My daughter is 8 and got kicked out of the boys and girls club for stealing (she stole food from another kid. She eats a lot for breakfast and while she is at home) and she got caught trying to steal other things as well. This has been an issue for awhile. She has ADHD so she is very impulsive. She is on medication for it but today I forgot to give her a pill this morning. It was the first and only time. Her dad and I aren’t together we also don’t get along. So today after she got kicked for stealing I took her to the police station and had an officer talk to her. I feel bad for it because she is now mad at me. But now she understands she can’t steal. He told her right now she is to young to go to jail but in a few years she will end up in jail if she keeps stealing. It scared her when I drove her to the police station and it scared her even more to know that I was serious about an officer talking to her. I feel bad about how scared she was despite it possibly being an eye opener. I have read up on ADHD and readin that people with ADHD it can lead to them getting into more trouble (not always but sometimes). I know impulsiveness is part of the ADHD. Any parents out there with older kids with ADHD what would you recommend I do? Would she benefit from therapy?
Please take her to a therapist,
This is why people assume kids with ADHD are 
. My kid with ADHD has never stolen or been a brat. I work with a lot of kids and young adults that also have ADHD and they’ve never stolen or anything. They all know right from wrong
Of course therapy will help.
I think that you did right about taking her to the police station, she needs to understand that actions have consequences not matter her age . And even know that impulsiveness is a part of having adhd it’s NOT a free pass to let her do whatever she wants .
I hate when a parent excuses their child poor behavior just because they have any sort of mental illness.
Talked to now is better than talked to in cuffs. I think this was a better option than most parents choose
Hopefully that scared her talking to an officer . I worked at a high school and kid with down syndrome. Still to candy bar from the store He was working at. I caught him called his mom who worked at the police station. She had them come and pick him up in a police car and he spent an hour in the jail cell… He had stolen previously from his parents money and things. I believe he learned is lesson. That’s a bit much for an eight year old most likely.
She would benefit from therapy
Good job moma bear
You did what you had to do
Maybe she will think twice before doing it again
Yes she has adhd but she still needs to learn stealing is wrong
And every action has consiquences
As for the Ritalin you have good cause to be worried about the long term effects
Even though drs believe it to be a wonder drug
It’s actually pure based speed
I feel for you being a single mom with no support from her father
You are stuck between a rock and a hard place
You did the right thing taking her to police station. Pitty other parents don’t with their kids.
My kid has ADHD and has never stolen anything or been disrespectful. In fact he gets awards in school for manners etc. You are using ADHD as an excuse for your child’s poor behavior. Stop the excuses and start parenting! This kind of attitude and post are why people judge those with ADHD!
I’m a mom of kids with it . You absolutely did the right thing ! Yes we are impulsive but there is never an excuse to break the law . She does need therapy but rules are rules and we all must obey them . Stay strong!
You did good mom! And I agree with whatever therapy is available for her.
Here are some more ideas: Religions often stress morals & good behavior. If you don’t have a faith tradition you might like the Unitarian church. They’re usually more attuned to serve differently abled people. There would be people to talk to her about why stealing (and other bad behaviors) is wrong in general, not just under the fear of jail.
Lots of other good messages (depending on the religion) and more people to help you out via wholesome children’s activities, positive messages and positive role models, plus you get a break while someone else nurtures her in Sunday school or kids activities. When my kids were really little I’d drop them off at nursery/Sunday school and take a nap.
Might want to get her into a Brownie or Junior Girl Scout troop. I carpooled with two other working moms: we’d pick up four kids, take them out for dinner (usually a pizza and pasta place nearby) then take the crew to scouts, and drop them at home afterwards. This way you’d have one week on and two weeks off while the other moms drove, fed and sat through the meetings. Plus you get the positive influence of scout leaders, other parents, and earning badges, so again, you’re adding to your “village” and getting a little break.
First off I want to say there is absolutely no judgement involved in what I’m about to say, I’m speaking from experience. I have a few kids with ADHD, and I myself have it. One of them had a stealing issue when she was younger, but it’s stopped now. I won’t say you’re necessarily using it as an excuse, but that’s a slippery slope. The second kids with behavioral issues see or hear adults defending or justifying their behavior it becomes their go-to for negative actions, so please be careful with that. Therapy is never a bad idea, especially if you and her dad don’t get along, maybe it’s not ADHD, but an attention seeking behavior. Either way, you absolutely have to make sure she takes accountability.
Forget being scared about her being mad and how scared she is! Be scared she’s going to jail one day and who gaf about her being mad at you!!! Tell her you don’t gaf and if she does it again you’ll drop her off at jail. You did great keep being mom and let her know the consequences to her actions. Also put an alarm on your phone to remind yourself to give her medicine.
Maybe you and her dad should grow up and learn to get along, ever thought that you not getting along also has an affect on your kid?
Once again this is not Dr Facebook. Seek out professionals to help your child. Good luck
I would have done the same thing. My son also has ADHD he never stole anything. She also could be acting out because mom and dad aren’t together and can’t get along. I would definitely get her into therapy. In my state if you’re on medication for ADHD you have to see a psychiatrist and a therapist. I hope she gets the help she needs.
You felt this would be an important lesson for your child! Trust your instincts and know it was the right move.
U can’t blame hdhd for her behavior! If u make excuses for her now,you will forever be making excuses for her! U did the right thing!
Good job, and yes therapy may be a good idea. She may be acting out because you and her father are not together
So as I kid, I had sticky fingers. I also have raging adhd and you are correct about it being more of an impulse grab than anything else, because I would never intentionally hurt someone… but yeah, my dad finally got fed up and wore my ass out. It stopped. I know people don’t like to hear “whoop your kid” anymore, but it worked for me.
And I still think I have the best dad ever lol.
Everyone can benefit from therapy literally every person!!! Second you used your daughter having adhd as an excuse like 15 times. Stop that!!! ADHD is not an excuse to act a fool for kids or adults!!! It’s even less of a reason to not parent a child. Also your kid is 8 you used the police, who she should turn to for help, to scare the crap out of her. You showed her police are there to punish and are scary. Now if she’s in real danger who is she gonna turn to she afraid of the police because of your parenting? There are a ton of resources on how to parent a child with adhd. There are specialists that teach kids how to coup without meds (that’s what we do). ADHD is not an unknown diagnosis. There is absolutely a ton of helpful info and people out there that are educated on the topic.
Therapy and try to adjust her diet (look into food dyes and artificial stuff and how it can change moods/behavior. I had a friend who’s daughter was diagnosed adhd but she didn’t want to use those meds. She went to a natural type store and for some stuff from there 2/3 things. I can’t remember what they were but her teacher thought she was on adhd meds because her behavior improved so much with that along with cutting red dye etc.
She is acting out for some reason . Maybe she needs more parental attention, medicine and therapy isn’t always the answer. Communication work wonders
Both of my kids have adhd and so do I.
Yes, there is a higher potential for her to end up in more trouble as an adult.
Intrusive thoughts, impulsivity, poor memory, and inattention can be extremely difficult to navigate and manage.
But…It’s just a contributing factor not the only factor.
Many parents whose children are ND often fail to realize that their children will one day be adults who will be expected to follow laws and experience real world consequences for their actions.
Along with that we are getting many young adults who are ND railing against being parented and citing trauma (while I’m sure it’s the case for many I’m equally sure it’s not the case for all. At this point I take a lot of this type of information with a grain of salt)
The influx of information on the right way to handle things is often very conflicting and confusing.
It makes parenting even harder to navigate than it already is.
Some general things that have helped my kids and me:
*Start working on finding coping skills that work for her.
*Have conversations beyond “that was wrong” my oldest hit my youngest the other day. It was wrong. He got a consequence. We also TALKED. Hitting his brother was definitely not the only option. So we walked through other things he should do when he gets angry.
*Do not threaten a consequence for a behavior if you’re not going to follow through.
*Try to make sure consequences are immediate and correlate directly to the behavior in a way a child can make sense of.
You need to be respectful enough to not forget your child’s medication
U did the right thing. Sometimes desperate times call for drastic measures. Let her b mad she’ll get over it and will thank u for it later when she’s actually mature enough to fully understand actions and consequences. Do not excuse her behavior to her ADHD or else she herself will do the same and she’ll have a long hard life she’s of her. I would have done the same thing to any of my kids if they wanted to act out like that.
Therapy, Therapy, Therapy. Make her go even when she doesn’t want to. It will help.
Awww I’m so sorry to hear of your daughter’s struggles with this.
Maybe a nutritionist and having her active in her nutritional plan can help with her food awareness & behaviour all around?
Her relationship with food must be a healthy one for many many reasons. I hope you both get through this.
hugs
Therapy yes, especially with a bad parental separation. Then talk to her doctor about changing her meds up. I went though 4 meds with my kiddo before we found the right one.
Most kids have sticky fingers it’s not a out of normal thing
If you feel she would benefit from therapy put her in it your mama you know best but if just for stealing n normal things kids do I wouldn’t
Taking her to cop was good deal who cares if she’s mad she knows better now
When I was around that age me and my sister stole a chocolate egg candy lol and my dad got on the phone told us he was calling the cops. We were crying hysterically. Than my aunt showed up banging on our door saying she was the police. 
Its hilarious now but it wasn’t at the time. I still stole things after. Sooo idk. I don’t steal now though 
Yes you did the right thing I did the same thing with my brother and my sons I even walked back to store and made them give everything back. And I do know you can’t take food back, but same principal.
I think you went too far in taking her to the police station , given she has a condition
Definitely a therapist! I’m surprised that she’s on meds and not in Talk Therapy. My Grandson had ADHD w/ Impulsively. He had a Medicine Doctor and a Talking Doctor. My Daughter also was told that he needed Supervised Sports that had rules and structure.Baseball, Soccer and Ti Quan Do. Unfortunately we lost our Boy to an aneurysm at 13. Not connected to the ADHD. Good luck!
You did what you feel you needed to do. My son is now 36 and it’s been rough and bumpy. I didn’t do the things i should have and if I had made him more accountable when he was young his life would not have been so hard.
K raised a son with ADHD, and I have a grandson with ADHD, and not once has stealing been a problem. , making excuses for their own actions will become a problem. ADHD children are very smart , they need action s to their consequences…
Impulsivity isn’t an excuse. Medication is fine if it helps but therapy has been shown to be a better benfit overall. They help her control her impulses, retrain her brain, help her find better outlets.
I’ve seen adults whose parents excused everything bc of ADHD. They can’t keep friends, hold a job, live a stable life. Nobody ever taught them that while it may be a struggle or done differently, they are responsible for their choices and their life.
Helping her grasp that now, before she’s a teenager, is a benefit to her in the long run.
You did great. She needs to know the consequences of her actions.
Have the same problem with my daughter nicknamed her magpie darent take her shopping due to this everytime she takes something she’s been told she can’t have even from her friends she takes stuff she’s no longer allowed in their house because of this
I grew up with " tough love" and " scared straight",what you did was mild and it’s good for children to know the consequences of their actions.When my 1st grader hit someone at school I told them as an adult the would go to jail for assault, the teachers felt that was extreme,I disagree.I don’t like the whole " just say your sorry" and all is forgiven.That’s not how life works.You don’t have to grow up to be a doctor or lawyer but you will grow up to be a good human dammit! Lol
I think ADHD is a misdiagnosis and she just needs her wiggles out. I was diagnosed young with ADHD and those meds ended up really harming me. I’d reconsider.
I absolutely love how you handled this situation. My daughter to has ADHD and EXPlOSIVE disorder . She is 14 now and has gotten a lot better at handling everything , sometimes we hit a rough patch but she goes to therapy every other week and it helps. But to many people today sugar coat the problem and use it as an excuse. Just because they have a disorder they still need to know right from wrong.
A) missing one dose won’t make a kid steal
B) since when is stealing a symptom of adhd?
C) never take your child to the police to "scare them straight’ all that does is make them scared of the police
D) it’s YOUR job to teach YOUR child right from wrongest the police department
Tough love is how I handled my daughters ADHD
Mommy I would have done the same thing!! Sometimes tough love works!! You are a great mom! Maybe consider therapy for the future.
Thank you for being a wonderful mother. Prayers for you and your children 