I’m with a great guy. He’s a real sweetheart, he has a 6 year old he’s been raising for the better part of this year since the mother left him. We’ve been together almost 3 months. His kid tells me he loves me, my kids love him and the guy himself as well. Despite all of that…baby momma…she’s toxic to say the least. Has recently moved back to state. I have told her I would love to be her friend, she has yet to reach out to me. (She left him for this other guys who emotionally abuses her and beats on her dogs, idk why she stays but she does even when she’s had every opportunity to get away) as I said she recently moved back and wanted to talk to me. Sure yea I’m down for it. And she proceeds to tell me she’s never going to stop trying to get this guy back. In the middle of my living room. I told her she needed to be respectful of his choices (this happend about two months ago, she just moved back 3 weeks ago) she’s only seen her son once, and hasn’t even been asking about him. Calls my man’s today to ask him if he wants to go to a late lunch with her and their son ( lhim and I have discussed this and I’m not comfortable with them alone because I don’t trust her and he is fine with that) he tells her no and promptly tells her that their son gets out of school at 2:30 if she wants to go pick him up and see him for the afternoon. She essentially tells him never mind and hangs up. This girl is passing me off, not so much from a girlfriend stand point but a mother stand point. I have to watch this little boy be so sad cause his mom isn’t around I’m loosing my patience with her.
From experience u probably need to let him handle her…the baby boy just love him reassure him she loves him she is just messed up right now
I really get it, but, she’s not your business. Y’all have been together 3 months & aren’t married.
So, be a good role model for him. Don’t mention her. Not a word. If he brings her up all you need to stay as “I can’t tell you why baby. Everybody loves differently and we have to learn to accept that sometimes. It’s not always the way we wish it was. She loves you just like we all do” and leave it alone. You can’t do anything. You have no say. You offered. Just be nice & respectful & leave it alone.
Trust. Me.
3 months? You’ve been together three months? Way too early for being introduced to the kid.
Why do you care if they are alone together? Unless you think he is yearning for her too.
I think you should not interfere with attempts at co-parenting. Not to be mean, but you are the rebound girl. 3 months is a drop of time compared to their 6+ years.
I would just let him handle things with her. You trying to get involved will just make things worse for everyone. And unfortunately there is nothing you can do about her not wanting or caring about her son.
To yall say 3 month to soon get over urself its not rebound its call moving on not gona stay single his hole life over a 6y relationship
You need to report the animal abuse immediately!!!
I wouldn’t let her take him unsupervised!! She could keep him and not give him back til you go to court
Ummm regardless how u feel dont stop dad from spending time with mom and child. Even if their just friends everyone spending time together is good for the child. You’ve only been together a few months as well…do let them co parent without your jealousy. Step aside…its not your circus.
All you can do is be there for the boy when he needs someone to talk to or give him a hug when he needs one. He obviously loves his mom and if he sees you interfere it will only backfire on you. Let the adults handle their own business and be the child’s support system. Saying something or getting too involved always turns bad. Be there for him and his child 
Well they were trying to go out to lunch together. You blocked it. What do you want? Step back and let them parent their child.
His father needs to go to court and get full custody and the judge can establish her visitation and then after X amount of time of her not complying to her court ordered visitations he can file to have her visitation rights terminated. And if she continues to not contact or see their son he can file for abandonment…every state is different so check on the waiting period to file. LASTLY…He (the father) does NOT need to go to “lunch” with her and their son! She (mother) is to visit/spend time with son on her own!
Ask him how he feels? What does he want to call you? Lots of hugs and kisses. Spend as much time with him m and your kids. His mom will be his mother m forever. You can be a good mommy
Might want to get out of that. Too much unfinished business and wouldn’t be surprised if they end up together again.
Stand your ground from the beginning everyone saying oh let them hang out ya I’m sure everyone of you would allow some female who told you straight up she’s going after your man have alone time with him. Shut up you would not. As far as 3 months being to soon to be involved again ppl need to just stop saying that my husband and I started out as FWB and here we are celebrating out 15th Christmas together so time don’t mean anything. I would definitely let him try and handle Most of it on his own right now but don’t mean you have to sit down and shut up. As for the boy first of your bf needs to get his ass to court and have papers/ custody wrote up or she can take him and not give him back and nothing you can do. As far as his son. All you can do is keep showing you love him and are there for him. Unfortunately you can’t make someone be a mother. Just bc she gave birth to him doesn’t mean she will or can be a good mom. Hopefully she will sometime see she’s hurting her son most times they don’t but knowing he has you will help him a lot. But also buckle up bc if you two decide to be in it longterm it’s going to be a long 12 yrs.
You made your attempt. It didn’t work how you wanted it to. At this point get over it. Balls in her court if she even chooses to play. You should have allowed him to go to the lunch though because he needs her to make an advance to shut her down. So you just look insecure & controlling. You’re also not allowing him to prove himself to you. As for the kid, quit acting like you’re a stepmother after 3 months. You’re & girlfriend & babysitter. You’re trying to be too involved for only 3 months.
You’ve been with him 3 months.
Chill out, you’re being ridiculous, that’s none of your business. I’d understand if it was 3 years. But 3 months? 
Unless the dad has custody of his son, I would be VERY careful, She is the mother & she can come get him & not give him (the son) back. Hopefully the father went ot court & got custody of him, when the mother left, If not, he needs to do this
The old new girl playing house and not minding her own business routine 
You need to stay out of the coparenting relationship. If you can’t trust him to handle himself just to have lunch then you need to move on. Whatever you feel for this lady needs to not be detrimental to this kid. You’ve been around 3 months you so far are nothing to this kid. She doesn’t need to be friends with you… and it sounds like she’s done her part to be an ok mother. She may not be making good choices right now but that may not have always been the case and may not always be the case. Also I’m side eyeing dad for bringing a brand new relationship into his kids life when there’s already enough turmoil happening.
Quit patting yourself on the back…sounds like you’re a bit toxic as well.
Just give that little boy all the luv you can and attention that he needs .
I have no kids with my boyfriend. But we both have a couple each with our Ex’s
To this day (3 years later) I still don’t interfere with my guy and him co parenting with his ex and he doesn’t when it comes to mine…
Im in a relationship with MY guy, not his Ex or my Ex’s GF. Of course we communicate with the others when needed. However, as a couple we decided what boundaries to set in place. We follow them out of respect for each other and make sure our Ex’s are not allowed to cross them as well. And the crazy part is there’s no drama because of it. 
IMO you need to come to an agreement with what’s acceptable and not with you man and stop worrying about BM.
Tbh if my ex’s brand new girlfriend of all of “almost” 3 months came at me with some BS like this. I’d laugh in her face and tell her to go sit her ass down somewhere or take it up with her man.
Again, BUTT OUT!!! YOU ARE NOT MARRIED, HAVENT BEEN TOGETHER THAT LONG WHO KNOWS HOW LONG BEFORE YOUR GONE!!! NONE OF YOUR BUSINESS…YOU ARE OBVIOUSLY JEALOUSY AND INSECURE OR YOU WOULDNT BE TELLING HIM WHAT TO DO, IF HE WANTED TO TAKE HIS SON TO SEE HIS MOTHER FOR AN AFTERNOON HE SHOULD OF, ALSO WHY DONT YOU PEOPLE GROW UP, GO TO COURT GET CHILD SUPPORT AND VISITATION SET UP TO PUT SOME STABILITY IN THE KIDS LIFE!!! I AM TIRED OF SEEING THESE BABY MAMA DRAMA STORIES ON HERE WHEN THEY ARE FULL OF IMMATURITY!!! WHAT MAKES TOU THINK YOU’D BE A BETTER MOTHER? LET HER TRY AND GET HIM BACK THAT WILL TELL YOU WHERE YOU TRULY STAND.
Some people are missing the point I think it’s not about co-parenting that’s the problem as the mother is clearly not interested which was shown when he said no to lunch but you can still see the child and she hangs up. If my man’s ex girlfriend said that to me I’d be annoyed but if it was for the best of the child then ok go to lunch but it’s not and it’s shown here. If he thought it was a good idea he would have told the poster no this is about my son not her and I and then go but he happily agreed that it wasn’t a good idea and told the mother of his child so. Don’t get so hung up on how long they’ve been together and if it’s her business or not. She may have known the guy longer than that. She’s asking for advice not be judged and n her relationship. I’d find out what the law is where you are or get him to as the dad and go from there as this woman will get only upset the child more and more if she doesn’t get her way with the dad.
I was ok with the post until the not allowing g the meeting b/c “you don’t trust her,” ummm what? He is a grown adult either she has super powers that can get in his pants you you don’t trust him either. Too controlling for a few mo th relationship.
Young one - be the excellent role model you are right now. You can’t force love or respect - remember this. Keep the communication as good as you have it - you don’t need the drama she brings. You can not force to be a good parent- you can only be one yourself.
The last thing I would want to do is be her friend, you’d just be opening up a can of worms. I wouldn’t trust her for nothing this really reeks of trouble to me. Now that she’s alone sounds like she wants your guy back. Stay as far away from her as possible and tell your guy you don’t want him around her either. Also be careful with his child she may get a custody order through the court and then he’ll be without his son, and next she’ll go for child support. Women can be so very viscous, tread lightly…
Ignore these rude ass women. You have every right to feel the way you do. Do not friend her as she made it clear that’s not what she wants. Just love the little boy as much as you can, he needs it. When parents aren’t around it really effects the children. I saw you said you didn’t trust her not him, completely reasonable and he understood AND agreed which is great. Ignore people who think they know everything. Most these women sound like an ex-wife and jealous of the other women their ex is with, so ignore them. Do what your heart tells you.
Older mama perspective. She made her bed so she needs to step back. Co- parenting doesn’t have to include lunches with the ex or her efforts to get back into his life, UNLESS he’s up for that. It appears he has moved on…just sayin’. More than one person can be hurt here.
You need to file abandonment with full custody next time she takes off out of town sooner then later she’s going to use the boy for leverage and she can legally pick him up at any time an not return you would have to go to court for months if you could find her to get him back and even then she might win custody 
it’s scary after 6 months on no contact you can file abandonment
She is a jack ass. It doesn’t matter if your together 3 months, 3 years or 3 decades. You matter, YOUR man matters and the children involved matter. Your feelings are valid. My advise, never lose control and yell all crazy. Always keep it classy and be there for your man and the child(ren). Never talk badly about the useless mother around the boy. And let man deal with the crazy jealous lunatic chick. Don’t ever get all like he is myan etc. Be confident even went you wanna kick her a**.
This happens a lot sadly. Mostly with men, they don’t want to have anything to do with their kid unless it involves the child’s mother and trying to get her back or sleep with her etc.
in this case it’s the mom. It sounds like she regrets her decision for leaving her ex boyfriend because she doesn’t like her current situation, she just wants to use him anyway and the kid is her pawn. So I hope your boyfriend can see this. But this is all very fresh and soon so you should go slower, so you know you aren’t caught up in something between them that isn’t over.
Personally I would sit back and watch how he handles things and as long as he keeps focused on his child and the child seeing his mom, talking to his mom and not involving himself than I think you’ll all be ok. But it can’t just be you deciding what he does.
I wouldn’t talk with the mom again. Give it some time and see if she can get over her feelings for your man. Maybe then she can be a better parent. Time will tell.
I feel sorry for the little boy. How could a mother do that?. Also feel sorry for the dogs that are being beaten. Report to rspca and keep well away from her. It is obvious that the doesn’t want her son and its hurting him. Keep him occupied and give him lots of love, he needs it.
I understand your anger I will always have issues with mothers who put men and relationships over their own kids
Your bf handle it right go him. However don’t reach out to her that was dumb mistake. Don’t talk to her or anything let him handle. You and him can talk about things and agree but he has to be the one telling her. I hope he got sole custody if not work on it.
It sounds like you don’t trust your own partner because it’s not a matter of you trusting her it’s a matter of do you trust your partner ? If you do their should be no problem with him meeting up with the mother of his child to talk about stuff! it’s not about you.
I say stay away from her. Let him deal with it. Tell him what your boundaries are when it comes to his ex. If he doesn’t respect them, then it is best to leave. Unless you like drama…then by all means, stay involved in the situation. Just keep being there for the boy as best you can
The best thing you can do is be there for him and don’t bite back at the mother. Things will calm down but give it time! These things can take a long time so be patient and bite your tongue when it comes to her. Just be there for the boy thats all you can do.
Honestly it’s only been 3 months…you all need to chill
Take a step back and remove yourself from the drama
His mother and father need to decide how to co-parent and set boundaries without your interference
If a woman stood in my living room and told me directly she will never stop trying to take my man off me, I wouldn’t want them going to lunch together either!! 
Baby mama or not, co-parenting or not, 3 months into relationship or 3 years!! I’m not even sorry, it’s not gonna happen! Got nothing to do with trusting him to do right by me, it’s about not wanting her grubby hands on my man!! 
Don’t worry about it. He wants you and that’s that. She can try to get him back, but she has issues and they are broken up for a reason. What you shouldn’t do is waste your time tripping on it or else you will cause issues. Be civil, DONT be her friends and live your best life. Also make an anonymous call to the house for animal control. Those dogs need to be saved
Y’all have been together for 3 months. MONTHS. Read the room. You do not have the right to be “doing” anything. You definitely shouldn’t be inviting the ex over and trying to force a coparenting relationship with you involved.
HE needs to make clear to her that it’s over, without your involvement or you being around. She isn’t going to take anything with you seriously because it’s only been months.
Step back out of their business. You haven’t been around long enough to be that involved just yet. And if the boy brings anything up, your response should be that he needs to talk to his Daddy.
I think you need to stay out if it. Your husband is a big boy and can fend for himself. If he goes back to this sleeze bag, then he wasn’t worth having anyway.
Hopefully your SO has custody…bc if not she can take their child whenever she wants
In my opinion I think the first thing that needs to be done is the father needs to go to the courts and get an order for full custody and have a parenting plan laid out so the biological mother can not run off with the son. Secondly the father needs to let the biological mother know he is not interested in getting back together with her. Finally I can understand why you want to try and be friends with the mother, but I really wouldn’t be as she obviously has ulterior motives. I would be civil to her if you have to see her otherwise I would back off and have the ex deal with her since they are the ones that have the child together.
The saddest part is… even IF they " got back together"… she would leave them at first opportunity. Stay vigilant. Give your boys much love & support. And keep communicating!!!
This isnt even any of your business…you JUST started dating this man who are you to be calling the mother ect…let the father deal with the issues of THEIR son…
I hope you reported the animal abuse?
Why are you trying to co-parent with a toxic ex . Your discussion should have been with the boyfriend and how to keep a healthy relationship between you and the children while you are dating and he seems to be respecting you so far but how long will that last the longer she keeps trying to instigate anything possible to break the two of you up while making her child miserable by coming back and making everything unbalanced. Have a heart-to-heart talk about staying together as a unity for each other and the children to have a healthy life and put some rules down with her together as a unified front or you will lose this battle really quick and she knows it and she will try until she either wins and you walk away or you stick together and keep making a life built together. Don’t ever try to be nice to a toxic person ever again it does not work.
So because you dont trust homegirl you are depriving the child of seeing his mom and dad cordial together for him in one place (such as lunch). These small meniscal moments add up later in life to a child. If I were you I’d take a step back and check my priorities… you been it in 3 months. Take it slow for the childs sake.
Y’all a bunch of toxic baby mamas yourself. She’s raising a child that isn’t hers…she’s allowed to have boundaries 
She doesn’t care about her child she is using him to try & get her ex back.Leave her alone she is up to no good
Like many have said here, you have only been with him for 3 months. I feel bad if the child gets used to you because his mother is not around, and then things don’t work out with you and the son’s father. Now the boy loses two motherly role models.
I would stand back a little bit from all of this. Just take a day by day with the father enjoy your relationship with him, and if his son is around you, and obviously be a friend to him, but no more. You are not a mother or a stepmother at this point. You are just a friendly face with the son.
Let the father handle this.
Stand back and let your boyfriend deal with it, sorry to say it isn’t your business… if that baby came out of your choochie that would be a different story. You’ve been together 3 months hunni, you need to step back and let your boyfriend set boundaries.
The poor kid. Love that little boy the best you can and set clear boundaries with your bf. She abandoned them, be ready for more disappointment. Hopefully they’re able able to coparent, but I doubt she’ll stick around
You need a lawyer!!! Sounds like you all would be a family! Get her legally gone!!!
Be as good to this child as you are to your own, he deserves a mothers love too! It will keep him from making terrible mistakes when he is older…ALL children need love and attention! Bless you!
You’ve only been with him 3 months? Step back.
Trusting her isnt an issue, do you trust yoir boyfriend?
When my oldest was little i would have his dad over for dinner and we would take him to do fun things together even know we were both seeing other people. Your boyfriends child is missing out on important family time because you dont trust him. Please stop.
You have been together 3months. Stay in your lane and mind your own business. This make you sound really high conflict.
Putting everything else aside, your boyfriend ought to reconsider allowing his ex’s boyfriend around the boy. If he beats the dogs, he is likely to beat on the son as well.
Step back and let him deal with her and tell him you don’t want her around your children unless you are there too!
Don’t be surprised if they hook up
Just be a gf to the guy and don’t try and co parent…it’s only been 3 months take it easy
Is anyone else concerned about the dogs?
So sad,take it slow and see how things go for awhile.I do not blame you for not encouraging them to be alone(they had that chance before you met him)Some might dis-agree with me but it’s just common sense.If she wants to co-parent then she won’t do it by talking that way to you.I hope it all works out for the child’s best interest.
Don’t worry about that. Make that little boy happy that he has a mom stepping up to be his mom because his mom won’t step up and be his mom. You got this girl! Give him some mommy love and attention! He and you deserve it!!
Not your business and really u only been with the guy for 3 months honestly shouldn’t have even met the child yet
This isn’t about you what so ever. It’s about that poor little boy. And if you trust your partner what’s the big issue? Let him go and see his mother and leave it at that. If you don’t trust him reevaluate your relationship for god sake it’s been 3 months you have introduced your children to one another way to early in my opinion.