What can I do about my daughters behavior?

Does anyone know anything about “smearing”? I have only heard it mentioned once, and I think it was in this group. It may have been about Autism, but can it go along with ADHD? I have an 11yo ADHD daughter who in the past has wiped boogers and poop on the bathroom wall, poop on the shower curtain, and once on the bathroom towel. She would never admit it was her, but by process of elimination, I know it was. Now she just started her period; this is her second cycle. For the past three days, I have found blood on the bathroom towel, even after saying something about it. She still will not admit it. How do I approach this? She has always acted disgusted when someone finds one of these smears and doesn’t seem embarrassed. She is also bedwetting and wears pull-ups. Every morning when she takes it off, she drops it in the hallway outside of her bedroom door where everyone can see and smell it. It doesn’t seem to bother her a bit. She would leave it for days and let them pile up if I let her. I give her the same lecture every day, and it doesn’t seem to do any good.

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Have you tried doing an evaluation on her

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Not much she can do about blood on a towel, where do you think it would go when she dries herself

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Sorry this is happening. I would make an appt with the dr who manages her adhd

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Don’t let her use the bathroom alone and make her throw out her pull ups. Those things are absolutely not ok and she’s old enough to know better. If not maybe it’s more than adhd.

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Psych consult and psychologist.

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She needs professional help. Good luck

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Perhaps she has more then adhd…

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Last I checked, ADHD doesn’t mean zero sense of basic hygiene.

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Maybe you should have your daughter diagnosed by a different doctor…that seems more like autism … not ADHD

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U need to get her evaluated hun and figure out ways to properly help her rather than just lecturing cuz clearly the lectures aren’t doing anything for her. She doesn’t seem to realize just how wrong or unhygienic it is so maybe speaking with a therapist could help

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Yeah she needs some type of help asap I think there’s other things going on here besides ADHD

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Definitely get her reevaluated it sounds to me like she might actually be on the spectrum rather than just adhd

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Put a bin right outside her door, and put fidget toys in the bathroom. I used to peel the paint off the wall cuz I was soooooo bored in the bathroom. Also, paper and finger paints in the bathroom might help too

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Well first i would suggest getting a pack of baby wipes and setting them in the bathroom and let her know that they are for her use when she goes to the bathroom and during her periods to help her stay clean. It almost seems like she is trying to seek some attention…even if it isnt good attention. Has she always been like this or did it start recently after a life event (divorce, death in the family, loss of a pet, school going all virtual) it almost sounds like something may have triggered her need for attention…i hope for the best for you

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What else is going on besides ADHD, why is an eleven year old in pull-ups there are things wrong and you need a professional to evaluate the situation.

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If you feel like your child has special needs I would totally consult your family physician or someone who could help you to have your child accessed. I’m sure it scary but having the right diagnosis will help you to get the right people in your corner. An OT or therapist can help you manage all of these issues and teach basic life styles like hygiene and so on. I can’t imagine it easy momma but trust your gut :heart:

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It can fall in with adhd if her brain is preoccupied…I’m presuming you mean she’s getting blood on the hand towel which implies she’s not washing her hands???
if the lectures aren’t working…maybe a step by step chart (you can get them made specifically) as a reminder of what’s expected in the bathroom before she leaves and don’t clear up after her, ALWAYS make her go back and clean up any smearing, use bin, wash her hands…hopefully she will get fed up and do it the first time.

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My daughter has ADHD and does not do these things, I think you should talk with her Dr

Sounds like it’s more then ADHD

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I would talk to her ped. Seems like something else is going on. At that age if there is nothing else going on then I would have her clean up after herself, clean the walls, towels etc

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Sounds like a sensory issue to me. My child was also diagnosed with ADHD and is being reevaluated at 11. Maybe she’s using a towel down there because she feels cleaner? Or she’s not getting it all with toilet paper?

Behavior Analyst here :wave:t3: in order to properly address these behaviors I’d highly recommending seeking a behavior support person in your area. Someone needs to identify the function of this behavior and an appropriate replacement. I’d suggest you ask yourself “what is my child trying to communicate with this behavior”- could be a deficit in asking for help when she can’t clean properly, there may be a sensory component she enjoys, etc.

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That’s way more than adhd, especially needing pull ups, also at 11 she shouldn’t be smearing anything on walls or towels. Go to a psychiatrist and if that doesn’t work give her one good ass whooping. Sometimes kids need a good spanking

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Does she wear pull ups only at during the night bc of bedwetting? My son has ASD and was a smearer when he was younger. I was finally able to get him to stop when I brought in a trash bag and made him throw away all his things he covered in poo. Some were his favorites. Lots of cars, trucks, etc. I was done, after about the 40th time, cleaning poo out of the little nooks and crannies on his things. It was harsh and I felt terrible about it but it had to be done. He was around 6-7 years old. I would talk to your pediatrician as there may be some other underlying issues.

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I have been through this and completely understand everything your going through. My inbox is open.

This is not ADHD. There is more going on. Professional opinion.

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She’s 11 and in pull-ups. She needs to see a doctor. She should be old enough to not have to use them. I think there is far more than ADHD here.

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This sounds more like a child on the autism spectrum rather than ADHD… she needs a evaluation.

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I think you should speak to your pediatrician bc it sounds like there’s other issues involved here!

Have you gotten her tested ?

Normally I would say wanting attention…but doesnt sound like that…talk you your doc sweetie

Sounds like she has some serious needs, anyone her age would clean up properly but seems she dosent understand how too, how old is she?

But speaking as a parent from a special needs child…no she need to clean I tnn up

My son is a 16 year old who has high functioning autism … He still has issues with wiping and keeping clean when he does the #2 I feel your pain sweetie … Repitition is what works best with him …

It definitely goes with ADHD we went through the same thing with my brother when he was younger but he grew out of his

These negative comments kill me. The people saying that is not normal for ADHD obviously don’t know anyone with that condition. That is very common thing that happens. I agree talking to your doctor is the best option. There are many medications out there that can really help. I know many parents don’t want their child medicated but sometimes it really is the best thing for them. Praying for your family, I hope you receive answers soon.

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Definitely more than ADHD. People with ADHD, in my experience that I’ve been around, have never displayed that behaviour. I would definitely speak to a doctor as it sounds like it may be autism.

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My daughter did this with diapers when younger, and even at 11 she is terrible with wiping. While she leaves trash everywhere, and her pads too often get left by the wastebasket, she hasn’t smeared blood anywhere that I know of (knock on wood). She is both ADHD and ASD.

I wonder if its a texture thing. Maybe she doesn’t feel clean unless she wipes with a rough kind of exfoliating cloth like Terry cloth. Maybe buy a towel and cut it up into strips for her and see if she’ll use those instead.

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I can’t speak on the ADHD part, but what I can say is that she needs go be evaluated immediately and seen by a doctor.
None of these acts are normal nor should be performed by an 11 year old.
I’d be willing to bet there’s way more to this than ADHD and wouldn’t surprise me if it’s more like autism.

Sounds more like autism than ADHD

Take. Her. To. A. Doctor​:bangbang::bangbang: what she is doing is WRONG but you need to take blame for this one. Not only is she 11 years old wearing pull ups but she is lying about her disgusting habits. How long are you going to let this go on for? She needs to be evaluated & probably should’ve been a long time ago when the issues first started.

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Ok… Well I have some experience in what im about to say. Please hear me and take the appropriate next steps.
Take her to the Dr. Explain all this. And really HEAR what they’re going to tell you.
Who’s in your house? Do you 100% trust the ppl around her? Does she go to live in another home (like another parent or grandparent) for some amount of time?
These are signs of sexual abuse. At 11 years old she shouldn’t be in pull ups.
It could be signs of med disorder- but please asap take to the Dr and troubleshoot with your child’s Dr. good luck mom and I hope you the best.

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Yes, talk to another dr. This sounds like more than adhd. Lectures never help (I know because I’m an over explainer…) but maybe an alternative option? Perhaps she feels she isn’t getting clean and uses a towel rather than just tp. With all behavior, you’ve got to find the function (ie. What’s she getting out of it/what does it do for her) before you can address it effectively. By offering an acceptable alternative (flushable wipes?) that serves the same function (she gets the same result with the alternative as with the “problem” behavior) you’ll have better luck changing the behavior. And praise for choosing the preferred alternative. Good luck. I used to work with people who dealt with similar issues. It’s a rough road but I’ve seen great changes with the right approach.

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Social stories about proper hygiene for teenage girls. You can find some on you tube. Also some type of reward system for placing her hygiene products away appropriately. Also take the towel out of the bathroom.

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Sounds like and autism thing… my cousin has downs with autism and he wipes with towels… they don’t know why and are still trying to get him to stop and he is 17

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I agree that it’s more than ADHD. My almost 9yo daughter is a smearer and I can relate to many of the other behaviors you mentioned. I took her to be evaluated by a child psychologist who diagnosed her w several forms of anxiety. She also has showed signs of sensory processing disorder since she was small. Throughout my research on the topic of smearing it is said to also be trauma-induced, particularly when there’s been sexual abuse. As for addressing it w her, best practice dictates that you do not address it at all. It can make the episodes worse and more frequent. Try not pointing it out to her or letting on that you believe it’s “not normal”. I usually will just nonchalantly clean up the mess then at a later time just talking to her informally to see if maybe something in particular is bothering her

It’s more than ADHD. I don’t know about any support groups, though I’m sure they are out there. My oldest is “ADHD” - so, I know the pain that goes with that…

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My oldest was diagnosed Adhd and was a smearer too. This sounds like it goes beyond adhd and possibly rides on autism or odd.

Your gonna have to do more then just lecture.

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You need a new DR. And quick. This doesn’t sound like ADHD .

Does she have a child psychiatrist? My son has ADHD he is 11. He would have accidents in his clothes and hide his underwear everywhere. He didn’t smear it thankfully but it was a daily habit and a messy one. He started seeing a psychiatrist several years ago and she helped him so much. Maybe your daughter just needs to talk about why she is doing that or how she feels. As parents we try to talk to our kids but often kids don’t want to talk about certain things with their parents. My son and I both love his doctor. We see her every three months and she has done wonders :slight_smile:

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You may have to look into a therapist, I had to when my 4year old started smearing feces on things and she’s out of pullups and hasn’t had a smearing incident in nearly a year now, a lot of fear and confusion revolves around bathroom duties its unfortunate it has lasted to such an age, but at this point it seems a professional is definitely necessary imo

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I would look into finding her a therapist to discover the underlying issues

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Definitely look into seeing a therapist. Alot of times children who have been sexually abused do things like this. It may not be the case. But there is no harm in finding out . And a therapist will do just that!

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I had ADHD really bad when I was younger, and still do, honestly I did NONE of this cus ik I would get my ass beat, it runs in my family as well, my dad had it, i just asked my grama She said 4 out of her 7 had it and none of them tried her cus they knew better she never had that problem, she may need therapy cus that shit aint normal… (no offense ofc)

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Sounds like my niece. She’s so bad and her parents haven’t even bothered to get her checked.

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I’ve never in my life been so disgusted over some of these comments , seriously most of you are toxic and quite frankly should never been allowed to reproduce :woman_facepalming:t3: how is abuse going to make this situation any better ? She is clearly doing this for a reason, the key here is to find out exactly why, unfortunately that can be hard for a parent especially of a child that age going through puberty they don’t always want to speak to there parents about issues they are having. Best bet would be to seek out a therapist, let them get to the root of the issue here! But embarrassing her or “beating it out of her” is not the way to go about it.

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My son is ADHD. I have taught him (10 years old) since he was 3 that the meds HELP him to slow down so he can think things through. He is a happy well adjusted kid and never had these issues. He know I would spank that butt. Just because they are ADHD doesn’t mean they don’t know right from wrong.

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Thanks ,for reaching out mom. Obviously
You need to seek professional help w/ this behavior.I Wish you well in dealing w/ this issue.

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My son has adhd and still wets the bed and he’s 10 but he is getting better the calmer your house is helps alot

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Has she been evaluated for an ASD?
I’ve heard this a lot in regards to puberty age /ASD. ASD and adhd are also are comorbid conditions.

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Take away every privalege until she stops.

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For every dirty pull up she leaves in the hallway, it gets put straight in her bed and she’s got to wash the booger/poopy items.

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It’s this covid-19 bs it’s not only affecting us it’s affecting our baby’s

God’s strength be yours…:heart:

Your child needs a therapist.

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Tell her youre gonna post her diapers on tik tok if she doesnt stop :stop_sign::joy::joy::joy:

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First why not start waking child up to pee in middle of night cut back fluids to 6pm bring it back to basics try a reward system weither underlining issues children do know right and wrong, and have child see a medical doctor and therapist.

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It sounds like your kiddo needs therapy and seen by a behavioral health specialist. Being her age still in diapers, smearing things, so she lies.
Look my son is autistic with adhd. He will straight up LIE about shit he knows will get him in trouble. It’s like impulse or something. He has ticks, not smearing like your kiddo but little things that drive me nuts as well. For awhile he was taking sharpies to any and everything and wouldn’t admit it was him but he’s an only child😂 he blamed the cat…the CAT. I’m not saying your kid is special needs but it’s definitely something to look further in to.

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My kid would do this and I started putting the pullups on his bed, he’d throw them away then… doesn’t do smearing or any of that though. And no more pullups now either but also keep in mind and Drs will tell you ADHD and Autism can look alike.

Asshole beaten works

Honey, cruel as it may sound, you daughter needs mental health counseling. It doesn’t always get better but YOU need help: been there, done that. It’s gonna get worse (even with help) before it gets better. God Bless You - do what’s best for you first. Help from agencies teach these young folks first of all, that they have rights. Of course they do but when these rights are continually abused … Get her help now and sleep well. From a mother of 2 mentally handicapped children.