Long story, but basically, my son’s father took me to court made up all types of lies. The judge blindly made a temp custody order for a week on a week off. I went back to the court judge went back to a court order where I had my son m-f and dad has Friday through m finally with the understanding I did no wrong and apologized, but now a father and his lawyer are mad and are taking this to trial. We have to go to mediation with an expert witness. After all the stress and bs I went through, what might be the odds the court order is changed again?
Help a mama out and respond anonymously on our forum. What are the chances the court order is changed again?
It is good that they are giving you a mediator…
It definitely could be . You just never know what a judge will do.
If it’s going to trial then it’s solely based on judges orders, nobody can predict which way a judge will sway. Just make sure you subpoena any witnesses and bring all your supporting evidence with you
Get yourself an attorney!
If you are both capable of parenting, why wouldn’t you aim for 50/50 and be done with it?
Dads aren’t 2nd rate parents and theu deserve the same time as mothers do.
He will have to prove his lies. Just make sure you have proof as to why you think he’s unfit to share custody. If he’s fit to be a dad, let him. As someone who has been through the custody battles and the lies, just know that emotions run high and you need to think of the kids. In my case I ended up getting primary physical custody, but we technically have joint custody where he can access all the kids school and medical. It used to be every other weekend, alternate holidays, and he had summers, but it hardly ever worked out like that, they ended up being mostly here. Now they see him whenever they want.
Is there a legitimate reason you wouldn’t want to do the 50/50? Most judges are leaning towards shred custody like that unless there are legitimate reasons one parent shouldn’t have custody. The 50/50 custody is good for children. Just bc the parents didn’t work out doesn’t mean that one parent or the other should be just a part time parent unless there is a major reason like drugs, alcohol, abuse, etc.
Took to court made up lies etc etc
You guys not everyone fits in the 50/50 pretty box thinking
But there are toxic people in the world
Help a mama out and respond anonymously on our forum. What are the chances the court order is changed again?
Chances are the order could be changed. The judge is bound to request reports from both lawyers but you can bet your boots, it will not be the last. If there us a breakdown in communication where one or either partner has not complied with the order, then yes it can be changed. Like any person who faces family court, it is intimidating, and traumatic for all parties caught up in this farcical process. This can go on for years, before the final custody order is finalized. You will wonder when it will all end.
Help a mama out and respond anonymously on our forum. What are the chances the court order is changed again?
Child’s needs should be number 1, no exceptions. School needs to be taken into consideration. Neither of the “adult’s” selfishness should take precedence over stability for the child. If that can’t happen, neither of you deserve to have the child.
Let that man be a father like you being a mother. You and him should be working this out. He has every right to be with his son. You trying to stop him from being a father. for him to take it to trail. He want his son too. Some men not going to play with you ladies about they kids they going to court too. That’s your child’s father work it out you going to have to let him see his child.
Wait, what? Hopefully, the court will look at the best interest of the child and make a decision based off evidence presented. It’s not about you or the stress you are going through it’s about your child.
Stay Calm. Keep Records! Send yourself a text is a good way of getting thing in writing. Never be Late! It’s OK to get Slightly emotional. pay attention to the judge. nod that you under stand and say yes your honor. Try not to miss work. Do Not hang with folks that are a bad influence, 50/50 is typical. but if he misses and has You be with your child more than 50% get your child as much as possible and keep a record after 3 months add it up. now you have the advantage for off full custody, and your ex can have visitation every other weekend.
Your judge sounds like a smart person initially. And you sound pretty selfish. What a loving parent wouldn’t want to take the stress off of their child not having a parent around as often as possible and let them have the best of both worlds equally? I hope they flip the decision back to 50-50 for your child’s sake.
The fact that courts awarded him is in fact very rare. Courts are notoriously very sexist and often times award primary custody to the mother. If he has any additional evidence or if what hes alleging has not changed in the eyes of the judge itll be a slim to none chance the order will change . Get a lawyer asap have any evidence ready and try your very best to not lose your temper with your ex this can and will be held against you .
Ask for mediation with the father and both learn healthy behavior that in the end benefit the child.
What’s wrong with week on week off.? Both parents should be entitled equal time providing no safety concerns
Do you have at attorney? If not get one immediately.
What’s wrong with week on and week off? I think you should go with that, a child needs both mum and dad. I have never believed that a father automatically gets second rights to his child. It should be 50/50 unless a good reason.
I went through something similar when my ex and I were at the lowest point of our lives when I was 20-23. I filed for divorce, figured I had it in the bag since I was clean from drugs for a few years, my son was 3. This was 15 years ago. They awarded primary conservatorship to my in laws where my ex and I shared visitation, I was devastated. I moved and lived 600 miles away and worked a M-F job, the judge chose the side of the representation instead of my personal progress. My visitation was Friday to Sunday every other week, which posed a challenge since I’m visually impaired and can’t drive at night. I was denied summer visitation unless my ex and his wife were present due to their controlling personalities, I tried to fight it, multiple times, but I’m not made of money, it was heartbreaking and I am still trying to forgive them. Needless to say, I rarely saw my son but maybe twice a year. My ex was able to weasel his way in to have my son live with him and his wife. My kid is 18 now, we’ve spent more time together this year, than in the past 10 years combined, I paid child support, my ex had suffered multiple re-lapses, while I haven’t, I’ve been stable, happy and clean all this time, working for the same company 13 years and with my partner 12 years. I’ll never get those years back of missed celebrations and growth. You need representation, no matter what. We’d spent thousands on legal fees, it wasn’t enough. I cherish every moment I have with my kid, luckily, now that I’ve moved closer to him as of last year. Without legal representation, the courts are NEVER in your favor. The reason they kept him in Texas was “because he’s lived his whole life here” and “a move would be traumatizing”…a 3 year old… smdh. Good luck to you.
Don’t loose faith. God is in control and working on it for you. Stay grateful and patient. God has his time and He answers prayers.
I don’t personally think that’s fair him having no weekends to himself ect , a week on , a week off sounds reasonable. You both have that equal amount if time with your child and then both have the time to have a break x
Just wondering why you wouldn’t want to go 50/50? If he’s a good and involved dad seems like that might be the best solution for everyone and maybe that’s why he’s fighting it
If no one paid attention, there is good cause for her to be concerned if in fact they did fabricate things in order to get what they want. Lying is just a way to stick to the ex and never good for the kids. Obviously there is more to this than what any of you seem to acknowledge.
Why is this funny to some people?
Make sure you have a lawyer and not sure if the witness is his or yours but if it’s his get you a witness.
You can’t take a family court matter to trial can you?
No to absolutely no chance (notice not even a slim there) the order will be changed. Family court will only change the order if there is a change in the facts. The facts haven’t changed and he’s wasting his time. He can’t prove you provide less parenting time, mistreat the child with inferior care, neglect or harm the child. The court doesn’t care about his feelings and it’s not going to keep changing the custody order because that goes against the best interests of the child. Let him file, (my petty self would encourage him to) the stupid tax people will gladly take his money.
sounds like you are worried entirely too much about yourself & your son’s dad than you are about your son.
Oh it sux and it’s hard to prove innocent good luck
My bd would only care to do this bc of the child support …and if got that he would pawn his kids off on his family or his next supply aka the poor gf hes using lying to love bombing future faking with no care about the heartbreak he knows they will face when he discards them
Not all situations are ideal
If you’re going to trial they will need evidence of wrongdoing I would think? I haven’t gone through this myself, but I know a little about the court system. Make sure you have lots of evidence of your own to support your custody.
Lots of courts go with 50/50 the chance is read it could get changed
I would say that the 50/50 could be reconsidered if your child isn’t in school yet and there’s no reason for your child’s father to not have 50/50, like abuse, drugs, ect. Once your child reaches school age and you and your son’s father live in different school districts, you would have to come back to court again to determine whose house they would stay at during the school week and then the weekends and then agreeing on what parent gets what holidays and who gets every other summer, if you both live in the same school district then this wouldn’t be an issue in determining 50/50 custody. Or during this mediation you can also request that the subject of when school starts who the child will stay with during the school year and who gets weekends.
We do 50/50 on everything. My boys have structure. We just communicate what’s best for the boys. We have done this for 8 years.
I don’t care what anybody says it is impossible to co-parent with a disrespectful person
It’s also draining on mental, emotional (financial ect ect) health and well-being
Fathers are wising up and educating their attorneys on the federal Constitutional rights of parents AND children… which are concomitant. The State must prove that the minimum requirements of the child are NOT being met before it can do more than temporarily intervene. This means that, even if the Judge believes that it is not in the best interest of the child to have a 50/50 split of possession time, per plenty of U.S. Supreme Court caselaw (Reno v Flores for example), the judge MUST subordinate his beliefs on this matter to those of fit parents.
The Supreme Court explains why judges just can’t intervene in Reno v. Flores, 507 US 292, 305 (Supreme Court 1993). In short, the Supreme Court said best interest is a policy decision not a constitutional mandate. The state can choose to act in a child’s best interest or not based on many factors and this level of choice simply cannot support a “compelling” interest. Further, because the Constitution presumes that parents are fit and that fit parents make the best decisions for their children, the state’s opinion of a child’s best interest has no validity without showing something more. See Troxel v. Granville, 530 US 57, 72, 73 (Supreme Court 2000), (As we have explained, the Due Process Clause does not permit a State to infringe on the fundamental right of parents to make child rearing decisions simply because a state judge believes a “better” decision could be made.)
Well if y’all cant agree on something in mediation u will both present ur cases to a judge with what u want and why then the judge will decide who gets what and why. I would suggest finding a way to compromise with the dad cause neither of u will like the judges decision!!
50/50. It either does or doesn’t
Youre a woman , it will get changed…
Custody should be 50/50. If there is mutual trust for a weekend, then it’s no different than during the week. Dad’s are not second rate. Kids need both parents as long a both parents are capable.
Depends what the lies are and whether he has any proof. Temp emergency custody can be ordered based on word of mouth if it’s serious enough, but for a permanent order there has to be proof.
You need a lawyer. Get a loan if you have to, and hire a good lawyer. Remember anything you text him can be screen shot and used as evidence, even if you didn’t mean it the way that’s being implied. So, don’t delete them and try to always be the bigger person because it will make him look bad if he’s the only one ranting.
Be honest with your lawyer about all communication and anything that may have be said or happened. Your lawyer is on your side (they are the only one who will be on your side in a court room!), so they aren’t there to judge you, just prepare you.
I’m currently ready to go back to court because my daughter dad works third shift and we have joint custody and he never has her his parents do which was fine with me up until now his mom just had back surgery and she can no longer do my daughters hair or give her baths or anything so my daughter says mom my pop pop doesn’t put me In showers he just washes me up that’s a problem for me she is five but she is very smart she says papa does not touch her or anything i dont think That but I’m not sure if she is getting cleaned properly and I. Cant get lights in my name in the city I live in bc my step mom put a light bill in my name so my bestie let me use her name the last three years but she wants to move out of her moms house but can’t , cause I’m using her name for lights which is Legal in va by the way so I can’t get lights so imma have to move out of town what do u all think ?? Just concerned will the judge modify our order
You need a guardian adlitem to come talk to the kids he will at your house and also at his and will make a report for court.
Abuse… drugs… easy to tell unfit
That’s black and white thinking and its ignorant.
I am the daughter of a covert narcissist 34 and I still am healing from things that started at 4 (when my parents divorced)
He looked like the perfect dad, successful, kind, blah blah on the outside. Because that’s where he cared about the views of strangers while they crush behind closed doors. It doesn’t take sexual, physical abuse or being screamed at to be fucked up. They can be cool calm collected and tell you about howyou are the loser child (they picked you to be at the age you should have been told you can be anything. I was told I’m never going to amount to anything I’d be just like my mom ect ect. And way more. And they fool people and courts so good like ab expert skill.
I’m sorry I get and love the concept but that’s black and white to say there aren’t more situations than the obvious unfit parent
It is possible the order changes, it depends on the outcome of the trial. Whatever he is saying about you, you need to challenge if it’s untrue. If he has a witness, there is someone testifying against you. To prove otherwise, you need any picture, journal entry (if you have any), text, documentation, medical records, and or witness testimony to prove otherwise. Whatever is applicable to this situation. Depending on what he is saying, it can also help you to get character statements from anyone that knows you. Have people sign and date statements speaking on your character and how you are as a person and or parent. If what he is saying is untrue, fight it! If he is a ‘bad’ person call that into question. Not knowing his faults or the bases of his allegations that’s the best advice I can give. Good luck to you and your little, I hope things go smooth and the truth comes out for the sake of the poor little being changed around.
is he even thinking how strenuous that will be on the child yo-yoing back & forth between both homes during the school year?
Child custody cases are the hardest and only do harm to the child. It is obvious that your ex wants sole custody and is fighting for that. It is rare that one parent gets sole custody no matter the amount of money they spend. It’s usually fruitless unless one of the parents is either a drug/alcohol addict or completely irresponsible and put the child in harms way through neglect. Oh, and P.S. this may probably settle in mediation and may not go to trial. Take a deep breath. Sending hugs…
Your husband sounds exactly like my daughter’s. He pulls this kind of BS constantly. She’s been trying to get divorced for three years. When Covid hit it really slowed things go a crawl. They went through mediation. There were orders against her husband to do different things. He thumbs his nose it ever ordered and nothing has ever done to him. He’s a drug dealer, the cops are watching him building a case, but it seems to take forever. In the meantime he has a child that has gone from age five to eight now that he leaves home all day long by himself. He has a living girlfriend that he has gotten pregnant. Those two are cutting to the child are either closed up in their bedroom or out in his man cave all the time leaving the child alone even when they’re there. It makes you want to take things into your own hands when the system doesn’t handle things.
A lot of people do a week on week off. If he’s a good father and you two can put the child first then this is probably a good option
I wish your child could wake up tomorrow a grown man of 21. That way he wouldn’t have to go through the trauma of being the bullet between 2 guns.
Whatever happens, have it put in the order that it can’t be changed for two years. Thats what i had to do to get my x to stop filing shit on me just because he could.
If your ex is stooping this low there is most likely some parental alienation going on too. While it sounds crazy you might consider a call to child protective services and have them do a home evaluation for your home. You have a record with family court that way with little to no cost on your part. … Another thing to consider is the ex may be pushing for full custody and asking for child support from you.
A good lawyer makes all the difference in the world, regardless. Custody battles are expensive. Mediation is expensive. If mediation doesn’t work, it will go to the courts and the judge will decide. It’s a bitch any way you look at it. How old is the child?
Honestly, since all we have is a vague one sided view of the situation, we can’t begin to guess what will happen. My suggestion is, when you go to mediation, both parents act like adults, set aside the hurt and anger they have towards each other, and put the child first. The child loves you both. And if you want that child to continue to love you and grow up to respect you, get yourselves together and put the child first.
I always refused mediation and insisted it go before the judge. I also had the judge on my side tho
If both parents would be thinking about the kid this will not go any further than mediation .
my sister’s husband’s got custody of her he kidnapped them took them to rome ga by the time we found them and try to get them back he had already had the judge and everyone against her dont know what he told them but he wouldn’t even listen to her gave them to him without question
They can change it as much as they see fit
How old is this child?
Never been through anything like this, but stick to your guns, stick to what’s best for the children, write letters and have friends, relatives, etc and have them ready just in case. Be the same sweet parent, the understanding one, make that ex look like the delusional crazy parent. Men do it all the time, flip the script. Don’t worry, keep the faith, and good luck!
just tell the truth. if you have anyone or anything that can let the judge know that the dad is lying, then even better.
If theres domestic violence then yes go to court, if not i believe there should no sole custody given to either parent other than 50-50 parental rights, no arguing, why should one parent be given sole custody over another
They can “fabricate” all they want but in the matter of courts the proof is whats important. So what proof do they have on you?
My ex and I went 6 months and 6 months with our daughter. We did the every other year thing for holidays. One of us had even number and the other had odds. If it was 1999 and I had the odd number. Then I would get her for the holidays. Did the same thing for income tax also. Still did the every other weekend thing too. It worked out very well.
Be ready for anything
Hopefully 100%. 50/50 or you are abusing the kids
Everyone saying she needs to let the Dad “be a father” obviously didn’t read… He lied to take her to court for custody*… What makes you think he’s a good Dad?!
We don’t know enough to be making such accusations.
Depends on if they can prove their side. If they can then yes and it could be for the worse. Judge will do what’s in best interest of the child. Sorry to hear you’re going through this.
Idk I feel like he called you on your crap in court and we’re only hearing what you want us to. Moms don’t lose custody for no reason.
Speak with a lawyer.