What do you do when your 4 year old is having a tantrum and hits you? I was in his room and he was mad about us leaving an activity because it was over. I was holding him asking him to take deep breaths so he could calm down. It was nap time. I am so confused. Do I walk away and quietly keep putting him in his bed for hour(s)? Do I hold him? Do I stand quietly in the room? Is that the time for a consequence like taking a toy away?
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Pretend to Cry and say how that hurt you when he/ her hit you and ask him / her how they would feel if someone hit them .
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My youngest is autistic and has problems transitioning. Usually he gets mad and will hit/throw things. I will hold his hands and tell him “no thank you, that hurts my body. Safe hands please.” After he hits or throws realization sets in as to what he did. I reiterate what’s happening “we are done with this and moving on to this. When we’re done, maybe we can come back to this.” I also validate feelings. “I can see this is making you mad, but we need to have safe bodies. After we’re done xyz, would you like to come back to this?” Validate his feelings, let him know you see how he’s feeling. But also set those limits “hitting is not ok, it hurts my body”. And maybe also re direct. “If you need to hit or throw something let’s go hit/throw this pillow.” And when we’re calm, talk about emotions and other things we can do to stay safe but also work through the emotion.
Interupting play can be very hard. They have big ideas and when they’re concentrating, and we interupt that, it IS frustrating. Think about how you feel when you’re desperately trying to do something, so focused on it. And someone interupts you. Frustrating, right?
It’s hard. And exhausting. But be consistent in whatever you choose to do.
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I would let my daughter cry it out and when I can see she is getting tired i do some breathing exercises with her and then talk about how hitting is not ok and how to communicate what she is feeling. I had to take away the power of a tantrum and she will learn that she wont get what she wants that way.
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Can I ask why your 4 year old is still having a nap? If you want want to try have a quiet area set up somewhere so you can still do what you need to do
The gentle parenting will cause your child to fail when he gets older. Because the consequences are not real to him. So when he gets older and gets in trouble do you think the court are going to be gentle with him ? Let him know what reality is
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You should not let him go away with the hitting without any consequences because if you do he will do it again.
Do the same to him and ask him if he likes it, explain to him that it’s not Oky , and discipline accordingly
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I’m old school. I know exactly what I would do. If it’s not stopped now it will get worse.
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Hands are for hugging not hitting. Ask him how it feels if someone hit him and let him know it makes you sad, tell him he needs quiet time to think about what he done and leave the room
I’d put him in the corner for 5 minutes. Nose to the wall, while watching him. That is the consequence. Then, make him go to bed for his nap. When the nap is over, firmly tell him he’s to never hit you again, or he’ll go right back in the corner again. Give him a hug. 4 years old is old enough to know right from wrong. Regardless if he tired or not. Don’t do any activities close to his nap. Always plan it after he wakes up.
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I would firmly tell him he is not to hit me and try to remain stoic and calm, not having your own tantrum is important. Just go about your business (getting nap routine) under way.
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i don’t believe in gentle parenting bs. that’s what’s wrong with most of these kids now.
we can play this game, the kid won’t win & i’m not sorry.
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Ok… Mine is 18 now. I tried doing hand smacks when they were small but it made them laugh with fear. Hitting them will just reinforce the message that it’s ok to hit someone. Oddly, I don’t have a spoiled brat and gentle parenting works really well but you do need to parent. Don’t react, just keep them safe. When they’re calmer or less tired, talk about why it’s not ok to hit people. How would they feel if you hit them? Storyboarding for successful outcomes works well too. So draw a story where someone gets hit and is sad - the need to say sorry. Then draw one with what they could’ve done instead. Both should end with everyone being happy. In the short term, holding hands can be a useful calming mechanism although some kids hate being touched when they’re upset.
Well I no what i would do! Kids today have it way to easy! Parents are so afraid there children won’t like them if they dicipline! The Bible says “spare the rod spoil the child”. Gentle parenting is Hog wash! It only turns them into spoiled Brats!
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I always did time outs. My children both stopped hitting by the time they were 2. Anyone that tells you to assault your child is ridiculous.
Also a 4 year old 100% shouldn’t be napping anymore. That could be a huge part of the issue.
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