Nothing let it ride she’s a big girl now … I’m going through the same with my 20 yr old she thinks she’s queen but it’ll sink in sooner or later don’t give in
just take the high road and let her know that you will always love her, but will not suffer her disrespect. you can’t undo the poison that your ex spouts, just hope the day comes when sees him for what he is
She sounds she still has a lot of growing up to do!! I would give her some space and only invite her back over if she can grow up learn to treat you with respect!!
First of all it’s her bullshit issue,let her deal with it,you did nothing wrong,don’t feel bad
give her space. Obviously there’s more to the story that you’re not telling, to make yourself look like the victim here.
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I think there is more to the story than you’re saying.
My mom is very toxic and she always plays the victim. She refuses to see the problems she causes. In her eyes she never does anything wrong.
Maybe take a step back and look at the situation through her eyes.
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get therapy to resolve
My 19 yr old son is very similar. We set the tikanga in our homes. Safety and security is paramount and if she can’t get on board mumma, she needs to go her own way. We don’t have to associate with people who can not control themselves family or not. They are not only children and the effects on the other children can be severe and long-lasting. Keep the door open, but keep your standards also.
Too much he said or she said.
Your daughter is a narcissist… I would let her go… she will realise you won’t stand for it anymore.
I went through this very thing with my oldest son. It is heartbreaking but…he asked me to leave him alone and give him space. The more I pushed for things to be different, the more it pushed him away. Eventually I just gave me space. I didn’t contact him. At Xmas and bday, I would send a nice message.
2 years of this and he is slowly starting to come around.
Sometimes, I think a kid lashes out with who he/she feels safest with. Deep down he knew I would love him regardless and he needed someone to throw some anger at. It landed on me.
Its hard but my advice would be…don’t taje it personal, and give her space. Only talk loving about her with other family members, no matter how angry you might be with the situation. Good luck
I went through something like this. I recommend going to her as support. No rules, no if ands or buts. Just be there. Also don’t make her feel bad for the past. What’s done is done.
Just because you don’t think the dogs smells and the house is dirty doesn’t mean she truly thinks this, I mean if my parents lived with dogs inside I would. Maybe she’s telling you how she truly feels and you’re ignoring her so she feels like you don’t love her as much as the others.
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Get over it she needs to grow up.
Having an opinion is different than being disrespectful. I’m not saying it’s not hurtful to hear someone doesn’t feel comfortable in your home, but it’s the way she feels. It would be more adult of her to come to you, and tell you that and say “if you want me to spend more time here this is what I need from you” but she is where she is in her life. I’m guessing you didn’t always make grown up choices at 20 either. I’m also not sure you’re making grown up choices now, honestly. The grown up thing to do here would be to call her and say “I’m sorry you don’t feel loved enough, or comfortable in my home. I want you to feel good when you come visit me. What can I reasonably do to accommodate you moving forward, so that you can feel comfortable here with me, and I don’t have to hear your negative opinions from the whole family? Hearing that from others hurts my feelings and makes me embarrassed. I’d really like to change our dynamic and strengthen our relationship in any way I can. I love you very much and I want you to feel loved, so let’s work toward that together.” Don’t be defensive. Defensive people can’t hear what’s really being said. Be proactive instead.
All you can do is let her know where you stand. You cannot force a relationship with her. It is sad she is treating you this way. I lost my mom when I was 30 and I am heart broken to this day. Thank god I had a close relationship with mine. Please don’t beat yourself up over this. She needs to grow up!! Trust and believe when she has kids she will wake up to what she has done. Praying for you
It’s a tough time, just let her have her issues and be there when she wants to wise up. I don’t have kids but obviously it’s a special relationship but either of you can’t live unhappy. She’s young and will learn to behave better or not have a relationship with you
You’re being codependent to her narcissism and it will only get worse
That is the problem of trying to be your kids friend instead of being their parent
The best advice I can give is what my parents told me when my daughter did the same exact thing. They told me to let her go but keep reassuring her that I am her mother and love her dearly and emphasize that if she ever needs me I’ll be there and until she can respect me and my home she needs to stay away. After a few months my daughter and I started meeting up for a meal and eventually we were closer than ever
I would meet her outside of your home to hangout if she has a problem with it or ask her for help if you actually need help keeping things together. Make sure you’re treating every child the same maybe there’s some things that can be worked on and explain maybe why it seems you favor them maybe you do because they treat you better. Therapy and an open honest conversation about how you feel and how she feels and make it clear you want a healthy happy relationship so ask how she’s feeling and why and why she’s talking negatively about you and see what can be resolved and what’s just flat out disrespect and disregard for you as a human with feelings.
I would have a talk with her about respecting everyone in your home tell her if she would like to talk about what is upsetting her you would be happy to do that in private like an adult when she goes to dads and talks crap call her out on it tell her it is disrespectful and you will not tolerate her showing the other children it is OK to disrespect you or play you and other family against each so until she is willing to work on relationship like an adult dnt come around let her know she may not always agree with every choice you make in your life just like you will not always agree with all her choices but adults sit back pick and choose there battles and if something they feel strongly about talk about like an adult to the person that you have a problem with tell her how much you love her and that when she is ready you are to. as a parent my child has brought things up to me that I truly didn’t realize I was doing that was damaging relationship I apologize and try my best to correct my behaviors and sometimes I have a reasonable explanation and explaining myself to child gives a different perspective for him to look at things example she needs to realize the youngest will need more of your attention as well as you will spend more money on him because he is a child without financial means and needs more attention so that you can guide to adulthood properly this may make daughter jealous but ask if you can make a weekly time for just the 2 of you maybe grocery shop for households together a lunch date ect…
This lady posted this reaching out for help and all of you guys have done nothing but giant Janet around make it look like she’s the one that’s doing something wrong good for her for making an effort to try to help the relationship along
Hahahaha “Tell me you’re a narc mom, without telling me you’re a narcissistic mom.” Lady, I HIGHLY doubt your daughter is the problem. To fix the issue, leave your daughter alone, clean your house, bathe your dogs, stop favoring the boys, and get a counselor who specializes in being honest with difficult/narc parents and be prepared to learn some stuff about yourself that you don’t wanna hear… We know you won’t though so keep on blaming your daughter for your problems. On the slim chance and I do mean SLIM chance, is actually the problem still after you do all this, cut her out because no one needs toxic in their life.
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Perception is reality. The things she says while you may not find true are probably true to her. You need to get to the bottom of all of those things. Pretending like they don’t exist and blaming her for feeling the way she does as if it’s wrong isn’t the answer.
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Your daughter is an adult, the longer you refuse to treat her like one, the longer you won’t know who her adult self is. I didn’t speak to my mom for a long while for she wouldn’t respect my choices or hear me out about the way I feel. You are putting a lot of blame on your daughter here, but honestly we raise the kids, she’s reflecting her feelings onto you for she obviously mad or hurt by you. Maybe go ask your child why they are so hurt that they want to hurt you and really listen to her. You giving up on her now is proving her point that you care about others more.
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I had the same problem with my daughter. Except she moved in with her boyfruend…they’re now married with 2 children the treatment still continues off and on but like you if I stand up for myself then I’m being overreactive etc, and sometimes she even uses my grandkids against me…which 8s even more heart-rending e specially since I’ve always been forgiving supportive and babysat and sacrificially given up my time so her and her now husband can get ahead…even had paid off their debt(which i can’t even afford myself). And have taken care of my grandchildren whom I love so dearly even all these things she still sometimes treats me bad or makes my feel very ibsignifigant and unimportant. Right now she just recently is starting to talk to me again and my grandkids will be coming over my house for the first time in about 2 1/2 months…I feel so sorry ecspecially for my 3 yr old granddaughter who loves me so much and is extremely attached to me …my daughter said after all the sacrifice I made that she thought u was too mean to my other grandchild who us 2 but is a total mammas boy and has attachment issues she really hurt more thN ever by doing this so I can relate. I don’t know what to do either but keep trying to show her love. I feel like she knows she can walk over me but what am I to do I want to see my grandchildren and I love her unconditionally she’s my child I would do anything for her though sometimes I wish I had the strength to say no. And to be stern about it. I pray everyday for God to strengthen our relationship to what it once was and to heal her hardened heart.
Let your daughter make the first move in rebuilding your relationship. I would seek counseling to learn coping mechanisms. I have a very unhealthy relationship with my Mother-in-law even though l’ve tried to work things out for years. I’m blessed that my husband had issues in the past with both parents and agrees with and stands by me. Counseling and a lot of prayer helped me. Our daughter knows how much she is loved and valued in our home. I’ve encouraged our children to have relationships with their other family members as long as they are respected and not abused. What is said about me is not my business. The good Lord knows my heart and overwhelming love for my husband and kids. His opinion is the only one that matters. Judgement Day is coming for us all.
Sounds like my family. Kids will be that way and eventually come around and have kids of their own and then they will treat them the same way. Oh then they will come to you for advice and I just say, " sound familiar " ?
She resents you. Figure out why.
Let her be… trust me… I myself was always fighting with my mom and disrespecting her and not my dad (i kinda blamed my mom for their divorce) its hard especially if you’re the eldest and think that everyone expect everything and the best of you…let her be let her talk trash about you (except in your home) she will eventually grow up and get over everything. She will need you again eventually. Just dont hold on too tight. Im sorry you have to go through this and good luck:bouquet:
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You cannot change anyone but yourself and the way you are allowing her to emotionally blackmail you. Don’t play into that garbage. She is a control freak and pulling every string that she knows will hurt you. My daughter hasn’t talked to me since last july. I tried to call, message, face book - everything. Ya know what?? I quit. I refuse to play mind games with her. Just like your daughter-- makes up lies, then believes her lies, tells others her lies and you get upset and want her to " like" you. Screw that!!! It’s her problem not yours. You know the truth. Don’t let her control you anymore. Just stop. No more contact with abusive people. And she- like my daughter- IS an abusive person. I will always love my daughter but i will love her from a distance.
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Tell her that you love her and let her go… you need a break from all that unnecessary poison… she knows perfectly fine what she’s doing.
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If she continues to treat you and your home this way, sign over your parental rights to her father since she loves him so much. She will no longer be your responsibility. Block her on social media and the phone. Ban her from your home. You will still have 3 other children who respect and love you. People ask me how could I do that to my own child ?? I say how can the child treat their mom that way the one who gave birth to them. Sometimes it has to be done. You can not allow disrespect especially from your children.