What do I do, is this normal?

Not normal and because of that statement about not married to you, would be reason to say yep we’re not see ya later. Why would he spend the night? Maybe gay?

If he wants time to himself then it’s only fair you get the same. Might as well save yourself the aggravation and leave him. That isn’t going to change. It never does.

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Get a sitter and get your free time! Don’t rely on him to watch the girls you find someone else. Stand up to him passive aggressively. Don’t react to his tantrums. Let him walk out and sulk. Narcissistic behaviour at its finest.

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Kick his *** out …he fits the profile as a potential abuser …watch out

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Nope that’s not normal at all. Just bc we enter relationships doesn’t mean we lose ourselves. You should see friends.

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are those his kids? if so don’t ask just let him know and go. don’t make getting ready super obvious. if those are not his kids find a sitter. or if you don’t trust him find a sitter

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Ditch the unnecessary baggage from your life! Let him be a single man like he wants to be. You can do much better. Put your focus on yourself and most importantly your kids.

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your allowing it to happen, your the one who puts up with it so stop moaning your arse off and do something about it, stop being a puppet on a string nek minit 10yrs from now your still sitting there moaning your arse off posting the same old shit Lol :laughing:

Out of respect I tell my husband I’m going bust I don’t ask. :rofl:
Guess what, he does the same.
I’m not his mom. But if he ever said that too me, I’d help him leave. I don’t do passive aggressive bs.
So, hire a sitter, make plans …
And GO. Take a night. Take a weekend. Get a hobby. Find out who you are without him. Without children.
But in all seriousness, talk to him. Lay out the cards and go from there.

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He’s right…you’re not married… so show him the door…what are you staying for???

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My husband goes to his friends house to hang out and do whatever he wants basically everyday after work…after I’ve been home with the kids all day. He’s kind of a jerk about it. It’s not supposed to be this way.

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RelationSHIT! Girl fuck that man - time to leave!

Stop asking and just leave one day. Period. make him take care of the kids. And just leave. Go order taco bell and just sit in the parking lot. Go walk through target. Just go. Let him throw his fit like the child he is. Married or not its about RESPECT. HE DOESNT HAVE ANY. Im bout to show mine :yawning_face::yawning_face::yawning_face: they keep testing us i swear TA GAWWWD

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You and your girls deserve better. You are worth more than he credits you with. Find your own life.

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leave him! sexist traditional asshole from hell by the sounds of it! Never beg him or anyone else for anything! Get some reliable childcare, secure employment, and give yourself time to be single and figure out what you want. I don’t need to know all the details, this shit is not normal and you deserve better!

Im a sahm.
My Mr use to be similar. Wouldn’t watch the kid without me…
Soooooo I just started leaving🤷 he didn’t have much choice if he was the only adult in the house…lol
He use to get SO mad lmao
Told me to suck it up, it’s what I signed up for. I was a mom now.
I retorted he signed up for it to and he was a dad now. The kid was half his🤷. I didn’t make him on my own, so Def wasn’t gonna raise him on my own with his dad right in the house. Nope. I wasn’t no single mom with a partner…period.
So he basically got told to man up, or man out🤷.
He manned up, cuz he knew I’d leave just like I threatened if he didn’t. Cuz if I was doing it allllll myself anyways, what did I need him for??lol
At least separated,I’d get a break when kiddo was at dad’s 🤷😂.
Now a days…I can leave for hrs and my Mr is just like “have fun!”…
Same when he goes out…I tell him to have fun and see you later. No issues.
Cuz we BOTH get the time to reconnect with ourselves.
Like yes…we ARE parents…but we ARE still humans…I’m STILL Angie…not just mom.🤷

What you allow will continue in your life. Best of luck hun :blush:

Why is this even a question if this is normal?? He’s a bullying control freak! And sounds like a mental abuser! You deserve better! Get out!

No that’s normal. He’s controlling you. We can tell you to leave but you have to want to have better. You have been home for 3 years? We only live once… Just once. Do you want to spend that time " playing house" with someone? He says y’all ain’t married and he can do what he wants… Guess what so can you. I also was in a bad relationship for years with children. It wasn’t easy leaving… But it does get easier… You deserve to be happy. Your kids deserve to be happy as well. Even if they are young, they can tell what’s going on between you two. Leave and go be happy with your kids and have some peace without him trying to control your life.

you already know the answer to that…
you need to get rid of him and his bum ass and do yourself a favor

Not normal.
Been there and done that. He will only get worse.
Your kids deserve a happy mum. I stayed for 9yrs. Stuck, with no license, stay at home mum, he kept getting me preggers too!lost some friends, however some of my friends would stick up for me-needless to say he hated those friends-but theyre still my number 1 supporters today, weve been seperated going on7yrs now. He doesnt even see the kids, court ordered now,because he went down hill and im glad i left when i did.life gets so much better.:heart: find yourself,find your voice, be brave and courageous.:muscle:

We teach people how to treat us…

Read that again.

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A lot of men are like that
Doing it alone while with someone is hell because you likely do everything for the dude too. I learnt once we got divorced being alone was easier. And I did it dead ass alone till my son was 13.

Good luck momma…

I’m always with my fiance but he’s my best friend. We go out together with other couples.

Besides the point… I wish I knew where you were. If I was breast, if gladly watch those babies so u could get a little self care.

He’s draining you and costing you your peace. Let him go.

Like he said. Your not married and don’t need to ask for permission. Get you girl night on and leave him with his kids. :wave:

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You’re basically a single mother now, leave you will feel a weight lifted off your shoulder zz

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Sounds like a narc. It isn’t going to get any better, just worse. Leave if you can, or better yet, kick his a** to the curb.

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Get rid of him the selfish ahole

No, this isn’t normal at all! Ima mom of 2, and I can leave without my kids, go out of I want and I’m married. You should just leave!

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No, all men are NOT like this. Leave him. He’s awful and terrible. If you arent happy then just leave.

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Leave, will only get worse…

I would leave. That’s abuse.

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Seriously why are you wasting your time with this man.
Move on you will be so much happier !
It’s called freedom

Treat him the way he’s treating you… It won’t last long.

Make sure the kids are straight and take you a night out without asking he will figure it out. Other than that he is a narcissist and only cares about himself. If you flipped out on him he wouldn’t understand why. You need to take care of yourself and your mental health for the kids and hopefully you can get out of your predicament soon. You don’t want your girls to grow up and think being treated like that is normal because just like he is treating you they will start treating you the same way.

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You’re allowing him to control your every move. My husband doesn’t care what I do, when I do it, how much I spend. If I wanna leave I don’t even have to ask him to watch the kid, it’s just a given. Stand up for yourself.

Ummm no all men do not treat women like this- no this is not normal- you are in a very unhealthy relationship and unless you want your girls to grow up thinking this is how they deserve to be treated one day than get out and teach them and yourself your worth. We teach people how to treat us and you’ve taught him it’s ok to treat you like shit. If you want more for yourself than demand more for yourself and your kids and that means leaving his sorry ass and finding someone who will treat both you and your kids the way you should be treated.

Leave his ass or throw him out if you have to give a 30 day notice does he help w bills he’s not your daddy

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No not all men are like this.
You are living with a Narcissist, I’ve lived it for 14 years. Left 1 year ago and life has returned to normal.
I have a great guy that spends most of his day doing things to make OUR life better.

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No, it’s not normal. He has isolated you so that he can control you. You need to get out while you can before your girls think this is normal.

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Your in a toxic relationship and you gotta start planning a way to get yourself out

Leave. ASAP. This is not right nor is it normal, this is abusive.

If your daughter came to you and explained this relationship to you, what would your advice be to her? That should tell you all you need to know

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I went through this with my ex-husband, totally belittled me in everything I done, had to more or less ask permission to go out just for a game of bingo (with his mum), he classed him staying in with the kids as babysitting, more arguments than enough, I finally came to my senses and divorced him. I’m remarried to a wonderful man and the first few years, he had to convince me to go out with my friends. We are still together more than 20 years later and he is is still as wonderful as the day I married him. My advice would be for you to have a long look at what you want in life and if your partner belongs in It, if not, start a new life of your own. Good luck x

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No, all men are not like that. Your man is isolating you. It sounds like the relationship is toxic. Don’t ever let a man tell you that you can’t go somewhere. You are not property to be owned, and if it was a good relationship you wouldn’t feel like you had to ask. I don’t ask my husband if I can go somewhere, but I say I’m going to go wherever I need to go. If I know he’s awake (we work opposite schedules) and not busy I ways ask if he wants to go. My advice? Move on.

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Ahh. What the hell. You are allowing your children to think this piece of junk is something that’s ok to have in your life?!?! Get with it!! you are asking us and you know this is not right. HE’S NOT RIGHT! You are so Smart and beautiful and dangerous and that iga why he’s an insecure p.o.s. move on gurl. It’s not easy but its BETTER then whr you are at!

No, not all men are like this. I think it’s a control thing though. When he said that to you, you should’ve turned it right back around and said something along the lines of “alright that’s fine, I’ll start planning a night with the girls.” That shouldn’t be something you can’t do often though. My fiance is all but a hermit crab. He doesn’t like to go anywhere. I’m a homebody as well but not as bad. But if I ever wanna go anywhere and not take the kiddos, he’s perfectly fine with staying in with them.

Because he got a sidechick

You have excepted this behavior so long you view it as normal then this is ode to happened and it opened your eyes some. Your not married so get on welfare kick him out tell him to see if his buddies will take him in tell him you just want to be alone

I’m convinced all men are like this, yes.

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No!!! No!! And no!!! Not normal!! Never will be !!! That’s a narcissistic sociopath!!! Bad example for your kids!!! Start makin plans on the Q-T!!!

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Are you and the kids better off with or without him and why?

I would’ve said don’t return lol
Not all men

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Why do you have to go out make popcorn and have a few drinks while the kids are in bed watch a movie

That is abusive behaviour. He has managed to cut you off from all family and friends and it will only get worse. If nothing else when he is gone just leave. If you can get a hold of family and see if you can stay with them until you get on your feet, if not then run and do not walk to the nearest domestic violence shelter. You have been suffering from domestic violence and one never knows when he will escalate to actually putting hands on you or worse just kill you. You are not married so you do not need his permission to leave. It will not be easy and I would recommend counseling for you but you can do this. Know your worth and get the counseling you need to learn for yourself what your worth is and show your children that you are strong and can do this for not just your sake but theirs.

All men are NOT like that. He’s isolating and controlling you and you deserve SO much better. Please get away from him before it gets worse, I promise it will not get better if you stay.

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No, not all men are like this you know this is not right also you know what you should do…

Double standards are utter :ox::poop:. Dump him

Do not down play your feelings because he does! I have been through something similar and even if it’s hard and you struggle at first it will ultimately be the best option to heal yourself and give your children a childhood they will not have to heal from… best of luck mama stand your ground and know what you deserve and demand it !

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Don’t get married unless you want to go through a divorce soon after. leave now

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No not all men are like this. There are some amazing men who will give you the world and be a real partner. His a selfish child who needs to grow the fuck up. Married or not you got kids, your in a committed relationship. Go be a father and a partner!

I have a few Friends with husbands Like this!! It is not fair and it is not the way a partnership works!!! PERIOD!!! It took 2 people to make that baby. Moms usually spend most of the their time with their kids, which is why we deserve a break!! I’m sick if these weak ass men not being able to stay a couple of hours with the tiny humans they helped make! It is not the 50’s any more.

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He is 100% controlling narcissist. Get out now.

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You do you girl!! Reconnect with friends!! Know your Worth!! What’s good for him is most definitely good for You!!!..

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It’s not up to him like HE said, you aren’t married. Do wht you wanna do. I can’t imagine having to ask though seriously? This is toxic and abusive. My dad did this to my mom and now they’ve been married 35 years she has no friends and can barely move from the obesity and severe depression. Abuse isn’t just physical hun.

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No. You’re in no obligation to EVER ask. I’d leave him. Idc if he’s the dad of your children. Those kids need to see how a REAL MAN. Treats a woman

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He’s controlling and isolating you and it is not normal. Find a babysitter if he always ends up leaving before you’re about to leave. Rekindle old friendships and LIVE YOUR LIFE! You do not want to spend the rest of your life living like this and being closed off from the world.

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The best (and only positive) thing about your post is the fact that you’re NOT MARRIED :clap:t3:. Get out now before you do get married and things never ever change.

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Tell him if you aren’t married then that’s great, guess we can just walk away from eachother now before wasting another second with a LOSER. Oh and also, he can start paying that child support PRONTO because the State doesn’t care if you are married or not - and when you have that check, you can hire a babysitter to go out and do whatever you want without some jerk telling you where you can or cannot go.

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No you’re not wrong and sounds like he has double standards and the best thing you can do is the next time you need to go somewhere just get in the car and go and when he calls you saying something about it just tell him the same thing he told You we aren’t married I don’t need your permission his time will change. And if it doesn’t get out ASAP

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Get a restraining order,pack all his crap and have a cop there when he gets there. Tell him it’s over and you will see him In court to discuss child support.

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My man tells me what he is doing and where he is and asks if its ok just as I would him tbh but if thats how it wants to play it wait for a night you know he is off and be like ok watch the kids I will be out :v:

Are you afraid of repercussions if you just get dressed. Say ok babe I’m out for a few hours and leave?. Is he going to harm you ? If you arnt in harms way and he says something then it’s very simple. Say we are not married I don’t need your permission to do anything. Goes both ways. If you are in harms way do what’s needed which is leave.

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Quit being such a suck and go out with friends. You heard the man you not married. Please remind him you ain’t married when the answer is no. And if he tries to say no again, host the party at your house. I am sure he can’t treat you like shit in front of ur friends. Find a local salon that goes to ur house.

That is so toxic and controlling. He can go out and says he doesn’t need your permission but expects you to tell him where your going and you have to have his permission is he serious :woman_facepalming:t2:

If he respected you which he doesn’t he would tell you where he was going and you wouldn’t need permission to go to the shops! That’s red flags all over it!! It doesn’t matter if your married or not if your in a relationship you tell each other where your going respect and communication.

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um please do what’s best … take your kids and leave him! it’s only going to get worse!

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Run babygirl run. Far and fast!

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No

Isolation is a form of abuse

Get rid of him

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Not normal. End that shit with him

WOW. I know this is not really what you were asking for… if you need a friend to talk to or possibly hang with, with your kids, I’d be open for that. My answer is most always no as well, I have my kids majority of the time, and all that good stuff. Your friends don’t have kids? They don’t come hang out with you while you’re home for sanity purposes? Geez did you even really have friends? It’s probably why you’re struggling so much with it, you have no “man” and no friends. :confused:

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Sound like a narcissist to me. You deserve and can do so much better.

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Technically you are common law married and with 3 kids you will have to go to court just like a divorce. Go-get papers started and file for that child support and evict his butt. If you don’t want the house the move out.

My husband and I don’t “ask permission” but we DO check in with each other because one going out means the other will be with the kids. He always checks with me in case I have something going on. In 11 years I’ve only had to tell him no once and that was in the form of.
Him: “Hey love, you you mind if I go grab a drink with the guys after work?”(this way to I know that picking up the kids was going to be on me)

Me:“Amor, remember, I get out late today. I have about an hour left, do you mind getting the kids and waiting for me to get home before heading out?”
To which he replied
“Oh that’s right! I forgot. Nah don’t worry we can catch up another day. Don’t worry I’ve got the kids”

It’s not “asking permission”
It’s called communicating being a team.
I’m so sorry you’re going through this hun. I would say "go out and don’t tell him until last minute that way he can’t get up and leave… But thats not the point. It’s not about getting a day off and tricking him into it. It’s about wanting a PARTNER.
I do recommend having a serious conversation with him. Stand your ground and let h I’m m know how you feel.
You yourself said it… You’re not married. And even if you were, you are not OBLIGATED to stay by his side.
You deserve better and I’m hope you find it. :heart::heart::heart:

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If he’s not helping you in any way and you can’t go out . He has to go . And no all men aren’t like that.

Oh I would be extra petty and keep ahold of what he said and then next weekend, I would make sure I definitely had somewhere to go and then when he throws a fit say “I dont have to ask permission to go, I AINT MARRIED” 🤷

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I’m in a similar situation. :heart:

:heart:love yourself and lose him!

Run as fast as you can

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NO this is Not Normal. He’s all about himself. Act like him and see if he likes it, if not tell him then Stop treating me like that. Married or not those are his kids to. Wake up hon.:woman_shrugging:

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I made a deal with my kids dad, for one week i was a live in babysitter at 100.00 a week. got the kids up in morning, did light housekeeping no major work, When he got home he too kover. had to make supper do laundry etc. I ate and went out. He put kids to bed, Lasted 1 week, He helped out after that. our kids were 6 months,2 and 6. he realized kids were a 24 hours 7 day job,

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Leave the relationship because he’s a narcissist, and it will be that way for the rest of your life if you stay with his lazy ass

NO! Definitely,not normal… you are suffocating, from what I call…comfort-itis. That means, you have just gotten comfortable with your life style…even though you obviously know…there should be more. There should be 50/50. There should be…hey, hun…why don’t you go do something with a friend tonight. I will take care of the kids🤷‍♀️ OR…Hey hun…why dont we find a sitter & go out to dinner…just the 2 of us. OR…hey hun, let’s do a weekend get away …all of us,it will be fun🤷‍♀️ Dont get so comfortable in what you’re missing…that you actually miss out on the life you could have & deserve!! If that’s the attitude he has now…it only gets worse.

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None of what he’s doing to you is okay. It is not normal. You gotta let him go hun or he will spend forever draining you of any happiness you have left.

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Right! Should have left last week. There are places to go and lots of help out there for you and your kids!

Oh hell no. reach out to a girlfriend and make some plans to go out!!! Even if its after the kids go to sleep. If he says anything about it then you can remind him that you’re NOT married and don’t NEED his permission to go out. boy bye!!!

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Girl…u better turn those tables around and next time reply with the same shit,…i am a grown person who is going grocery shopping without distractions.

This is your own fault for setting the standard so low… You ask to go to the store? No. You tell him you’re going to the store and then walk out the door. You make plans with your friends and he flips out? Take the girls with you and still go. I was in the same situation and I made it work, he was so miserable because he couldn’t control me. I told myself one day, next time he freaks out because I am doing what I want to do as my own independent person, I will kick his ass out. Took about 3 months, but the day came and he’s gone. I’ve never missed him once and it’s been 5.5 years. All the power to you! It will never change, and one day you will wake up 50 years old with nothing to show for your pathetic man-pleasing life.

Leave now, I was in something like that and wasted my life waiting thinking things would eventually changed they never did. My kids are now all grown now, and Im starting all over.

A man will only do to u what u ALLOW him to do. Ur a queen mama u don’t ask peasants for shit

Get out now. I spent 6 years with my now ex husband… who I NEVER should have married in the first place… he was exactly like this… it got so bad that when we graduated college, he wanted me to stop talking to all the friends I had made because they were “bad influences” and it eventually got to the point he even had me turned against my own family. This is definitely not ok and wither address it and it gets worked on for the better, or you prepare to leave, because from my own experience, this will only get worse the longer you stay. Not all men are like this. There are better ones out there