What do I do, is this normal?

If he’s allowed to leave without asking, you can too. Doesn’t matter if you’re married or not. As a mother, you NEED that time for yourself, and no grocery shopping, appointments, etc does not count! If he throws a fit and takes off when you wanna go do something, have a back up sitter so you can go anyway.

Red flags you need to get your life back think of your kids as well get a plan and do it


Mine was the same so I thought! Until you TELL him that you are going to be leaving. Say bye I love you text me if you need anything and WALK out and enjoy your night. You have allowed for it to be like this. You will have guilt or anxiety but the kids will be fine he is going to protect them

Time to leave or reciprocate everything he does to you.

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Yeah that’s not normal! You definitely need time to yourself too just like he does. The responsibilities with the kids should be shared especially if he is not working!
If he gives you a hard time girl leave him

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Leave. But start by leaving him with the kids and taking off with no explanation. To do stuff for you.

Throw the whole man away

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You’ll be happier without him.

I’ll babysit for you! All moms need a break.

Why put up with any of that?! Without him you hire a baby sitter and go do your night out, you don’t need permission! He sounds like a self drag of a human, and no not all men are like this, leave that nonsense, life is too short

People do to you what you allow…

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Ugh. I would have said your right. Told him to leave and then packed me and my kids up and left.

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Your being a single mom with an extra child basically married or not your a couple and you deserve time away he’s an asshole period since your doing it alone anyways kick him to the curb then he can have all the time he wants by himself. If you don’t leave or make this clear to him he will keep doing it and it’s going to break you!

No all men Are not like that. My husband and I run every plan we have by each other. Not bc of control but respect. 99% of the time it’s fine but sometimes it’s not bc he forgot we had something planned or whatever. He usually does more then me bc I have very few friends but it’s always hey do mind if I do this or that. If you don’t want me to go that’s ok too. At this point you doin a marriage don’t matter not having a piece of paper but I would seriously consider leaving if not for yourself but your daughters. Do you want them thinking that’s love bc it’s not.

Do you rent? Is his name on the lease? I’d change the locks, get a restraining order, pack his s*** & let him go stay with his friends.

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I dealt with that for years. Finally got out of it. Was the best thing I can do. You need to have some time for yourself and to see your friends without always having the kids with. It’s not fair if you cant do it but he gets to do whatever he wants. You need to leave him but only when you are ready. Believe me you will eventually be ready.

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No. You know it’s not normal. He’s isolating you so he can manipulate you to do what he wants. It’s not a partnership it only benefits him. Since you shared he has some sort of addiction issue than he is DEFINITELY not a partner. You are choosing this situationship. You need to realize that your situation can change as soon as he decides he is done or wants something else. It’s not normal and it’s not going to change unless you leave or he does.

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Leave while you can. He is bad for both you and your kids. I

It’s like a prison sentence that we convict ourselves to. There’s no bars or razor wire fence or prison gaurd holding us in. And yet we stay. Self contained solitary confinement.

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He’ll NOOOOO girl that shit ain’t normal. My boyfriend will watch my daughters who aren’t biologically his, just so I can go get my nails done, massages, so I can go to the store, out to dinner with my friends etc.

Why do you allow yourself to be treated like this?

You should have already left. Nobody deserves that kind of treatment.

He will never marry you. Why would he? He probably treats his mother the same way. Did you go back and read what you wrote? How terrible it sounds? What is he giving you besides hell? You do not need permission to do anything you want if you’re not married. You need to reach out to your friends and have a night out and plan an escape from this toxic man and relationship! Your kids deserve a mom that’s happy.


No it’s not normal! Look him dead in his face and tell him to go to his friends and take his shit with him. Nobody deserves that kind of treatment and your not married so don’t ask him for permission to go anyway and I wouldn’t even if you were married. It’s a mutual respect thing but you must give in order to receive and clearly he isn’t doing that. Pack his crap and wave goodbye before you do make another mistake and marry the punk.

Baby girl…you know the answers. Think about it this way…what if it were one of your daughters in your place someday? Would you even allow that type of treatment towards her or would you do everything in your power to help remove her from that situation? Whether a man is beating you, manipulating you, or verbally and mentally abusing you…the result is the same… you’re being abused and what’s worse is your daughters are learning it’s ok to be treated that way.
F*ck that noise. You owe it to yourself to decide how you will and will not be treated…and you take nothing less. You decide what you will allow and you alone decide when enough is enough. He said himself… you aren’t married, so you have no rights where he is concerned. Seems to me he made sure of that…and he’s also made it clear in his choices in his treatment of you, where his respect for you lies.
Respect yourself enough to say I’m better than this, and I deserve better…hell so do your babies. You’re a mom…their welfare and a healthy stable environment are your responsibility. I’m not lecturing you… I’m only telling you everything you already know. It’s up to you… you’re a momma…you’re already a badass(it’s ingrained in your beautiful soul)…start acting like it. Sending lots of love and prayers

no thats not normal. leave. dont allow yourself to be treated that way, you staying & allowing it to happen, is just showing your kids its ok to be treated that way.

dont walk. run. get out of that situation.

He sounds like he is controlling you and trying to isolate you from everyone. Big red flags

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You need to kick him out

Why is he even around? He treats you like crap, he isnt paying bills, he isnt helping with his kids. Go be free. Life is short.

My boyfriend of 5 years will watch my kid for me to do anything I ask and doesn’t make me feel bad about it and he is just a step dad and we are not married either. If you don’t want to leave him then do the same to him n let him see how it feels. Just get up and leave and don’t say anything. He won’t have a choice but to watch them then

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Why are you still there? You need to get out now! You deserve better!


Why do women put up with this?


If you wouldn’t be okay with someone treating your kids this way,then you have your answer… it’s not normal,and it will affect your mental health(I know it already has). Never let anyone control your life so much that you don’t even know who you are anymore.

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This is in no way normal, married or not you should be treated as an equal and those are his kids too so he should be sharing in their care as well. I have never had to ask for permission to go see family or friends. With my first husband the only friends I had where his and he was very abusive and controlling and that’s what is happening to you.

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NOT normal. Get out.

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It’s not normal but it does happen. This is my exact situation except for my boyfriend doesn’t spend the night out with anyone. But he does pick up and leave and go to the store or do whatever he wants without having to ask.

Do you want a better life?? You won’t have it with him! Make a plan to move on without him! Regret is a hard pill to swallow!!

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You teach people how to treat you and you have taught him that you will be his doormat and then stick around for more. Put your big girl panties on and stand up for yourself. What have you really got to loose.


I didn’t even read the rest. You shouldn’t have to beg for nothing!

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File a parenting plan and leave, it will never get better. I have been in your shoes but we were married. It is not worth staying.

Only you can make the right choice here, do you want to live like this for the rest of your life, he should be looking after your girls to give you a break, a relationship is about working together as a couple, looks like he wants to do his own thing and not include you think about what you have gone thru in the past and your current situation, you deserve to be happy

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Do u have friends ds w kids u can all hang together. F that guy ur with.

You do what you want ! Don’t let a man control you

Next time say the same to him and walk out

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You already know what you need to do which is leave this man. If you want to be happy then you need to do what makes you happy and if you’re not happy with this man then it’s time to leave. You don’t need no mans permission to go do anything you don’t need permission to go to the store. If you got family ask them to watch your kids for a few hours and go do something by yourself or reach out to one of long lost friends after confirming that someone can watch your kids and go hang with one of your friends. Stop letting this guy control your life seriously.

Wow what a controlling ahole that def does NOT respect you!

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I can’t think of one good reason why you would want to stay with this loser. You are in a toxic relationship and it is NOT normal. Call a domestic violence hotline and get you and your kids out of that emotional hellhole.

They can get you to a safe house, they or a women’s center can help you find a lawyer, get custody, child support and benefits to help you get on your feet, and find subsidized housing or at least get you on a waiting list for it. Insist he only get supervised visits with the children though chances are he will continue to abandon you and the children in favor of new people he can abuse.

If he is a narcissist, he sees you all as merely possessions, not actual people. Once he can’t hurt you all to make him feel powerful, he’ll ignore you, which in this case is a good thing. Sadly there is no love in this relationship as he is incapable of loving anyone but himself. You can’t fix him, so stop trying.

Once you are away from him reconnect with friends, make new ones, join moms groups and get together with all of them and exchange babysitting so you get time off and have fun. You will feel an incredible lightness once you get him out of your life.

Get therapy so you can recover and build back your self esteem and independence. Depending on the ages of the kids get them in therapy too. Understand why you were attracted to this loser and what made you stay. Learn how to avoid getting into damaging relationships in the future. Toxic people can be very charming and are very skilled at being manipulative. Don’t blame yourself too much, but learn all the warning signs.

Look into support groups for women who have been in toxic relationships.

Do not even think about dating for at least a year, and never until you have regained control of your emotions and life through therapy. Buy sex toys to help you through it. Get on reliable birth control before you decide to begin dating. You don’t need more kids with people who turn out to be losers. KNOW YOUR WORTH.

Your kids are looking to you to know how to live. Get away now so they know this is NOT normal. You can do it. One step at a time, lean on services to help guide you through the process, and think of the benefits to you and the kids once you get away from him. Keep moving forward and congratulate yourself on every little win. Once you connect with new and old friends you can lean on them too.

We are behind you rooting for you to get out and enjoy your life and the happiness you and your children deserve! Make that call now!

Kick him out ur not married. The problem is it’s our own fault because we have ALLOWED this to happen and did not have enough self worth or self respect to speak up at the get go and we tolerated this behavior and allowed it to happen. I have been married for over 20 years and I have taken trip to Mexico and Jamaica with my girl friends. If I want to do something with my friends I run it by him and let him know I’m going, however I don’t ask permission and neither does he. Keep in mind that we don’t go out and party or anything like that.


Regardless if you have children you need to get out. He is controlling, manipulative and abusive. Behavior like that increasingly gets worse and can end very badly. It also ruins your children and has them believing that behavior is acceptable. NEVER give up friends or family…I’ve had all of this done to me, not once, but twice. Get yourself some counseling and get out! Being alone is far batter than being with men like that! Your children will thank you!!

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He’s bullying you … he can do it but you can’t … nah that’s not right… I would figure out a way to either fix this or leave … end of story

Leave him for your Sanity…Run like you are on fire…

It’s not what he does to you. It’s what you allow him to do to you. Take your power back. Make a plan and remove him from your life. Then he can earn his visitations with his children. No. Not all men are like this. Do not settle for this nonsense.


No…this is not normal. This sounds like a very one-sided relationship. It sounds like there are some very foundational problems in your relationship….and men like that don’t change. You will be amazed at how happy you will be if you leave. Is it easy to leave in the beginning? Nothing worth working for ever is….but you deserve happiness and you aren’t going to be happy in a relationship like that. Since you aren’t married it will be easier…just don’t be stupid, put him on child support immediately!!

No, not normal. You need to insist that you have time to yourself. Make plans and stick to them. If he doesn’t cooperate, then tell him you are going anyway and he either needs to be home with the kids or he has to hire a babysitter and pay her.

Get out. If you are basically already raising your kids on your own, then get rid of the weight you call a boyfriend. He is an ah, abusive and probably does not care about you the way you care about him. You deserve better.

No, not all men are like this. This is typical narcissistic abusive behaviors and getting married will most likely make it worse. My first husband was like this and getting a divorce and leaving him was the best thing I ever did! My hubby now is kind, gentle, and always patient even with dealing with my trauma responses from PTSD from my ex-husband.

These are red flags and I’d reach out to a local shelter and get you and your girls out before things continue to escalate.


No this is not normal and not all men are like this. He has a control issue. Either you need to stop asking permission to go to the store or you need to walk away and do whatever you want… that’s just gross. Plus you mentioned it’s already been rough on and off.

You’re a grown ass woman and you don’t need anyone’s permission to do anything … married or not!!! Make sure your kids are taken care of and go do something fun. I wouldn’t stay with this immature man another day. Your relationship is toxic and not normal. Get your kids and get out!!!

No not all men are like this. My husband knows I need breaks. He often watches the kids on sat or sun so I can get out of the house for a few hours. Or he’ll set up a sitter so we can go together. Everyone needs that. He sounds narcissistic! That’s a very unfair relationship. If he gets to go out you should too.

I’m not married but ive been with my man for 7 years, we are engaged, but he encourages me to have girls nights. You time is very important! Time with friends is important!

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Leave no this is not normal he just conditioned you to think this normal. Healthy relationships aren’t like this

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Your letting him take away your power. My husband has always told me to take my power back from him and everyone else. Its helped a lot. He used to control me like this then I smacked him into reality and its become a 50/50 type deal. Take your damn power back and show him what a strong woman you are.

Sounds like a narcissist and those don’t change plus an alcoholic. I’ve lived with mine for 20 years, it robbed me of my peace, my health and the respect of my kids. My teenage kids finally had given me an ultimatum that this time he moves out and i am never to believe his lies that he changed and never take him back. He drank himself to death living on his own within a year. You see I kept making excuses for his behavior hoping rehab would work time and time again but in reality he was manipulating me and anyone else trying to help him. He would say and do exactly what someone wanted to hear or see just so he can get to the other side of whatever crap he was in because of his alcoholism so that he may return to drinking again. Every time he was in trouble like a dwi he would plead and beg forgiveness go to rehab do whatever for a time until he was through it then cycle would start over. Its hard to let go when things aren’t always bad and during each cycle there is a time where they seem great. However, over time the great becomes barely ok and the bad becomes unbearable. I hope you learn to prioritize your health and happiness and that of your kids sooner then I did and get out.

He’s not the person you should spend your life with.

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Everyone saying to get out. Idk. I mean techincally yes but also I feel this behavior can be corrected if you sit down and have a conversation on him. About therapy? Seems to me he is hurting somewhere emotionally. He thinks you’re the enemy, because he has believed his friends. They’re all telling him how much it sucks go be married. Although you arent legally, its almost the same. They’re guilting him but the thing is he is supposed to remember his place in life. Things won’t be the same as it was 15 years ago. He needs to realize. And if he doesn’t want to, then you guys are better off single. Because it seems he misses his single life without responsibility.
The controlling part can also all be corrected with therapy or some kind if counseling. If not, the only thing you can do is leave

So you let an alcoholic control you, your home & your choices, & you wonder why it’s a :poop: show???

He doesn’t get to be the controlling factor of responsibility of family life when he can’t even be responsible for himself :person_facepalming:

Either put your foot down & make some hardcore changes, it become a single parent because your children deserve to be raised in a better environment than that.

Nope not normal and saying he doesn’t need your permission because you are not married should have been your one of many signs. It’s not going to change. Live a life of a prisoner with a narcissistic asshole or get out and be free

Why do you stay, and please don’t say love. Your girls are watching this. You being treated this way and putting up with his :poop:. It’s ok to start over but if you do, take SOME TIME to find you.

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You are asking the wrong question. The real question is, does this behavior make you happy? Does this lifestyle make you happy? If not, move on from this relationship. From what he has said, he’s using your non-married, non-committed state as his permission to do what he wants. You have that same freedom. Everyone deserves someone who strives to make their partner happy. You need to look for happiness elsewhere.

This sounds like hes spent a good amount of time controlling and isolating you from everyone. Honestly I would either set a boundary like every time he gets to go out with friends you get a night out with friends the week later or night after etc. It sounds like after 6.5 years though him changing his thoughts or actions seem slim to none.

I’m sorry but I don’t understand why u put up with it I’m afraid I would have left yrs ago what life have you and your children got if he rules you and your don’t go out or have friends but he can go out .it’s not always best to stay for sake of children relationship has to work both ways with give and take .you can do it .be happy have a really nice life just you and your children tell him if he doesn’t respect you now .he never will… You deserve to loved uncondionaly and it should work both ways

No its not normal behavior. Its behavior of a narcissist. Not all men are like this, but some of us do have narcissistic traits or will do narcissistic things from time to time and not be a narcissist. Some just have more traits than others and they’re toxic. Please pick up your life and shake him out of it. It won’t be easy, he found his target and they basically groom you to be what they want. You basically have a Stockholm syndrome, but it can be done. Look into some domestic abuse counselors, they may be able to help you.

This not normal and all men are not like this. You’re in a relationship where he controls you. You have no friends and no where to go and nothing to do. He likes it like that. While he can go and do as he pleases. He throws tantrums if you even think of doing something for yourself or going somewhere without him. He is a true narcissist. They don’t change. They only get worse over time. Do you and your children a huge favor and leave. He’s robbing you of a life.

The word “alcoholic” tells everything there is to know about the behavior.

What’s the Netflix movie? The maid? If you haven’t watched it, watch it and see if you can relate. You don’t have to put up with this behavior

Make plans. Go. He knows if he pitches a fit you’ll stay. Go and enjoy yourself and deal with him later

You need to leave. He’s controlling and has isolated you. You don’t say he’s in recovery so is he still in active addiction? This is not a good environment for the kids to grow up in and it’s not good for you.

Stand up for yourself
Respect yourself, they will continue their behavior since you put up with it

No it’s not normal at all, my husband encourages girls night, I gives him time at the house by himself to play his video games uninterrupted! It’s not normal or healthy the way he behaves. And yall aren’t married (like he said) so why ask permission to even go to the grocery store? Ef that!

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No its not normal and again, no, all men are not like this and sadly, his behaviour can’t be corrected by sitting down and talking or therapy, do yourself and your girls a favour and leave

Get a better support system so you can have a night out without worrying about your kids or him and make it a regular thing. Like once a week or once every other week. He will show his jealousy issues probably and try to guilt you into not going but don’t give in. You say the same thing, “we’re not married I don’t need to to tell me I can and can’t do something. Bye”
You don’t NEED him. You just need a good support system so you can do things that make you feel good. Don’t worry about what he’s doing as long as your kids are safe and you’re having a good time. You get this one life, you don’t owe anybody anything. It’s great you take care of your kids but that’s not the only reason you’re on this earth. You should go have fun.

That’s ridiculous. You should get time too. Tell him he’s the dad and you want a night of freedom too. It can’t all be him that gets to hang out with his friends

You have the relationship you allow. You want time out, go. If he flips out, go any way. He doesn’t need your permission, you don’t need his.

One word-narcissistic!
That is not normal and honestly I would work on leaving. It sounds like he has all the control and he has already isolated you. I’m sure you feelings of being worthless are greater than what they were 3 yrs ago too!


Not normal at all! He’s isolated you from everyone so that he has full control! I’ve been there it’s so hard!!

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Leave. Find yourself again. Hire a sitter and have some fun. Confide in the women that used to be your friends. Fill them in on everything so you have a support system. Get away though. This is not healthy for the kids.


I’m sorry for what your going through and if your unhappy try talking to someone whom you trust but not to get opinions on things but just for your mental health you need to be able to speak about how it’s Makin you feel. It would be good if you and your partner could sit down together and openly communicate about your needs and his needs. Relationships are never easy but ONLY you can decide what to do. If ya ever need a friendly ear just to vent :raising_hand_woman: no judgment.

Locked down…men use the kids to keep the woman’s self worth in check…he can come and go as he pleases…but has you trapped at home like a chicken setting on eggs…that’s one of the reasons why I’m single…Im not in the mood to be commanded to stay home and rot away…put up with it or grow some balls… And get out side and get back into life…

No that’s not normal! And no not all men are like this. Stick up for yourself. Even if you both were married he still couldn’t tell you what you can and can’t do. you don’t own each other…so it shouldn’t be a big issue when it’s your turn to go out and have time for yourself. You deserve to be able to do as you please as well! You’re both equally a team for your girls. 50/50. So he needs to step up and do his part in fathering the girls without a fuss when it’s your turn to have time for yourself too. Can’t be just him going out doing lord knows what whenever he feels like it. This is horrible and I really really hope you realize it’s not right or normal.

Control. And that comment. Was gaslighting af!! We aren’t married anyway . We’ll there’s your answer anytime you wanna get out. Watch him throw a fit. And get irate … He. Is. Not a good one :confused:

:triangular_flag_on_post::triangular_flag_on_post::triangular_flag_on_post: he has isolated you from your support network and you can’t leave the house without permission. No. LEAVE. RUN. FAST. He is not a good guy. This is a toxic ass relationship and trust me NOT ALL MEN ARE POS.

He said it. You are not married, so leave him and apply for child support. You deserve better.


You decide what you will let him do, He cant walk all over you unless you laid down first. I would stop asking permission and you do you. If he says anything throw his words back in his face.

Mine is like that. I’m currently trying this new thing where I don’t ask, I tell. He is more than capable of caring for the kids. I TELL HIM I’m leaving and get in the car and go. And sure, he’s usually mad about it but doenst take it out on the kids. But then when I come home he can’t give me a real reason why it made him angry, other than he is a spoiled child that uses me as a babysitter. He always told me I’m their mother and how dare I leave them. And after the first two times of me just telling him I going somewhere, he doesn’t fight it anymore. I’m not doing anything wrong and I’m not staying out late. He is also a parent just as I am also a human being that doesn’t want to be left out for the rest of my life


Yall ain’t married so guess what, you ain’t gotta have permission either and damn sure dont have to he the one sittin at home with kids all the time…what’s good for the goose is good for the gander. Hes keeping you trapped so he can go do as he pleases and you let him…fk that get out now!!

Can u leave can u make along if u can go get your life back u just have one make it a good one and pray about this

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No. You aren’t. Say goodbye and leave the selfish ass and go do your thing.

He sounds like a narcissist and an asshole. No this is not normal. My ex husband didn’t let me go ANYWHERE without his permission :roll_eyes: with my current husband I can tell him “hey I’m going to x to do x, can you watch the kids for a while?” And he’s totally fine with it.

Leave. Tske ur babies n’ go

First of all his right your not married nor is he. Second he helped with the making of the children. So it’s both of you that have the responsibility of looking after them and keeping the house and laundry clean, and feeding them. This is not a one way street for u to be doing it all. Next he doesn’t have the right to control u and tell u when and where u can go and who to talk to. His doing as he please so stand on your two feet grow a set of balls and tell him this is how it’s going to be. If u can go out with your buddies I’m going out with my friends. He take one night u take the next or vice versa. Don’t let him control you anymore, if he don’t like it to bad leave.