What can I do about my kids talking back to me?

What am I doing wrong!? My kids talk back to people that that don’t respect! And the thing is I don’t even know why they don’t respect them! It’s mainly one adult. They don’t do this to their teachers or anything which is a plus. But whyyyyy!? They even back talk me. I send them to the corner or their room when they do this and take things away. My house has structure! I set bed time every night, and my house has rules! It’s not a free for all. With structure and consistency why are my kids still like this!? I’m going crazy. I haven’t even been taking my kids to do fun little things because they don’t deserve it. Ages almost 4, 6 and 8


“Excuse you, who are you talking to like that??” “Try that one more time before you (punishment)” always point it out and give them a chance to correct what they said. They say kids are worse for their mother because it’s their safe space. Who is the other adult they rude to? What kinda role does that person play in their life? Are they rude to the kids? I would look closely at the other adult and their relationship. As far as them being disrespectful to you it could be “testing waters” just stand your ground and give them a chance to correct what they said.

Teach them it’s not what you say but HOW you say it. Depending what it is, they’re allowed to disagree to an extent but some things aren’t an option. Conversation is key. Keep the structure going as well. If they do not deserve privileges do not budge and let them know why. As for the other adult they disrespect could something have happened where the adult treated them a type of way?

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What do you consider back talk? Small children have big feelings that they can’t express appropriately and they need someone they feel safe with to have this outlet for their feelings or you will end up with worse behavior problems. Instead of grounding them have a conversation about their feelings with them when they and you calm down


You need to figure out the bigger picture. They are doing it for attention. Talk to them one on one and find out why. Bring it to their attention and see what they say. If they are just doing it to be little turds then ground them and only respond to respect. Let them know who is in control and what you will tolerate


I have moments with my 14 year old but sometimes he has valid points i am a single parent and we have open discussions and he has a moment to voice his opinion and i never reply with because i said so ect its always a debate with valid points from both sides. Sometimes the are not talking back but have valid points we just need to be open minded

You better hand this over to their dad.

Our 3 are 6,8,and 10. They are very respectful but have moments. I always ask them if they would like to be treated the way they are treating others. If not then what can we do to change it. I’ve always been open with our 3 and they know that we understand they have strong emotions also. We also believe that if they need to express them to try and find an outlet for it. Our oldest if very strong willed and has 1 teacher that likes to disrespect her. I told her to ask the teacher if she would like to be treated the way she treats my daughter. It obviously upset the teacher. So when I get the messages I inform the teacher it’s not ok to treat others how you wouldn’t want to be treated. Then she understood. We still have issues with her as she’s a sub. But our oldest only listens to her when it comes to class work. If she needs to get a drink or use the restroom she goes. If the sub doesn’t like it then she can message me or the principle which is also on board with my decision.
My oldest has a genetic disorder and if she needs water she needs it.
I’ve made it clear to everyone my children will give you the same amount of respect you give them. They know if they have any problems to come to us and we will help.

Honestly try to sit down with them 1 on 1 and just talk, you’d be surprised at some of the reasons. But everyone feels things differently. As for them acting out for you… you’re mom, you’re the safest place they have. Find something they could use as an outlet. A punching bag, painting, sports, etc.

Im really really struggling with my 6 yr old lately, kinda all of a sudden once summer started. Back talking, not listening and jus straight out bein bad and i dont know why. Send help! Lol

I set boundaries with how my daughter can talk to me. Right now it’s foundational.

She can be mad and even fuss. But I refuse to be yelled at or hit. So I just tell her. Same goes with everything else.

I’m also the same. I’m apologetic and open, just like I want her to be if she makes mistakes.

Balance momma. Structure AND Spontaneity. Just a suggestion. If anybodys lookin to fight about it keep scrollin i aint the one :rofl:

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When they act that way, it means your their safe place. And they trust you!

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They talk back because they can and see no consequences. Standing in a corner or sent to their ro is childplay. This is the results of spari g the rod. I have 6 of the Most respect children. They are adults with families of their own ND people still tell me how respectful they are. The belt didn’t kill them it help shaped them and what’s more they thank us for keeping them in line.


I would never back talk my mom. I would get my mouth slapped


I don’t care if they don’t respect you . Lay down the law . There is a fine line between fear and respect and child doesn’t get to decide that. I taught our 3 children that you MUST show respect to everyone but you don’t have to Feel respect for anyone

Sounds like that particular adult is causing an issue and you need to get to the bottom of it. It’s normal with their parents but you’re doing everything correct by time out or their room plus take things away. So the issue is that one adult

Completely ignore the behavior and start over complimenting and praising them when they are speaking politely and kind. But just completely ignore the back talk. Giving them attention for all their positive interactions and behavior.


Some of these comments haha that’s what’s wrong with the world.

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Tell them u will take away tv time,tablets,phones whatever til they can start learning how to act

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Yes some back talk is normal. But I feel like they’re doing it more than they are not? We have 6 kids ages 17-6 and the three younger girls 10,8,6 are the biggest offenders right now lol I just keep sending them to their room until they can come out and talk with respect. It’s one thing to express their emotions, it’s another to just be flat out rude. I tell them “you can be mad but you can’t be mean”. Also focus on the positive a lot more. It’s hard sometimes when they leave you little to work with believe me I know :laughing: when I catch them responding nicely I point it it. You’re not alone. It’s Normal to an extent.

Listen I have very respectful kids outside my home but I’ve always told my kids I ain’t raising no hellions nor hooligans the sass is however another issue I have 3 girls 14,12,10 :joy: kids are more out spoken with ppl they are comfortable with but also very verbal when they don’t like someone maybe this person picks to much or different rules and they don’t like the change I look at it as not back talk cause everyone has an opinion and constantly fussing at back talk (which I do to) it’s also away that a child is trying to communicate feelings and their point of view

Do adults sometimes talk back? Yes. Why do we expect small humans to act better than adults? Maybe there is underlying reasons they talk back. Maybe you can ask questions and speak with them instead of corners and time outs that they don’t understand. Show them how to change their words and tones. Kids learn nothing in corners


It’s coming from these games they play . Those X boxes and play stations . Thats what’s going on with my grandsons 2 kids .
If you have those things maybe cut their time down on it .
I have to be really strict with these 2 kids staying with me . During the summer months their dad said they could stay up and play on them as long as they wanted .
Well school has started back now, for them and bedtime is ,9:00 pm . But if I don’t be the bad witch and make them get off they would be up on them all night .
My grandson works the night shift so he’s not here to make them get off . I have to do it. One night I had made them shut it down and within 2 seconds the older one was saying " I can’t go to sleep." I say you will if you lay there long enough and be quiet and calm down . He did go to sleep.its also hard to make them take their showers . They don’t want to do anything but play on those game boxes . I’m sick of their attitudes . It’s a never ending battle .

I’m sure this mother knows the difference between back to talk and them “trying to express themselves”! Sheesh you all sound ridiculous excusing bad behavior with expressing themselves! They need to respect their mother and continue to take those privileges away, and let them know you’re the adult and mother! That’s why these kids are bad out here now y’all scared of them


The thing we have been doing lately with our kiddos (7,7,4) has been when they get snippy, talk back, stomp away, or TRY to slam their bedroom doors (it’s cute lbs), is we have been asking them to look at how they just reacted and ask if they want to try again. To me, it allows them to understand they can be upset and frustrated but the way they choose to react is something that sometimes takes a minute to process. They have done a lot better with having that minute to take a breath, and attempt their response again. I try not to ever let them NOT have their own emotions but to try to show them the correct way to process and use those emotions. Good luck!


Well when we talked back we got spanked right then and there. Eventually no problem after a few times.

Before anyone tries to burn me at the stake…I believe you have to start correcting early on. All this don’t spank,etc is why the kids are the way they are today. Disrespectful. Taking stuff away doesn’t work either. Sitting in time out doesn’t work either.


My son is almost 6 and talking back like crazy. I think it’s the age. Just be consistent with punishments.

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What are you considering back talk? I’m confused as to who they are back talking to. Is it only you and this person?

Tell them they turn invisible when they’re unkind and literally ignore them until they tell you they’re ready to talk kindly


We were having this issue with my 7 year old. Some times it escalated to a time but we always talk about it. Was she trying to convey something? Are you asking them to do things vs telling them? IE if I ask my kid to do some thing “can you do this” she is allowed to tell me “not right now” or “I’ll get it in a minute” vs when I tell her “take the trash out please.” Very different verbiage one allows room for discussion the other is an instruction I need you to do.

If it’s only one adult they do this to, you should be paying attention and seeing. What the adult is doing or how they are treating your kids to get them to act out of character.


If it’s mainly only one person n yourself. Then I’d be looking harder at what has or is this person doing to the kids that you don’t see. They could be angry at you for not protecting them :scream::pray:

I feel like there’s a reason they do that to the one adult. I would bet they patronize them… And what is back talk… Are they just voicing opinions etc or being actually rude. You sound really controlling so I feel like you might be the type to believe kids are seen and not heard

You need to look at it this way, your kids are making you feel the way you’re making them feel. Approach and target the problems and execute them properly

It’s a habit they pick up as so many kids and adults are sarcastic. They want to have the last word. Kids talk this way to some teachers. No respect!

I wouldn’t look at like back talk but them trying to express their emotions. They just don’t know how. Maybe try looking at it differently and question them about the things they say.


Good smack to the back of the head wake them up

I never talked back or I would get smacked. My kids don’t talk back yet but a seat on the butt is what my kids will get when they back talk. At the moment my 5 yr old tried and I sternly tell her why that is not going to fly and she says yes ma’am.

I’d like to know what this back talk is exactly. I’ve heard parents complain about kids talking back and when I finally learn what the talking back is, it’s stuff like the kid saying “can I finish this video first?” Or “I’m really tired can I do it tomorrow?”…

Aside from that kids need a whole lot more than structure and even with it kids are still individual human beings and they are learning and growing. No matter what you do, you will never like their behavior, or attitude all of the time, and they will have the same feelings as you. Communication is just as big as structure, do they even know why they are being punished? Do they actually understand what the problem is? Raising kids is a lot, and even being damn near perfect as a parent doesn’t mean anything when it comes down to it.

Take away whatever they like the most…computer phone tablet video games…give them back when they learn some respect

Theyre at inquisitive ages. You run your house like a dictatorship and this is only going to be the start of your problems.
Are they actually back chatting in a rude disrespectful way or are they questioning/enquiring/expressing themselves?

Sweetie not what you want to hear but just wait mine are 12 and 13 girls we have a great relationship but they are so disrespectful to me and their dad and to other adults I have tried everything shirt if beating them we are not a corporal punishment home I do not spank my kids never have they have 2 older siblings a brother 27 and sister 24 and they have never talked to me or their father like these 2 do even they jump them everytime they do it around them iam afraid it has a lot to do with the world we live in niw kids simply aren’t afraid of authority anymore the laws have taken many right of parents and have instilled in these kids they can call and report for abuse it’s giving them the upper hand mine are about to see what jail is like because iam in process of removing everything but the mattress in their room giving them nothing as everything else is a want I am going to give them 1 outfit to wear a day and come the weekend they will wear the same ones till Sunday because you don’t get to wear clean clothes in jail every day you don’t get to pick the food you eat it’s gone we will have the bare necessities in this house for the next week or 10 or however long it takes them to realize they have consequences to every choice and the choices they are making will lead them right here in jail call it harsh but everything else has failed its time for boot camp life


Children who resist and rebel against rigid constraints ( “structure, consistency, rules”) who ever heard of such a thing? so the corner, taking things away, and loss of privilege hasnt been effective what’s next, if you dont soften your stand you’ll probably try catholic or military school and when they rebel from that talking back will be the least of your problems

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Kids aren’t robots. Even with structure they’re going to test boundaries, make mistakes, have big emotions they can’t control because they have to learn over time.

What I’m saying is it’s not your lack of anything. It’s normal behavior developmentally. Kids will often challenge people they feel the most comfortable with as well. Which sucks because it’s usually us moms.

I follow a behavioral specialist on Instagram who breaks down kids acting out to what they want

Access to something
Escaping something
And there’s one more I can’t remember but it’s helped me lots. I’ll try to find her page


When my daughter talks disrespectfully to me, I do it right back to her. She gets upset and walks away, a few minutes later she comes back and asks why I was rude to her. I tell her she was talking rude, so I talked rude. She doesn’t do it for a while. If she is disrespectful to anyone, I correct her right there. It’s not just adults that my child should be respectful to. If you want to be respected- be respectful

My daughter 35 yrs old and she still talks back to me

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It’s almost like kids are humans complete with personalities and preferences.

Their not well disciplined!

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Put your hand across their asses

First and foremost lose the attitude that they are your property and should comply with everything you say. They are human too. Secondly, have you asked them why they are disrespectful to that one person? You realize abuse is decreasing because kids are speaking up. Maybe that adult did something to them.
Do you set a good example what respect looks like? It doesn’t sound like it.
Do you set an example of what kindness looks like? Also doesn’t sound like it.

Sounds like you just want order in your house by demanding it.


A tap on their mouth will stop the back taking


We have structure and rules in our home with 4 daughters. They still talk back! The youngest 9 yes old has started using yes ma’am as a way to shut us up when we are telling her something. She will interpret while we are talking and keep saying yes ma’am. (What she is really saying is shut the hell up) she definitely knows this is unacceptable and we make it clear.
Kids are going to do stuff like that we just have to be consistent.

I wish I had better advice lol

Maybe they are trying to ask questions or get clarification. Why do you think its back talk?


I didnt do this to my kids but the strap did my behaviour fine.


Structure and consistency will NOT take the child out of a child
It’s normal for them to rebel a little and test the boundaries

A little soap In the mouth goes a long way.


Sounds like you have a boyfriend problem based on the vagueness of this post

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Reading these posts tell what’s wrong with kids today. Trying to male excuses for slight parenting
That’s all I have to say.

Spoil the kids spare the rod


So you put them in time out instead of teaching them how to process how they are feeling? You take things away that has nothing to do with the issue? The issue is absolutely you. They don’t deserve fun cause they back talk? What’s your idea of back talk? You sound like you need help understanding how to communicate with young children. And learn that they are allowed opinions and to express themselves.


a good back hand to the mouth always worked :upside_down_face:


Welcome to the world of parenting
Hold onto something cause it’s only gonna get worse as they get older
Trust me I have a 10 yr old , a 13 yr old and a 15 yr old grand kids
Who occasionally talk to me like crap
As parents and grandparents
We have to learn to pick our battles

They are all the right age to just do that. That’s what happens. Your youngest is doing it because the 8 year old and 6 year old literally can’t help it. It’s pushing boundaries and it’s a mental health milestone. I tell my kid so do I speak to u like that? She says no. I say then please don’t speak to me like that. She gets mad but it is what it is. Shit u can only do so much. Pick your battles

This is definitely a learned behavior. Check their immediate environment.

I think it depends on your definition of talking back. Kids at this age questions things with “authority” and that is normal. Reminding them of a kinder way to ask questions is better than stopping them altogether. However, if it is disrespectful and always towards one individual, I would question the reason for that specific person.

I say this as someone who was always told I was “talking back” and later became a door mat for people because I never learned the difference between questioning and being disrespectful, so I was just always quiet and following the demands.

Sounds like there isn’t a problem with back talk but rather with one specific person… address that.

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Be happy they are expressing their frustration to you . Try to tell them hey if ur mad or frustrated at me vent to me . It seems like they are still learning about their own feelings . Don’t take it to heart.

You use LIQUID hand soap! No, they don’t swallow it. It’s just hard to get out and will make them think twice about doing it again! Proven method!

A lot of tv shows and things they see online and songs all seem to be promoting this type of behavior. I would be really cautious to what you allow your children watch and listen to. They are learning it somewhere. Talk with them and explain how it is not a good behavior and set a boundary and stick to it.

Knock the shit out of them. Do it enough and they’ll learn to quit. Y’all just too damn scared to lay hands on these kids nowadays