Lately weve been having problems with my 9 year old step son. On Monday he ditched school and end it up at his friends house. His mom got called and had to leave work to go find him. We dont know what to do. I was thinking calling in a cop to come talk to him. Any advice or suggestions?
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I would get him into therapy bcuz obviously something is bothering him. Also explain that he is getting old enough to end up in major trouble if he doesn’t stop what he is doing.
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Dont waste our taxes on your son. Wrong road. Deal with him. If it continues get help but calling a cop just wastes resources
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Embarrass him. Go have someone sit at school in his class with him. Let him know u are watching you are aware. I did with my son and it worked
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Counseling, there’s obviously some underlying issues.
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Do you know if he’s having any problems at school? Have you spoken to his teachers? Is there any chance he may be getting bullied? Do you know anything about the friend whose house he went to? I would assess the whole situation first. Then maybe you can help to stop the problem. As hard as it may be, try not to be too hard on him until you gather more information and get him to open up about it. 
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Has he given you any indication of what is bothering him?
In this day and time it is very dangerous for children to not be where they are suppose to be. Skipping school can lead to all types of mischief.
I would be on red alert and find answers.
at nine year old that is on the school. Send him to therapy and beat his ass because aparently the parents have freind syndrome and are not parenting. Evryone of the things he likes should be taken away.
instead of punishing him ttalk to him they is obviously somthing going on.
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As a police family please don’t scare him with the threat of police. You don’t want your child to fear the police, you want him comfortable going to the police if needed. If you’re wanting someone of authority to speak to him, maybe a truancy school officer?
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Don’t waste an officers time…it’s your job to teach him right from wrong.
When I was around his age I was doing the same thing. For me I realise now it’s because traditional school was not suitable for me. I would get bored with the work and distracted and as a result I’d distract other kids and cause problems. Eventually that lead to skipping school and doing things I shouldn’t be doing at that age.
It might be that the school work is either too much, or too easy for him and that he needs a different approach.
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Have you sat down and talked to him about these problems? What does he say? Is this a new issue lately or has he always been a handful? Have all the adults sat down and talked to see if it happens in both homes? Has he ever seen a doctor about any issues? Have you spoken to the school to see how he is doing, or if someone is bullying him ? Who’s the friend? Have you spoken to this friends parents to see WHY he went there?
He needs to open up about what’s going on. Try to figure things out instead of trying to “scare” him for a lesson.
That wont work
Theres an issue and the adults need to figure it out and be a united front.
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He obviously does not know the consequences of skipping school. But worse than that is where he ended up, at a friends house?. Was the friend skipping school too?
I think maybe start off at home and see why he’s acting out… don’t threaten a COP against a 9 year old child. Not to mention they have authority to get CPS or DCF involved if they see fit.
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Find out what is happening to him. Find out what the hell he is feeling and help him cope. Some adults in his lives screwed things up so they can be happy… but noine bothered to make sure he was ok. Yeah call the coos… that will help hime cooe with his emotions… NOT
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I had a cop friend come and scare my son when he was that age he is not afraid of police by any means but knows more now what can happen when you act out and don’t want to do what it is you are supposed to be doing but I would not call 911 or anything cops have better things they could be doing
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First and foremost, mom and dad need to come up with a plan, and involve you if the two of you are married. Then it needs to be discussed with child. Follow through on consequences.
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I never heard of a 9 yr old skipping school, that is pretty bold behavior
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My daughter has done this. There’s nothing wrong With her she just thinks she’s grown and can do w.e she wants. Dad sat in class with her for a full day. We took away everything. She had to be in her room for a month with no tv or any form of entertainment. The girl has learned.
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I’m so sick of the scared straight trope. My niece and nephew act scared of the cops because of this and it irks me. If we want police to be less violent, we have to stop fear on both sides.
There are some great suggestions on here. Please use one of those instead. Having him in counseling and showing a United parenting front with Mom and any significant other she has is the first step. Have a meeting, get on the same page, consistently parent him exactly the same at both households.
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You don’t want to teach a kid that a cop is someone he can’t trust. So they shouldn’t be the one talking to your kids about bad behavior
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Don’t call the cops, parent instead.
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The school principal, guidance counselor, and school resource officer are there to help after the adults in the family talk to him.
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Also you need to talk to the friend’s parents and see what is going on because this friend and his family might be a bad influence on your son if he is allowed to be their when he should be at school
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You said you’ve been having problems with him, but you only give one example. Ditching school is not ok, especially at his age, but it’s not the end of the world. Has this become a regular thing? Or is it normal misbehaving and he’s ditched school once? Have you asked him why he ditched school? The adults in his life should get together and talk about the problems you have been having and try to come up with a solution. Obviously he should be grounded for skipping school, but you need to know the reason why so you can make sure it doesn’t happen again and the main issue can get addressed
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Find out who his friends are and what their reputation is, then get rid of them. I’m pretty sure his friend is involved in him skipping school, probably a bad influence
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Go to school with him until he decides he can find his way to class on his own and won’t ditch. My mom did this. Very effective. Especially since she wore an embarrassing outfit to go along with it. Bet he thinks twice the next time he decides to ditch school.
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What if he’s depressed or anxious? Why not find out what’s going on first? Or offer therapy? He might talk to someone who’s not a parent
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Have you tried actually sitting him down and and talking to him?? Maybe there’s a reason he doesn’t want to be at school. I know when I was that age, I was being highly bullied and would go to the nurse with a “stomach ache” and would go home. Try sitting him down and not being upset with him. Try to understand why, and if there isn’t a reason, then go from there.
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He’s is having issues it sounds like maybe a little more family time
Hell he is just 9 yrs old wipe his ass
Talk to him. See what’s bothering him. Is their problems at home, problems at school. What are he’s friends like. Maybe he’s friend was at home sick and he wanted to spend time with he’s friend.
Don’t let cops do a parents job
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Talk to him, I was bullied every day at school from the day I started to the very second I left, seriously walking out the school gates someone threw water on me (middle of summer and 37°c day so wasnt upset about that) and was told I hope you get hit by a bus
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Scare Tactics never work
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By calling the cops so just become more resentful if you can find somebody close to his age that’s going through or has gone through something similar and has come out the other side to talk to him it would be more beneficial than trying to scare him
Who’s sharing these posts? And where?
Talk to him, get him involved with healthy activities, sports, volunteerism, family game nights, targeted family dinner discussions about challenges and triumphs we all face. Pick any one or multiple. They will all promote good healthy relationships and better behavior.
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9 yea better get ahold of it now cause he’ll be done walking on you by 13
See why he’s not going…if no good reason go sit with him in school, he will not skip again
Sounds like he’s struggling with school. Help him with his homework, offer to get him a tutor, ask him what he wants to be when he grows up and help him try to pursue it.
My daughter starting slacking a bit earlier this year and this is exactly how I helped her get back on track. She needed someone to show an interest and spend the time with her.
Let the parents deal w this. As a Stepparent you have nothing to do w how the bio parents handle the situation. As a stepparent you’re role is to support you’re husband. That’s it. Don’t overstep your role. Know your boundaries. Not your monkey, not your Circus
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Ask him why was he skipping school. He may be being bullied!
Talk to the other kid’s parent(s) tell them their kid is allowing yours to skip school in their home!
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She’s not saying she is going to discipline him all by herself. She is seeking advice for all of them since they are all his parents. If you don’t think stepparents have rights to discipline their stepchildren then do not ever become one. I had stepparents. I am a stepparent. Every parent should be disciplining that child as a United front. That’s the only successful way.
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Whatever you do, do it in love and for the best interest of that child. We don’t know the whole circumstance we don’t know his side and so I just reiterate do it in love and yes all parents should be in agreement.
after raising my step-children, I learned that it was better to let the natural parents handle this. i found that no matter how much i loved them i was still the ugly step-mother in these situations. i would help in every way i could, but would refuse to be the heavy in these situations. JTanya Nicora says it right!
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I agree with United front. I come from a family with having step parents on both sides. It was better knowing they cared
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Definitely let the parents handle it
Take christmas away from him
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Why do you think the police should get involved in a behavioural problem with this boy? We here calls all the time on the scanner that the police are being called to come to handle a child behavioural problem. We as parents were the ones that did all the enforcing when our kids misbehaved.
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“We” should NOT handle it! His mom is in the picture, he has a dad. Butt out!
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Yes step mother is in this he has to mind her she feeds him loves him should be a United front
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The step parent is a PARENT… All 3 parents should be in agreement for the child, and sit and talk with him. No yelling or putting shame, just civilized beings talking to there child. Get down to why he is acting out. The step parent needs to be involved because they are also helping raise the kid.
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“His MOM got called and had to leave work to go find him”…Not you… I’m assuming his mom has custody of him since the school called her … let his mother and father handle him however they see fit… Being a step parent doesnt give us that right to decide on how to handle another couples child behavior … calling the cops to talk to the child may cause you a lot of stress with your husband and the childs mother … I personally would take a step back and let the parents figure out why hes acting out … He may have issues at school with another kid …
Maybe he should be with his mother
Let the school Counselor and school resource officer talk to him …
If the parents can’t get through to him.
They’ll come up with a plan to help the child with the parents help to get to school
Call cops. Maybe that will scare him
Do not call the cops. You do not want to alienate your stepson if you want to keep your husband. Think about it.
Being a stepparent is tricky, but definately all parents step or not should be involved, they need to work together as a cohesive unit to get to the bottom of this situation. The more you all work together the more your children will respect everyone involved.
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After reading all comments below, let me explain why I knew the lady writing the original post wasn’t acting in the childs best interest. She wanted to call the police! Therefore… what she really wants is the child out of her life and is in a power struggle with the mom. See it happen ALL the time!
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