Was I wrong to message my ex son-in-law to let him know that my grandson uses the F-Bomb when he returns from a three day stay at his house? I’ve tried to have my daughter to tell her ex about this but she keeps “forgetting”. She didn’t speak to me for a week. I didn’t accuse him of being abusive, I was just letting him know. My husband and close friends of ours say I didn’t do anything wrong. Plus my mom. We all have the same goal, loving this toddler and raising him. On a side note, I quit my job to babysit for free and so does my mother and stepdad.
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Help a mama out and respond anonymously on our forum. Was I wrong to message my daughters ex about their child?
Yes you’re wrong you’re not his parent stay out of it
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For fucks sake, mind your business.
No u have a right that’s your grandchild
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not your business… not your kid
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Yes. If his mom doesn’t see an issue than keep ur nose out of it. Not your child.
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I don’t think it’s your place to get in the middle there. If you mentioned it to your daughter that’s as far as it should go. You aren’t his parent.
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Not your business you are not the parent
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Yes, you’re wrong. She’s forgetting bc it’s obviously a conversation she’s not ready to have.
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Quiting your job to babysit him is something you agreed to not amo for you to overstep your boundaries.
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youre in the wrong. just because you have a title to your grandson doesn’t mean you’re entitled to him.
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No he’s NOT your kid but SHE is and her influence on her kids show a lot about her.Idc what anyone says I’m calling it out she can be mad😂
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Maintain your lane. Your
Daughter’s
Responsibility.
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You’re not the parent so it was not your place to interfere.
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I would let your daughter handle it. Maybe she doesn’t want to get into with her ex cause he is difficult and will cause drama. It’s really not your place to get involved.
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Not your business or place.
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I completely understand your concern and I understand where you’re coming from. However you probably shouldn’t be texting or messaging him you need to go through your daughter because it is your daughters child. I would be pissed if my parents had with behind my back and said something to my ex even if it is about cussing. Hi cuss all the time but I was very careful with my child and make sure she didn’t however there is a lot of parents that do not do that and do not care if their children hear it. You need to communicate with your daughter not her ex
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I have a 4 yr old Grandson, and if my daughter refused to do so, yes I would do so myself. I don’t feel you were in the wrong.
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Personally I agree that you shouldn’t get in the middle however, you quit your job to babysit for free so at some point you should have a little bit of say since you’re around him so much. Your daughter really should have been the one to say it though.
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U should have done it before he became an Ex
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She can’t expect you to not get involved when you quit your job to babysit for free. I wouldn’t have liked my mom to get involved in my kids raising like that, but I also don’t depend on her. I work an off shift so my kids don’t need to go to a babysitter. That way, I can raise my kids my way, with no family budding in.
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Yes. It’s none of your business. His mom should contact him not you. Your grandma NOT MOM.
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Not your place. However, you do have the right to teach your grandson that in your house he isn’t allowed to use words like that and why.
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Yes. Mind your business…
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Yes. Not your place to step into your daughters business. It’s her child and her life, stay out of it.
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Your grandchild IS your business and it takes a village. If she didn’t try to handle it then I don’t blame you. I just hope that you approached him in a caring and respectful manner.
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Not your child. Not your business. Stop meddling. The mother will speak to him if she sees fit.
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The way I look at it, her Child not yours. BUT with that being said, if it makes you feel uncomfortable with him using that language in your household after you quit your job to do the favor of watching him for free, then I’d stop that favor. Keep it limited to visits only. Your house, your rules. She also has to respect that 
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Over stepping boundaries for sure. She should have the conversation with him and you don’t know where he picked the word up. Could have possibly been your daughter.
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Learn your place. Nd stay out of it
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Dad has a right to know. 
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If you already have a relationship with him where you talk or text regularly I would say no but if it was a random message about an issue I would say yes…it’s her business to deal with…you can encourage you grandson to use better words and say I know daddy may use that term in his home but it makes gramma uncomfortable in her home etc…open dialogue about grown up words is helpful 
You’d daughter will forgive you 
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Wrong. You have raised your children please let them do the same.
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Stay in your lane. I would of have freaked out on you just on general principle for not knowing your place.
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If you’re babysitting the grandson, and it’s happening on your watch, I think it’s OK for you to say something. Otherwise, no.
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No one forced you to quit your job to babysit. Infact, that’s like, the worst thing you could do for your daughter and grandson. There’s going to be tension. I’m not sure how old your daughter is, but does she live on her own? Like, how old is she? I’m 100% positive that her ex boyfriend father of his own child knows that their 3 year old throws around the “F bomb” and you honestly should stay in your lane regarding that, and just try to teach him differently. He’s freaking 3. People and parents cuss. This is life, lady.
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I feel like it’s not your place to bring up issues like that. That’s something she needs to do herself.
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You say bad words once a toddler will pick it up, I don’t understand how you went from one swear word to people thinking he is being abused, I swear my toddler copies, she’s not abused, she’s not in a bad house hold, I agree with dressing the issue but honestly don’t think it’s a big one which is probably why your daughter didn’t say anything
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I don’t think you get to choose to quit your job, babysit for free, and then use that as a reason to justify getting in the middle of something that doesn’t concern you. That’s your daughters job. Parents love to “help out” and then use it as a weapon later.
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You overstepped big time & now you want to throw babysitting in their face or hold it over their head because they got upset you put your nose where it doesn’t belong? He could have heard that anywhere & picked it up. Kids do that. If it isn’t something that puts his safety at risk, it isn’t your place.
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You were wrong. You overstepped.
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I think everyone is different…
it really depends how close you all are…
me and my mum are best friends…
me and my sons dad still get on (most the time)
I’m still close with his family and he still gets on with my family…
i really don’t see what you did any issue if you wasn’t accusing the dad you was just letting him know…
I wouldn’t have an issue with my mum asking my sons dad this…
I do feel it would be my place first to tell him as he’s my sons dad but if I kept forgetting I wouldn’t see it a big issue my mum asking him x
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It’s NOT your business … it’s up to your daughter
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Not your business. It was her okay to say or not say anything to him about it. Stay in your lane.
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Wrong. Stay in your lane!
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I say this with respect, but I’d say you definitely crossed a line. It’s up to your daughter to bring this up to the child’s father. Not you. I understand your concern, and want what’s best for the child, but you are gramma and caregiver, not a parent per say. So I definitely understand her frustration.
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That was very nice of you to quit your job to babysit apparently you don’t need that extra money but my thought is did your daughter asked you to or did you just volunteer to quit your job to stay home and baby-sit
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It’s not really your business honestly. I wouldn’t have messaged him personally but that’s just me. You also shouldn’t be assuming that’s where he learned it. Could’ve picked it up anywhere. Editing to add that you should most definitely correct the child when he’s in your care and make sure he knows that is not acceptable language to use and it’s not allowed in your house.
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Not your place at all.
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Yes you were wrong. Everything else is irrelevant.
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Everyone is saying mind your business. But, your grandson is your business. Especially if you’re one of his caregivers. I think, you and your daughter should’ve had a in depth talk and a heads up that if she can’t seem to remember to talk to her ex husband about it-that you would. So for that aspect, you were wrong. But there’s a lot of missing information, does your daughter live with you? Could she afford daycare if it wasn’t free? How did the ex receive the information? Did it start a fight? If it was something that started a fight between him and her—you overstepped and you and your daughter need to set clear boundaries. If they aren’t feuding—talk to your daughter. Explain why you reached out, and how important it is for a developing toddler to not curse (and be mean). Schools don’t tolerate cussing, neither should grandma… and if mom can’t get her act together and parent and be the bad guy when needed…. It’s gonna get worse.
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Wrong! Yea. I’d be ticked you went over my head!
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Not your place to say anything. You’re the grandmother, not the parent. And you should look after your grandchildren for free 
My parents would never take money. Sounds like you’d throw it in your daughters face first chance u got.
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If I was your daughter and you did that, I would’ve been pissed. That is NOT your responsibility to be overstepping. She is the parent. If you discussed it with her, that’s her choice to speak to her ex husband. If anything, you should’ve corrected the behavior at home if the mom wasn’t there. Not take it upon yourself to insert your opinion about how he behaves after coming home from his fathers.
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It’s really not your place to tell the ex anything. Let your daughter take care it.
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You 100% crossed a line and are trying to justify it because you willingly quit your job to babysit without pay. Sounds like you use that as a guilt trip and as justification to overstep your privileges. Stay in your lane.
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If my MIL or ex MIL calls or messages me abt something Thts none of business, I’m abt to use the whole dictionary of words on her and she wld probably catch these hands also. You need to mind your own business. If your daughter didn’t address it then why wld you:roll_eyes:
this is probably why he’s her ex u inferring when u shldnt. This is one of the reason I left my ex:face_with_symbols_over_mouth:
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Over bearing and weird asf. Who quits their job to stay home with someone else’s kid FOR FREE?
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It would’ve been fine if your daughter was ok with it, you should’ve asked first. You knew she didn’t want you to so you did it without her knowing. I also can’t control myself sometimes but I know when I probably shouldn’t and I do it anyway. The question is, do you care that you were wrong?
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Not your place regardless of how involved you are. It’s best for bio parents to discuss any concerns related to the child, reduces drama.
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Ha! These comments you were not WRONG if you’re daughter can’t take care of it then I would’ve done the same especially if he under my care
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As a mom, I wouldn’t mind. I say “it takes a village” so if your intent was just to notify him, I don’t see a problem
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Yes youre the asshole. It is not your place to get inbetween their coparenting.
Depends on the relationships between the adults & the goal to raise the child together…?
It takes a village 
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Yeah you were wrong. You’re not the parent. It’s not your place. She probably has to deal with him being angry over what you’ve done now. It’s even possible that he’s abusive to your grandson. If she didn’t want to say anything you shouldve let it go.
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Yikes on a bike 
it wasn’t your place to go to him at all. They are raising their son, you are not. Your daughter kept ‘forgetting’ because she’d already made the decision not to pick that fight, but you went and did it anyway! It’s absurd, really lol.
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Now a days you can’t say anything to anyone about anything because they will get offended even if it is your own flesh and blood. I guess let her raise a foul mouth heathen. That seems to be the okay thing to do anymore. Just don’t let anyone tell you it takes a village anymore. The village gets butt hurt because OMG they were made to have manners.
For those that think she is out of place, I’m just going to say I would have done the same, especially if they wanted me to keep the grandchild at any time. I’m not going to be embarrassed by a trashy mouth child. Take care of it, I will, or keep the child at home and let them embarrass you. I’m not having it!
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Once you told your daughter you did your part. Regardless of whether you babysit for her, you’re still not the parent here, and unfortunately I would say you’ve crossed a line
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Yup. Mind your business
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You 100% did NOT cross a line.
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It’s a tad overstepping. It’s their job to co-parent and it’s hard enough when you’re divorced to do that. When ex in-laws get in the middle it makes it worse.
Let your daughter do her own thing
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It’s not your place.
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You are definitely wrong.
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Your not mom. You had good intentions but your overstepping. I would speak to my mother for way longer than a week for pulling shit like this
Yes, you were wrong. You aren’t his parent. You overstepped.
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You don’t have to read past the first line to know the answer is yes and you overstepped.
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As a grandmother I feel you had every right, if daughter failed to say something. We all love our grandchildren, and if my grandchildren needed childcare, I absolutely would have quit my job to make sure they were in a safe environment 
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Your daughter has to pick her battles and maybe she is choosing not to pick this one. Either way, she has to coparent with this person for a long time and it would be wise to let her deal with him alone unless she asks for your help. Just love your grandchild and leave it at that.
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I will respectfully say that you’ve crossed the line. Not your child not your issue. The MOST you should have done was talk to your daughter and leave it at that. It is her choice rather to discuss the issue about HER child or not. Maybe she tells you she keeps “forgetting” because it’s not a big issue to her and she doesn’t want to disappoint you either. You’ve raised your children (with mistakes that we all do) now it’s time to let her raise hers. I understand you had no ill intent and want what’s best for your GRAND child but it’s not your place. The fact that you quit your job to care for the child is commendable but it was your choice to do so. That alone should not interfere with her parenting and how she handles situations such as these.
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You had absolutely NO right to do that, that’s is definitely not your place to do or say anything whatsoever🤷♀️ You need to stay out of your daughter’s business and let her be mom
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It most definitely overstepping.
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Not your kid. Not your lane. Not even your side of town.
Back off.
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my three year old says “fuck saaakkeeee” because he hears me say it 
he says it in the context though, so that’s a good thing you had no right to do what you did. that is for your daughter and him to speak about. it isn’t your place
I would be mad too over stepping is not good you maybe caused her many problems always know your place and that wasn’t it
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You don’t over step a parent. Yes, you had good intentions behind it… but that wasn’t your place. Your friends and mother are just taking your side. That was wrong.
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Not your child, not your place. You definitely overstepped. Throwing in that bit at the end about babysitting for free was . Just because you babysit you aren’t entitled to overstep boundaries
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My Gramma was the only one who ever spoke up when it came to me and the way we (brother and I) were being treated.
As a caregiver of the child if is actually your business.
Idk if people know this or not but allowing a child to cuss is actually considered abuse. And if cps was motivated enough to take him that would be enough for them to remove him from y’all’s care.
You werent rude or wrong. If she doesn’t care enough to say anything about it even after being told several times, you doing it for her is her own fault and if she’s mad at you for it thats her own problem to deal with.
If you were rude about it then yeah you’d be wrong. But you weren’t. She did nothing so you did. Proud of you.
Yes, you were wrong! 
% WRONG!
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Yes you are wrong. You have place in that situation. Not your child, you should stay out of it.
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My 4yr old
Said holy shit 
Yes that’s a parents job to talk to the other co parents. Stay in your lane. The mum said she’d speak to the dad about it and you should of left it at that.
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Ugh this is a grey area I understand your concern and I understand you were just trying to help bc she kept “forgetting” but honestly if she thought it was of concerned she would have asked him immediately trust me …which to me means she didn’t keep forgetting she just didn’t want to talk to him about it and she got mad at you about it bc you went over her head as the mother of the child and took matters into your hands … I know you was just trying to help but some parents dont like that bc it makes them feel like your belittling them as a parent …I know you meant well but maybe from now on just communicate with your daughter…and by the way you seem like an awesome grandparent
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You are the GRANDMOTHER not the mom it’s not your place to say what the child is allowed to say and not allowed to say imo…you way over stepped your boundaries and should apologize to your daughter and her ex
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I only read the first half and instantly knew you were wrong.
I know that’s not what you want to hear, but it’s not YOUR place to coparent for this child, it’s HIS MOTHERS PLACE. She likely didn’t forget, she just didn’t want to address and that’s HER RIGHT. As a grandparent, your job is to ASSIST AND THE PARENTS WISHES. It’s not your job to parent the child.
Yeah you were wrong. Teach the child. Also your daughter needs to pick a side.
You are NOT that child’s mother and it wasn’t your buisness to reach out and say anything. Stay in your fkn lane 
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Yes mind your business it wasn’t your place. You are his mother
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She’s probably upset because she lets this kid say it to lol