Stop the friends help get find new friends get her into sports or some kind of hobby that is healthier to find better friends
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Vaping is a thing at my sons school too now he’s in 7th grade 
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I firmly believe in punishments fitting the crime. So in this case, lying, smoking, sex talk. We both would be volunteering our time at a drug abuse shelter/homeless center. Feeding them, cleaning up. Giving her sight of what bad choices look like in the future.
I would be picking up and dropping off every place. If she can’t be honest as a young lady, treat accordingly. Trust is earned, not just given.
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Time for new friends
If you try to over parent and over protect your kid you’re just going to make it worse. This isn’t an issue with other children, no matter how many people you tell her she can’t be around or hang out with it she will still make those choices. Embarrassing your kid is just going to create resentment and cause more sneaky behaviour. You want a trusting and loving parent child relationship, if you keep doing things to jeopardize that then she won’t come to you and she will get worse and find more ways to lie to you.
Does she have any extracurriculars? Any organized activities at all? That could be the main problem. When kids get bored they find things to do. Sign her up for lots of stuff she’s interested in and keep her busy.
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You’re just going to.push her away and make her not wanna tell you anything
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Stay consistent with your rules, find an activity to keep her busy, pick up and drop off, room search…all with love…this is unacceptable behavior…# parenting 24/7 with love
Obviously this isn’t normal behavior for her. She’s probably being peer pressured and to be honest please don’t make her a narc. She’ll be ridiculed and harassed at school so bad. Try to understand what it’s like to be in school with kids that do unsafe things and wanting to fit in and be cool and try to explain to her that it’s not cool and it can really mess up your life. The discipline sounds fine. Even if you think she doesn’t care trust me I’m sure she’s complaining to someone about it. But don’t push her away over who the vape belonged to. Just let her know the effects and everything about vapes and that you highly disapprove and she’s no longer able to hang out with these girls outside school and if she starts skipping school for the girls then you’ll have to take another step with the school. But one step at a time.
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When I was about that age I started having behavioural issues like these as well. Later in life I was diagnosed with severe ADHD. My therapist contributed a lot of my behaviours to untreated ADHD and attention seeking.
A dr visit could be a possible help. 
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Take her to church or give her a hobby
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I have a 19 year old and an 11 year old. My son started vaping at around 16 without our permission. Sadly no matter what we did he found a way. Friends gave him one, or he would just vape with them at school. It’s a hard struggle that we never completely won. 
Now, as to the other stuff. I would immediately get rid of those girls. They obviously are bad company and then I would talk to your daughter about peer pressure. Maybe find a counselor she can talk too. Sounds like she knows right from wrong but when she is around questionable people she is letting someone else make the call. My daughter has girls she knows that she isn’t allowed to go see. I don’t mind she talks to them cause in my head I know the little girl needs good friends cause her other friends as my daughter would say are toxic. Kids are just mean now a days. My daughter understands even at 11 it’s ok to be picky with your friends. 
Well for one you already fucked up. Are you really gonna sit here and act like you were never a preteen girl lol? I wasn’t vaping at 12 but I started the 420 giggle bush at 14 and when I got yelled at and embarrassed for it I started hiding it better. You need to have a sit down and explain everything talk with her. If you cant do that then just say goodbye too your communication with her completely.
I found a cape in my daughters car ,she won’t tell me where she gets it. I just keep throwing it away. Go ahead waste your money. I’ll help ya and throw it away. She said finally after the 4th one she was done wasting her money. Hopefully it’s true. I will find out. I hope it gets better. She also has two sets of parents and two different sets of rules. Dad don’t care and I care probably too much. I try to give a lil freedom but when I do it’s taken advantage of. So they take extra advantage of good time dad. 
. I have 5 kids. 4 girls and one boy. Did the same thing w all and one still calls me all day long, even works w me. (My ex step daughter) And one (my own child) won’t talk to me. I have three more to figure this out with. Social media sure don’t make it easier. good luck momma
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Take her to therapy so she has someone to talk to and help her develop healthy behavior
My daughters are not allowed to hang out with kids older than them for this exact reason. They will teach/show them things that they haven’t experienced.
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I have 3 children who are now 27, 25 and 18. From. Experience I can tell you this: most Teens go through their thing. They are finding themselves. They will good choices and they will make very bad choices. It won’t help if you take things from them whether it be material things or privileges. They are going to rebel, it is human nature. Infact, the more rules you set, the more restrictions you make, the more demanding you get, it will only make things worse!
What Teens go through is an actual natural process of assertiveness. Part of growing into an adult. It is all the negative social impact that causes them to make the bad decisions they do.
As parents we must teach them the best morals and values that we can from the start. With this foundation, their mistakes and bad choices will become life lessons. With support and love they will learn and then make better choices. It is a part of growing up.
Pick battles wisely.
Be supportive.
Be truthful about how their actions make you feel, by telling them without blame or guilt.
Do not make threats.
Do not get into a battle of control. Consequences must be realistic and doable.
Remember what you went through as a teen, all those confused feelings, peer pressure, hormones at their peak.
Be the parent but remember to love your child no matter what.
Accept that your teen is going to fall into peer pressure and whatever is cool for will be what your teen will follow.
They will do what makes them cool and fit in. For example: how to act, how to dress, attitudes to have, what to smoke, and what to get high with. Peer pressure is the most important thing for your teen at this moment not what you necessarily want.
It is a difficult time to go through with the child that you love, but with all they are going through NEVER stop saying and showing that you love them.
When they feel it, they will be ok in the end. My 3 are my proof.
Best of luck to you. (((Hugs)))
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In what way did she say thank you? Maybe she is relieved to not he around them due to the peer pressure. Thay could be why she doesn’t care to have the chores, she’s just glad to be home. I encourage a more open discussion here with NO JUDGEMENT ON EITHER SIDE. Social development is hard and tricky and it sucks, maybe she needs you right now.
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If you do get her to tell you who gave her the vape shes gonna get picked on for being the snitch at school. . Take the vape and punish her bc she choose to vape it that was her choice
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Show her pictures of what vaping does to your lungs. Don’t over parent, she’ll just do it anyways. Let her have friends and hang out but if she lies she gets privileges taken away.
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My son is 13 and a lot of what he does is to try to “be cool” and fit in. Not saying any of it is ok but I had found a vape pen in my sons room and I took it and he told me it was a friends and that he never used it, which I do believe. Just talk to her from an understanding. We all know what’s it’s like to be that age and trying to fit in. I wouldn’t embarrass her to threaten to take away things or not hang out with so and so because that’s going to make her rebel. It’s definitely normal for that age to go what she is going through.
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I would not over parent this and use too much punishment. She will rebel even harder. I’m confused about the phone call? Her friend called you and said her backpack was missing so you came to pick her up instead and asked where her back pack was and she got embarrassed and her friends laughed? I’m sure I’m just missing a detail I read over but I’m a little confused.
I will say these girls are not being nice friends it sounds like…definitely stick to the vape mystery though because 12 years old and vaping is just the beginning of a bad habit
I would’ve done all the same things. If it gets worse I’d do what my friends parents did and my mom rarely did and take everything out if their room except their bed and clothes. And go thru their backpack every day after school until they want to listen and start talking to you and listening again.
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She does need to listen but you are also extremely controlling and over parenting. If she can’t have open and fearless conversations with you you will never get anything out of her.
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There is counseling for parents learning how to navigate through this… if you’re unsure about how you should go about definitely have a few sessions.
Ultimately you want your daughter to trust you and feel she can say “hey mom my friends were vaping” and openly ask you questions.
The relationship you build with her and how you react will be a huge foundation for what’s to come.
I’d be angry and disappointed too but how you react is everything.
Keep her busy with positive activities sports, youth groups, family time don’t give her time time to make plans with these kids always be present in their day to day
She is at the age where she could try to distance herself from family and it’s easier to let her be but you have to continue being involved when you can.
Best of luck to you
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I think you handled everything in this situation quite well mama. Better than I would have, especially with the friends.
I will be willing to bet she got the vape from one of them girls in which, yeah. If she isn’t going to tell you where she got it or where it is, I would be contacting parents too. All those girls have a long ways before they can even consider vaping (it’s 21 years of age in my state)
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I wouldn’t let her hang out with these girls any more. Unless, they are in your home. She is showing she can’t be trusting and shouldn’t get so much time out and about alone. I would keep her close to you and allow her to go to places you can trust her. This would include: supervised school functions and at the homes of trusted friends and family members. If she does well, you can always loosen the reigns. If she wants to go to the movies, say that is fine, but you will be with her. It is a lot of work, but the more places she goes alone the more chances she has for trouble. I’ve raised 3 daughters and had to do this at some time during their teen years. Once you know they can be trusted, you can allow her to do things that don’t involve parental supervision.
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I began to rebel at that age as well, I struggled with anxiety, depression, and bullying throughout Jr high and high school. Try sitting her down, and bringing g up her mental health? She may be scared or unsure of how to talk about it. She may need a safe and secure place and person to talk out what she could be going through (not saying you aren’t or can’t be one, but it can be hard talking to your parents about your mental health)
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id take away any and all electronics and ground her from seeing anyone for a while. find out the friend groups shes part of etc and definitely make sure he isn’t around the bad influences again
This is just overboard. I feel like you’re being a helicopter parent, honestly if she’s going to vape, she will find a way to do it. And if she wants to hang out with those girls she will also find a way to do it. It’s a vape, not like it’s drugs or alcohol even… I remember when I was told by my mom who was incredibly controlling not to do something, I just wanted to do it that much more lol
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From experience, if she is “acting” like she don’t care, then she has other ways of communicating that you don’t know about.
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She’s testing her limits with your rules, it’s a fine and delicate line. It’s possible that she’s so used to all of the rules that she’s trying to see what the other side looks like. I would approach with caution. Have friends over at your house instead, don’t cut them off. She has to make that decision on her own. If you make it for her, she will resent you and do it anyway.
With our daughter, we rode it out with stipulations. Friends at our house only for a while until she was trusted again and she eventually figured out which friends were actually there for the right reasons and dropped the others. Good luck!
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Fuck off from her and pay attention to signs of drug use. In reality, as a nearly 18 year old kid, doing anything more than that WILL ultimately cause you problems that will have you a lot more flusterfucked than your 12 year old hitting vapes with her friends to fit in. Act like what she’s doing is no big deal and watch as she magically stops seeing the point in doing them.
- Don’t talk “at” her. Talk to her like an equal, like a human with feelings.
- Remember: you get back exactly what you give. Lead by example.
- Set aside 1 day a week (the same day) to spend time just the two of you. No matter how trivial seeming - do what she wants to do. (Make her feel in control)
- Instead of telling her no all the time give her options. This gives you the upper hand but also allows her to make the final decision.
- She is most likely going to hide the vape stuff so maybe (talk to her counselor first) get her a “fruit only” vape pen. (No nicotine and not as bad for you)
- Pick and choose your battles. Everything that occurs is NOT the end of the world and she is a teenager. You would much rather her make mistakes and learn about herself now then when she gets out into the world.
- Tell her you’re sorry for embarrassing her and that moms make mistakes too.
- Invite those friends of hers over - get to really know them and their families. Then decide if you think they’re a good fit.
- Whatever you do - DO NOT shame her… in any way.
- Do not make threats - they don’t work and they only push her further away. If someone threatened you would you want to engage with them?
- Read the book “Raising good humans”.
Good Luck 
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At this point you have restricted her pretty much down to nothing. Maybe you need to sit down and talk to her and explain why what she is doing is bad for her. How you want her to have the best in life and these so called friends we’re not. She is your responsibility for the next 6 years and they can be good times or bad it is really up to her. I’m sure she is trying to fit in with these girls, but it sounds like they are not very good influences and your daughter’s not making the best choices for herself. Also being grounded may take the pressure off her to some degree, because she now has a reason she can’t hang out with these girls. It also puts pressure on you, sorry, to stay in touch with the school, her teachers, and her social circles. Best wishes.
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Im so glad my 13 year old has friends that are true friends. They all know vaping is terrible and would snitch each other out of one started vaping. Makes my job as a parent a little bit easier. But I agree with taking the cell phone and privaliges away
My daughter was hanging with certain kids at school and there was about 6 kids in the bathroom and they were all vaping my daughter is in 6th grade and she absolutely 
knows what happens when you smoke and or vape and she out of all the kids in their was the only one who left the bathroom and went and told the teacher guess what they were all caught and the teacher never told hiw they found put well come to find out the vape was actually a T.H.C CARTRIDGE WICH IS ILLEGAL IN OUR STATE INDIANA AND THE POINT IS IF YOU TALK TO YOUR KIDS BE AS HONEST AS YOU CAN AGE APROPRIATE OF COURSE AND YOU BUILD A SOLID RELATIONSHIP WITH THEM THERES NOT ANYTHING THEY WILL NOT TELL YOU MY DAUGHTER TELLS HER FRIENDS NO WAY MY MOM ALWAYS FINDS OUT AND IM NOT DOING THAT THEN SHE COMES HOME AND TELLS SOMETIMES SHE TELLS ON HERSELF LOL SO IT DOESN’T HAVE TO BE LIKE THIS WE HAVE AN OLDER SON 25 AND A DAUGHTER 23 AND A 10 AND 11 YEAR OLD GIRLS AND WE DID NOT GO THROUGH ANY OF THIS WITH OUR OLDEST 2 I BELIEVE ITS ALL IN THE WAY YOU TALK TO THEM NOT AT THEM AND YOU LET THEM TELL YOU THERE SIDE AND THERE VIEW THEN YOU TELL THEM WHY THATS NOT HOW IT IS JUST MY OPINION THIS IS A DIFFERENT WORLD THAN WHAT IT WAS WHEN WE RAISED OUR OLDEST 2 I WILL DEFINITELY SAY THAT ALSO WE KEEP THEM BUSY WITH SPORTS AND AFTER SCHOOL ACTIVITIES LIJE SCIENCE BOWL AND SPELLING BEE AND SO ON SO THEY REALLY DONT HAVE A LIT OF TIME TO GET IN TROUBKE
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She said thank you. I would take that as meaning she was afraid of those girls and happy you rescued her. It sounds like she knew those girls were trouble - now she can blame you for not allowing her to hang out with them anymore - rather than her telling them she doesn’t want to hang with them anymore.
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Wow! Yeah I’d be finding where it came from, too. Tell her if she doesn’t tell you where she got it from, let her know (believe) that you will go to school with her, hang out with her & her friends, eat lunch with her, sit in her room with her- whatever it takes for a full week.
It worked with one of my daughters. She had had pot buds in her backpack. And I wanted to know where/who they were from. I threatened to go to school with her for a week & ask all her friends, if she didn’t tell me. And she did.
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First of all, you can stop blaming “those girls” and realize your kid is choosing to do those things. HER. Stop making excuses and hold HER accountable.
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Definitely birth control. I know you don’t want to think she’s having sex but it’s better to be safe.
Mom those vape pens are sold at every convenient store. Every smoke shop. Even grocery stores. Some kids are refilling and resale them to younger kids. I’d rather my. Kid was dealing with a known store instead of the refills by other kids .
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Why don’t you sit down and talk to her she’s 13 years old she’s becoming a woman… you can’t say you haven’t done any of that shit I’m 27 I’ve done it
My daughter is only 8 but we’re ready for this shit
My girlfriend was bad when she was a teen her parents let her do whatever want And it is probably why my girlfriend is the person she is today she’s not alcoholic she’s not druggie she works hard for her business…
Take the door off her room. No privacy until she tells you what you want to know.
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You dont have enough fingers to plug all the holes your child is going exploit in your parental force field, BUT–you can sit her down and tell her how much unconditional love you have for her and tell her how you’ll be there for her till your last breath, tell her you’ll be there if she comes home pregnant, or addicted to substance, in trouble with the law, or any of the other things waiting out there in the world, but ask her to PLEASE dont make you have to come down to the morgue to identify you because you did something stupid enough to take you from me, that sometimes is the only emotional impact
that gets through
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Keep those consequences going. She will eventually get tired of not going anywhere, having extra chores and going to bed earlier. Once she’s tired of it and she complies for 2 weeks then you can have a conversation with her about everything she had to do to get off of her consequences and that she will be right back to those consequences if any of those things happen again (meaning the first time she does any of those things). Stay consistent and firm and she’ll get the point. Good luck!
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I would not pressure her to tell where she got the vape. Spend your time on your daughter. I would monitor her cell phone and let her know you will be monitoring it. I would not let her just hang out. If they don’t have a plan then they will make up a plan. They can hang out at your house where you can monitor the activity. The age difference is significant in this day and age they could be closer to 14 and 15. In regards to the condon she may not be lying take her to the doctor, not as a punishment but for information testing and protection, lastly snd most important pray and thank God for this eye opener. Now you know that the battle is on for your child’s life. Fight with calmness, collaboration, wisdom and prayer, and by all means have her father involved and any by else that wants to save her from the streets. For those who say she is a helicopter mom so be it! Monitor her school and class attendance consistently until she is settled. None of this should be a secret to her, let her know you love her and that you need some help and advice to keep her safe. Get some help for your self as well it does not have to be therapy but just support. Yes I have raised kids 3 and so far so good
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Oh, children grow up so fast!
Mine was married, pregnant and is a homeowner now! YAY!
However, she kept me from the Grandchildren for 2 years!
It is easy to see that she may do that to you someday.
When my daughter turned 16 years old I made her get a job and she got rid of her loser friends.
When you raising your child to be a reasonable responsible person which your doin amazing at there will be a little friction on the way definitely talk with her and see where her mind is see what other ways she has to contact and talk to her friends get aquatinted with them and their parents as well if you can
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Welcome to teen age hormone poisoning. First: realize that she’s going through a lot, physically & mentally. Read all of the books
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I would take her to goodwill and buy her a bunch of ugly clothes to wear to school. I would also take a week off work and follow my child around every where including school. I would embarrass her so badly she would never disobey me again.
Waste her time instead of your energy. My 12 year old has been writing sentences lol we are up to 250 and for every occurrence of back talk we had a couple hundred more
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When my son was 12 he thought vaping was fun, he will be 15 next week but because I never made a great big fuss like he expected me to, he gave it up. I actually went out my way and bought him a vape as well as the liquids to go with it, I let him become the teenager he needed to try and be at that age and he made the right choices and gave it up. I know many people will say I was wrong to have allowed that but if I hadn’t then who knows where we would be now xx
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Have a talk with the guidance counselor, teachers and principal and let them know that you want to know if she misses any classes, doesn’t show up to school or is even late for class. Monitoring the phone and taking the door off her room is a good idea. Lies will get you know where. Trust is earned and if she wants to be trusted then tell the truth! Good luck because it could get worse before it gets better!
I just want to say good for you momma for being concerned and in your child’s life. So many are just blown off and it’s a domino effect that will lead them to bigger trouble down the road.
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Does it really matter who gave her the vape? Kids pass them around, any kid can get one from someone. As long as she hands it over when you tell her to. I would worry more about her bragging she’s having sex. The pictures you found is probably what she’s putting out into the world of who she is and that will define how she’s treated by her classmates.
You’re an awesome Mom! Keep up with her.
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Sounds like your kid is going to rebel harder than ever with all those punishments. She’s trying to find herself and she’s a teenager. Teenagers lie. It happens. She’s going to lie more if she keeps getting humiliated. Instead of freaking out on her I’d be sitting down and asking her what it is that’s wrong or if she’s going through something that’s making her act out. I wouldn’t want my kid thinking they can’t turn to me when something happens I want them to trust me enough to where they can always tell me when they messed up and need help.
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My friend’s daughter almost died from vaping definitely sounds like the wrong crowd to be hanging out with.
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At twelve things should be planned and adult supervision not just walking the neighborhood.
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Id get her nic free vape juice tbh shell get bored of it if you dont completely outlaw it. Shed be grounded for 2 weeks and extra chores to earn the phone back but no im not gonna go thru her phone unless something specific happens or its a safety issue. Teenage girls do dumb things id remind her that these friends probably wont be her friends forever and that she doesnt have to do what theyre doing to be cool but if she does something dumb to come to me because im her mom and love her unconditionally and id rather have her ask me for help than possibly get in legal trouble or be in an unsafe situation. Kids need boundaries and parenting but they also need privacy and to learn the hard way on some things themselves unfortunately.
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My mom laid the punishments on thick, banned me from dressing a certain way and hanging out with certain people, took my door, even took books away and my ipod, made me go to church stuff, went thru my phone, embarrassed me repeatedly and made me switch schools even. Know what happened? I stopped telling her anything, changed at school, hung out with my friends still, started smoking, went from straight As to skipping and failing, made worse decisions and ended up living with my grandparents after i had to go to our K1 unit for trying to kill myself. They gave me structure and boundaries but still privacy and the freedom to be myself. Fixed my grades and graduated, stopped hanging out with some of the worse people, stopped self harming, went to therapy, enjoyed life again and actually could be myself. Still did some dumb things, still got grounded or extra chores but they always reminded me how much they loved me unconditionally even when i messed up and that i could always come to them no matter what. Im forever grateful to them and still talk to them more than my actual mom and im engaged and have 3 kids of my own now.
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You’re a great mom! It is a very scary world we live in. So many things going on. I see so many parents who just dont care about there kids. My daughters are grown I have grandchildren I’m so concerned about.
Distractions! Get her involved in sports, hobbies, drama, dance class, cooking, or whatever interests her. Keep her so busy doing things she enjoys that she doesn’t have the time to waste on hanging out with trouble makers & bad influences.
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Get them a therapist. 3rd party perspective to help them learn on a different level. Building confidence, coping skills, etc.
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I’m so confused why you let a 12 year old out of your sight with girls and you don’t know where they are going to be.
Get those gps buttons that you can sew into her clothes.
Maybe she’s being bullied into doing all these things. She doesn’t sound like a disrespectful or rude kid. I say have a talk with her and try to find out what us really happening. She may be crying out for help but isn’t going to tell youbecause she might feel like you’ve already made up your mind about this situation. Sometimes things aren’t as they seem. Pray and ask God for strength. Everything is going to be okay
Why is everyone blaming the crowd she’s with??? Lol wasn’t she the one found sneaking off, lying and vaping 
Sounds like she’s the trouble maker. Or here’s a food for thought as most have stated she’s just going to rebel against you…Sorry not sorry but my parents tried to tell me everything down to a T on what to do, what music to listen to, what friends to choose, what cloths to wear. Gave me no room to grow at 17 I was sneaking out and never would tell them ANYTHING they made me feel suffocated. Just lead me to not talking to them for a very long time.
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Also call me crazy but why is the nurses office giving 12 yr old condoms. Like “here go have sex as long as you have a condom”. That right there is kind of sick.
Ahhh 12 and 13 the age of rebellion … I remember it well … Don’t be to harsh mom you don’t want her to stop telling you anything all together … It will pass
She’s just trying to act cool and impress her new friends who are bad news. Get her away from them.
I know a boy that bought a vape pen at school, ended up in the ER with several complications as the vape had insecticide in it. I would share this with your daughter for her to understand your concern and why you want to know where she got it from.
As far as the rest, you received pretty good advices
Move and put her in home school.