Hi All…Just a question or vent…But does anyone ever feel ’ Stuck’?.. ie… After my separation…I bounced from jobs ( even before…getting let go etc) because I have a LD & ADD…& I tried very hard to keep these jobs but…It didn’t happen. I have gone to college…have diploma…but very rusty in that area of work and been fired from all those jobs( Dental Assit) …I know life isnt fair…I know people where good paying jobs have fallen on their laps with no school for that. Well I did get lucky…I got a job…that has Union, pension, benefits and it’s been my longest job ever. My doctor is proud of Me. lol…The downside…I dont make enough money and I do shift work…which is exhausting me and cause of my shared custody…the shift rotations are making me soo tired that I cant ever get used to a shift. I cant change my custody weeks cause this job keeps bouncing me to different locations. Im exhausted. I cant even get a part time job for extra money cause of rotating shifts. Im sinking. I feel like a loser. My new bf is so successful has a ’ real ’ career , he is so smart. I get anxious meeting his friends/fam…and even my fam…I feel like a failure. Im so tired of struggling. I look in the mirror… hate what I see…My body is changing…My skin on my face is horrible.I have all these lines/; wrinkles that friends of mine that are older dont have…I dont have money to " fix’ myself… I may go into debt for cosmetic procedures…I know Im all over the place…lol…Im a mess…I dont feel worthy.Im so tired if crying. Im bored…But dont have money to go out…Am I to go into debt , to take my child out and me and to look good?. I thought about taking an online course…But my family doesnt want me to leave my job as there is a union to protect me as I have that underline disability and all my job loss. I feel stuck…I dont feel fulfilled. Everyday is Groundhog day and I hate myself more…NoT that I wish harm on Me or anything bad. Im even annoyed at Everyone. .Im om Anti - depressant…They just dont work for me
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You are not alone. I’ve been there and I know it’s hard. If you can talk to a therapist that you’re comfortable with, I would highly recommend doing so. It changed my life. Sometimes you have to experiment with antidepressants before you find your match. Don’t give up! It took me three different types before I found what worked for me. Join a fitness or yoga class. It helped raise my self esteem and help me feel more positive about myself. Sending hugs. There will be better days ahead. 
Start with a deep breath, you’re overwhelmed. Sounds like the shift work is kicking your butt as it does most people but is actually working for you, you aren’t bored and is keeping your attention, reason you haven’t left it. Keep up on your diet and face moisturizer. This too shall pass.
You’re depressed. Doesn’t seem like your current anti depressent is working tbh. Ask your doctor for anxiety and depression combined because you seem to also have anxiety too.
Are you on Paxil/paroxetine? It’s an antidepressant that helps with ADD too. Are you on meds for ADD? That could help a lot. And yes, it takes time to get the right meds, dosages and combinations, so don’t get discouraged.
I like this form of Tai Chi as meditation, stress buster, fitness program and it helps my headspace: Tai Chi Chih - Joy Through Movement - YouTube. Yoga is calming and meditative exercise too. Swimming is great if you can get to a pool.
I also recommend vigorous exercise: mini trampoline, rowing machine, jogging, calisthenics, put on earbuds & dance if you can’t afford a 24-hour gym. Used exercise equipment is cheaper in March after people give up on their exercise resolutions. It helps w ADD, depression and sounder sleep and gives you a better body & skin. When you are awake during the day have your family join you doing something vigorous. Rolling out of bed & onto a rowing machine for a few minutes until my eyes open helps me wake up. If you have ALDI or LIDL near you they often have good prices on exercise equipment but you have to get it while they have it. Mix up what you do to work out so you don’t get bored. You Tube, DVDs (free from the library) can help at home; take advantage of different classes and equipment at the gym if that’s a possibility.
Are you in therapy also? More phone consults have opened up since COVID and may work with your schedule and your health plan. You could have two in different time zones to accommodate your shift work unless you can work around it. Maybe have each one concentrate on different aspects so they don’t clash with their recommendations.
Shift work is so hard on everyone. Is there a possibility you could move up or laterally with your current employer and make more money? Do you have meds to help you sleep & blackout curtains to help you get better sleep during the day? One of those alarm clocks that gradually ups the light to wake you up might help also. How do other shift workers deal? Talk to HR and union rep about future possibilities in general that have regular hours, & just tell them you are looking down the road. Maybe commit to your current job for another 6 months to a year so there’s an end in sight. Can you reframe how you think about your work or make small changes to help? Is your family or boyfriend helping you with expenses?
Is there computer work or a craft you could do whenever to earn extra money?
Cosmetic surgery isn’t needed, and it’s ridiculously expensive, especially when you’re struggling financially. Do NOT go into debt. It’s a terrible idea.
Look into natural beauty: egg white, oatmeal or avocado face masks help. Run a humidifier on your face as you sleep (also serves as white noise to help sleep), and exercise circulates blood and oxygen to boost your complexion. Wet tea bags on your eyes while you lay with eyes closed for 5-10 minutes brightens & tightens the skin around your eyes. Wear sunscreen/block and get out in nature as much as possible.
I like Noxzema as it helps with wrinkles and acne and it’s cheap. Also Vaseline around your eyes while you sleep is good, and ALDI has a cheap face moisturizer, but might be too emollient if you’re prone to breakouts. Aloe Vera gel is also great alone or mixed with moisturizer. Baby oil gets off eye makeup, witch Hazel is a great toner. Make sure you don’t have a skin condition like rosacea, eczema or psoriasis in which case, get a dermatologist to help.
Eat as healthy as you can and choose vegan and organic when possible. Use more olive oil and less butter. Get an air fryer if you’re addicted to fried foods. Less wheat & potatoes and more quinoa—cooks in 15 minutes or comes in 90-second packets & is a complete protein. Healthy frozen foods are available especially at health food grocery stores & cheaper than fast food. Unflavored oatmeal & other hot cereals are cheap & easy any time of day. Add applesauce or banana slices vs. butter & syrup or honey.
Eating well will keep you healthier and help your mind, body, skin & overall health. Organic dairy & meat is the most important to avoid growth hormones, antibiotics and pesticides, then berries except blueberries, and lettuce should be organic if you can swing it. Nuts, popcorn, Mozzarella sticks, cut up fresh fruit or dried fruit make healthy snacks that survive on the go.
Add fresh/dried fruit, honey, and/or maple syrup, nuts, granola or even dark chocolate chips to plain yoghurt. Flavored ones have too much sugar. Dark European chocolate (ALDI, LIDL, Trader Joe’s, Whole Foods, Mom’s Organic Market, sometimes regular grocery stores) is better than American crap with fillers. Get the higher cacao amounts.
Eat the least processed foods you can. Packaged salads, hummus, 90-second brown rice packs (nuke in a glass container if possible), tuna mixed with mayo & lemon, lime or grapefruit juice, fresh fruit, cut up veggies are great. Leftover meat, tofu cubes + bouillon or canned/boxed broth + frozen vegetables make soup. Leftover meat cut up + condensed cream of chicken, celery, mushroom, or cheese soup + frozen mixed vegetables + chopped onions in a pie shell = quick pot pie. Top with mashed potatoes & Parmesan cheese if you want. Any cheeses, grated, 4 eggs, 2/3 cup cream, greens, artichoke hearts, or other vegetables of your choice, leftover meats (ham & bacon work well) + chopped onions poured in pie shells & baked = quiche. Make an omelet w veggies, cheese, salsa, breakfast meats, rolled in whole wheat wrap. Put in foil or Saran wrap and freeze. Nuke & have a breakfast you can eat with one hand.
Drink very little juice—it’s a massive hit of sugar to your bloodstream). I dilute mine so it looks like I’m getting more. Colas are horrible for body, face and spirit and give you a sugar high (even diet) and then you crash. Lots of flavored teas are good for you, quick & easy, iced or hot.
Eat as little sugar as possible. It’s hard in the U.S. because there’s often multiple sugars in EVERYTHING. CAVA, Mezze, Sweetgreen, Panera, even Chipotle are better fast/fast casual choices on the road; KFC pot pies aren’t that bad for you, and get unsweetened iced tea, coffee w/o sugar, or water to drink. CAVA and Panera have some wonderful non-soda or healthier soda drink choices. Middle Eastern food is some of the healthiest. Wendy’s has salads.
Have you joined the ADDitude - ADHD Support Group for Adults group on FB? Lots of helpful info there from others in the trenches?
I would definitely talk to your therapist. Also maybe start job hunting if you can. Don’t leave your job until you can find something else. Just keep your head up!
You are smart, beautiful, an amazing mom and definitely worthy of everything good in this world.