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QUESTION:
"So, I have a question and need advice. First, let me start off by explaining what happened. Sorry, this may be kinda long… The week before last, so this is the third week as of now, I finally got fed up with my son (10yrs) being disrespectful and talking back. Telling me, his dad, and g-ma(on dad’s side) “No” and throwing a fit when ask/told to do something (a chore, take a shower, brush teeth, go to bed, get off the game, etc.) so he lost his Xbox for the rest of the week. 2 days later lost his phone and then the next day lost his TV privileges for the same reason… Was gonna give them all back last week but I found out he lied about having homework ALL WEEK so he still hasn’t gotten them back. So when he’s been disrespectful since everything was taken away, I’ve made him do extra chores. Apparently, that’s still not enough… so when he got in trouble Tuesday night, I finally had enough and got his butt with a belt. (Now here’s where I have to add; this is literally only the second, mayybbee third, time in his life that I’ve ever whooped him… and he had on blue jeans. I did 3 swings but didn’t give it like force or anything because I knew just the action of getting his butt whooped would be more effective than inflicting pain.) so Wednesday comes around and about 30 minutes before he gets home from school… I get a call from CPS! Apparently, he told a teacher or someone at school that “he got smacked a bunch of times.” And told them that he got smacked in the face once too!!! So I’m freaking out now!! She (CPS lady) ask me what happen and I told her but like… does anyone know what might happen? We have an appointment next week for her to come talk to us. Also… What should I do about his mouth? I’ve tried everything! I’m at a loss. I think the only reason he told them is because he never gets his butt busted (which I do not like doing but I’ve tried everything else) so it took him by surprise and he feels like that’s “child abuse” (which is what he said I was committing after all his electronics were taken away from him and I made him do write-offs saying “I will not be disrespectful” 50x’s ) But yeah, so what should I expect from cps? Do you think they will agree that I was in the right or do they have the whole “you can’t whoop your kids” mindset? I’ve never dealt with them before so I have no idea what to expect, so I’m freeaakkiinnggg out!! I’m also at a complete loss about what to do about his disrespect, I don’t know how to get it across to him that it’s not ok, in a way that I haven’t already tried. Taking electronics, time out, extra chores, write-offs, just talking to him and explaining why it’s not ok… I have literally even tried therapy (he’s been going for almost two years now) and now, a butt whooping l, which resulted in all of this so obviously not a good choice. Idk what to do. Thanks for any feedback. Constructive criticism is also welcome and appreciated."
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TOP ANSWERS (AS SELECTED BY MODERATOR):
The following top answers have been selected by a moderator from hundreds of responses to the original question.
"They will do a home inspection ask everyone in the house questions including him alone. Might want drs records. Ive spanked my kid but never used a belt and honestly they arent gonna like that and you might have an abuse case because of it."
"Spanking isn’t ok in the first place. Studies show nothing but negative effects from it…and you used a belt. You may be in a little trouble but they will probably just make sure the house is ok and may make you do parenting classes or something."
"You hit your child with a belt and your upset with him and how you can’t control his outbursts. Girl, you can’t control your own outburst."
"They will come do a visit and honestly see that your son isn’t abused just got spanked and it will probably be the end of it. They might go talk to him at school. They can do that without your consent. But they will see that he is just a kid that is pissed at his mom for taking all of his shit."
"While kids drive you crazy, beating them just means you’ve lost control. It also means that you’ve damaged your relationship with them even more."
"I’m in Illinois, and cps don’t tolerate spanking, with a belt is worse. If they find you for neglect, you may have to deal with them for a few months they’ll come into your home weekly and you may have to take parenting classes."
"You hit your kid with a belt because you lost control of the situation… Wake up to your own faults as well as your child’s and do better next time… Violence is never okay and you are teaching your child another way of acting out!"
"So sit hime down and apologise for the belt … and also explain what the consequences are for telling people that you hit him on the face are … tell him all that’s happening with cps and let him know that it is possible if he says that stuff again he may be taken away and put in another home away from his family, let him know the gravity of what could happen and it may straighten him out"
"If you can’t regulate your behaviour to not use a belt as a weapon against your child how do you expect your child to behave how you deem acceptable. If you can’t get through to your child then the conflicted communication needs to be addressed. Seek counselling. A parent child relationship isn’t any less than any other relationship. If a marriage is breaking down the couple get counselling to try and fix things. Your relationship with your child is worth doing all you can. You cannot punish things out of a child. It’s not the best avenue to take . Just remember if your relationship with your son is strained there may be things going on with him he won’t tell you. You don’t want to mistake a cry for help which can manifest in bad behaviour as your child just being bad"
"I think you’re “allowed” to spank your child with your open hand but not with other objects. You may be investigated for abuse. It depends on your case worker or your state on what will happen. Have you gotten him evaluated for adhd or different behavior disorders. He may need a specialized type of therapy or medication. Maybe family therapy would help. They can evaluate your child and teach you the best way to communicate with him. Have you tried meditation, breathing exercises, yoga. Have you tried positive reinforcement rather than just negative discipline? My kids are not as old as yours yet so I’m not expert in ten years olds but just some suggestions. Remember they learn to control their emotions from how you do."
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