My sex drive is non existent due to my medical conditions. How can I make my husband understand??
I had my daughter via emergency c-section on 3-6-19 she was almost two months early. One month later, I had my second blood clot in my arm and was hospitalized for four days. Taking blood thinners my period was two months long and heavy, so I had to have blood transfusions and iron infusions and ultimately seven weeks ago a hysterectomy and gall bladder removal. I also have postpartum depression, and because of all the abdominal surgeries, I am facing yet another surgery next month for a hernia repair. My question is this my sex drive has been basically nonexistent, to say the least. I was also restricted from sexual activity for most of the last six months. I did take care of him at least once every two weeks. And against doctors orders, we had sex about three days ago however, Yesterday I was given to go-ahead to have sex. I went to bed early last night as I am exhausted and was awoken at five as he was trying to initiate sex. I got up to go to the bathroom because I really didnāt want to because I have a lot to do first thing in the morning like pack his lunch, make coffee make the baby a bottle etcā¦he threw a baby fit all morning slamming things around and pouting. He does this anytime I donāt want to have sex. How do I get him to understand itās not personal? My body has been through hell, and my mind isnāt much better with all the stress not to mention baby has been sick with an ear infection and cold the last week sex just isnāt a priority for me. Itās just frustrating dealing with his fit throwing. I need advice about how I should handle him. Itās worth mentioning I have asked him to read up on postpartum, and he has not. 
33 Likes
Have your Dr talk to him on your next visit. Understanding is the 1st step.
6 Likes
Just let him throw a fit. You shouldnāt do what you donāt want to. My fiancĆ© is like this and has been for about a week. I had surgery on the 16th and have a 1 year old daughter so when she goes to bed Iām exhausted and just want to relax. He throws a fit and doesnāt talk to me cause I donāt want to. My sex drive has been close to none since getting pregnant with my daughter and even after birth. Just ignore him. Thatās what I do. They donāt have a clue and never will what itās like going through what we go through.
5 Likes
My daughterās father and I broke up for a similar reason just different medical reasons. My opinion now is if a grown man has a temper tantrum over not having sex then heās still a child and you already have a real child to raiseš¤·āāļø
19 Likes
If he isnāt capable of understanding that your body has been through Hell after seeing with his own eyesā¦ Thereās not much you can say thatās gonna make it any clearer for him. Heās being very selfish which is definitely not going to improve your low libido. Maybe a few kicks in the nuts daily for six months will make him understand what youāre feeling.
12 Likes
Heās not going to understand because he doesnāt want to.
Give him some lotion and tissues and maybe a porn and tell him to see Rosie and her five friends.
18 Likes
After going through all of that and my husband refused to understand why I felt that way I would probably be going to jail for murder.
8 Likes
Tell him listen jackass I had so n so amount of surgeries and Iām due to have another one. Iām tired healing and the last thing on my mind is your dick. Find your hand and fix yourself. 
Haha thatās my version of what Iād say if that was me.
Throw the fit back. Although he needs to try to understand where you come from he needs to see what hes doing to you also so pull the fit back slam the cupboard and just tell him your trying to see it from his angle and just putting yourself into his shoes. Your needs are important and I used to feel obligated to please my ex then realized that if I dont wanna I dont fucking wanna and Iām not gunna do anything if Iām not getting something in return. Goes both ways and you underwent something hell never have to. Some men just wont step into a womans shoes.
Have you actually told him why you donāt feel like having sex??? I totally understand where your coming from BUT unless he is made aware he will take it personal. Also if things are overwhelming you in the morning either pack his lunch the night before or tell him to do it himself, he an adult and capable of looking after himself. He isnāt going to read anything as he probably doesnāt think itās real and your experiencing it. Make a drs appointment, take him along and speak to the dr in front of him and get the dr to explain things to him. It may sink in then. As for the fits just ignore them, I guess put yourself in his shoes how would be if he was rejecting you every time you wanted it.
4 Likes
He sounds really selfish and immature. Tell him if itās that bad maybe he can hand-le it himself? Itās sounds like a lot to go though. It doesnāt seem like that should be his first priority either.
9 Likes
Are you ok with him watching porn and masturbating? Bc that might be what he does nextā¦ men are wired diffefent than women. Maybe marriage counseling?
Make a video of u playn wif ur self so he has a bit of a wank video so he can have sex wif himself while watching u so u only have 2 do that once he can get himself off that if he really needs sex and heaps of males get thm selfs off these days
Tell him to f* off. Really just let him throw a fit. From what it sounds like you havent even gotton a rest from anything or any time to heal whatsoever. Youve had major surgery and on top of that a 2 month long period sucks ive had those it drains everything out of you. My daughter is 2years and 5 months and i still dont ever want to have sex again. Being a mommy is ALOT of work. Have him talk to your doctor show your doctor your post and have him talk to your husband. or read up online about what your going through. You need time to heal. Pack up and go to your moms or sisters or somewhere with baby and go heal. I think he need a time out Sending hugs your way!
10 Likes
Time to give blow jobs and hand jobs. Doesnāt always have to be sex. Start getting creative
3 Likes
Print this post and pack it in his lunch!
Initiate morning sex and then stay in bed and let him pack his own lunch! Maybe he will clue into the exchange on time and energy. Love does not help complete all your tasks when you are mentally and physically exhausted!
5 Likes
Buy him a pocket pussy. Tell him to go fuck his self
Sex is a part of a marriageā¦you have the go ahead to have it by your dr ā¦so why not, even if not in the mood let him do his thang bc if not he will go else where! I understand completely when dr orders is no but now I dont understandā¦
14 Likes
Tell him to go get cut open multiple times. 
see how much he wants sex after that. Immature asshole. Smh.
He treats you the way you allow him to treat you. He will continue to do this until you put your foot down. Have a long talk with him about priorities and his toddler tantrums.
4 Likes
Sounds like a man baby.i work full time and have 4 kids I never want to have sex Iām exhausted but does hubby care no we cuddle and watch a movie go on mini dates like walmart alone. Talk to him tell him exactly how u feel and maybe a foot rub may get u in the mood but him throwing fits certainly wont
4 Likes
He should already understand the things you have gone through and still get up every day and take care of the house. Tell him to suck it u and take care of it himself if thatās that much of an issue.
4 Likes
Pffft id laugh. Luckily i have a very underatanding man about all of this. Kind of stuff.
Have you both actually sad down and have a serious discussion as to why you do not have a sex drive? Because if you havenāt, you canāt just assume he understands. Men arenāt wired like us women. Therefore, that is the only way he will understand. Get creative, handjobs, blowjobs, dress up little sexier, have a date night, couples massage. You will be amazed at the little things that can be done to simply feel sexier, and work up a drive. Watch porn together, something.
2 Likes
He has real needs tooā¦ i went through this too put out or theyāll go else where for sexā¦
9 Likes
He sounds like a big baby and he needs to grow up. Your health is way more important than his sex drive. With my first pregnancy I had no sex drive at all then I found out I had placenta previa at 5 months. It eventually shifted and I was removed from pelvic rest however I was 37-38 weeks then and having bloody show, mucus etc and I told him it was gross he wouldnāt want to. I had a vagina birth with a 2nd degree tear but they couldnāt control my bleeding and my stitches were so messed up I had severed nerve endings and a lot of scar tissue. It was painful until I was about two years postpartum. We did have sex but it wasnāt frequent at all. We went almost a year without having sex at all due to the complications I had and he completely understood. You need to be blunt and stand up for yourself and he can ātake careā of himself.
Nobody really understands how anyone feels unless they go thru it themselves. You can explain it a million different ways and it wonāt make a difference
1 Like
There is more to life then sex yes and with everything going on with you he should understand but yes men dont always think with the right head ā¦ yes some of these people are right if you dont give in he will look elsewhere ā¦ talk to your doctor see if there is something else going on but have him go with you so he will understand itās nothing he has done personally ā¦ be thankful that he still finds you beautiful and attractiveā¦ but you need to find away to satisfy his needs as well even when you dont feel like it before he finds a way to himself because then you will have bigger problems and maybe be looking at a divorceā¦ it takes two to keep a relationship going and Iām not saying this to be mean Iām talking 100% from experience
Tell him youāre not attracted to children and maybe if he acted like a grown man then youād be inclined to treat him like a grown man?
As far as the bs about looking elsewhere, that bs and a cop-out. Sex is not needed to live and if he canāt take the fact that not only are you taking care of a baby that you grew inside of you and birthed that youāre also dealing with and recovering from several surgeries then heās a POS. Tell his butt to change a diaper and get over it!
15 Likes
Wowwwwwwwwwww
I just wanna say you didnt have to take care of him at all. He can do it himself. Iād kick him and say get over it but thats me
3 Likes
You poor thing. You do what you need to. Take care of yourself.
4 Likes
Ok I have read many different responses on here and most of you are correct with what you say, take all of the advice given here and roll into one giant conversation. Sit your hubby down and have a nice long talk with him, tell him how you are feeling what you are going through physically and mentally but I also agree with other opinions on here such as sex is a part of a marriage and for a man to go months without sex (which feels like years to them) is a huge thing which could eventually cause them to stray. So give them that handjob or blowjob once in awhile and explain to them (because they are just as insecure as women are) that itās not that you donāt find them attractive itās that right now you arenāt ready for it but willing to help them once in a blue moon. Explain to them how stressed you are from everything you have been going through and how exhausted you are and maybe just maybe they will start to help you more with normal household chores which will help you heal faster and start you on the path to getting back to your normal self. Basically let them know how you feel, how you feel about them, how they can help you, help them once in awhile 
, and tell them it will come back that you just need time. You do that and they wonāt cheat, that they know eventually things will go back to how they were just it will take time and if you give them that hope they should remain faithful. I wish you the best of luck with this!
5 Likes
ā¦ you gotta take care of yourself but you gotta take care of his needs or he will seek it from someone else more willing. Get creative if you have to, but donāt forget he is your husband and you are his wife and you both have needs. Itās not one sided and only one person gets what they want, thatās not how marriage works.
1 Like
If you wanted sex super bad cause you hadnāt had it in months, and your husband just ignored you, got up and left the room, how rejected would you feel? You are the woman he finds so attractive that he wanted to spend the rest of his entire life with you, make babies with you, be with you, and you are rejecting him without explanation at this point. Put yourself in his shoes, talk to him the way you would want to be talked to, explain to him that it has nothing to do with him and you dgaf about his needs right now, you just arenāt back to normal yet. Just remember though that they are needs for him, so if he goes to jack it to porn, you dont have any right to get upset, because the person he wants to do it with is completely denying him.
4 Likes
You tell him to sit down shut up and listen tell him what your body has been through and ask him how he would feel and then on top of you not feeling well being sore worrying about what youāre looking towards having done to you you got a child to take care of youāre exhausted your wore out you hurt and if he canāt be understanding good he can do without any contact chilling he is acting like a child sometimes lifeās not fair but that comes with adulthood and if heās that damn desperate he has two hands
Omgggg this annoys me so freaking much. He needs to be patient, and the fact that he isnāt is bullshit. Heās being selfish. Full spectrum postpartum recovery can take a long ass time. Shit may not feel normal for 1-2 years sometimes. Tell him to chill tf out and go with the flow. Itās not the end of the world, and you SHOULD find each other enjoyable in a lot of other ways than sex.
I am surprised to see the comments that if you donāt put out, heāll get it elsewhere. If heās only into the relationship or marriage for the sex, then thatās not a solid relationship at all anyway. If my husband decided to āget it elsewhereā ā¦Iād say go right ahead. That is not love and not ok if youāre married ā¦FOR BETTER OR WORSE. He needs to understand what you have been through and how you are feeling. If he doesnāt at the moment, he needs to at least try or just get over it. Iād let my husband pout then. Heās being very insensitive it sounds like. Tell him to use his hand or go buy a blow up doll until you feel better. SMH.
6 Likes
Poor baby,I wish he could walk a mile in your shoes
1 Like
Following. My husband picks fights because of lack of sex
1 Like
Sex and food is all men think about not very nice creatures xxx
2 Likes
WoW!!! I cant get over all the BS comments telling her to give it up to him or else heāll find it elsewhere! WTF is wrong with you women!?? And more importantly, WTF ever happened to staying true to your wedding vows??? āIn sickness and in healthā¦for better or for worseā???
10 Likes
Couples counseling sounds like a good idea, so you both can find a way to work together so you can both be happy, I see it from both sides, hope you sort it soon, you both dont need the stress and negative energy in your lives after everything youāve already been through!
1 Like
Selfish bratt. No wonder u donāt feel like sex with all u have been thru! And waking u at 5 in the morning??
tell him to sort himself out!!
2 Likes
Hey get him a pocket pussy! LOL 
Honey, he has hands if he needs taken care of that badly. No man acts like a baby because he doesnāt get off. That being said, his sexual desires should never come before your health. Itās a long haul after any major surgery. You take care of you. If he canāt grow up enough to understand (and it is okay to he selfish now because you are HEALING) he can get bent. Take care of you and your body. He can take care of his own needs by himself.
4 Likes
Give him sex if your Dr. Says itās ok.
2 Likes
No u r not well if he donāt understand that he needs to go having a baby thatās hard enough on ur body now blood clots and other things going on if he donāt understand that he needs to go for sure
Sit him down and talk it outā¦let him know how you FEELā¦n that itās not all about him, but as a whole family unit now that the baby has arrived ā¦tell him you still need and want him but heās got to let you heal inside n outā¦be patientā¦
2 Likes
My dear do you have a friend or close family member who heād listen to?? Or if you and his Dr. or one of yours would explain!!
What about the human body?Her bodyās been thru a war.what about respect for how sheās feeling?He sounds like a child that needs to grow up.Its not all about him@his needs.
If he doesnāt understand, kick his ass to the curb. You have to take care of you and your child. Not about him getting off. Sorry
While you scream at your woman, thereās a man wishing he could whisper in her ear. While you humiliate, offend and insult her, thereās a man wanting to remind her how beautiful she is. While you hurt her, thereās a man wishing he could take her pain away. While you make her cry, thereās a man who wants to make her smile. While youāre calling her a bad name, thereās a man wishing he could call her āBabyā.
Post this on your wall if you are against domestic violence, emotional & mental abuse. 
#pause4theCAUSE
2 Likes
Maybe look into pills that will help you want sexā¦or help to get you in the mood.
I litterly left my marriage of 15 yrs bc of this. He would not and didnt want to understand i dont want sex everyday. He would get mad and then try and force me too or be rough with me sexually grabbing me. Id have anxiety getting into bed at any time bc i knee he wants it and i dont. So i didnt know what he was going to do. A man who has sexual issues like this, its just how they are and it really depends on how much you can deal with. Its just how he is and nothing will change that in your case he stays faithful to you.
Kick him in the dick. Nuff said lol.
