At my MILs house the other day and a comment was made by my kid’s dad that of course my children have to listen to me as their mother, which was then followed up by “unless I (the dad) don’t agree with what your mom said”. In which I responded, by saying they have to listen to me unless you don’t agree is just contradicting yourself. He just kept pushing his belief that if there’s something he doesn’t agree with that I set as the mother, they don’t have to follow it whatsoever. Which basically puts in their heads that they don’t have to listen to what I say just because someone doesn’t believe in it. Meanwhile this is happening in front of my MIL and she had no comment towards the situation. Was I right for responding in the way I did? I’m trying to advocate for myself and my children more.
You know it may be because I’ve been married 20 years. But I would have laughed at my husband. We don’t play that men rank higher around here. Men don’t have the final say. We are partners. We compromise. We come to a agreement we both can deal with. All he is doing is undermining your authority over up to kids. That isn’t cool at all.
You go girl. Your kids are what matters.
You have an extra child you knew nothing about. He needs to learn his actions have consequences. Maybe the kids playing near his important papers with marker pen would help him understand that mom needs to be listened to whether he agrees or not
Parents are supposed to be united, if I feel my partner is too strict or if he feels I’m being too strict we pull each other to one side and talk away from the kids. We never show anything less than a united front or it shows the kids they can play one off against the other
Parents should be a united front. That man was definitely out of touch with reality.
This is why it’s important to discuss your views, beliefs, values etc with a person who you begin a relationship with. You need to know how they feel about raising children, religion, politics, marriage, money etc.
Mom “don’t play with guns” dad “here you go, have fun with this gun” dad “I don’t understand how the neighbor boy got shot and died.” I know it’s an extreme example but what will it take to convince Dad that him and mom need to stick together when it comes to rules and discipline.
You never disagree in front of the kids, that’s done in private. You then discuss the difference in opinions… try to agree on what’s the best course to take next time it comes to again. Him saying they don’t have to listen when he doesn’t agree takes away all your Parental strength towards your kids.
You were absolutely right to stand your ground!!
You are right. He’s being controlling and domineering.
You are not wrong at all. However it should be a private conversation and not in front of the kids (if they were there). Mil probably felt uncomfortable and it’s actually a good thing she didn’t butt in. Also my husband and I sometimes don’t agree exactly on certain things but we always somehow come to an agreement on how to go about it with our kids and never let the kids know bc we have to be on the same page to parent. And also don’t want them thinking they can go over either one of us for certain things.
Sounds like your husband’s ego is bigger than he is.
Do you expect your children to listen to their father even if you don’t agree?
If the other parent doesn’t agree then yeah there opinion is allowed but they should say what and why away from the children not put u down in front of them
Does that also mean if dad says something and you don’t agree they don’t have to listen
That is him undermining you in front of your children. This is not ok.
He’s a ass! Power and control issue right there!
If there is a disagreement about the dicipline or rules then discuss it but not in front of children.
If you guys don’t agree on something you need to come to a compromise, not battle each other to figure out who’s right.
It’s definitely the opposite in my house for the most part. We never disagree in front of the kids or family. If we disagree with what the other has said, or dished out it as punishment then we go into our room, door closed with music or something on and discuss it. Or at the end of the day once the kids are asleep. United front across the board. We explain our reasoning and have a discussion focused on the kids best interest and we both are capable of seeing the other side and admitting when we are each wrong about something.
I agree with you totally. If you say something it should be acknowledged. If your husband doesn’t agree it should be discussed privately and not in front of the children. He is teaching them that females are second class citizens. You take your stand and stay strong we no longer in cavemen times
Absolutely. My ex was like this with our children, which are my 3 oldest. He would undermine me right in front of them……straight up tell them not to listen to me or that the punishment I tried to set out didn’t apply. I’d say you’re grounded, he’d say no you’re not. I’d tell them to do something, he’d tell them no they didn’t have to listen to me.
They grew up with that disrespect being instilled in their brains and it caused irreparable damage to our household function and our relationships. They are now teens and you wouldn’t believe the level of disrespect I get from them. Especially my boys. I can barely even speak to them the disrespect is so bad. I get screamed at, cussed at….called all kinds of names just over simple stuff like asking them to put their laundry away or clean their dishes after dinner. If I try to discipline them, like take away devices and ground them, they aren’t afraid to use physical force to get the devices back from me.
I’m telling you from experience, you need to fix this problem NOW or this will be your situation as well. And trust me, this is not what you want. Sit your husband down and tell him point blank you will not allow him to teach your children to disrespect you. If he refuses to play on your team and be a united front in front of the kids, it may be time to find a new team mate.
Best of luck.
I’m in same boat. It s so upsetting
We discuss differences in private. In front of the kids, we should be united. I have his back and he has mine. If there’s something I disagree with, we talk in private and if he is the one to place the punishment, he is the one that removes it. And vise versa (if they’re grounded and I take away their electronics, he won’t go behind my back, he’ll respect the punishment I put in place and I’ll be the one that gives back the electronic privileges)
Contradicting you in front of them is giving the kids the impression that “what mom says doesn’t matter” and that’s not okay.
Should not been discussed in front of kids or mil.
This is why you and your husband should discuss things so you do agree 
You’re not wrong. I told my husband when it comes to rules with our kids if one of us says no the answer is no, even if we disagree, we’ll disagree in private and talk it out and if the answer changes it’ll be addressed to said kids together. not mom said/ but dad said bs. Kids needs to know you’re a unit.
No your not wrong but I’m my house I’m in charge as I’m the one who does the most with the kids. Even when their dad tried to say he’s in charge (mostly as a joke) the kids will laugh at him and tell him I am and even he has to listen to mom 
. The reality though is that when it comes to big decisions we have a conversation away from the kids and decide what to do as their parents and then we talk to them together also. For little stupid stuff like can they have an extra snack cake or more time on the devices, or a few more minutes before going to bed, it’s really just whose there or who they ask, who answers first.
Stand your ground,discuss differences in private……he is out of line.
Stand your ground. What you say goes. He has a say so too but going over your head is not okay!
Parents shouldn’t contradict each other in front of the children. Period. But instead walk away (or text) why they feel the way they do, and then compromise, or if one feels strongly enough, agree completely.
My partner is very against stranger with our children. So no Mother’s Day Out or MOPS for me. Because he doesn’t know those people. He doesn’t trust them. I understand that this rule comes from trauma. So despite me disagreeing, I have agreed.
Apparently my guy agrees. Bc we’ve had this discussion too. And I even said if we disagree, we should discuss that between us. Not in front of the children. And he just said no, that’s me wanting to be controlling. And that if he doesn’t agree, there’s no need to waste and talk about it later – esp if my idea or rule is stupid. Or he has a better solution.
I was livid. Still am, honestly. But that’s an ongoing other situation that I don’t need to dump here. But ugh, I’m tired.
It wasn’t her place to comment. It was yours and his disagreement. She’s done raising him. You need to both agree on what is best for your children to see and hear that doesn’t conflict either of you to them!
Lmfao you were nicer than I would have been. I told my husband to stay out of anything unless I ask him to step in or we come to an agreement. Who is with the kids most of the time? Me. So what I say goes because I’m the one saddled with them. He can come to me and disagree with me and we will go from there, but he cannot go above me. 
Your husband doesn’t respect you.
I’m just going to say that in chess the Queen is the most powerful piece on the board and leave it at that lol
You should be partners. Both of you should be listened to by your kids.
No you weren’t wrong. I would have responded with, “Someone must be sleeping on the couch tonight then.”
First off - ya don’t air things out things in front of others unless you want everyone to know your business. A relationship between two people - is just that - between TWO people - your MIL was smart not to comment - she’s not joining your battles because she’s smart 
. Young one, these are such things you should’ve found out “Dating”
you two need to figure this out (you are equal) because modeling/ demonstrating behavior of “mixed messages/ lessons “ will cause Major Problems later in life. 
Your mother in law shouldn’t have commented. She done right.
This kind of thing is so disrespectful towards a mother and a woman in general and should have been held in private conversation because you’re right, it’s bullshit to be blunt. Kids shouldn’t be swinging between two parents…if an issue comes up that you or him don’t agree with that’s for you two to discuss. Not appropriate to be disrespectful toward the other parent and encourage children to also be disrespectful.
On a side note, MIL involved in personal matters is never a good idea lol
This conversation should have been private between you and your husband. Not in front of anyone.
I’m 54 and my kids are grown ,but I never played that Rank mess ,we were either on the same page or I explained privately why we should be and how it showed we were not on in unison in front of our kids and gave them a chance to play the ends against the middle, your MIL is not in your daily house hold her opinion should be void unless she stirs the crap pot in your family dynamics. Keep being true to your self momma .
So hes abusive.
Because no man is saying some sheeeeeeeeet like this unless he’s just a general dick that treats women wrong
Why would you allow this? Do you have a daughter? Do you want her husband to treat her like this??! Because kids learn by watching and they will think this is ‘normal’ and how relationships work
Who is home the most with the kids if equal then parents need to stick together on punishment your not teaching a kid to disrespect either parent to say this in front of MIL or kids daddy sort of disrespected mommy big time he was showing MEN RULE AND WEARS THE PANTS IF MIL didnt stand up for mom shame on her. Parent are co parents not one … now if they are step kids then you all need to set boundaries and if the child deserves sever punishment let daddy take care of it … but I know if I was told this daddy can take over everything for them including feeding washing the kids would be his total job 100% when they get sick daddy stay home I’m going to work or out or whatever … shame on him
Yeah, no, I would have told him to shut the f up. I carried them and had to birth them, they will listen to me!