I would anonymously like to ask about what to do when I have a 15 year old daughter refusing to visit her father. i am worried that I am going to get into trouble for custodial interference and dread going back to court however my 15 year old refuses to go to her dads and hasn’t been in months due to this. I can’t force her. There are a lot of reasons why she is refusing from multiple problems with her dad. Derogatory comments, arguments, issues with step mother. She has stated he has done several things that make her not comfortable staying there. She has tried to talk to him and he doesn’t listen. A lot of other issues. What should I do?
81 Likes
Help a mama out and respond anonymously on our forum. https://answers.mamasuncut.com/t/what-can-i-do-about-my-daughter-refusing-to-see-her-dad/16656
Listen to your daughter. If she doesn’t want to go she needs to tell him that and you need to support her decision
14 Likes
She’s old enough to have a say. Take it to a judge.
15 Likes
Depending on your state laws, she may be old enough to make that choice. Usually if they don’t want to see the other parent, there’s a very good reason. Keep an open dialogue and see what’s going on.
7 Likes
There’s a reason why she doesn’t want to go listen to her & contact your lawyer for your options…
5 Likes
You can’t unilaterally abrogate custody issues, you need to go back in front of a judge and in particular she has to stand up in front of the judge and tell the judge why she doesn’t want to go see her father. I think you have a good case to have her stay with you full time.
6 Likes
You want get in trouble. If she doesn’t want to go.She doesn’t have to. The court want make her.
1 Like
If she’s uncomfortable she doesn’t go. Point blank period. Idc if I could get in trouble. Protect your kid.
3 Likes
Take her side always… that’s your baby & if she feels like that then there’s something that you seriously need to speak to with her dad & his women… because that’s not right… there’s always a reason to her not feeling comfortable at her dads… & yea it (could) be her not liking the step mom for small reasons but also you’re not there to witness anything when your daughter was there at her dads… you should just talk to her and see what she truly wants to do… in fixing the issues.
3 Likes
Each state is different so it would be wise to consult with an attorney in family law within your state, BUT… In my state (MN) I’ve been told that if a teenager makes the decision, it is rarely forced upon them by the courts. At most, you will have to explain the situation in court (if her father pushes for it). Though rare in cases of teens, a child psychologist may have to be obtained to make a determination on whether the child is mature enough bla blah blah… it’s rare.
I had a couple lawyers tell me that at 13 a kid can refuse… earlier too, but at 13 the courts start to consider the child’s desires more so than when they’re younger.
At 13 my daughter cut ties from her father. He has threatened all sorts of things but I knew he was blowing smoke. He blames me but I know the truth.
1 Like
Would speaking with a counsellor help?
1 Like
Go back to court on your own and advocate for your kiddo. But that may not be necessary depending your state laws. Some allow as young as 13 to make the decision for themselves
1 Like
Have her go to therapy and go back to court
5 Likes
My mom went through this with my 15 year old brother. His dad took her back to court for contempt. She ended up winning the battle for the same thing & the court was on her side.
6 Likes
Contact your lawyer and possibly go back to court letting them know. That way he can’t get you for contempt of court, handling it before he has the chance is the best bet for less drama
1 Like
She’s a teen. Court usually will let her decide. Side w the kid.
5 Likes
I’d let it be and let her tell the judge why she doesn’t want to see him.
2 Likes
The judge will let her speak and go from there…doubt they do anything.
1 Like
Let them go to court and she can explain. They won’t
1 Like
Unless her father takes it back to court to attempt to restore visitation, I think you would still prevail given the reasons she has stated. The courts do not know what’s going on unless a parent files, it sounds like her father won’t bother to do that.
1 Like
She’s 15, she doesn’t have to go. Tell him she no longer wants to go. Go to court with her, have visitation modified.
1 Like
Take her side and protect her. There is obviously stuff going on that’s making her uncomfortable and makes her feel unsafe. Document everything she says and the reasons why she doesn’t want to go. Document everything your ex says as well.
If you have a lawyer, let the lawyer know what is going on, so they can present it to the judge, or you can go to the judge yourself.
Your daughter more than likely will have to talk to the judge, but let her know that is ok.
5 Likes
If she doesn’t want to she doesn’t have to. She’s old enough to make that choice for herself and a judge will hear her out. Side with your baby, if she’s not comfortable with it then I wouldn’t force her.
8 Likes
If she doesn’t want to go don’t force her to. I’d rather go back to court for my child refusing to than for something to happen if she’s forced to go. She’s refusing for a reason as you stated.
7 Likes
She is of age to make choice
1 Like
You just make sure you’re home and available for pick up do not Interfere with that part. I went through this and I literally just recorded my son telling them he wasn’t going I couldn’t physically put him in a car or their car and make him go my attorney told me my job was to make sure he was home and ready to go for pick up time when dad was suppose to pick him up or step mom and when they came and he refused to go I had a show cause filed against me but it was thrown out bc I was home and I made my son be home and available as well and he refused to go. I at one point even recorded him yelling I’m not going you can go back home now . They of course had to show up and if course again had to make sure he was home and seen!! That’s key they have to see her she has to physically say I’m not coming or atleast that’s how it worked for my case I couldn’t dare say he’s not going or he doesn’t wanna go I stayed out of it and he told them he wasn’t going
2 Likes
Best of luck it’s hard and it certainly sucks when you have to go back and forth to court over it
You listen to your child and suck it up and go back to court for her. Your child should always be top priority no matter your feelings about anything else.
This could be a dozen different things. Does dad have more rules? Are you more lax? Is there something bad going on that could potentially be dangerous or harming to her? I’ve also learned that alot of parents talk inappropriately about the other parent around the kids and can lead to this type of thing. I don’t say this to be mean but I say this cause I to once was 15 I wanted to be where life was easy. Seeing how you haven’t just gone back to court and this has been happening for months makes me pause alittle on the instant dad’s doing something wrong excuse. ( I know y’all gonna come for me) you should always support your child and what they feel hurts them and that means going to court and making that decision official 
. Right now you are in violation of a court order which means if dad decides to enforce that you could lose which could potentially cause way more harm. Do what’s best and find a solution.
5 Likes
Contact an attornry and get help amending the parenting plan so she can refuse visitations. Document her refusal.
4 Likes
Don’t make her go. She’s of age to choose what she wants to do. There’s reasons keeping her away from him, and that shouldn’t be forced.
Therapy then have therapist contact your lawyer+than contact the judge.
Might be more going on than you know Momma+she’s afraid to tell you?
Hopefully not,but better see exactly why she feels like this?
Don’t go against the court order though,not good.
Look up your laws. In the state of Nevada a child 14 or older can decide if they want to be with a parent or not obviously in the case of custody. If he wants he can take you to court have yourself and your daughter explain that she’s been refusing and go from there. It’s very unlikely you’ll have any repercussions.
1 Like
Omg talk to your lawyer. You don’t want to get in trouble for this, especially when it’s HIS fault the daughter wants nothing to do with him 
I’m so blessed my ex lives in another country 
Zero child support, but I don’t have to deal with visitation 
I went through this when my daughter was 11, she is almost 13 now. He called me every name in the book because I just needed to force her to go “be the adult, he said” and threatened to take me to court. I tried explaining to him what was bothering her, he refused to listen again telling me what a terrible mother I was. I stood my ground, she has seen her father once, ONE TIME, in a yr and a half and only because it was a family get together at his parents. She was terrified he would take her from the party and hide her from me. He hasn’t made the effort to make things right for HER! At this point, he has shown his true colors to her and made it very apparent she isn’t important to him. I was prepared to let her talk to the judge if he did take me to court. I documented every thing also. Good luck! And keep fighting the good fight, moms need to protect their children even if it’s from the other parent.
2 Likes
I leave it to my son to tell his dad whether or not he wants to go. At that age they should be able to decide. And the other parent should respect them. Being that I stay out of that conversation with my son and his dad, it can’t be used against me.
2 Likes
Stay out of it. She’s telling you this for a reason. Go to court and she can tell the court too.
1 Like
my middle daughter refused visits with her dad when she was 13… she’s going on 21 & occasionally talks to her dad thru email, won’t see him & I back her decision… we all have reasons for making choices… once she told her dad she was done, he didn’t fight her or take me to court…
You have to reexamine custody unfortunately. You’re doing the right thing. No child voluntarily refuses to see their parent unless they have a really good reason.
1 Like
Honestly call the court and tell them so you won’t get in any trouble and a counselor.
1 Like
I believe kids 12 and older can make the decision to see their parent if he/she chooses without any issues from the court
4 Likes
Don’t make her go, get her therapy so she can talk about the issues. There maybe some issues you don’t even know about. Take him to court. Keep a book and note every reason what, where, when, why, etc.
2 Likes
15 is old enough to explain to a judge what SHE wants.
6 Likes
Go back to court she’s old enough to tell the judge how she feels and they will not force her 
4 Likes
You can make her see him but not love him
I am in my 70now and still have no feelings for my father
Got the way he treated his children
Listen to your daughter… and support her … get the father to urs so she can talk to him… without the stepmother around… this needs to be listened to by him… if he loses her he only has himself to blame
2 Likes
My daughter was the same age started refusing…investigate please i found out my ex and his buddies were sayin inappropriate things to her
1 Like
I would definitely call your court in your area and let them know what’s going. I know court and proceedings are a pain. But at her age she can state who she wants to be why she doesn’t want to go and then so on. Dont traumatize her by making her go but if you think dad will retaliate or something definitely go to court and have a record of what’s going. I would look into counseling/ therapy cause it 15 she has this strong an opinion and uncomfortable feeling maybe she can work thru it now as to not have deal with it later.
My parents split. Mom got full custody and we were with her always. I was 7 when the divorcee happened at 12 my mom was going on vacation to hawaii for two weeks. First week was suppose to stay with my Dad and second woth friends of my mom. I wasnt there two days before calling information in Hawaii and asking for every hotel till I found her and told her to come home. She didnt obviously but she did have the friends come get me asap. Mom asked what happened and I said fought with Dads then girlfriend now wife she lied and said i did something I didnt and he took her side. Dad came back home that night to a letter that I left and when and where I was with the friends phone number and that mom was fully aware I was going. When he called that night we discussed it he still took her side and when we were done he had asked how mom knew since he had the phone number to the hotel. I was mad and spiteful snd said you’ll see. He saw alright the next month when the phone bill came in.
Point is she never made me go back and it the feeling of abandonment from him sent me into therapy and a bunch of heartache could have been avoided. The first session therapist said should have been addressed right away kids Don t stop wanting to go to the other parents house without a reason.
Good luck and hope you get this all settled without any extra crap.
1 Like
Typically at a certain age they don’t have to go. Each state is different but at 15 I think she doesn’t have to and I most certainly wouldn’t make her if she is uncomfortable
2 Likes
Would never send her then . Like everyone else says take it to court. No judge will say that a girl at 15 has to go there if she doesn’t want to.
2 Likes
Try and record what she’s saying if you can, so you have actual physical evidence rather than hearsay when approaching the court, documenting dates and times ect.
If she doesn’t want to go, I wouldn’t force her or she may end up resenting you x
2 Likes
If she’s 15 she can make her own decisions, stay out of it.
2 Likes
After age 12… it’s up to them… here, anyway… check with the courts, see what their rules are…
Counselling. It can be used as evidence. She can also take her father to court and tell the judge that she doesn’t want to see her dad.
2 Likes
Maybe needs to go back to court and daughter writes letter to judge explaining her reasons and feelings xx
if he takes you back to court at 15 they would ask her and if she dosent want to go they cant and wont make her
3 Likes
Dont make her, call the lawyer. Let her be a worry free child while she can. Her serenity is most important thing here. The judge will prob agree
Offer to let her visit but not stay the night … once my oldest daughter reached a certain age she hated sleeping anywhere but home but would happily come spend the day with me … also once they are that age ,they have their own life going on that doesn’t involve hanging out with either parent on Fri/Sat night
3 Likes
Listen to your daughter. Don’t make her go.
1 Like
The court will listen to her. You need to get the order changed
2 Likes
Let her be she is old enough to tell a judge why🤷♀️
4 Likes
Go to court before he makes it an issue
Check to see how old she has to be to make that decision, here in Texas it’s 12. If she doesn’t want to go, I believe she’s old enough. Is her dad upset about it or threatening you or her with calling the cops or bringing you back to court. Make sure that each time it’s his weekend she texts and says that she doesn’t want to go
Well if you gotta go to court take that kid with you so she can tell the judge wtf is up.
2 Likes
At 15 the courts will take her feelings into consideration as she’s entitled to how she feels & whether or not she wants to see him. It’s her choice. I’d get her to write a letter on the reasons why she’s doesn’t want to see him. Maybe print it and send a copy to her dad, so he can read it himself. And if he sends you too court, tell the courts your daughter wants to voice her opinion on the matter.
Straight into your family doctor so she can tell the doctor everything in her own words. This will be put in her file. If he takes you to court they will subpoena her medical records and all the evidence you need in your favour will be there.
4 Likes
File in court. If it is something that can be turned into CPS then do that.
You can listen to her concerns and not push the subject. At 12 they can start deciding if they want to go our not (where I live). Check with the courts, and advocate for your daughter.
Contact your lawyer. Depending on the state, she may be old enough to make the decision.
3 Likes
if he takes u to court make sure u bring her so she can tell the judge y.
When I was in a similar situation with my son who was younger I was advised by my solicitor not to force him to see his Father, she old enough to make her decisions. Contact your solicitor. Best wishes for your daughter’s sake her wishes are met 
I am in your situation as well. I have a 16 year old who absolutely refuses to have anything to do with his father. I have a 15 year old who tried to participate in visitation with her younger siblings only to have her father literally kick her out of his apartment every time she went over there. My two teenagers just don’t go. They do not what their father involved in their lives either. Now my 10 year old is saying he would be happy if he never had to go over there again. If your ex decides to take this to court the judge will listen to your daughter. Check with your attorney, but chances are your ex will not make an actual case of it as that is quite expensive. My ex is all talk, I know he won’t take me to court over my kids as he does not want them and it’s really quite evident in his case. But for sure contact your lawyer, it can be an email or a phone call. But just ask about this issue.
1 Like
Tell her the way it’ll work if she wishes to keep it this way. She may change her mind. You file to change it and ask them to have a representative speak with your daughter specifically as it’s not YOU stopping her it’s a child old enough to say no saying no. 
it’s a decent time process but that’s life
The judge told us it wasn’t up to the child and that we had to make her go or we would be in contempt the judge told our daughter this as well she was 15 he said it wasn’t the child choice and that there was no reason for her not to go to dads every other weekend he said she doesn’t have to like the step mom only thing he said to dad was he was to be the caregiver when she was there and step mom was not to hand down any type 9f discipline and that was that and we went through 4 different attorneys even got change of venue out of hick town and still ended up with the same verdict everytime when she got 16 got a job she couldn’t work every other weekend and on Wednesday nights as that was his schedule parenting times he finally backed off at 17 so good luck if there’s no physical abuse proven or sexual abuse proven its a slap in the face they still must go
1 Like
Depending on the state, she may be old enough to deny visitation. I would hear her out, still encourage her to continue the relationship, but in the end if she is old enough based off of your state, it’s her decision. Speak to him about her concerns and have her give it a trial run to see if things change. I honestly wish I would’ve pushed my oldest to try to reconnect with his father, he passed away 2 years ago and he has some guilt about it now.
People are saying she’s old enough to decide. That depends on the state. A judge may listen to her & take what she says into consideration. They may not. Research your states laws & talk to a lawyer. Go to court before he files anything. If there’s specific incidents that makes her afraid of him or not go make sure she writes them down. That way you or her can bring them up to the judge.
Take him back to court get with your lawyer
1 Like
When we dealt with this with my stepdaughter (we had custody). Her GAL advised to take her to the location but if she refused to get out of the car then we had done what needed to be done. We were not interfering. If police get called they are not going to force her out of the car or to go with her mom. Whatever the circumstances were.
Go back to your lawyer and sort it. The child’s wants are taken into account at different ages across different countries/states
Go back to court and let her talk to the judge.
1 Like
She’s 15. Go back to court so she can tell the judge this. Then you don’t have to worry about your repercussions. The judge has been made aware.
Listen to your daughter… my daughter started acting the same way and later it came out that her father had raped her while she was spending the weekend with him. I thought she was just being a bratty preteen because she didn’t care for her stepmother and kept pushing her to spend time with her father & her siblings.
I’d definitely take her with me back to court before he does and let her tell the judge all of this that way you won’t get in trouble. But in the meantime I wouldn’t force her to go either but every single time she’s suppose to go with him I’d have her text him and tell him she isn’t coming because she doesn’t want to.
2 Likes
I went through this with my ex husband, my 12 year old didn’t want to go with him. My ex called the cops out there to try to get my for custodial interference again and the cops said because of his age that they couldn’t force him to go and neither could I or him. No custodial interference was happening.
I wouldn’t force her to go. I don’t my kids however just talk to him and let him know she is refusing to go. It’s up to him of he wants to take it to court if he doesn’t don’t worry about it. The cops can’t do nothing about it and if he takes it to court have her tell the judge why. She is old enough to choose what parent she wants to be with.
Support her. You can’t force a relationship. And he should support her to.
She is 15 and old enough to decide for herself … You cannot force her … He will need to try and repair the relationship
I think I would notify my case worker or lawyer and let them be aware of the problem. Your daughter is old enough to speak for herself on this one
1 Like
When my son doesn’t want to go to his dad’s I just hand my son the phone and say just tell your dad that if the child litterly telling the parent they don’t want to come over then I feel that it’s out of your hands and between the child and that parent
1 Like
I haven’t, personally, gone through this, thankfully. However, once a child reaches a certain age and they make the conscience decision not to see the noncustodial parent then they can’t and won’t be forced by the court system. I’d still seek additional counseling by your attorney, if you have one, for more information or contact the judge that ruled over the custody arrangement.
Have her see a psychologist so she can work out what’s bothering her. If it’s interfering too much with her life and academics then you might request a hearing with a guardian ad litem and the psychologist to see what is the best route since she still cannot make her own decisions until 18 yrs of age.
1 Like
You gotta go back to court and let her speak for herself.
1 Like
I don’t send mine!! I constantly ask but if she says no then I leave it at that! If he takes you back to court the judge will ask her if you offer and ask her, she says yes but she doesn’t want to go for whatever reason you are safe in that situation.
Take it to the judge and ask for modification on her behalf, my 13 year old is the same way as soon as she is sure I will take it to court for her and the judge will grant her time to speak about her desires
1 Like
Get her into therapy but I wouldn’t force her. Idk what’s going on exactly but documentation from the therapist may help keep you from being in trouble with the courts. Or maybe it helps the situation with dad. Had he fostered a better relationship with her this wouldn’t have happened.
Do not force her! Ask her once and if she says no stop there. Otherwise she is going to resent you and feel like you are forcing her to go even if you aren’t. Try to see if she can talk to someone and maybe they can speak on your behalf about it being her choice that she doesn’t want to go just in case they decide to take you to court over it. But the judge will also ask her what it is she wants.
Get your 15yo in counseling to try and talk about her issues with dad. And file to go to court to modify parent time and address the issues
Seek the Court’s advice on this. There may be some reason why she doesn’t want to go see him check into that as well. Most times children won’t tell you the reason why you have to drag it out of them. God bless
13 is the age the court system sees as making their own choice. I however installed it into my son very early that he doesn’t have to see anyone he doesn’t want to. My son is about to be 6 now. He has only seen his dad enough times to count on both hands for the past 2 years. He will ask to go see his dad sometimes and we will let him, but give him the option to come home at any point. We found out this past summer that his dad hit him on his lip and his hip. He told his OT, but i never knew. He was 3 when it happened.