Help! , Im in desperate need some good advice. My 7 year old son is DEATHLY terrified of the water. Earlier last year, my husband and I spent thousands of dollars taking our 2 boys to a indoor waterpark retreat and was basically just a huge waste of money, the water makes both of my boys super nervous, my 12 year old -not so much as my 7 yr old, I cant even give him a bath without him constantly “needing a towel” to dry his face if even a little drop of water hits it. Ive tried calmly talking to him about it, and showing him that its okay, its not going to hurt him, i’ve tried explaining to him theres already “water” (tears) in his eyes constantly. While we were at the waterpark, he had a life jacket on while we were in the wavepool (waves were NOT active at the time) and my husband tried to let him go to show him that everything was okay and he wasnt going to go under the water… he screamed bloodly ell out of terror and starting hysterically crying… well, at that point, my mother instint set in and I immediately went over to comfort him and tell him he was okay… he latched onto me so tight and locked his body around me and wouldnt let go. I took him and sat him on the side and after calming him down, I tried to ground him, i had him observe everyone around him and get him to realize that everyone in the water is OK and are having fun. He didnt want any part of it. I finally got him to be okay with going into the lazy river with me (which was packed full of people) and some young girl behind us wasnt paying attention and ended up placing her huge intertube over his head and knocking him almost completely off his tube… well he started screaming and crying “that girl just tried to kill me!!” … so needless to say the most recent experiences in the water for him have been somewhat traumatic. He is deathly afraid of drowning and not being able to breath under water and terrified of water getting in his eyes. I don’t understand where this is coming from, I loved the water since I was young and even competed with my school swim team back in middle school. Heres the dilemma, it’s important to my husband and I that our children know how to swim, it could save his life. We love the water and want our children to be able to enjoy it along with us. My husband tells me we need to just put a life jacket on him and just let him go … let him scream and cry in terror until he realizes that he is okay … he tells me not to come running to him when this happens, to give him the time he needs to adjust. When he told our son what the plan was he started crying and became extremely anxious. I dont want my son to go through that though. I understand he has to face his fears but there has to be a better way to do this without further traumatizing him. I thought we should start off with a kiddie pool with only a few feet of water and allowing him and his brother to play, for me, that would be a better first step and much less traumatic… but where would I go from there? Idk, im at a loss rn. Any suggestions and advice is greatly needed and appreciated. Thanks.
Help a mama out and respond anonymously on our forum. What can I do for my son who is scared of water?pa
Get him sessions in a small pool, one to one if possible to build confidence. Mine can swim now but still hates waterparks and slides. Also buy the poor kid some goggles!
I’m kinda wondering what happened to trigger such fears. Need some therapy I think
My son was like this when he was about 3. We got him a mask and snorkel set. As soon as he realized his eyes/nose were safe and he could breathe through the tube, he was obsessed with water lol.
Why would you take him to a water park if he hates showers/ baths ???
Definitely therapy. Your husband’s suggestion is honestly just going to traumatize him more. That’s not a solution
How can u spend thousands dollars at a water park ? not knowing your kids don’t like water before hand specially being at 12 & 7?
Is this the first time he’s ever been in a pool? I’m confused as to why this fear is just surfacing now?
I sure would like to know! My boys were never afraid of the water. All 3 children took swimming lessons, but once it was time to jump in/get her face wet, she froze. Repeatedly. Still does this. Goggles didn’t help. She’s very easy going about most things. Once upon a time they used to throw children in the bodies of water and that taught them to swim. But, In looking for an in between. Wish I could help you out and my daughter!
This post describes my 5 year old almost to a tee, up to a couple of months ago! We did many back to back swim lessons. Also, let him wear goggles!!!
Our 4 almost 5 year old daughter suddenly developed a fear of water on her face after getting soap in her eyes. We got her this for bath time which is basically a rubber and plastic visor that prevents water getting on her face when we wash her hair. She hasn’t been in a pool or anything since developing this fear, but has swim lessons coming up in the next 2 weeks, so I guess we’ll just have to see how that goes.
Honestly it sounds like a sensory issue with your 7 year old. He’s a little old to have such fears of water, perhaps you could take him to a specialist & get him tested for things like ADHD, autism… If he’s scared of water getting in his eyes it could be a bigger underlying issue than just a “fear”
Has he had a traumatic experience with water - or watched anything traumatic happen with water? I would honestly speak to your pediatrician about it and see about if counseling/therapy of some sort would be good for him. The biggest thing you don’t want to do for a child that fears something like that is force it - so I would honestly stay away from water parks.
Some of you guys might think I’m crazy but I am spiritual and believe in different aspects - it makes me wonder if water is related to a past life and that’s why he’s absolutely terrified.
Please don’t just throw him in.
Swim classes. It will help them see other kids their age. It will teach them water safety, how to swim, and also without you there they will learn to be a little more independent from you with the water as well.
I would start with swimming lessons and therapy combined. I would NOT terrorize him by letting him figure it out. As a 27 year old woman who always loved water but now has a huge fear of being in any type of water where I can’t touch the bottom it cripples me and I go into a panic attack.
You should take him to swimming lessons so he understands he’s in control. It helped my niece overcome her fear of the water.
Has he had a traumatic experience with water - or watched anything traumatic happen with water? I would honestly speak to your pediatrician about it and see about if counseling/therapy of some sort would be good for him. The biggest thing you don’t want to do for a child that fears something like that is force it - so I would honestly stay away from water parks.
Some of you guys might think I’m crazy but I am spiritual and believe in different aspects - it makes me wonder if water is related to a past life and that’s why he’s absolutely terrified.
All 3 of mine have always loved the water they grew up going to the beech every day .
Sign him up for swimming lessons . My granddaughter was like that . She wore arm floaties a swim vest and three rings . Would scream if we tried taking them off in my 5 ft above ground pool . Signed her up for lessons and that was it . She swims like a fish now and has no fear .
My oldest was terrified of water- we have him in swim lessons and now he’s thriving!!!
Swimming lessons in a shallow pool? Preferably without mom and dad hovering, sometimes it makes the anxiety worse. 
(my oldest was the same way, she used to climb my body like a cat until she got to the top if my head, the confidence she gained from lessons taught her she could do it. Still not her favorite activity at almost 30, but she is not terrified of water like she was)
Ask doctor what could cause his fear like that and maybe a therapist.also put him in swimming lessons. Maybe it’s sensory issues my kids love to swim and goes under the water but in a shower/bath they hate the water going over thier face and ears
Stop traumatizing him. Stop taking advice from his asshole father. Stop bullying him. Meet him where’s he’s at and treat him with the empathy and kindness you hope from him when he is picking your nursing home. Ask his individual therapist if they have any tips or tools for you.
I’m with yoyr husband…put a life jacket on him and put him in a pool. Let him scream till he figures out hes just fine. Sometimes you have to be extreme. If he is safe, stop running to him just because he is upset.
Traumatising the children won’t help. Look into beginners lessons for them. Preferably with a coach who deals with fear of the water
I’m not trying to be rude, or sound rude by asking this question……my son has autism, and he acted a lot like that the first time we went to a water park. Is he on the spectrum?
Professional swimming lessons all year round. Sounds like The Y is in your future.
Maybe you can try swimming lessons. A lot of the time they’re free through the YMCA.
My bubs was the same way we just kept taking him and let him hang on to me if water got in his face we didn’t have a towel and just wiped it away took two years of constant water play but here he is now swims like a fish and on his own too just be patient and keep exposing him to water
Swim classes, with a instructor that is trained in fears. Try your local y or boys and girls club.
Definitely start with therapy/counseling and see what advice you can get there. The kiddie pool is a great first start. Don’t force him into it either. Allow him to control the experience. If he’s okay, let him fill the pool (standing outside)until it just covers toes. And explore water that way. And when he’s ready let him fill it up by bringing cups of water out. So that way it fills up a little at a time and not a lot. He needs to be comfortable and okay with it and sometimes it may take longer than we want.
And you also need to be able to deal with he may never be comfortable in bodies of water. That just because YOU love water does NOT mean he should.
Just chucking him in the water will further traumatize your kiddo and he’ll learn to not see you as a place for comfort or safety but as a trigger to his trauma.
Swim lessons, they will teach him water safety
My son is 11 and can just now use goggles that cover his nose and eyes and stick his face under water. I think it helps when you have someone else help. My son also just got enough trust to float on his back without the feeling of being sucked down under water. If someone splashes him and he doesn’t have goggles on he freaks out still and frantically freaks out for a towel.
First I would say that phobias are real even if someone else doesn’t believe they are rational. Like me for instance, I am terrified of owls have been as long as I can remember. This could be a phobia and that is 100% okay, especially if this isn’t new and he has been like this for a while.
I would maybe ask a place like the YMCA or a public pool that has zero entry if they have swim lessons. Explain to them that he has a water phobia and see if they have 1v1 swim lessons. It may not go well and the phobia may never go away, but he might be able to learn how to swim no matter the phobia.
Could be a sensory thing. My daughter has SPD and HATES getting water in her face.
Does he know how to swim confidently? If not, I’d say his fears are justified in a sense. First step should be swim lessons with a trained swim instructor. Not just let him figure it out by letting him go with a lifejacket. That’s a way to permanently traumatize him. And in the meantime, while you are setting up lessons with a trained instructor, don’t force the issue. Just because you and your husband enjoy the water, water parks, etc. doesn’t mean that your children automatically will. He has some sort of anxiety and you need to respect that. Just because he’s a child doesn’t mean that the anxiety isn’t real.
Can you get him one on one swim lessons? Someone who’s willing to start very slowly. Like “today we’re going to stand with our feet in the water”. “Today we’re going to walk in up to our shins”. “Today we’re going to get our knees wet”. When I was a little kid, one of my friends drowned and I became scared of water. It took a lot of swimming classes to get me to swim again.
Sounds like a sensory issue honestly. My son was the same way until he went through occupational therapy.
Ok my adhd at 5am is having a hard time reading this long story with 1 paragraph. But I got the gist of it. I would start with therapy, like counseling as well as possibly occupational therapy to help him be exposed to water. My kids both have sensory processing disorder and had a hard time during baths but occupational therapy helped.
Absolutely do not throw them into water with a life vest. It may possibly get them over their fear, but what if it doesn’t? That would be traumatic AF and honestly it’s a red flag that their father wants to do that. Take it serious now before they become an adult with severe phobia of water and end up not bathing.
Yes kids need to learn to swim, but do not ever force your kids to go swimming if they have a phobia. They need to work their way towards it through therapy otherwise it may just cause life long trauma or more fear of water.
ALSO people are saying get him swimming lessons. I wouldn’t even start there, he needs to find the reasoning of his fears in therapy and then play in water in occupational therapy, then move to aquatic therapy. Yes swimming is very important but the most important thing right now is be able to be in water without being terrified.
If your kid is afraid of water like that why would you spend thousands on a trip to a water park?
Seems strange that you would take him to a water park when he’s so afraid.
Absolutely do not let your husband do that to him. That would be so traumatizing. Just because you don’t understand where his fear is coming from, that doesn’t make it invalid. Maybe try swim lessons if it’s that important to you, but have patience with him.
My daughter since young has been the same. I took her to swim classes With the YMCA that did not work. Like at all because the swim instructor only wanted the kids to go under water and blow bubbles. I was like 
She is 9 now and since I stopped pushing water activities it’s been better. She now showers with the top faucet. She still won’t allow her face being splashed or wet however she washes her face with a rag. I’m hoping to reintroduce the pool this year. We haven’t been to pool or beach in years. She turns 10 over the summer and has requested a beach getaway. Last time we went to the beach she would not get in just allow her feet to get wet at the very top of where waves comes in. Not even 1/2" of water.
Maybe rent a waterslide or inflatable water toy for the day to put in the yard and invite his friends over and see if that will help him play after he sees his friends having fun I’m sure he will come around …
Maybe try an empty kiddie pool then add enough water to bottom of it to get soles of feet wet gradually increasing the water …
Therapist could help
You need to find the underlying cause of your child’s fear instead of trying to force him into the water…Seed a doctor or specialist that can help you with this. Good Luck
Definitely don’t scare your son with the life vest-toss in method. I would start with counseling and then swimming lessons with an instructor that understands phobias. He needs to be handled carefully in this. With patience and understanding.
I would not just let him go even if he had a floaty. That could further traumatise him thinking his parents are letting him " drown " let him have a shower by himself. He’s 7, he’s certainly old enough to not have his parents bathe him anymore. It’s running water instead of a body of water. He can get used to being wet and do it on his own terms. Even if he just sits in the shower, there’s no pooled water to scare him. I’d also look into swimming lessons. Some people just aren’t water people and sometimes they never get over that.
I’d try getting him a swim instructor for 1/1 to go slow. YOU must leave and let them spend the time learning.
Definitely don’t scare your son with the life vest-toss in method. I would start with counseling and then swimming lessons with an instructor that understands phobias. He needs to be handled carefully in this. With patience and understanding.
I suggest some type of seining survival class, they might already have tons of experience with that! If the local one in your area is concerned about his fear, I would consult pediatrician for a therapy recommendation. He might not be able to express his emotions about the fear, at least they could help guide him in the right direction to process it himself. For any learning situation like that I try my best to go back and observe, I let them and the teacher- coach work it out unless I am asked to help. Good luck!
He’s 7 and you haven’t tried working in the kiddie pool with him? A small child’s pool for the backyard?
My parents did that to us and were fine lol, I don’t suggest it though. I think a small pool is a great idea I would start with it empty and let him put water in as he feels comfortable.
Get Some goggles, dive rings, squirter guns, make it fun and let him add water as he wants. I suggest swim lessons maybe if someone else works with him he would feel better
Are you sure its fear and not spd? Sensory processing disorder? There is a big difference between the 2
I can’t help with this but as a 32 year old who can’t swim and is petrified myself of water I get it , my kids can all swim because I didn’t want them same
As me have patience it will take a long time x
Creek bottom, bunch of his friends, and minimal adult supervision. It’ll work out. Peer pressure can be a positive influence occasionally. This would be one of those times.
One of my boys was terrified of water when he was younger. We ended up using a plastic, waterproof sun visor hat. It kept the water from his eyes, nose and mouth. Eventually he didn’t need it anymore.
Get him into therapy and then see about swim lessons and get the older child into them also. Therapy first to see if there are other issues at hand than just fear of water.
I would actually recommend a therapist. They can do wonders for people with phobias
Water sensory issues are a real thing. The more you push, the harder it’s going to be for him. Just let him be and quit pushing him to get in water.
I don’t have anything that would help but one thing’s for sure DO NOT do what your husband is suggesting that would be absolutely awful 
He needs to do swimming lessons without a parent there! One on one instructor kids listen and focus better and do better without their parents because it’s someone different they won’t seek out the comfort and it will help him get over his fear. Look for swim lessons.
I taught a young woman to swim who had a similar terror. All I asked her to do is put her feet in the pool. After a few lessons of this, and her watching others swim, I asked her to sit on the top step. Eventually sitting on the next step. Progressed to standing next to the wall holding it the entire time. She progressed to the paddle board. Took a few months. But totally worth it as she slowly, at her time did it across the pool. Never forced. Never. Quiet club pool. A water park is not a place for your son at this stage.
Hi I’m 30, had a huge fear of water till about 10 and I can not swim. It will get better be patient with him and let him explore at his own pace in slow rivers and stuff
My grand daughters were the same. I took them for swimming lessons but I never got into the pool myself, the instructor did the work. Now they are like two little fishies
I wouldn’t do what your husband suggested but it also kind of sounds like you baby him. I don’t think he needs therapy like all these people are suggesting either. Some kids are just really scared of water at that age. Have you taught him how to shower/bathe himself? He should already be doing that. I’d get a kiddie pool and then maybe graduate to swim lessons
Are you sure he doesn’t have autism? Because that’s what that sounds like. Or some kind of spectrum disorder.
I suggest not forcing him to be in the water. Let him over come the fear on his own.
Im a swim teacher who works with children who are terrified of water. Feel free to inbox me for free advice
Swimming lessons would probably work for him. When I was little my parents put me and my siblings in swim lessons so we would be safe and confident in the water. We took the lesson with a certified instructor at her home. The ymca and other places like that offer lessons all year or in the summer.
Swim lessons where only he and other kids and swim teacher is …no momma rushing to save him.
I would take to the lake or beach . Sit limits by walking out in the water holding his hand to say his belly button . Give him some sand toys and let him play. Maybe get a beach ball you can play catch standing in the water.
It’s normal and he will outgrow it (hopefully). My daughter is 8 and up until the past few months, she would not shower, every time I washed her hair, she threw a fit. In the pool, she wouldn’t leave the steps. A lot of people have irrational fears of things, even when there has been no trauma associated with the fear. I think summer camp helped my daughter. The counselors helped her learn to swim a little. She still won’t just dive right in, and she still doesn’t like water in her face, but she’s come a long way.
Swimming lessons without you or dad present.
It’s normal and he will outgrow it (hopefully). My daughter is 8 and up until the past few months, she would not shower, every time I washed her hair, she threw a fit. In the pool, she wouldn’t leave the steps. A lot of people have irrational fears of things, even when there has been no trauma associated with the fear. I think summer camp helped my daughter. The counselors helped her learn to swim a little. She still won’t just dive right in, and she still doesn’t like water in her face, but she’s come a long way.
I was just going to suggest looking into a swim school that deals with fear of water for kids. They are trained in helping kids relax in water
wow the kiddie pool was an excellent idea and if you have a house with lawn to water what about getting a hose that has lots of holes that both boys can run in and out of and at the same time water your lawn if they are that afraid dont push it but with the kiddie pool you could sit in it as well just the 3 of you and let your husband watch the football game or go to a beach where they can get their feet wet and build sand castles
I would just keep trying. Idk bc my kids were basically raised in water and the beach in hawaii and california… I held my newborns in the beach water in hawaii. And they would sleep with the sound of the water.
First, try and address the sensory issue with bath time. Get a hair washing visor or continue using the cloth. Google water sensory issues or get the book The Out of Sync Child for quizzes and tips to address and balance them. An OT may be able to help. Then, address the phobia. Try swimming lessons (private in a friend’s pool might work best) or even therapy. Further traumatizing him by “forcing” him to “get over it” will sow deep rooted mistrust that he’ll carry the rest of his life.
Sounds like a sensory issue he’s got, maybe take him to doctor and or a therapist
Get him in infant swim rescue classes, not just regular swim classes. I know you think it’s for babies when you hear infant but it’s for kids of all ages. It teaches them not just how to swim but how to save themselves fully clothed in the water. He needs security not just swim lessons.
Don’t go to a water park. Humans are land mammals
I have to agree with your husband. Yes it’s hard hearing your kids scream. But. In the end he has to face his fears. Put a life jacket on him and walk him slowly to ankle deep water and calmly sing or talk to him. Destract him with a beach ball. Each time you catch it step back a bit, toss the ball just barely out of reach and let him take a step to get it.
It’s really mind over matter. He screams you run to him. So just encouragement. But don’t go to him. He has life jacket on. So honestly just let him scream. It sounds cruel but it isn’t. It’s more for attention on his part cause he knows if he screams you come running and he gets his way.
I wish more parents would go back to old school ways and stop babying their children. Put him in chest deep water, pick him up and toss him in… he will swim back. But nowadays that’s considered cruel, but it’s how 90 percent of us learned to swim.
Go ahead with the negative comments but she’s asking for advise. I think she should try everything or nothing at all.
Please do NOT listen to your husband!!! He’s traumatized at this point! No, this is not normal behavior as some imply. You might consider counseling as well as a swim class with a passionate swim instructor. Please don’t just throw him in the water!
Yeah…Definitely don’t throw him in the water to figure it out for himself - life jacket or not. That’s traumatizing. My 6 year old is the same way with baths, but loves going to the lake, so I don’t have any advice, but I hope you’re able to figure out something that works for you all. Knowing how to swim is so important even if they hate the water. I am needing to find lessons for my son too.
I’d say to stop trying to force your son to be okay with water. There is no reason he needs to be okay with it, other than to bathe or shower.
I personally would find a quiet pool, maybe with a Sen hour and take him to that. Don’t take him at deeper then he can kneel in and go slowly.
In kindergarten, my son was afraid of water. I enrolled in the YMCA swimming lessons. The first lesson he cried the whole time. The second lesson he cried half the time. The third lesson, no crying at all. He has always been a great swimmer.
Def sounds like anxiety and sensory issues. Has he been evaluated and have any diagnosis? Do you have a therapist currently to work on issues with him? Also just throwing someone in the midst of their fear isn’t going to help them get over it. It will foster distrust in you guys and make it worse. Idk why y’all even planned a trip like that knowing this was an issue. Just set yourselves up for failure.
something is going on, If he is not talking to you, maybe a child therapist would help him
Let him just sit in the water with you the kiddie pool with a few toys. Make it fun not stressful. Also, swimming lessons but you have to encourage him into the kiddie pool so he feels safe & sees that its fun first just with you. Slow & steady wins the race! All the best
I would look into swim lessons.
i agree with husband. stick. a jacket on him n throw him pool hell realize hes ok after a minute 
Peer pressure is not always a bad thing.
One of my kids was a picky eater, the only time she would try new things was when her friends encouraged her.
Do not listen to your husband please , and let him alone until he is ready and want to do it without any pressure, he doesn’t have to like the water just because you do .
You can try if you have not to put him in swimming clases so he can gain confidence if he doesn’t want to do it , just let him alone
My son was a lifeguard… One day he came home from work so excited… He said he had a small child come to him in the water… He eventually got the child to swim… Now this child was deathly scared of the water… Screamed and cried for everyone else… Why this child felt comfortable with my son is unknown… Maybe because my son is tall and calm… There really is no “real” reason the child picked my son… But that is what happened… The scared child picked who he was comfortable with… Swim lessons with professionals may be best…
Private Swim lessons for both!
I agree with the swimming lessons. I wouldn’t put him in public lessons - private lessons or a private facility. Making Waves in the west end is very good - there are similar places across the GTA. Also, have you tried swim goggles? My 7 year old didn’t like the water at all at first. She now wears goggles and she is a water bug. It was a sensory thing and they made a big difference!