hard on her and she knows if her does the right think it is easier.

Absolutely not. Good job in my opinion! I was 17 when I moved out and was living on my own with 3 jobs. He should be grateful.

No!!! Good for you!!! I would have canceled the cell phone and changed the WiFi password too.
He’s lucky he’s still 17…

Exactly what I would have said. Currently in the same kind of battle with my 17 year old stepson. Unfortunately since I’m not his bio mom I don’t have much say. I think you did wonderfully.

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Heck NO… you go Mama bear, its called respect, he disrespected you and you put him in his place

Sounds perfect. Now stand behind it.

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Good job momma. Yes the guilt will be there because that is your baby… but he’s no baby anymore and time to grow up and learn.

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Fuck him…u go girl! Coming from someone who also has a 17 yr old.
Its called learning responsibility…mine is off to work with me nx week, nightshift.
Made me giggle, kind of the same jobs :rofl:

No. You sound pretty lenient to me. Just try to remember to breathe when our teens think they rule the world and know everything… It gets easier.

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Good job momma-you are raising a man and you have to be firm and strict for them to respect YOU! Parenting is not for the weak, that’s for sure!

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No, you handled that perfectly!!!
I have a 17 year old daughter that has a newborn. They live with me and she doesn’t do ANYTHING!!! I mean I know that its hard being a new mother and all but even when the baby is sleeping… She doesn’t do anything. I come home from work to a dirty house.
Makes me want to apologize to my parents for being such an asshole when I was a teenager!

You did the right thing. Just wish many others would also

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I’m going through this exact thing with my 17yr old daughter. I’m at my wits end

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Don’t you dare feel guiltily lol

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Feeling guilty?? FOR WHAT???
Your son is ungrateful and has wrongfully entitled himself to be catered to. A full fledged reality check is needed. This type of behavior is the result of pandering and only causes gigantic problems later. Responsibility should be taught early in life and monitored continuously throughout the teen years. No respect

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I think you handled this perfectly. He’s at the age where he needs a reality check if he isn’t helping around the house. He will likely be moving out in a few years and needs to realize what is all required for that. Good job :clap:

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No guilt! Turn off his cell phone and electronics and let him pay for them too

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Reality is tough you’re just showing him what real life is

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Good on ya for your awesome parenting.

Good job Momma! If I ever hear the same from my son, I will do this exact thing! :clap:

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No. Once he apologizes you can go through what you want to do for him again. I would do the same for mine if they weren’t 5, 2, and 1 month lol

Girl… start charging him rent! And still do the rest your doing. Dont let him use anything you have. Change of attitude is what he needs. Good job momma!!!

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Plenty old enough for such consequences!

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My younger brother was just like him. He put my parents through hell. Its your house your rules, until he starts paying rent then that’s when he can have a say. As long as you provide his basic needs, everything else is a privilege. Make sure you stand your ground because as soon as he sees you’re a push over he will take advantage. Parent guilt is the worst. Hang in there

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No guilt. In fact about the shower thing I would shut off the water saying I pay this water bill so you could just stay smelly since you don’t care to even shower. That’s just me. But he will learn stay at ur gun they need to learn. How else are they going to?

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Not at all! Parents doing everything for their kids does not teach them anything. I worked two jobs at the age of 17 and went to school full-time. When I was in college my roommate had no clue how to do anything I mean anything because her parents did it for her. I literally had to show her how to do laundry, wash dishes, and clean… it was really sad

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You have done what needs to be done now stick with it

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Moms are humans too. You have a right to your feelings and hes being a typical teen in that he doesn’t see what you do for him, only what he does for you. Time for a heart to heart discussion… hang in there, the teen years are a challenge

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Of one of my children ever says that to me I’d take everything I’ve provided. All their furniture, clothes, etc, shut off their power, lock the bathroom door so only I & my children who are respectful can use it. I wouldn’t feed him, or he can pay for meals. I’d charge him deposit & rent for his room. He’d be paying for utilities & have to buy his own furniture & clothes. If he doesn’t learn his lesson by his 18th birthday he’d be getting evicted. I think you handled it well.

Oh man. If I had talked to my mom like that, I would’ve gotten the back hand across the face :fearful:
Man, I don’t know why kids think they’re grown just because they’re 16 or 17. When you are out of the house, cleaning your own place, paying your own bills, buying your own food, working, etc, then you are grown! He lives in the house, therefore, he plays a part! Even my husband who works hard and pays the bills has chores. Everyone plays a part. He needs a reality check because he isn’t grown, even though he thinks he is
What you are doing is the right thing! Don’t give in! He needs a reality check

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That’s called tough love…just follow through with it…

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Don’t feel guilty and when my boys made me mad over laundry they had to start washing their own. At 17 he’s quite capable of doing things for himself

No, good mama!! Stick your ground too.

Nope! You should have just said all those things earlier. He needs to learn that things aren’t handed to you. You need to work hard, at home, in school, at your job.

No, you definitely are putting into perspective all you do for him ! He’s old enough to know better.

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That’s a hard no Mommaa. You have NOT been too hard.

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I have a 13 12 and 8 year old once my kids hit 11 and get an actual allowance I charge them rent electric food and water they get 20 and give me back 5 2 for rent 2 for food 1 for water… I then put it in saving for them them but they need to know what its like to get a paycheck and have to turn around and give most of it back… my kids will tell their friends my momma is cool but so strict…yall we aren’t their friend we are parents and raising them to be able to fly on their own and not be assholes.

Whew I dare one of mine to say that. They would be sleeping on the floor

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Not at all, honestly I would have smacked him in the face just for responding to me. My children are very aware of this so they dare not talk back to me or give me a smart remark…

17 is not to old for spankings, I’ve been told I’m not too old for spankings and I’m grown with my own family, tough love mama, gotta give it sometimes. Good luck :heart:

I would have done the same thing you did.

I don’t think so, he’s taking you for granted which is very normal for a teenager. In a couple of years he’s going to move out and do it all on his own and then he will truly see all you do for him, but for now this is what you got. Dont feel guilty.

You did well…for him to learn!

Not at all. Tough love is tough but so are you, and you deserve the respect.

NOPE!! He said you don’t do anything, well, don’t do anything then. He’ll learn his lesson.

Nope. I’d do nothing. … since I apparently don’t :woman_shrugging:

Not at all momma! He’s gonna show you some respect or figure shit out on his own

Yes he should help DON’T let push around your not friend your his mom

Not at all. And you should charge him rent! But I would do it for just a week or two to start. Maybe just a taste of it will be enough to make him understand.

I would also point out to him that people who work are still expected to clean and take care of their houses, and that no one will date him if he smells.

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your a parent not a personal slave…youngins need to apreciate the things you do

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SMH get rid of the guilt and stick to your decision to show him rather then tell him. Don’t bend and give in.

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Needed done LONG AGO

Sounds like you handled it perfectly to me.

No,they hate to hear the truth Nd at 17 they should start knowing the facts , if not now when .You did good don’t beat yourself up

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No.maybe he will learn something

Nope. 100% spot on. Just don’t cave in to him.

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Not all mom I can relate to how you feel as for me I feel I’m ready to put mine out!!

No, stick to your guns. Behavior has consequence’s. You are a better teacher and parent to him by holding him accountable. That is what is wrong with kids today. No accountability, or consequence’s.

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No they all get like this. It’s called the I mode…it’s hard we had to disconnect my son’s electricity from his room so it would sink in. He finally got it. Stay tough but explain you don’t like doing this but needs to learn to pull his own weight.

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Nope! Teenagers need to learn responsibility and chores is the perfect way to do that. You’re not being harsh by teaching your son the ways of the world. Have him sit down and write a list of his chores, and then sit down beside him and write out a list of all the chores you do daily. Then ask him to really compare. It should instill a newfound appreciation for you as his mother and realizing everything mothers do for their families.

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Not at all. My ex-husband used to do that and I would let it go and he continued to do this. When I did say something I was overreacting and that’s when I had enough and filed for divorce. All of this was years after I had a kidney transplant that he claims he suffered through and I should be grateful because he stuck around. I felt more like a maid than a wife and no one should feel that way at all.

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Heck no…my 14 year old thinks he doesn’t have to do anything around the house either! I’ve complained and complained about little things that him and my husband both find to he nagging…like getting something out of the dryer and pulling stuff out with it and then leaving what they pulled out on the floor! Or leaving crumbs all over the counter, wearing their shoes in my house knowing that my one year old is going to be on the floor…I work a full time job, 40 hours a week and expect a little help and when I don’t get it and flip out then I’m the crazy one! His allowance is a roof over his head, free wifi, TV, a cellphone…we all live in the house, it’s everyones responsibility to take care of things! I always tell him he’ll never have a wife because most women don’t work all day and then come home and work there too!

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He needs to be reminded of all you do for him. And it wouldn’t hurt for him to learn how to do his own laundry, manage his time, cook and other things. I know it’s hard but stick to it. You’ll be doing him a favor in the end

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Not too harsh at all. It’s real life. All functioning adults work, and have to do stuff around the house. He’s lucky as hell he’s got a mom who pays for what he needs and puts a roof over his head. He’s acting like a brat. You had no choice but to teach him a lesson.

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No you are not being too harsh. I have always asked my kids to do things around the house and they don’t get an allowance because their chores pay for the extra things that they have. Like money to go out to eat with friends, cellphone, gas money and etc. I provide the essential things for them roof over their head, clean clothes, and food on the table. Those are the basic needs that I provide them with. If they don’t do their chores or they fight me on doing them well then they better figure out how to pay for the extras. I am not doing it. It is called tough love for a reason. I read the book a long time ago, New Kid by Friday, and it changed my life. Take out all of the, you have to do this and you have to do that, because no one has to do anything. But it would be in your best interest if you would do this. It is a great book and it changed our families life. My kids don’t have to do anything, they choose to do it because the consequences are something they don’t want to live with.

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Stick to your guns. Let him figure out how to live without your help. Shouldn’t take long. I have also seen people who wrote out a list with price tags for what a parent is doing. Total it up. That’s how much he owes to participate. :person_shrugging:

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I think that sounds completely logical. Wanna say you’re grown, you’re gonna act it. And he should be thankful you took a walk to cool off. I promise at some point in his life, he will realize everything you have done for him and he will be grateful for the tough love.

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Absolutely not. You are training him to fly the nest. He needs to know how to fend for himself and make it work. Life always has obstacles, ups and downs anyone waiting on their kids with no expectation of them contributing is doing their kids a disservice.

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I wish I had an answer for you . I am thankful I made it through those trying times with my son without hurting him . He was so ungrateful and very outspoken towards me . :pray::pray:

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First and foremost you are not your child’s friend … that being said … you provide the roof over his head, the food in his belly and the clothes on his back. He can ask friends for a ride with his stinky butt and when it comes time to eating tell him he can get it elsewhere if he isn’t willing to pull his weight around the house and a good whooping doesn’t hurt. I would have never dared to talk to my parents like that.

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You did the right thing and shouldn’t feel a bit guilty. In fact you should have smacked his smart mouth fir disrespecting you the way he did. If I was you I’d give him the boot once he turns 18 and make him learn to be an adult

If he’s 17 he should already be doing most of those things himself. He won’t do them as long as you keep doing it for him. Stop and let him learn what it really means to be an adult, it’s truly one of the best things you can do for him. Don’t be hard or harsh just firmly remind him he’s an adult and will be treated like one and from now on will be responsible for doing things on his own and then allow him to stand or fall

Nope! He wants to be grown, well, see how he likes having to fend for himself for a bit. Stand strong. He will see the light.

Hold your ground, you have to show him as a parent you do way more for him. Stay strong you don’t ask for unreasonable things.

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No, you have not. He should be doing a lot of those things you do for him, himself. My almost 17 yr old helps out with a lot. The dishes, cooking, laundry, sweeping and vacuuming, as well as helping with his 3 and 8 yr old siblings. Those are life skills he’ll need when he goes out into the world. Life isn’t just going to work and coming home. He’s almost an adult and should be doing these things.

Nope - don’t feel the slightest bit guilty. Most of the time it is overlooked how much we parents take care of and expecting help from your almost grown son isn’t asking too much. My 9 year old daughter knows that when we get a lot of snow she’s shoveling porches with us and if she wants her clothes clean they better be in the laundry. She also has full responsibility for her 2 pet cats (other than buying what they need). I may give the occasional reminder but I don’t do it for her.

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Ive raised 4 and my youngest passed away at 17. We would bicker over little things like chores too. We all get frustrated and say things, adults as well as teens. Its got to be really hard on them with this covid, and chaos of the year. Talk to him like a person and you may see a change in attitude. I couldn’t imagine the confusion these young people are feeling now a day. I wish I would have done the same with mine, he left out angry and died in a car accident.

Stick to your guns. Take away EVERYTHING that you’ve bought. Leave him essentials ONLY! I had a problem with my son. He was left with a bed, clothes, soap and he ate only what was cooked for the day. They have to learn. Tough love is hard but necessary. #dontbeatyourselfup
#greatmom

Think of it this way, a few more years he may be out on his own, he needs to learn how to cook, do laundry, handle his bank account, pay his bills, do grocery shopping. Best to do it now instead of last minute when he’s in his own & coming home w/ laundry basket w/2 weeks of laundry & he says “ mom I lost my job because I didn’t shower” can I come back till I get back on my feet”? Then he’s still w/you when he’s in 30’s making minimum wage.

I think not. I would not do anything at all for him, let him see just how much you do. He would also clean up after cooking for himself, each meal would be paid for just like a restaurant. If he has already graduated high school he could find somewhere else to live, see how that works for him.

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Nope, you did exactly right. I probably would have been more harsh, to be quite honest. He’s on the verge of adulthood and has no cause to be disrespectful or hurtful to you. Good job.

No you haven’t been too harsh at all! When my kids started working (my youngest is now 22) I made them start paying “rent”. I took all household bills (house payment, cable tv, Internet, water, electric, sewer, etc) added them up and divided by 4 (two adults and two children) both kids had to pay their share. They can’t rent anywhere cheaper plus have access to food and cleaning essentials and it teaches them how to budget their money.