What can I take for low sex drive?

My sex drive is non existent due to my medical conditions. How can I make my husband understand??

I had my daughter via emergency c-section on 3-6-19 she was almost two months early. One month later, I had my second blood clot in my arm and was hospitalized for four days. Taking blood thinners my period was two months long and heavy, so I had to have blood transfusions and iron infusions and ultimately seven weeks ago a hysterectomy and gall bladder removal. I also have postpartum depression, and because of all the abdominal surgeries, I am facing yet another surgery next month for a hernia repair. My question is this my sex drive has been basically nonexistent, to say the least. I was also restricted from sexual activity for most of the last six months. I did take care of him at least once every two weeks. And against doctors orders, we had sex about three days ago however, Yesterday I was given to go-ahead to have sex. I went to bed early last night as I am exhausted and was awoken at five as he was trying to initiate sex. I got up to go to the bathroom because I really didnā€™t want to because I have a lot to do first thing in the morning like pack his lunch, make coffee make the baby a bottle etcā€¦he threw a baby fit all morning slamming things around and pouting. He does this anytime I donā€™t want to have sex. How do I get him to understand itā€™s not personal? My body has been through hell, and my mind isnā€™t much better with all the stress not to mention baby has been sick with an ear infection and cold the last week sex just isnā€™t a priority for me. Itā€™s just frustrating dealing with his fit throwing. I need advice about how I should handle him. Itā€™s worth mentioning I have asked him to read up on postpartum, and he has not. :frowning:

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Have your Dr talk to him on your next visit. Understanding is the 1st step.

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Just let him throw a fit. You shouldnā€™t do what you donā€™t want to. My fiancĆ© is like this and has been for about a week. I had surgery on the 16th and have a 1 year old daughter so when she goes to bed Iā€™m exhausted and just want to relax. He throws a fit and doesnā€™t talk to me cause I donā€™t want to. My sex drive has been close to none since getting pregnant with my daughter and even after birth. Just ignore him. Thatā€™s what I do. They donā€™t have a clue and never will what itā€™s like going through what we go through.

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My daughterā€™s father and I broke up for a similar reason just different medical reasons. My opinion now is if a grown man has a temper tantrum over not having sex then heā€™s still a child and you already have a real child to raisešŸ¤·ā€ā™€ļø

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If he isnā€™t capable of understanding that your body has been through Hell after seeing with his own eyesā€¦ Thereā€™s not much you can say thatā€™s gonna make it any clearer for him. Heā€™s being very selfish which is definitely not going to improve your low libido. Maybe a few kicks in the nuts daily for six months will make him understand what youā€™re feeling.

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Heā€™s not going to understand because he doesnā€™t want to.
Give him some lotion and tissues and maybe a porn and tell him to see Rosie and her five friends.

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After going through all of that and my husband refused to understand why I felt that way I would probably be going to jail for murder.

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Tell him listen jackass I had so n so amount of surgeries and Iā€™m due to have another one. Iā€™m tired healing and the last thing on my mind is your dick. Find your hand and fix yourself. :person_shrugging: Haha thatā€™s my version of what Iā€™d say if that was me.

Throw the fit back. Although he needs to try to understand where you come from he needs to see what hes doing to you also so pull the fit back slam the cupboard and just tell him your trying to see it from his angle and just putting yourself into his shoes. Your needs are important and I used to feel obligated to please my ex then realized that if I dont wanna I dont fucking wanna and Iā€™m not gunna do anything if Iā€™m not getting something in return. Goes both ways and you underwent something hell never have to. Some men just wont step into a womans shoes.

Have you actually told him why you donā€™t feel like having sex??? I totally understand where your coming from BUT unless he is made aware he will take it personal. Also if things are overwhelming you in the morning either pack his lunch the night before or tell him to do it himself, he an adult and capable of looking after himself. He isnā€™t going to read anything as he probably doesnā€™t think itā€™s real and your experiencing it. Make a drs appointment, take him along and speak to the dr in front of him and get the dr to explain things to him. It may sink in then. As for the fits just ignore them, I guess put yourself in his shoes how would be if he was rejecting you every time you wanted it.

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He sounds really selfish and immature. Tell him if itā€™s that bad maybe he can hand-le it himself? Itā€™s sounds like a lot to go though. It doesnā€™t seem like that should be his first priority either.

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Are you ok with him watching porn and masturbating? Bc that might be what he does nextā€¦ men are wired diffefent than women. Maybe marriage counseling?

Make a video of u playn wif ur self so he has a bit of a wank video so he can have sex wif himself while watching u so u only have 2 do that once he can get himself off that if he really needs sex and heaps of males get thm selfs off these days

Tell him to f* off. Really just let him throw a fit. From what it sounds like you havent even gotton a rest from anything or any time to heal whatsoever. Youve had major surgery and on top of that a 2 month long period sucks ive had those it drains everything out of you. My daughter is 2years and 5 months and i still dont ever want to have sex again. Being a mommy is ALOT of work. Have him talk to your doctor show your doctor your post and have him talk to your husband. or read up online about what your going through. You need time to heal. Pack up and go to your moms or sisters or somewhere with baby and go heal. I think he need a time out Sending hugs your way!

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Time to give blow jobs and hand jobs. Doesnā€™t always have to be sex. Start getting creative

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Print this post and pack it in his lunch!
Initiate morning sex and then stay in bed and let him pack his own lunch! Maybe he will clue into the exchange on time and energy. Love does not help complete all your tasks when you are mentally and physically exhausted!

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Buy him a pocket pussy. Tell him to go fuck his self

Sex is a part of a marriageā€¦you have the go ahead to have it by your dr ā€¦so why not, even if not in the mood let him do his thang bc if not he will go else where! I understand completely when dr orders is no but now I dont understandā€¦

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Tell him to go get cut open multiple times. :slight_smile: see how much he wants sex after that. Immature asshole. Smh.

He treats you the way you allow him to treat you. He will continue to do this until you put your foot down. Have a long talk with him about priorities and his toddler tantrums.

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Sounds like a man baby.i work full time and have 4 kids I never want to have sex Iā€™m exhausted but does hubby care no we cuddle and watch a movie go on mini dates like walmart alone. Talk to him tell him exactly how u feel and maybe a foot rub may get u in the mood but him throwing fits certainly wont

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He should already understand the things you have gone through and still get up every day and take care of the house. Tell him to suck it u and take care of it himself if thatā€™s that much of an issue.

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Pffft id laugh. Luckily i have a very underatanding man about all of this. Kind of stuff.

Have you both actually sad down and have a serious discussion as to why you do not have a sex drive? Because if you havenā€™t, you canā€™t just assume he understands. Men arenā€™t wired like us women. Therefore, that is the only way he will understand. Get creative, handjobs, blowjobs, dress up little sexier, have a date night, couples massage. You will be amazed at the little things that can be done to simply feel sexier, and work up a drive. Watch porn together, something.

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He has real needs tooā€¦ i went through this too put out or theyā€™ll go else where for sexā€¦

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He sounds like a big baby and he needs to grow up. Your health is way more important than his sex drive. With my first pregnancy I had no sex drive at all then I found out I had placenta previa at 5 months. It eventually shifted and I was removed from pelvic rest however I was 37-38 weeks then and having bloody show, mucus etc and I told him it was gross he wouldnā€™t want to. I had a vagina birth with a 2nd degree tear but they couldnā€™t control my bleeding and my stitches were so messed up I had severed nerve endings and a lot of scar tissue. It was painful until I was about two years postpartum. We did have sex but it wasnā€™t frequent at all. We went almost a year without having sex at all due to the complications I had and he completely understood. You need to be blunt and stand up for yourself and he can ā€œtake careā€ of himself.

Nobody really understands how anyone feels unless they go thru it themselves. You can explain it a million different ways and it wonā€™t make a difference

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There is more to life then sex yes and with everything going on with you he should understand but yes men dont always think with the right head ā€¦ yes some of these people are right if you dont give in he will look elsewhere ā€¦ talk to your doctor see if there is something else going on but have him go with you so he will understand itā€™s nothing he has done personally ā€¦ be thankful that he still finds you beautiful and attractiveā€¦ but you need to find away to satisfy his needs as well even when you dont feel like it before he finds a way to himself because then you will have bigger problems and maybe be looking at a divorceā€¦ it takes two to keep a relationship going and Iā€™m not saying this to be mean Iā€™m talking 100% from experience

Tell him youā€™re not attracted to children and maybe if he acted like a grown man then youā€™d be inclined to treat him like a grown man?

As far as the bs about looking elsewhere, that bs and a cop-out. Sex is not needed to live and if he canā€™t take the fact that not only are you taking care of a baby that you grew inside of you and birthed that youā€™re also dealing with and recovering from several surgeries then heā€™s a POS. Tell his butt to change a diaper and get over it!

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Wowwwwwwwwwww
I just wanna say you didnt have to take care of him at all. He can do it himself. Iā€™d kick him and say get over it but thats me

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You poor thing. You do what you need to. Take care of yourself.

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Ok I have read many different responses on here and most of you are correct with what you say, take all of the advice given here and roll into one giant conversation. Sit your hubby down and have a nice long talk with him, tell him how you are feeling what you are going through physically and mentally but I also agree with other opinions on here such as sex is a part of a marriage and for a man to go months without sex (which feels like years to them) is a huge thing which could eventually cause them to stray. So give them that handjob or blowjob once in awhile and explain to them (because they are just as insecure as women are) that itā€™s not that you donā€™t find them attractive itā€™s that right now you arenā€™t ready for it but willing to help them once in a blue moon. Explain to them how stressed you are from everything you have been going through and how exhausted you are and maybe just maybe they will start to help you more with normal household chores which will help you heal faster and start you on the path to getting back to your normal self. Basically let them know how you feel, how you feel about them, how they can help you, help them once in awhile :wink:, and tell them it will come back that you just need time. You do that and they wonā€™t cheat, that they know eventually things will go back to how they were just it will take time and if you give them that hope they should remain faithful. I wish you the best of luck with this!

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ā€¦ you gotta take care of yourself but you gotta take care of his needs or he will seek it from someone else more willing. Get creative if you have to, but donā€™t forget he is your husband and you are his wife and you both have needs. Itā€™s not one sided and only one person gets what they want, thatā€™s not how marriage works.

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Heā€™s got two hands lol

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If you wanted sex super bad cause you hadnā€™t had it in months, and your husband just ignored you, got up and left the room, how rejected would you feel? You are the woman he finds so attractive that he wanted to spend the rest of his entire life with you, make babies with you, be with you, and you are rejecting him without explanation at this point. Put yourself in his shoes, talk to him the way you would want to be talked to, explain to him that it has nothing to do with him and you dgaf about his needs right now, you just arenā€™t back to normal yet. Just remember though that they are needs for him, so if he goes to jack it to porn, you dont have any right to get upset, because the person he wants to do it with is completely denying him.

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You tell him to sit down shut up and listen tell him what your body has been through and ask him how he would feel and then on top of you not feeling well being sore worrying about what youā€™re looking towards having done to you you got a child to take care of youā€™re exhausted your wore out you hurt and if he canā€™t be understanding good he can do without any contact chilling he is acting like a child sometimes lifeā€™s not fair but that comes with adulthood and if heā€™s that damn desperate he has two hands

Omgggg this annoys me so freaking much. He needs to be patient, and the fact that he isnā€™t is bullshit. Heā€™s being selfish. Full spectrum postpartum recovery can take a long ass time. Shit may not feel normal for 1-2 years sometimes. Tell him to chill tf out and go with the flow. Itā€™s not the end of the world, and you SHOULD find each other enjoyable in a lot of other ways than sex.

I am surprised to see the comments that if you donā€™t put out, heā€™ll get it elsewhere. If heā€™s only into the relationship or marriage for the sex, then thatā€™s not a solid relationship at all anyway. If my husband decided to ā€˜get it elsewhereā€™ ā€¦Iā€™d say go right ahead. That is not love and not ok if youā€™re married ā€¦FOR BETTER OR WORSE. He needs to understand what you have been through and how you are feeling. If he doesnā€™t at the moment, he needs to at least try or just get over it. Iā€™d let my husband pout then. Heā€™s being very insensitive it sounds like. Tell him to use his hand or go buy a blow up doll until you feel better. SMH.

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Poor baby,I wish he could walk a mile in your shoes

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Following. My husband picks fights because of lack of sex

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Sex and food is all men think about not very nice creatures xxx

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WoW!!! I cant get over all the BS comments telling her to give it up to him or else heā€™ll find it elsewhere! WTF is wrong with you women!?? And more importantly, WTF ever happened to staying true to your wedding vows??? ā€œIn sickness and in healthā€¦for better or for worseā€???

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Couples counseling sounds like a good idea, so you both can find a way to work together so you can both be happy, I see it from both sides, hope you sort it soon, you both dont need the stress and negative energy in your lives after everything youā€™ve already been through!

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Selfish bratt. No wonder u donā€™t feel like sex with all u have been thru! And waking u at 5 in the morning??:rage: tell him to sort himself out!!

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Hey get him a pocket pussy! LOL :joy:

Honey, he has hands if he needs taken care of that badly. No man acts like a baby because he doesnā€™t get off. That being said, his sexual desires should never come before your health. Itā€™s a long haul after any major surgery. You take care of you. If he canā€™t grow up enough to understand (and it is okay to he selfish now because you are HEALING) he can get bent. Take care of you and your body. He can take care of his own needs by himself.

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Give him sex if your Dr. Says itā€™s ok.

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No u r not well if he donā€™t understand that he needs to go having a baby thatā€™s hard enough on ur body now blood clots and other things going on if he donā€™t understand that he needs to go for sure

Sit him down and talk it outā€¦let him know how you FEELā€¦n that itā€™s not all about him, but as a whole family unit now that the baby has arrived ā€¦tell him you still need and want him but heā€™s got to let you heal inside n outā€¦be patientā€¦

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We didnā€™t have sex for over a year due to my medical issue and pregnancy. Oh gosh I was dying lol
no sex and no orgasms. I never want to do that again. :woman_shrugging:t5::joy:
Sounds like you need to sit him down and actually have a converse and tell him all of this and maybe yā€™all can come up with a plan together. Thatā€™ll at least tell him whatā€™s going on, how bad it is, and make him feel included.
But thatā€™s just my advice. :woman_shrugging:t5:

My dear do you have a friend or close family member who heā€™d listen to?? Or if you and his Dr. or one of yours would explain!!

What about the human body?Her bodyā€™s been thru a war.what about respect for how sheā€™s feeling?He sounds like a child that needs to grow up.Its not all about him@his needs.

If he doesnā€™t understand, kick his ass to the curb. You have to take care of you and your child. Not about him getting off. Sorry

While you scream at your woman, thereā€™s a man wishing he could whisper in her ear. While you humiliate, offend and insult her, thereā€™s a man wanting to remind her how beautiful she is. While you hurt her, thereā€™s a man wishing he could take her pain away. While you make her cry, thereā€™s a man who wants to make her smile. While youā€™re calling her a bad name, thereā€™s a man wishing he could call her ā€œBabyā€.
Post this on your wall if you are against domestic violence, emotional & mental abuse. :purple_heart: #pause4theCAUSE

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Maybe look into pills that will help you want sexā€¦or help to get you in the mood.

I litterly left my marriage of 15 yrs bc of this. He would not and didnt want to understand i dont want sex everyday. He would get mad and then try and force me too or be rough with me sexually grabbing me. Id have anxiety getting into bed at any time bc i knee he wants it and i dont. So i didnt know what he was going to do. A man who has sexual issues like this, its just how they are and it really depends on how much you can deal with. Its just how he is and nothing will change that in your case he stays faithful to you.

Kick him in the dick. Nuff said lol.